#togeice

“Then you really…” She trailed off, “Fuck, Desscaras! What were you thinking?”

There was Jikishirone’s voice ringing in her ears, and Ichi’s open honest eyes. There was a boy twisted beyond recognition in a sea of corpses frozen for eternity, and a few dozen gemstones lining Desscaras’ clothes. There was a prophecy and a kid who shouldn’t march off to his death. There was a lot on Desscaras’ mind and half of it was strictly confidential.

“I owed it to him. Aren’t you always lecturing the other witches for following their whims instead of thinking of the good of the association? Isn’t this the kind of thing you’re always on about? Thinking about others?”

Togeice’s eyes narrowed.

“That is not what I mean.”

Desscaras rolled back, staring up towards the curtains hung above her. Deep reds, the velvet shimmering in the low, orange light.

“Then what do you mean.”

Togeice tried to speak, but the sound froze in her throat. Too concerned with saying it all right, again. She hadn’t changed since they were kids. It's all the same, and in a way, Desscaras found it comforting. 

Togeice squeezed her eyes shut. Then she took a sharp breath in, and a sharp breath out—

And flopped down backwards, lying back against the mess of blankets.

Head resting against Desscaras’ ribs, close enough Desscaras thought Togeice could hear the beating of her heart, picking up ever slightly.

“Why the contract?” Togeice breathed, with frost slipping from her lips, “Why the insurance? I know you, at least I know you’re strong enough that you don’t need the contract to make Ichi follow your command when it matters. Does he even understand what it is he’s signed?”

Desscaras reached up with her right hand, left pinned under Togeice’s shoulder.

“He knows he has to listen to me. He knows I’ve got a responsibility to give him a home. He knows we’re family now. He doesn’t know I’ll die when he does. He knows all that's important.”

She traced out shapes in the shadows above her, idly waving her finger around.

“He doesn’t know your life is on the line,” Togeice stressed. “That kind of weight? On your shoulders alone?”

Desscaras dropped her hand. Togeice reached behind her to meet it, and they ended up clasped together, resting in Desscaras’ lap.

“I’m not the association's strongest, most beautiful, most talented witch for nothing! I can take it.”

Togeice traced the shape of Desscaras’ knuckles with her thumb.

“But he doesn’t know—“

“If you tell him—“ Desscaras interjected, “I’ll never forgive you. I’ll never speak to you again.” 

She clenched Togeice’s hand hard enough to leave it white. 

Togeice considered this, considered the silence that followed, and all she knew of Desscaras. It wouldn’t do to agree to something without thinking it through first.

“I won’t tell him. It isn’t my place.” 

“Good.”

“But, Dess—“

“You really are a nosy busybody, you know that?”

Desscaras didn't let go of Togeice’s hand.

“Damn right I am. Once I’ve got my eyes on a target I won’t let it go. So answer me, really.”

Desscaras groaned.

“Please.”

Togeice leaned back a little harder, pressing her head against Desscaras’ side.

“Why the pact? You know as well as I do there’s more than one way to make someone your family. It didn’t have to be this. Why stake your life on it? You’ve always been the first to save your own skin in a fight, but that kid, he’s reckless. Is this… some way of punishing yourself? Some roundabout suicide attempt? Is this…”

She didn't even have to say it. Desscaras screwed her eyes shut, and his face was still there grinning at her. Tiny golden ornament in his hair glinting in the light, eyes wide and grin toothy and—

“I’m not trying to kill myself. I just… It’s like you said, insurance, yeah? I only know how to save my own skin. This way, I know I’ll protect him with everything I’ve got.”

When Desscaras opened her eyes, watery as always, she locked on directly to Togeice.

"Like… what if things went wrong. If the only way to win, or escape, or whatever was to let him die, and save my own ass. Wouldn’t that be rotten? Just dumping the world's problems on a kid’s shoulders and reaping the rewards. If I did that, then I'd really deserve what was coming to me."

Togeice bolted upright.

"You can't say that!"

Desscaras followed, slowly pushing herself up. She leaned to the side, braids all tumbling over her shoulder.

"Sowwy."

"Dess, please."

Not like Desscaras didn't know what she was doing. That every conversation with her was like pulling teeth. A decent irritant in a clams shell makes a pearl, and she's the finest one of them all. All the layers calcified around her. 

Togeice stared, and Desscaras stared back. She wouldn't yield, wouldn't budge on the stubborn sense of self sacrifice she was pretending to have.

Togeice melted, just a little, hanging her head.

"Haa… Okay. Okay. New question. When did you do this?"

A tiny smile pulled at Desscaras' lips.

"After you got that fancy new mushroom Majik of yours."

Togeice pursed her lips.

"After that conversation we had at the bar, then?"

Desscaras nodded.

"Around two hours after, prolly."

"You really don't listen to a thing I say, do you!? Right after I went and said all that…"

Togeice pinched the bridge of her nose between her forefinger and thumb, brushing her glasses ever so slightly up her face.

Desscaras smirked.

"Are you embarrassed~?"


"Maybe!" Togeice bit back, "I said all that and I meant it! I said I would take it! But you didn't listen, you never listen! Now you're putting your life at risk for something you refuse to explain! What's the matter with you? Don't you understand how valuable your life is!?"

With all the words falling out of her mouth, Togeice choked on her own anger, heaving breaths after she'd run out of things to yell.

Desscaras watched, quiet. 

Togeice gathered herself, mumbling a spell under her breath that sent a whirl of chill winter air around her, only faintly, but enough to cool her head.

"Yeah, I get it. Gonna be a real pain in the ass when I kick it," Desscaras' answer came quiet, but the low thrum of a growl tinted her words, "Lot of shitty PR work, gonna have to hunt down all my Majiks again."

Togeice's eyes darted to Desscaras' face. 

She tried to keep her expression impassive, and to most it would work. But Togeice had spent years staring at Desscaras, and Desscaras knew there were some things she couldn't hide. Not from Togeice, anyway. Her eyebrows drawn closer together than normal, the squint in her gaze, the thinning of her lips as she bit the inside of her mouth.

"Makes it real persuasive. Who gives a shit if some random kid is risking his life, huh? So what if he gets a bit zealous, gets himself killed. Men aren't even supposed to be witches. Just the universe righting itself. It’s easy to just look the other way, just say it didn’t matter, let him die and just relax once he’s gone. He’s got no one to miss him, no kin, nothing. In comparison to me, with all my power, with all my magic? You wanna talk about value? My life is more valuable than his. But now? Now, they've got the same weight. Now it’s everyone’s problem.."

By the time Desscaras had finished talking, Togeice had pulled herself back together, adjusting her position to kneel in the tangled mess of blankets, facing Desscaras dead on.

"….You think they'd let him die?" Togeice asked, softly, "After everything that we've been through with the Association? You know Moneygold, you know Shirabedonna, you know me. We wouldn't— I'd never—"

Desscaras didn’t break eye contact.

"I'm saying everyone gets desperate. If it came down to it, can you really be certain you wouldn't look the other way? What if it was to save yourself? To save everyone? We're all selfish, Togeice. You're no different. All us monstrous witches, every little human there is. Everyone will save their own ass first. Me including."

Desscaras smiled.

"Come on, I'm not going down without a fight. I'm not trying to lie down and die. This way, I’ve just got no excuse. I'll train that brat up to be the strongest witch there ever was!"

Togeice paused.

“It’s rather severe a dedication over a hypothetical. Isn’t it?”

“Well, everyone’s gotta grow up sometime…” 

Desscaras trailed off, holding the words on the edge of her tongue. Desperately, they wanted to worm their way free, to reach Togeice's ears. To beg to be heard, to cry isn't it awful? It's such a heavy weight to carry. The weight of the world on a kid's shoulders. There is no way to remove the weight, no way to split it. Only double it, only take upon a second burden, just to see the way the world looks from underneath Earth's shadow. But Desscaras could never let that cry be heard, she bit the truth clean in half and swallowed it back down.

"Dess?" Togeice reached for Desscaras' hand. "What aren't you telling me?"

Desscaras gripped it back.

"Haa? Nosy, nosy! Not everything is about you, yanno~ What are you tryna imply?"

The burden will dissolve in her stomach. The weight will be hers alone. She'd already said too much.

"Nothing. I just thought… well I guess you're more mature than I thought. And yet!" She clenched her teeth in irritation, "So childish! How on earth you've gotten so far with such an overwhelming lack of discipline is beyond me!"

Desscaras grinned, sinking back into the relief of teasing, barbs and playful annoyance. 

"Ohh~ Seems like you could stand to be a bit less uptight! Maybe then you'd be the strongest witch! Well, after me, obviously."

Togeice sighed.

"At the rate we're going, I'll end up the strongest witch by default."

"Not if I can help it."

"Well, at least I know that," Togeice said, pointing directly at Desscaras' forehead, "If anything, you'd keep the both of you alive just to make sure you spite me."

Desscaras cooed, "Aww~ Chik knows me so well~~"

Togeice leaned in. Her eyes met Desscaras' for a moment, before drifting down to her collarbone.

"Clearly not well enough."

Desscaras tilted forward, close enough to feel Togeice’s breath as she exhaled.

“Hm~?” Her voice lilted, sing-song, teasing, a songbird playing callously into the breeze.

"What does it feel like?" Togeice's voice dipped in the middle, falling into a hush before she could finish her sentence.

Desscaras raised an eyebrow.

"The pact?"

"What else?"

Desscaras pressed a hand to her chest. Beneath her shirt, through the cage of her ribs, there's that warmth. A new, flickering flame. Heat, artificial, but present. A light long since extinguished in her chest now spilling out into the corners shadows had long since taken residence in.

A soft smile, the new thing, pulled at her lips.

"Lighting a fireplace in the winter,” she settled on, “for the first time that year."

"Hm. How poetic, for you."

"Hey."

Desscaras' annoyance flickered back to something more coy in a matter of seconds.

"Wanna see?"

Togeice whipped her head around hard enough for her braid to crack like a whip.

"Huh?"

Desscaras raised a hand to her lip, smirking.

"Gosh Chik~ I know I'm pretty but you could be a bit more subtle.

Desscaras placed a hand to her chest, pitching her voice up several octaves and affecting a nasally, posh accent.

“Ooooh~ What’s the pact feel like~!” she says, before returning to her natural cadence, “If you wanted to get a look at my tits, you could’ve just said so.”

"How crude. Must you be so childish?" 

Though she said this, Desscaras could see the faint pink pulling forward at the tips of her ears.

"That's not a no~"

"A Mentor-Pupil Blood Contract is all but extinct in the modern age! Forgive me for having some sense of academic curiosity."

Desscaras rolled her eyes, "Sure, sure if that's what you wanna call it," but she wrapped an arm around Togeice's shoulder, pulling her in just a bit closer.

With her free hand, Desscaras tugged at her shirt collar. Pulling it down further, a touch below where she had for Moneygold and Shirabedonna, Desscaras held the fabric taut as Togeice's eyes widened.

"Ahh…"

The mark rested under her collarbone, sizzling against her skin. As her hand grew closer, the light it emits intensified, a ruby red fading into golden glow, a sunset that never ended. A faint trail of smoke rose out, dissipating in the air with a sparkle before vanishing into naut. 

Desscaras’ fingers trailed across Togeice's back as she let go, bringing her other hand up to the mark. She traced the outline with the tip of her finger. There was that small outskirts of it, where vibrant light melted into skin. For a scant few centimetres, it was the perfect gradient, fading all that magical, unnatural warmth, red, orange, yellow into the deep, cool toned brown of Desscaras’ chest. Once she made it a full way around, she pointed towards Togeice.

"Well?"

Togeice kept her expression as flat as always, but she couldn’t hide the slight tremor in her hands as she moved in closer.

"Oh relax, you're not gonna break me."

Desscaras cupped Togeice's hand in her own, then moved it in towards her chest. She drew them in, closer and closer until the back of Togeice's hand is pressed flush against her skin. 

"See? It's fine."

Togeice's hands were cold, they always were, but Desscaras had never really minded. Not since they were young, anyway. Here, there was something pleasant in the contrast. Togeice's cool fingertips against the warmth flickering beneath her ribcage.

"Doesn't feel all that warm to me. Beyond just… you, I suppose."

Togeice didn’t meet Desscaras’ eye, keeping her gaze trained on her lap, even as she carefully brushed her hand against Desscaras' chest.

Desscaras just pulled in closer, pushing the top of her head against Togeice's. The ridges of her braids push into the slicked back streaks of Togeice's hair. A stray curl from her bangs, missed by the straightener, teases at the edge of Togeice's face.

"It's there. Trust me."

"I know. I do."

Togeice's words came out only a faint whisper, and her hand stills. 

For a while, (Desscaras didn’t count how long) they sat there like that. Heads against each other. Hand against hand, against chest, against warmth. And neither said a thing.

Finally, though it felt as though it was all too short, Togeice pulled away.

"I should get back to work. Some of us like to keep on top of our reports."

Desscaras scoffed, rolling her neck to the side as she stretched out the muscles.

"Sure, sure. Just say you're a tease and go."

Togeice laced her fingers together, pushing outwards and raising them to the sky.

"I am not a tease."

She pulled her legs out from under her, shaking them out as she went.

"Are you turning in soon?"

Desscaras nodded.

"Was about to before someone interrupted me."

"Sleep well then."

"Yeah, yeah, you too." Desscaras flipped her hand over idly, "Whenever you actually sleep. If you even sleep."

"Of course I do." Togeice replied.

"You never appreciate my jokes."

To that, Togeice didn't reply. Instead, she stood, and as simply as she had entered, left the room.

Almost.

As she made it to the door, she lingered, fingers stopping at the handle before she gave it a proper turn.

"Hey, Dess?"

Togeice didn't turn around, didn't wait for Desscaras' confirmation, for the tiny nod she was given anyway.

"I meant it. I trust you. Whatever the real reason is you did this, it must've been worth it. It better be. So if you ever want to fess up one day… well, you know where to find me."

She didn't wait, she never did. Togeice finished, and left, closing the door behind her.

Desscaras blinked, observing the door for only a second longer before flopping back down onto her bed.

"Frozen nosy busybody," She mumbled into the sheets, still warm where Togeice's presence lingered.

The warmth in her chest and the warmth around her melted together, and Desscaras fell asleep, enveloped by that gentle heat.