When my lover first told me he didnt love i did not believe him. I tried looking prettier, i tried spicing up the bedroom, i tried cooking his favorite meals, texting and calling less. I tried. I tried so much i became tired, insecure, jealous, angry, i started to feel unworthy and isolated. I cut off everyone he didnt like and I stood home alone at night just so he can come home at night to a place i rushed him to be in. He was always busy with the world and made me feel as if he had no time for me. I unknowingly and then uncontrolably became a nagging girlfriend. I wanted to be his one and only and yet i was just one and lonely. I kept asking him "are you sure you love me? Because I dont feel it." He pointed out everything in me he despised until i ended up despising myself. Wanting him more then i wanted me... Imagine... loving someone more then you love yourself ..and that person turns around and tells you "I love you... but ..no im not in love with you, no not no more. Youre too much for me."
I cried, like I got depressed i had to call a friend. The universe started handing me things I needed and knew that I deserved but didnt have the skills to get. That opened the doors for me, getting out my comfort zone. Facing my fears as scared and tensed and angry as it makes me. I faced my fears and it led me back home where I grew up. Everything felt perfect and right like a glove that was knitted to fit my exact measurement. I felt what I havent felt in my entire relationship.. the misty rainbow I saw was literally because of my storm. I was crying on my bathroom toilet it was midday mid weekend my boyfriend just dumped me and i ended up doing things i have never done before.
So thats my advice to anyone going through any type of heartache. My advice is doing something you have never done before. And remember that one yes, one opprounity can lead to a whole journey you never imagined. And sometimes that yes is different then you expected because you still holding onto that no. The doors closed, dont be like me sitting by the door crying. Walk down the fucking hall and find your open doors, get out your comfort zone of misery and find a new comfort zone of joy. Blast some music. Pray read the Bible! It helps! My morning anxiety is the worst. But great things happen when you call on God.
I cant wait to start dating. I miss my ex but I do also miss feeling wanted, pretty, worthy, i love the txt msgs n phone calls! Pic exchanges 😜! But i loved my man even more. If he is in love with someone else only time will tell but I cant wait around and find out. I waited too long. This is Life and life is a gift. God bless 💕
