Apr 4
TO BE FAIR. he has been making an effort, I can’t deny him that. but I am impatient
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TO BE FAIR. he has been making an effort, I can’t deny him that. but I am impatient
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I tell you what though
I’m getting bored of BD like.. idk he’s not doing it for me anymore. wondering if the “honeymoon phase” is already over
he can be such an interesting person and we do have interesting conversations but like. it’s like pulling fucking teeth and I’m not trying to teach a 53yo man how to fucking talk
and I know he’s an introverted guy, but it’s a back and forth between “Star I want to be extroverted like you, I want to be able to talk like you” okay babe. um. you need to TALK FIRST TO GET TO THAT POINT
trying to decide how much more of a “project car” I want in that regard
my body HURTS
went to the driving range with Dad and il mio ragazzo and my fucking EVERYTHING hurts
I'm going to overthink myself into the mattress.
so fun fact, I miss il mio ragazzo
it’s been about a month since I’ve kicked him out and now my heart is fucking throwing up
been fucking crying on the drive into work because that’s what’s been making me sad and what I’ve been avoiding dealing with, didn’t want to admit that I miss him or anything
I don’t know WHY I have this fucking advanced stupidity in my brain that I can’t admit that or feelings or whatever. it’s like doing so admits weakness and then it all fucking bubbles over into this big fucking crying mess
I just miss him. I miss going to bed on his chest and the way he would hold me and being near him and how we would lay on the couch together
I just miss a lot of shit man
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out here rage-baiting my Dom forgetting that he is genuinely smarter than me in some aspects of life but I, Icarus, think I’m the smartest creature on planet earth at any given point in time
opening hinge back up for the confidence boost and to make people fight over me 😎
like I’m so over il mio ragazzo and all his fucking shit
and now I’m here on Christmas with his family and I want to be a million miles away from everyone and everything
he is so draining and so fucking stupid
Don’t even get me started on him bringing my purse into a gas station men’s room… and everyone acting like we’re this cute happy couple
Im not even thinking about Sir or anything I’m just. I just want to be alone. I want to go back to my apartment and be alone, I want to be alone