thought daughter corner, 0607
of all the things i wanted to do before i came home to my family, a date with my best friend is the one i looked forward to the most. finals happened, i almost went insane, and as june 7th approached, i found myself feeling more excited and alive than ever. i always give myself something to look forward to after a series of stressful days. and i know i wouldn't be seeing her for a long time, so i made an effort. i made sure to see her and to meet her where she is. i always knew she needed that. i could be myself around her. nothing felt forced, it never felt odd. this bond is special, it's a bond i can never trade for anything else. two thought daughters, smoking a fag, drinking coffee in poblacion, our middle. it never had to be anything special, really, we were making do with what was available, but nevertheless, it was still fabulous. i always had a fabulous time.
we processed the things that were weighing on us, and we thought about our relationships, our life. not a lot about the future, it's unspoken how all of it isn't set in stone. we talked about being friends for a long time, and how i know this will be true for us. i've never had a bad thought about her. i never talked badly about her. i wouldn't, and i couldn't. we talked about growing up and the growing pains of becoming an adult. she went through a lot when she was younger, and all i can think about is how she had the guts to go out there and make something of herself. how she is the epitome of someone who chooses to speak rather than to die. i am quite the opposite. but somehow, our friendship works. we understand each other.
mainly, we talked about how hard it is to maintain friendships. how distance, varying priorities, and life may get in the way. how so many things can substantially affect a person's presence in your life. how growing up may sometimes mean growing apart. i think it's more of a choice, really.
"maintaining the relationships that matter will never be hard if one knows how to meet another where they are."
that's what i believe. honestly, my friendships are mainly based on proximity, and i realized i have a fear of my friends moving away as i make my way through law school. every year, so many of them will leave. i have to remind myself that everything is meant to expand. my world will not shrink as they leave, it will only grow. and maybe, maybe i'll try to make room for more. i hope. i guess, probably. i figured it's a struggle to be open once again, but that's an issue for another time.
as they have jobs, pursue other endeavors, or find their own ways into the world, i find that while i will always support them where they are, i feared that my presence in their life will start to become smaller. i feared that as they move into new paths, there would be no room for me in it. but i know it's all about perspective. it's all just expansion, and if we meet each other where we are, it will never be hard. it isn't supposed to be.
i will continue to have my constants. they will always be there, in any sort of capacity. i have to keep telling myself that. i have to remember that to love and to be loved, is to consider and to be considered. what a lovely feeling it is to be thought about, and what a lovelier feeling it is to know that someone is thinking about you.
having trust in it and having faith is another challenge in itself. it's something i'll have to learn. i have to try. for three years, i'll be here. for three years, i will try to get used to it all. of all the things that me and my best friend talked about, i pondered the most about it. friendship is the most important to me. it's the closest thing i have to family when i'm in the city. i know, i know, that if it's meant to be, it will remain.
here's to the dates in poblacion, random calls, dinners in timog, smoke breaks in navarra or antonio, sleepovers in avida, clubbing in bgc, and chillnumans in katip. i will always have those memories. i will always have them with me, even if the people i made those memories with aren't here with me anymore.
xo, kitchi
