#the punctuation

ragged metal walls from years of abuse.

shallow breaths of which only exist to taunt him. you're still here they seemed to yell, not that he was listening.

he hasn't listened for a long time, it was too exhausting. now he just sits there, waiting. sometimes his arms hurt, sometimes he wants to die.

it's too much effort to die, to want death.

he just wants to sleep.

knock knock knock,

“Oi, open up, mackerel.”

ah, the slug is here. maybe he will put me out of my misery? 

the door creaks open and bright red light saunters into the room, “geez, you look like shit.” a small and almost microscopic chibi seems to say. “ah? is that a dog barking? i thought it was too early for dogs to be awake” and while he tried to sound casual, his voice was hoarse from a lack of both water and use.

“get up bastard,” the dog barked while handing dazai a bottle of water, “you owe me a chocolate bar.”

“should a dog be having chocolate? it might kill you…” dazai trailed off before getting a glint in his eyes “or is this your way of proposing a double suicide with me?”

“shut up about your suicides you damn fish! now get up so you can go buy me food.”

perhaps dazai could get up, just this once. maybe being awake wouldnt be too bad.

did

How the duck did i forget about the yogurt that bitch destroyed him. Tore himself down 24/7

Going through old chapters of The Surrogate. Ooof, what a mess. How does anyone make it through the first six? That was back before I was even using a reliable spell check. 

me a year ago: ‘Sentences? Where do they go? Wait, I know! I’ll just stick them in random blobs all over the page.’ /hits publish key/ ‘this writing thing’s not so hard after all.’

and I could go back and fix them, OR I could concentrate on finishing the new chapter that’s been languishing in my drafts folder for the last 4 months. Or the end of Not Fade Away. Or my exchange fic thats due in like 3 weeks (yikes!).

At any rate, it was fun to sort of stick my toe back into Savedra-stuff. 

When I first started writing The Surrogate I plotted out all these random details, like, all these things came together in my head in a way that almost made me dizzy, and I thought, there’s a solid story here. It might take me awhile, but if I keep writing I’ll get it out eventually. 

Only I got to a point where I reached for Savedra, supposedly the main character of the entire piece, and came up short. Because when I was plotting everything out I’d just sort of based her character around this one Antlers album, and then completely forgotten to flesh it out in a way that made sense. She was part of the earliest generation of biotics, she spent most of her childhood in a research hospital, hospitals suck, etc, but what else? Where did she come from, who is she, what was it actually like growing up in the eezo unit of the cancer ward (’bad’. okay, can you be more specific?). I’ve been trying to pull some of this together as I go forward so she’s not such an angry little cypher.