#tf2headcanons

I was crying over school work so I decided to take a break and make a quick post. Don’t worry I’ll get the school work covered. 

I am throwing the first thing that comes to mind, so I apologize if these aren’t the most accurate.

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Scout: Melted mozerella cheese. Trust me, taste amazing, although he would probably burn his finger

Soldier: Literally punches his hand through the fridge and eats whatever he grabs first

Pyro: Marshmellows. And probably smashes the smoke detectors so everyone can have a good nights sleep

Demoman: If not anything containing alcohol, I think he’d eat a can of beans. 

Heavy: Sandwich. Obviously.

Engineer: Would probably eat something healthy like apples and peanut butter

Medic: He found Scout’s candy stash, and is getting ready to frame someone for his own crime

Sniper: Bagels. Like plain, without anything on them.

Spy: He waits till the morning.

BONUS: Miss Pauling would eat cereal.

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Scout:

He assures you that your body is absolutely perfect. He probably says something along the lines of “I mean, look at me. I’m a stick too! Other than the sexy muscles, I guess.”

He’s not the best at providing encouragement or comfort since it’s hard for him to get himself out of the macho mindset, but he certainly tries his best.

Whenever you say something degrading about your body or express doubt in your looks, he just quiets you with a big smooch and tells you that you look amazing.

Solly:

Honestly thinks that you being tall is kinda hot, and he’s not afraid to say it.

When he learns of how you feel about your body, he is determined as hell to show you how gorgeous he knows you are. He’s highly that type that looks at you like you’re a goddess and rarely sees any flaws in you or your actions; and he certainly doesn’t see your build or height as a flaw.

Provides as much support and love as he can to show how much he cares, even though he has some strange methods of going about it.

Pyro:

They are so sweet about trying to make you feel better about your body. The first time you tell them, they throw their arms around you and tell you how perfect you are, and you know they’re serious because they’re looking up at you in awe like a lovestruck puppy.

They love showing their appreciation of your body by always pulling you into those tight hugs and smothering you in kisses. They also love affectionately running their hands over your arms, shoulders, and sides when you two cuddle. They never mean to do it in a nasty way, though; it’s just their way of showing their appreciation.

Demo:

When you tell him how you feel about your body, he smiles and calmly assures you that he thinks you’re gorgeous, then pulls you close for a big kiss to show you that he’s serious.

He thinks it’s better for him to not make a big deal out of it, but that doesn’t stop him from showing his support and adoration for you. He always tells you that you look great, especially if you’re in a new and/or fancy outfit and always accompanies his compliments with a big, sloppy kiss on the cheek, forehead, or lips. He also tends to give you lots of soft touches.

Heavy:

He honestly thinks you being in a relationship with him is kinda funny; here’s this huge, muscular, 6’3”, 400-something man with his skinnier partner who’s MUCH smaller than him.

When you tell him how you’re feeling, he holds you gently and assures you that you are perfect as is, and probably makes a point about how unrealistic body standards are because he’s struggled with them himself.

He shows most of his support verbally or through soft touches cause honestly he’s afraid of hurting you with a big bear hug.

Engie:

He feels so bad when you tell him about your self-image. He stands you in front of a mirror and tells you how absolutely gorgeous you are, cuddling you closely while he describes what he loves about you.

Makes a joke along the lines of “At least you’re not short and fat,” which probably leads to you having a conversation with him about his own self-image.

He loooves pampering you/giving you affection to prove what he thinks of your body. He mainly shows it through physical affection; he loves gently putting his hands on your hips, waist, or arms when cuddling.

Medic:

He insists that every body is different; some are long and thin, some are short and thick, and some are a bunch of other things, so you shouldn’t feel bad about yours. Besides, in his opinion, its a very perfect body. You can’t help but laugh as he talks to you; he has a way of saying the sweetest things but sounding like an asshole when he says it since he has such a hard time being sincere.

He honestly adores your body and he makes sure he shows it. The main way he does it is by bringing you all sorts of cute clothing, and is good at guessing what fits on you well.

Sniper:

Sniper is obviously the same way; he has a very tall, lanky body. He often makes jokes about it. But he has a funny way of thinking that his body type makes him look ugly and awkward, but he thinks you, with a similar body type, are perfect.

It ends up with both of you trying to help the other feel better about your bodies. It does make you both feel better to know that the other understands exactly how they feel.

When you two cuddle, you definitely wrap your limbs around each other,  and Sniper absolutely loves it.

Spy:

Spy isn’t particularly tall, but he knows he has skinny limbs and he is a little self-conscious about it, but he will literally never tell you that.

Like Medic, he’s the type to buy you all sorts of nice clothing, but what Spy buys you will be much more expensive. He always makes sure the clothes show off your body type and are often custom-tailored to fit you perfectly.

The Sea King (Ariel the little mermaid au)

I was listening to the little mermaid soundtrack, and thought it would be cute if heavy was in Ariel’s position.

Heavy is in King tritons place, he is the sea king and has taken over as ruler after his father had passed, now having to take care of his sisters. He doesn’t really like this new position and longs to be free. One day, as he was on a break, he sees a ship and swims up to it, only to find some humans that he’s heard about from his mother and observed them, only to spot medic, a prince, and instantly caught feelings for the human. After thinking for a while he realizes that he wants to join the humans, learn about how they’re so happy and live so freely, and live a happily ever after with his new love interest. like in the movie, he sacrifices his voice to the sea witch, gets legs and is on a journey to win the princes heart.

Scout: he won’t shup up after the birth, just trying to talk his nerves away but will freeze like a deer in the headlights when hes given the baby. His eyes water up and he craddles them. He is speechless and makes mental prayes and promises in his head how he will be always there for them and will give him everything he has for a better life

Soldier: he is suprisingly calm and collected, its almost like hes either having a spiritual experience or he is havinga ptsd flashback. He waits for the doctors/midwife to clean up the baby while he just sits there holding your hand a bit  tight. He wants you first to hold the child and after you havethat bonding moment he will hold it and sniffle “Welcome home little soldier, you just succeeded your first mission” and just holds them like the precious bundle of joy they are

Engie: emotional is an understatement. Hes the closest to bawling hes ever been in his life and he barely holds it together. He can’t wait and awkwardly hugs you while you are holding the baby. He just blubbers some comfort words and just stares at your child and then back out you, he cant believe this is real, itsjust way to real and he is a mess

Demo: he is sober and basically has the quitetest mental breakdown he has had in his life. He is shaking and when he is given the baby he just holds it close to his chest, stands up then walks up to you and gives you to hold them while he bear hugs you both. He kisses both of your foreheads and he has the sweetest smile he has ever had in decades

Heavy:he looks like he has experienced the Gulags all over again, it hurts him beyond comprehension when he sees you in pain but he also knows that birth like all things in life isnaturally painfull and he aint a wuss to  not assist in the delivery room. He just takes the baby with both hands and just promises to them in Russian he will always be there for them to protect them with his life.

Medic: he is the doctor so he is the one who first holds them, but he also knows skin-to-skin contact is essential for newborns so without a second thought,almost mechanically he cleans them up and gives them to you.Then he snaps, throws the gloves away and just wraps you all in his arms while crying in german( headacanon he has the twin seed inside him)

Sniper: he is terrified. This is way too real and he cant believe his eyes. He holds them like he was to holda newborn sheep and just looks at them like he can’t believe thats real, the baby is here not in Y/N belly and he is currently holding them. Just stares and tries to photograph them forever in his mind.” Welcome lil roo, daddys got you and he’ll never leave you”

Oh my god. Ooooh my god. OoOooOOOhHHHMy GO

Soldier

- VERY EXCITED TO BE A DAD

- you know that stupid happy grin he pulls in the comics? It’s that, every time he thinks about it

- It almost...grounds him a little bit? He’s more sane and down to earth now that you’ve got a little one on the way

- Starts trying very hard not to randomly yell all the time

- Still says the same stuff tho, but he says it to ur pregnant tum

- Shushes other people if they’re being too loud around you

- Secretly hopes you have a girl

Scout

- This fucking guy. He can’t shut up about it. Tells his friends, absolutely boasts about it

- When you told him you were pregnant he just whispered “Oh my god we’re having kids” and got all teary eyed about it

- Will gladly indulge your weird cravings (chocolate covered pickles or some shit) and uh...might actually join in because let’s face it he’ll put some questionable stuff into his mouth

- Tends to your every need, offers to do literally anything and everything for you

- You were already his queen but this is a new level of dedication

- Total adoration. He’s so excited.

Demo

- Shocked because?? What the fuck he never imagined being a dad

- High key sobers up and gets clean because he wants to set a really good example for his kid(s)

- Supports you throughout pregnancy, sits with you and will rub your back when it hurts

- Sings to you and the baby

- Paints the nursery room and decorates it with you

Engie

- “Oh, you’re pregnant? Well here let me draw up plans for a whole fully-equipped crib that is entirely safety proofed and-“

- Way overplans for everything!

- Bought the exact same baby clothes in several different colors, baby-proofs the entire house....you’re only like four months along.

- Honey slow down

- If you didn’t want to have the baby sleep in a crib in your own bedroom he would literally have built an entire one-room extension on the base with soundproofing and everything (it almost happened)

- Definitely sets up an extra sentry outside ur window...just in case

Heavy

- BEAR HUSBAND

- Picks you up and holds you and is like “mess with my s/o and you fucking die”

- Tells his family; they are so happy for you!!!

- He’s kinda overprotective, doesn’t like for you to be by yourself for too long

- Side note: Zhanna is the BEST sister in law and offers to babysit in the future. Somehow you don’t foresee it ending terribly well.

- He wants to teach his child how to read very early on in life and gets both English and Russian children’s books

- As the due date comes closer he gets more and more excited and you talk about it more often

- Just.....family

Pyro

- *muffled “HUDDAH!!”*

- Paints the room into pyroland; rainbows, unicorns, cotton candy clouds - you name it, it’s in there

- Except that uh...it was all just straight up murals of fire at first. Some of it stayed, but you worked the nicer stuff in

- Super excited when your baby bump becomes more noticeable

- Full of love

Spy

- initially, he is extremely nervous about having a kid

- After all....last time he did, it didn’t go so well. He’s still very shameful about it.

- However, when he sees you light up talking about your future together with a child he can’t help but smile and encourage your vision

- He is determined not to repeat his past mistakes and stays by your side the whole way through

- He adores you and will always be ready to protect you and your baby

Sniper

- Gets all sniffly and just brings you in wraps his arms around you and tells you how much he loves you

- He doesn’t think that he’s fit to be a dad, but nearly every day you tell him how great he’ll be, and he feels just a little more confident

- Will off a motherfucker if they say anything to you that makes you even mildly upset

- Buys so many animal books. So many.

- Cleans and cooks for you especially on days when it’s a little worse

- Still in total disbelief that he will be Dad Man™

Medic

- Usually he’s not all touchy feely but after you tell him you’re pregnant this changes drastically

- Lifts you off your feet in a sweeping, strong hug and giggles while kissing you

- Becomes...very soft....

- Unless someone tries to fuck with you and then wow that is far too graphic to go over in a cute fluff post

- He checks your health very often and makes sure you get everything you need

- Very good at helping thru morning sickness, and afterwards he sits with you for a while and pets your tummy absentmindedly while you rest and he reads

- Somehow, the entire situation calms him down as a person and he’s just kind of mellow and lovey.

Soldier - Wiccaphobia (fear of witches/witchcraft) Merasmus got him all screwed up on magic crap and while he’s not totally petrified of it, he just really hates the idea of it and doesn’t want it near him. If you’re Wicca yourself, he’ll actually try to have an open mind about it. Maybe you’ll even teach him some basic stuff about it! Otherwise, it doesn’t come up until you go to watch horror movies. He likes a movie that actually freaks him out, and it’s always witch-centered!

Scout - Trypanophobia (fear of injections) Poor scout, medic is just trying to give him his vaccinations but he hates getting shots so much. He can’t stand to see the needle go in, and he starts sweating and breathing irregularly. You always stay in there with him and let him squeeze your hand and keep his focus just anywhere else. Medic keeps those little lollipops you see in drs offices just for lil scoot to have after he gets one.

Demo - Toxiphobia (fear of being poisoned) He’s so worried that he won’t be paying attention while drinking one day and someone will slip some drugs or deadly poison into his cup. He knows what some of those chemical agents can do, and he couldn’t imagine a worse kind of death, even if he does respawn afterward. You’re the only person he lets handle his alcohol after he’s already opened it.

Engie - Nebulaphobia (fear of fog. This is especially terrible at night for him) Engie likes everything to be clear-cut and visible. Even the most complex things have very clear inner workings. He cannot stand to think of anything clouding his view, whether physically or mentally. If they have to go to battle on a foggy day, you keep a foglight which, while not removing the problem, brings him some comfort knowing that he doesn’t have to be alone when facing it.

Heavy - Autophobia (fear of being alone) Heavy has spent his whole life around family and friends. He can handle some solitary life, but he knows he always has someone to come back to, namely you. You spend quality time together most every day, and reassure him He doesn’t know what he would do if it were all gone.

Pyro - Eisoptrophobia (fear of seeing oneself in a mirror) Even with his mask on, pyro hates to see himself. He doesn’t want to think about what’s under the mask, whatever it is. After a very lengthy building-up of trust, he let you get a look at him, but he absolutely refuses to face it himself. The base has mirrors only in individual rooms and one part of the communal bathroom, so it is never really too bad of a problem.

Spy - Gamophobia (fear of marriage) Because of his job, spy was always moving from place to place and found it hard to stay for any meaningful length of time. He can’t stay committed in anything as serious as a marriage; it would tie him to something. He’s so anxious that what you have will become really serious, and you’ll to start to talk about having a future together. He dreads that if he came clean about those reservations, he’d break your heart and you wouldn’t think he loved you.

Sniper - Agoraphobia (fear of crowded spaces) He’s spent most of his life socially isolated and is very awkward around others. He gets so overwhelmed in any kind of crowd, and he doesn’t want to embarrass himself by reacting to that fear. You encourage him to come to places with you, but are always by his side holding his hand and telling him to focus on you when he gets too anxious about it.

Medic - Gelotophobia (fear of being laughed at) He was ridiculed for odd behavior throughout his childhood, and even into his adult life when others in the medical field said his work was laughably bad. He is reluctant to do experiments with anyone watching or share details about himself with anyone. It takes him a while to open up to you, and even that was only because you’d come into his office and marvel at jars of old experiments. You don’t ever laugh when he tells you his worries, and you’re the one person he has confidence in.