#tf2 reader

TF2 x (gn) Reader

Daily Diner Routine

You were a citizen of Teufort. Nothing special about you, you had a normal job working at a diner, you had a small house, nothing fancy, but it was home and you enjoyed the consistency of this rinse and repeat life. 

That was until things got…weird. Not just weird, just insane. These men - well most of them were men, there was this one in a gas mask who looked like an omen of something and a woman who constantly looked stressed about something. Anyways , this group of people…. Well the town hated them for one reason or another. You didn't see the big issue at the start, then they started to visit the diner after, what you assumed, was a day's work. 

You soon learned what that work was after having served them a few times and seeing their bruised bodies or the bits of blood splattered on their outfits. You'd often find yourself cleaning tables and booths around them slower, keeping an ear out as the loud Bostonian boasted about their skills or ragged on another coworker about their performance. They were mercenaries, known killers throughout the city , dangerous people who…

Well, you were confused. They all talked, laughed, joked like any other visitor to the diner, they had their own preferences to the food, what drinks they liked - you supposed this is what made them so dangerous,  they could fool anyone…or maybe that as the paranoia as you watched the Bostonian (which you've come to learn has the title of ‘scout’ thanks to how much the team said his name,) knock over his milkshake not only onto him, but the fancy looking man next to him dressed in a suit that could most definitely pay your rent for months.  

“ merde-! Scout, you idiot - do you have any idea how much this suit costs?! More than you'll ever seen in your-” 

“Hey! I brought you some paper towers and a cloth to clean up - the drink will be replaced too, since you just got it” your voice cut in before the older French man could cut into the nervous looking American any more then he had already. 

You helped clean up the table as the suited man grumbled to himself, taking off his blazer and giving it such a careful wipe down as Scout quickly got up to get a refill of his milkshake. Like a coward. 

You gathered up the empty plates and cups before looking around the table, giving a friendly smile. “ Anything else you'd like whilst I'm here?” you asked the table, notebook in hand. A few gave each other looks, a little mumble here and there for a moment before the bright eyed German doctor spoke up with an even brighter smile. 

“Ja , could we have a top up on coffee, a strawberry milkshake and two plates of pancakes with uh… Herr Sniper what did you want again- “ he muttered, staring at the man who was sitting inside with sunglasses on. The aussie gave a short, quiet reply back as the medic nodded. 

“Ja, okay - can we get the waffles with ice cream on?” 

You nodded along, writing down the order before giving a firmer nod. “Can do, is that everything?” the table all nodded. "Perfect! That'll be with you shortly” you flashed another simple smile before turning on your heels back towards the kitchen.

Yes, these were killers, strange people who were doing god knows what during the day, but right now?  They were just your weird regulars who sometimes showed up with a little too much dirt and grime on them, but they tipped well, treated you decently and well, that's all you could ask for. 

So uh had an idea for a Team Fortress 2 fic. Basically I couldn’t find too many reader and platonic relationships fics so I started my own! Well it’s kinda reader? It’s like first person, so I dunno. Anyways yep. Check it out if you’re interested!

Summary:

TF@ x fem!reader

warnings: none

The only female merc dealing with some stuff that comes along with that fact. I was inspired as my S/O tried to mansplain the innerworkings of my reproductive system to me last night. 

A/N: I took a some liberties with the Administrator’s lines - I know she starts announcing the mission starts at 60 seconds. Also, the last phrase of the text is russian - feel free to google it. Also also, I tried not to ‘over-accent’ Spy and Medic.

*******************************************************************************************

You’re sitting in the resupply room, eyes shut, head back against the wall.

Mission begins in 10 minutes

You sigh deeply. You were so drained. You had been dragging ass all morning.

“CADET! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? YOU’VE BEEN SLEEPWALKING ALL MORNING! YOU WON’T LET US DOWN TODAY, WILL YOU?!?” Even Soldier’s yelling couldn’t rouse you from your fog.

“No Solly, I’ll be fine, I swear.” you promise, eyes still closed.

“You okay, sugar?” You look up to find a concerned Engineer peering down at you. He held out a hand to help you up off the bench. 

“Thank you. Ya, I’m fine, just feeling like I’m running on fumes.”

You get up and take your place amongst your team mates. Trying to focus, you run a check of your weapons and gear. Meanwhile, Medic regards you with an evaluating stare, looking you up and down.

“Vell, your last check up came back clean. All your blood verk came back fine too. Are you taking your vitamins?”

“Yes, Medic.”

He fixes you with a scrutinizing look over his glasses. “Enough sleep?”

Your head falls back as you sigh again despite yourself, eyes falling closed. “Yessir.” 

“Ah. You must be ovulating zen.”

Your eyes flew open.  

“What the fuck, Meds!!?!?” You whisper-scream, head snapping around to stare daggers at the Medic.

“Uhhh, what’s oval-atin’?” Asks Scout.

The German continued, ignoring the younger merc , “It’s been about 13 days since your last menses, ja?” he asks, unphased by your murderous stare.

“What’s this now?” Demoman asks, now including himself in the conversation.

Medic, beaming, obviously proud of himself replies “Oh, ever since I found out our new teammate vas going to be a woman, I’ve revisited all my knowledge on za female system und its intricacies.” 

“Shut up, Medic” you hissed through clenched teeth.

“Ovulation? Like makin’ an egg??”  asked Sniper, incredulous. 

OMG you could just die right now.

“Hudda Huddah Huddah?”

Engineer spoke over his shoulder to the firebug, “No, Pyro, I don’t think so.” 

You’re sorry before you even ask. “What did he say, Engie?”

“Uh…”

Your gaze pins the Texan to the spot even though he’s avoiding it. “Engie.”

“He asked if you were like the Easter Bunny.”

“Jeeeeezus.” You drag a hand down your face, exasperated.

“Nein! Every month a woman produces an egg und..”

“YOU MAKE A FRICKIN EGG?!?”

The teammates take a collective step back that would have been comedic if you weren’t so mortified. They regard you with a look that both speaks of horror, curiosity and just a touch of awe. 

Mission begins in 5 minutes

“Can we not talk about zis now?” asked Spy

“Or EVER?!” I agreed. 

“But it is a beautiful thing! Za power to create life!” Medic protested

You roll your eyes so hard you swear you can see your brain. 

“Medic, if you don’t shut up right now, I will exercise my power to take a life!!”

The rest of the team quickly turns away, resuming their positions to enter the battlefield, though with a healthy distance away from you. Heavy, who is standing next to you, leans in your direction and whispers, “Heavy has three sisters. I understand.”

You side-eye him with an apprehensive sense of relief. “Erm..thanks?”

“Stick with me during battle. I will have your back…” a small smirk pulls at his mouth, “маленькая курица.”

———————————

••••

Previously on "Stay":

Demo looked at me with sorrow. "Im so sorry lass." He said softly and quickly.

I looked at him with tears falling down my face and my hair all over my face. I held my dad's hand harder now.

"Dont die" I mutter softly.

Present time: (No one's POV)

Y/N didnt know where they were. They have already awaken from their short slumber.

How did they fall asleep? Maybe from all the sadness they felt and confusion, Y/N's mind overloaded.

The 14 year old opened their eyes slowly, making sure the light wont blind them immediately.

They sat up straight from the hard surface and realized they were not alone.

Multiple people, including 'Demo' and The girl was there.

Y/N looked around, processing what happened and what is happening.

They realized that their dad was not in the room and remembered the bad memory that has been implanted into their brain. It just happened just a while ago too.

Y/N grabbed their head.  It felt heavy but then they managed to sit up straight.

Y/N's eyes began to prick with tears. They blinked and held their head in their hands.

They sniffled ever so slightly, not wanting to gain more attention.

Someone then placed a hand on the kid's shoulder.

Y/N looked up and saw the girl again. Y/N looked like they were about to break down to a million pieces.

Ms. Pauling then pulled Y/N closer and hugged them, it was hard with the handcuffs on but they managed. Patting their back and whispering 'its okay's and 'Im so sorry's in their ear.

Y/N cried softly onto the director's shoulder, hugging her back the handcuffs were tight.

"Its Ms. Pauling" The girl who hugged the child said.

"Hmm?" Y/N hummed, asking to repeat it.

"My name. Its Ms. Pauling. You are Y/N, yes? Mundy's kid." Ms. Pauling asked and let go of the child.

The 14 year old nodded and said nothing, tear stains on their face.

The director looked at the kid sadly and moved a hair out of their face. Then she continued to hug the child.

•••• (Y/N POV)

I hugged the woman tightly. Holding it like I would rip off from the world.

I couldnt stop the scene replaying in my head, but the girl's hugs, pats and words made it a little more bearable.

"How old are you, kid?" 'Ms. Pauling' asked me.

"F..F-Fourteen." I answered.

"So young. You are too young to deal with stuff like this." Ms. Pauling muttered. She continued to comfort me.

For a while, I stayed like this.

"Z..Zhat is ze bushman's child, correct?" A man in a red ski mask broke the silence.

I look up at him but never moved from my position. The man was just beside Ms. Pauling.

"Yes, Spy."  Ms. Pauling said a little annoyed.

"The kid's fourteen. With no one to take care of them. They just lost their father, okay? Try not to shi-... Trash-talk Sniper at the moment." She defended.

Spy opened his mouth and closed it back again.

I stared at him for a while. Until he felt eyes on him and looked at my direction. I then moved my hand and waved at him.

'Spy' looked at me, no expression on his face. Then after a while, he waved back. This made me smile a little, but it did not last long.

'Demo', who was behind me, started sputtering out nonsense. I let go of Ms. Pauling and turned to him and started poking his sides, to see if he was still alive. He didnt move.

"Is he dead too?" I ask.

"No! No.. No..." Ms. Pauling yelped and smiled awkwardly at me.

"He's just poiso- sleeping! See?" She reassured me and punched his side softly, no response. "Asleep" She repeated

I raised my eyebrow. "Okay.." I went back in for a hug and she accepted it.

She then started talking to the Spy.

I heard nothing but her heartbeat and vibrations from her voice.

After a bit, out of nowhere, she started sobbing.

I looked at her and repeated the same treatment she gave to me.

Ms. Pauling smiled sadly and held me closer.

The man in the red ski mask stayed quiet. Then, he spoke up.

"Ms. Pauling. I will not let them torture us, including the kid. In three seconds Im going to crack a cyanide molar." He said.

"If you both open your mouths, Ill spit a good sum of it into your throats before my heart stops." He finished.

I looked at him with disgust but rethink the chances. Maybe it was the most disgusting but best way? I dont wanna be tortured or even worse..

(Reminding you all the TFC Scout and Soldier are fucking pedophiles. Not accepting that fate for the kid)

I nodded.

"Thank you, Spy." Ms. Pauling thanked him and sniffed, letting go of me.

"De Rien." He replied.

We started doing this process. We looked like birds fighting.

Just then, a big guy broke down the door, screaming.

He panted. "What did Heavy miss?"

Spy spat out the weird foam as Ms. Pauling asked 'Heavy' some questions as he took the handcuffs off us.

He smiled at me and continued to talk with Ms. Pauling.

I didnt hear what they were saying because I was checking on Demo.

Though I only heard him say that only me and Ms. Pauling should leave.

I didnt mind it but I still tried checking on Demo.

"Wake up? Are you okay?" I whispered to the man who muttered nonsense.

I looked up to the person who sat beside Demo. It was a person with a gas mask.

"O-Oh? Hello" I said and waved.

They waved back happily but I only heard muffled sounds from the masked person.

I loud ring from probably a phone then distracted me and I turned towards the door.

"Heavy! Behind you!" Ms. Pauling said.

A man went through the door and Heavy puffed into smoke.

I yelp at the sudden poof. The smoke cleared and revealed an older, slimmer man. The mask hugging his face and something strapped on his head, covering an eye.

"I am working here." He muttered angrily.

"Urgent Call. Its the boss." The other man who entered the room answered and handed him the phone.

I quickly, but silently, went behind the gas-masked person I waved at just a while ago. They noticed my fear and brought me closer.

"What. Yes, I heard it. why?" The fake 'heavy' asked. "When? Is Beatrice alright?" He might have gained a negative response because he sighed.

"No, I can help. We got what we needed" He then proceeded to say a bunch of numbers to which I guess are coordinates? Maybe?

The two men went on.

"Ive got to go"

"What about these guys?"

"What do you think?"

The mask guy said sarcastically until a woman, who I learned was named Zhanna, was outside the door.

"Kill them." The masked intruder said as he pulled on his mask just enough to see his lower face.

Just then, Zhanna punched him but it dealt no damage, instead the guy was in place, shocked. Zhanna's blood decorated his mouth.

"Mm. It did not work" Zhanna realized and she frowned as she looked at her,,,, arm? Her hand was gone.

"Huh. Here, hold the shotgun" 'Soldier' said and gave Zhanna the shotgun.

"Let me try"

I knew what would happen next so I looked away.

After I heard a body hit the floor I stepped away from the gas mask man who shielded me.

The other man quickly grabbed Ms. Pauling and threatened to shoot her if they wouldnt put the shotgun down.

Anger ran over me. Ive already lost enough. I wont lose more.

As Zhanna slowly placed the shotgun on the ground, I boosted towards the guy who held Ms. Pauling captive. I clenched my fist and gave my all to give him a massive and painful punched to the side of his face.

My fist had landed on the man's cheekbone and he fell towards Spy. I grunted and held my hurt hand in pain.

"Agggghhh.." I  grunted and kept holding it, hoping the pain would go away.

Ms. Pauling gasped and grabbed my hand to try and sooth the pain. She ripped off some cloth from one of the bad guys and wrapped it around my sore and in-pain knuckles.

"Thank you. How brave of you" Ms. Pauling said as she finished the bandage.

I looked up at her. "Mm.." I only hummed.

Again, I blocked out ever noise, focusing on the pain on my knuckles. I sat down next to Spy. Ms. Pauling, Soldier, Zhanna and Spy were probably talking.

Soldier then grabbed an old man in a grey suit and left him on the floor to do God knows what.

I didnt pay attention much but Ms. Pauling and this Grey suited old man began talking, I believe. Spy was listening. Soldier and Zhanna? I have no clue.

I kissed my knuckles, to sooth the pain.

Just like what dad used to do.

A tear left my eye. Either from the pain I felt on my knuckle or the pain I felt in the inside.

I heard nothing so far.

Until a certain sentence got my full attention.

"You killed Sniper."

"You killed that child's father"

Ms. Pauling seemingly argued with the old man that laid on the ground, close to death.

I cover my ears wanting for the voices to stop but it kept circling and repeating around my head.

"You killed Sniper. You killed a child's father"

It repeated, and repeated, and repeated and repeated.

I had enough and my body took control. My body made me run out the open jail-cell door. I heard someone call my name but I did not stop. I ran and ran, getting farther away from the door.

I found a room filled with supplies and stayed there for a while. Hot tears ran down my face.

"The world is a cruel place"

I mutter.

•••• (Timeskip) (3rd POV)

By now, Y/N was all alone in a supply room. Crying. They tried to process everything that has happened today.

How would it affect them?

Arent they just a 14 year old kid?

Y/N sat in silence. The sounds of vents. The sounds of sniffling.

••••Meanwhile••••

Medic brought back Sniper into his little lab. Contemplating.

Was he going to really bring this man back to life? What urged Medic?

Science? Experimenting?

Or perhaps was it the crying child who wept for their father? Did that urge him?

"Yes. Definitely dead." Medic spoke up. He was examining Sniper's body.

"For at least six hours" He finished. He then hummed in frustration.

A dove then landed on Sniper's forehead. The bird cooed.

"Not impossible, Archimedes. Just very very hard" Medic answered his dove, as if Archimedes would reply.

•••• (Sniper POV)

J felt as if all my troubles have been lifted.

I felt as if no pressure was being pressed onto me.

I felt like in heaven.

Oh.

I opened my eyes to see my adoptive parents infront of me. They both were sad but most probably happy to kind of see me.

"Mum, Dad" I said, hugging them.

They both hugged back and let go.

"My son. You must go back. Do not forget your child. They wish to be with you again. They are hoping you arent dead darling." My mom said to me softly. She reminded my about the child I have.

Honestly. I wanted to stay but my responsibilities. I shouldnt leave them all alone.

I contemplated.

"And you left a bunch if @!?/*@$"' down there that need killin'"

"Yer mum's right. A professional wouldnt  quit when there is work to be done. And you are a professional." My dad said.

I smiled a little but my face faltered when I remembered the kiddo.

"Now get back there and give the men who killed you, Hell. " My dad supported.

I scratched my neck and sighed.

"Oi've been a huge jerk ta Y/N lately. Oi have not spent anytime with them oin the past few months, Mum, Dad" I admitted. I frowned and looked at the ground.

"You still have time if you go now, Darlin'" Mom reassured and smiled sweetly at me.

"Okay, Mum. Dad."

Darkness

Thats all I saw

Until..

My body ached but I still got up from a cold table.

I gasped for air as I sat up.

Medic infront of me. Talking, I think.

That utter bastard.

All I heard was loud ringing sound. Was it just me returning from the dead?

I looked at my body. My torso had plenty of sewed cuts. I was not bleeding though. My whole torse and arms, filled with the fixed cuts.

My hearing slowly returned.

"Its like I've alvays said! Zhere's nothing wrong with playing God zo long az jou are-" I grabbed his throat and started choking that blabbering German.

"You utter bloody BASTARD." I cursed. The German looked at me, shooked.

"YOU KILLED ME!" My hand trying to not kill him. I was so close to just letting my anger take over my whole body.

Oh, my poor kid.. What happened to them?

The German then started to defend himself: "Vell, Yes. I also did just bring jou back from the dead, Partial points zhere, Ja?"

He paused.

"Also, technically I didnt 'kill' jou. I vas standing next to the person who killed jou!" He explained briefly.

My anger. My blood boiled from it. "You were smilin' The last thing Oi saw 'fore Oi bled out and DIED was your smug, evil grin!" Remembering his face from before I died.

"I vas just happy to see jou! Zhat's just how I look vhen I smile! See?" Medic then gave me one of his infamous smug smiles.

"How could you join them?" I asked, venom laced my voice.

"Our team disbanded! Zhey needed a Medic! Black Market organz dont march directly out of exotic animalz into jou'r body cavity, mein experimentz require funding!" Medic explained as he raised his hands up a little showing that he was really cooperating with me.

"I feel like ve are glossing over zhe part vhere I defied modern medizine und brought jou back to life!" He pointed out.

I sighed and let go of his neck. I looked around a little bit and scratched my head.

"How long was Oi gone?" I asked

"Twelve Hours! Zhis waz mein greatest triumph!" He exclaimed. He seemed so proud of himself.

"It alzo cost mein employers in zhe neighborhood of 1.3 billion dollarz. Zo try not to get zhot again, Ja?"

"So it was real then, me mun and dad, theyre.. Oh God.. Y/N..

D'yer know whot this means?" I realized.

"It meanz jou hallucinated bevore brain death, Mein Freund! I injected a blue vhale's pineal gland zirectly into jou'r brain stem!" Medic answered as he lifted up a needle and some.. Thing..

"Nah, Mate." I denied and pointed at myself. "It means Oi'm the most dangerous bloody man(n) on this island"

My face faltered as I remembered my kiddo. "Jsh... Poor thing. Oi need to get out with no one catching me somehow" I muttered, almost silently.

" Ah need to find moi kid. Now. "

"Out of zhe question! Jou are in no condition to-"

"You are fucking KIDDING ME." The same big guy who shot me twice earlier said angrily and growled.

"Why. Is. He. ALIVE?"

I looked away from the commotion trying to think of a plan on how to get back to my kid.

Just then Medic asked me for some of my blood, to which I replied with its human blood. He chuckled and looked away shrugging me off now.

Soon that big man and Medic started blabbering about God knows what? I had my chance to escape, so I took it and bolted.

"Aw bloody hell, Y/N, where are you?"

I met up with Spy half way.

•••• (Y/N's POV)

I woke up from a mini nap to the sound of men talking. How did I fall asleep? Oh... Yeah... I think I just did as I cried earlier.

I looked around for a hiding spot and went to the corner of the room, boxes surrounding me so that I was not visible.

Soon, the men opened the door and were chatting. They started to put and pick up some gear. They finally fell silent.

For a bit, all I saw was the men gearing up. When they finished, they started chatting again

"Locked and loaded. You got everything you need?" One of them asked.

"Well, I got bullets in my gun if thats what you mean. But no Ross I dont got everythin that I need." The other, with orange-y hair replied annoyed.

The men went on and on arguing about something. I dont know what. Saying that they hesitaated with taking this job and all that.

I kept listening though, hugging myself.

"Think about it. That old safehouse in Newark? We clear those grenade crates out... It'd make a hell of an orphanage, wouldnt it?" 'Greg' said. Thats his name. From what I heared anyways.

"Are we really doing this Greg?"

"Lets do this."

Maybe those guys are not so bad?

"We are going to have endless supply of kids to-"

I immediately knew what he ment which filled me with fear and disgust. I accidentally yelped a little and hit a box with my foot. A bucket fell down.

Oh. Shit.

Tears pricked my eyes, just thinking about what would happen next.

"What was that Ross?" Greg asked.

I try to shuffle backwards and hoped that I would just sink into the corner. My hands covered my head.

"God has answered us! Look, Ross, a kid!"

(stay away you mf ped-)

I yelped again in fear. "PLEASE! Dont hurt me! Im just 14..." I pleaded and proceeded to huddle onto the corner.

"Well well. Kid's pleadin'" Greg responded to my cries as he yanked me out of the corner with my arm but still fell on the floor.

"Greg, as much as I would LOVE to do this, this is not the time to- We have men to kill here!" Ross reasoned.

"Y-Yeah! Please just.. Go!" I agreed and backed away from them. Tears left my eyes. Hot tears. I backed away from them till I hit a wall, I pleaded.

"Shush Ross. Its been such a long time since I-" Greg said as he grabbed Ross's arm.

"Ross why are you covered in gasoline?"

Just then a clicking sound echoed the room. A small light shimmered in the dark room.

There I saw the same gas masked person who comforted me earlier. A smile grew on my face.

They proceeded to torch down these pedophiles as I walk out the room and waited for my lifesaver to exit the soon-to-be-dust room.

The moment my lifesaver ran out I quickly shut the door and panted.

"T-Thank you so much!" I chirped as I held my hands togeether.

I recieved muffled happiness as a response.

I smiled at them and hugged them.

"ThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyou!!!! You saved my life from them, Gas Mask!" I exclaim as I mentioned the nickname I decided to give them since they did not have a name..

Gas Mask held my hand as we walked out of the building. I slowly got tired from walking and felt sleepy. I didnt sleep this early morning, long trip, lots of drama, lots of...crying, and whatever just happened in that God forsaken room.

I was burnt out. I didnt wanna move anymore.

I sighed.

Gas Mask must have noticed my tired look and expressions. My hand was falling from their hand. They decided to pick me up and gave me a piggy back ride. They looked at me.

I swear. I could feel them smile. I just know it!

I smiled at them and slowly fell asleep on their back. They still continued to carry me, not dropping me. Once.

••••

After quite a bit, I guess. I woke up to a sound of mumbling. It was from the mysterious Gas mask person again.

I grunted and opened my eyes. "Hrr?" I slurred, I just woke up from my nap.

"Hmhmhmm!!" Gas Mask mumbled.

"I dont know what you said but.." I looked up and saw a group of people. Thats where Gas Mask was taking me.

"Oh cool! Other pe-" I cut myself off from shock.

One of the people in the group...

That cant be...

Thats... Thats impossible..

My thoughts swarmed in my head. My hands covering my mouth, my eyes widened, my hair bouncing from gas mask carrying me, and hot tears pooled my eyes once again for the 3rd-4th time today.

"Dad?" I said trying to catch his attention which failed.

"Dad!" I made my voice higher and louder for him to hear.

He looked at the direction of my voice and the true happiness came back. He finally smiled with REAL happiness and relief for the first time in so long!

"Cupcake!" Sniper yelled happily. His voice filled with relief as he ran towards gas mask and I with his arms open.

"Dad! Oh my God. How are you alive right now??? Is this a dream? Am I in heaven? Did I die in that room with the fire?" I panicked, worry filling me as I got down from the gas masked person who carried me all the way here.

"Dream? Heaven? Room? Fire? Died?" Father questioned as he held my shoulders. He kneeled on the ground, he was about my height now, still taller.

"No! Its real, mate! Oi'm bloody alive! Oi missed ya so much" He said with a breathy voice. He sounded like he was about to cry. Not that I wasnt, I had tears rolling down my face as I hugged him.

We both just hugged each other for a while. Filling ourselves with relief that both are alright. I have yet to question his scars. I was just too overjoyed that Dad is here now.

"Oi'm so sorry, cupcake. OI have not been the best father lately. Oi missed your birthday, months ago. Havent made a longer converaation than this for a while now, mate." He spoke, sadness in his voice. He was deeply and truly sorry.

"Its alright. I understood, Dad. What matters is that you are here now." I replied, sniffling.

What a happy, sad and dramatic family reunion.

•••• B O N U S

... "Dad?" "Yes, kiddo?" "Why are you naked? In the outside?" "Err, long story, kid. Ill tell you when you are a little bit older." "Okay." ... "Love you kiddo." "I love you too dad."

Because I make turkey bacon and coffee every morning, I felt inspired to write this dumb thing. Pardon me. Also I’m not projecting onto any of the mercs I don’t know what you mean. cough engie cough

Scout: He's an early bird by nature, and if he's up earlier than you, he'll contemplate making breakfast - but it'll likely just be cereal or an attempt at packaged pancake mix. Also he doesn't drink coffee and doesn't know how to use the coffee make sorrry! But hey, he'll get ya juice if he remembers! It's better if you do the cooking though.

Pyro: Their perception of time is not great, Pyroland kinda has it's own time-thing going on, so when they eventually wake up, you'll probably have already had dinner. But hey! If they somehow manage to wake up before you for breakfast, they will surprise you with really yummy muffins - you'll quickly learn that Engie helped (basically made) them with Pyro. So you can blame him for the raisins.

Soldier: He wakes up bright and early to pracitce his combat - or play with the raccoons if they're awake (lately he's been kinda flexible). He'll definitely be up before you, but breakfast? Pfft. A true American doesn't need break- okay yeah his stomach growled nevamind. He'll probably prepare toast. Can't promise it won't be burnt though - he prefers his that way, then it's crispy and hard, like his ah...Dedication for America. Mhm, that's what I was gonna say.

Demoman: Hangovers galore, which sounds like a downside, but he actually knows the perfect breakfasts to cure them! Which by extension means you'll get a good meal out of it - please comfort baby afterwards. He'll probably make some thick-ass Scottish potato mash, is it a breakfast food? You both forgot. There'll also be a ton of sausages, the tiny little fancy ones. He surprisingly knows how to cook everything really well - but when he explains to you he's been making this same thing for the past 400 hangovers it suddenly doesn't surprise you. Also he will make coffee, and you bet your sweet buns it’ll have bailey’s in it! ;)

Heavy: Like Scout, he's an early bird. However, he's used to only working with basic foods, especially at breakfast. He's not used to luxurious little sausages or burnt toast, he's used to eggs. He will prepare eggs in many different fashions; scrambled, hard boiled, omelets, he’s got it down to an art. He will know exactly what you like and exactly how to prepare it within a week. He’ll likely add ingredients he knows you enjoy too to spice it up. He will absolutely be in tears the first time you make him breakfast though, so pay attention to what he likes too!

Engineer: It’s been a longstanding theory amongst the others that this man doesn’t sleep. Or when he does, they sure as hell don’t know it. He goes to bed ridiculously late and wakes up surprisingly early. He will make damn sure that he’s up before you so he can prepare coffee and some kind of breakfast. On weekdays it’ll likely be toast (properly toasted this time SOLDIER) and bacon. The man lives for bacon. On the weekends though, he’ll try to spice it up by making something different. One week he tried to be fancy and make his own Danish pastry - it turned out way too well for a man who had never made them before in his life. Make sure to surprise him with a great dinner or something so he gets treated good too. <3

Sniper: First things first, coffee. Let the man drink his coffee and then he’ll consider making breakfast. He’s not a morning person at all. He doesn’t usually eat unless someone else made breakfast and it’s something he won’t be too picky about. If it’s meat yes, if not, he’ll think about it. If you’re lucky, he killed something the night before and you guys will get to have breakfast out of whatever that was. If you’re a vegetarian or vegan he’ll be polite and make you toast. Similar to Soldier though, I can’t promise you it won’t be burnt. Once again you’ll be receiving something hard...Burnt toast. Of course.

Medic: Oh, yeah, you’re a human who needs food. And so does Medic. Oops. He wakes up at reasonable hour, but he kinda forgets that food is a thing sometimes. He’ll likely spot you making coffee or tea and realize he needs to be human. You’d think a man who once had a medical license would actually know that food is important, buuuut you’d be wrong. When he does finally get down to cooking, he’ll probably just make you guys a cup of yogurt with fruit and granola in it. At least it’s healthy, ja? When you cook for him, he’s super appreciative and gets all embarrassed for not doing the thing you’re suppose to do. 

Sniper.

Sniper consoling you. [One-shot]

You convincing Sniper [One-shot]

Better late than never, right? [One-shot|reader]

Someone can't sleep [Snippet|reader]

Sniper and bugs [headcanon]

S/O calling accidentally Sniper with a cute nickname [Snippet]

Soulmate AU [Snippet|reader]

Sniper as a father of a girly girl[snippet]

Ice skating with S/O. [Snippet]

Road trip with S/O that uses sing language.[snippet]

Soldier

You. Me. My room. Now [one-shot| reader]

Take care [Snippet|reader|tribute to Rick May]

Someone can't sleep [Snippet|reader]

Reading with reader [Snippet]

Spy

Regrets and empathy [one-shot|reader]

[Headcanon] Spy n Sniper the hardest mercs to earn their trust.

Trust [Snippet|reader|tentaspy]

Spy and languages. [Headcanon]

Spy has the biggest softest eyes [headcanon]

A visit [Snippet|reader|

Scout

Scout comforting you [One-shot]

You helping Scout win Sniper's heart [One-shot]

[Headcanon] Scout flirting with his crush.

Rejection [Snippet| reader| spydad]

Ass [Snippet|reader]

Medic

Hiding a wound from Medic [One-shot|reader]

You hide a wound [Snippet|Reader]

Hope [Snippet|reader]

Engineer

Guitar lessons [One-shot|reader]

Engie taking care of a baby [HCs]

He has "two faces" [Headcanon]

Demoman

How to fly [Snippet|reader]

Demoman and cuddles [Headcanon]

Demo's and Sniper's reaction S/O coming out as non-binary. [Headcanon]

Demo helping friend!reader after finding out they have huge crush on Sniper. [Snippet]

Silent kisses [Snippet| reader]

Pyro

Someone can't sleep [Snippet|reader]

Skittles are like drugs [Headcanon]

Trying his best to cheerp up S/O [snippet]

Tf2 Ships.

Secrets are not allowed [one-shot|Support Sandwich]

Creep [Snippet|Sniperspy]

I may have accidentally adopted three cats...[Snippet| Freedom fries]

Headcanons. [General]

How the mercs kiss their S/O.

Ways to trust [Support classes]

Ways to trust [Defense classes]

Ways to trust [Ofense classes]

Mercs' reaction having a S/O shorter than them.

Who miss the most and the least home.

Spending evening/ cuddles with S/O

Reactions to a new deaf member.

With a overweight S/O

Snippets [General]

Mercs confessing their love/asking their SO out.

Oh my god. Ooooh my god. OoOooOOOhHHHMy GO

Soldier

- VERY EXCITED TO BE A DAD

- you know that stupid happy grin he pulls in the comics? It’s that, every time he thinks about it

- It almost...grounds him a little bit? He’s more sane and down to earth now that you’ve got a little one on the way

- Starts trying very hard not to randomly yell all the time

- Still says the same stuff tho, but he says it to ur pregnant tum

- Shushes other people if they’re being too loud around you

- Secretly hopes you have a girl

Scout

- This fucking guy. He can’t shut up about it. Tells his friends, absolutely boasts about it

- When you told him you were pregnant he just whispered “Oh my god we’re having kids” and got all teary eyed about it

- Will gladly indulge your weird cravings (chocolate covered pickles or some shit) and uh...might actually join in because let’s face it he’ll put some questionable stuff into his mouth

- Tends to your every need, offers to do literally anything and everything for you

- You were already his queen but this is a new level of dedication

- Total adoration. He’s so excited.

Demo

- Shocked because?? What the fuck he never imagined being a dad

- High key sobers up and gets clean because he wants to set a really good example for his kid(s)

- Supports you throughout pregnancy, sits with you and will rub your back when it hurts

- Sings to you and the baby

- Paints the nursery room and decorates it with you

Engie

- “Oh, you’re pregnant? Well here let me draw up plans for a whole fully-equipped crib that is entirely safety proofed and-“

- Way overplans for everything!

- Bought the exact same baby clothes in several different colors, baby-proofs the entire house....you’re only like four months along.

- Honey slow down

- If you didn’t want to have the baby sleep in a crib in your own bedroom he would literally have built an entire one-room extension on the base with soundproofing and everything (it almost happened)

- Definitely sets up an extra sentry outside ur window...just in case

Heavy

- BEAR HUSBAND

- Picks you up and holds you and is like “mess with my s/o and you fucking die”

- Tells his family; they are so happy for you!!!

- He’s kinda overprotective, doesn’t like for you to be by yourself for too long

- Side note: Zhanna is the BEST sister in law and offers to babysit in the future. Somehow you don’t foresee it ending terribly well.

- He wants to teach his child how to read very early on in life and gets both English and Russian children’s books

- As the due date comes closer he gets more and more excited and you talk about it more often

- Just.....family

Pyro

- *muffled “HUDDAH!!”*

- Paints the room into pyroland; rainbows, unicorns, cotton candy clouds - you name it, it’s in there

- Except that uh...it was all just straight up murals of fire at first. Some of it stayed, but you worked the nicer stuff in

- Super excited when your baby bump becomes more noticeable

- Full of love

Spy

- initially, he is extremely nervous about having a kid

- After all....last time he did, it didn’t go so well. He’s still very shameful about it.

- However, when he sees you light up talking about your future together with a child he can’t help but smile and encourage your vision

- He is determined not to repeat his past mistakes and stays by your side the whole way through

- He adores you and will always be ready to protect you and your baby

Sniper

- Gets all sniffly and just brings you in wraps his arms around you and tells you how much he loves you

- He doesn’t think that he’s fit to be a dad, but nearly every day you tell him how great he’ll be, and he feels just a little more confident

- Will off a motherfucker if they say anything to you that makes you even mildly upset

- Buys so many animal books. So many.

- Cleans and cooks for you especially on days when it’s a little worse

- Still in total disbelief that he will be Dad Man™

Medic

- Usually he’s not all touchy feely but after you tell him you’re pregnant this changes drastically

- Lifts you off your feet in a sweeping, strong hug and giggles while kissing you

- Becomes...very soft....

- Unless someone tries to fuck with you and then wow that is far too graphic to go over in a cute fluff post

- He checks your health very often and makes sure you get everything you need

- Very good at helping thru morning sickness, and afterwards he sits with you for a while and pets your tummy absentmindedly while you rest and he reads

- Somehow, the entire situation calms him down as a person and he’s just kind of mellow and lovey.