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One of the strangest experiences (for me) with having autism is struggling with task avoidance even when it’s something I want to do. Like, puck and pretend was updated over a week ago and I still haven’t read it bc for some reason I’m avoiding it and even starting new fic but like, I love this fic and I’m so hyped for such a large update. So why why why have I been avoiding it?? Someone make it make sense
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Task Avoidance Putting off tasks due to overwhelm, fear of failure, or perfectionism. Task avoidance isn’t always laziness—it’s often emotional protection in disguise.
i have noticed that when i have an important task that i keep neglecting, the reason it never gets done is because the way i want to resolve it is not the way it needs to be resolved. for example, i put off dealing with the roaches in my apartment (bad, upsetting) for months because i wanted to get rid of them myself (ocd brainworms i.e. feeling like i'd be "in trouble" for a problem that existed before i even moved in) when the correct action was to let the apartment complex deal with it since it was their problem. my fear of "getting in trouble" prevented me from taking action on something that had been bothering me for months.
a similar roadblock is feeling like i need to do another task first, like cleaning out my car before taking it to get necessary maintenance. "oh no," says i, "the maintenance guys are going to judge me for my untidy car." they probably will but so what. they'll still change my oil and rotate my tires because that's what i'll be paying them to do.
not to sound like a millenial therapist but the common element here is shame. i don't want other people to see me fail at performing the role of a functioning member of society, so i invent myriad obfuscating rituals to prevent anyone from ever seeing me do anything incorrectly. ironically, the rituals prevent me from participating in society.
could this have had something to do with my batshit insane upbringing? find out next time on adult children of post-communist parents!
Sometimes when we are afraid we have to center ourselves. Take deep and slow breathes, remind yourself who you are, and where you are. Feel the world beneath your feet and know you are connected to earth and it will hold you steady. Now go make that phone call you’re avoiding, I see you.
so crazy how you forget to put a few things away and all of the sudden you're playing evil hop scotch from hell to get to your bed
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Guys, I bought SOTR literally the day it came out but my task avoidance popped up and now I’m annoyed because my brain doesn’t wanna read 😒
I set so many alarms and reminders.
Alarms to get up. Alarms to tell me to go to bed. Alarms to time my lunch break. Alarms to remind me I'm making tea. Calendar reminders to put the bins out and to pay bills. A timer to go off to make me start a task. A timer to make me stop a task.
And yet I am still able to snooze them all.
