i have noticed that when i have an important task that i keep neglecting, the reason it never gets done is because the way i want to resolve it is not the way it needs to be resolved. for example, i put off dealing with the roaches in my apartment (bad, upsetting) for months because i wanted to get rid of them myself (ocd brainworms i.e. feeling like i'd be "in trouble" for a problem that existed before i even moved in) when the correct action was to let the apartment complex deal with it since it was their problem. my fear of "getting in trouble" prevented me from taking action on something that had been bothering me for months.
a similar roadblock is feeling like i need to do another task first, like cleaning out my car before taking it to get necessary maintenance. "oh no," says i, "the maintenance guys are going to judge me for my untidy car." they probably will but so what. they'll still change my oil and rotate my tires because that's what i'll be paying them to do.
not to sound like a millenial therapist but the common element here is shame. i don't want other people to see me fail at performing the role of a functioning member of society, so i invent myriad obfuscating rituals to prevent anyone from ever seeing me do anything incorrectly. ironically, the rituals prevent me from participating in society.
could this have had something to do with my batshit insane upbringing? find out next time on adult children of post-communist parents!