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For years, you fantasized about your closest childhood best friendβJames.
You always imagined him as your boyfriend, thinking about how well he would treat you and how he would always take you out on dates, how his hands would always be on your waist when you two were in a large crowd. How he would always be your one call away, and how you would be the only exception.
Of course, it was only your fantasy.
Because you couldn't risk your 17 years of friendship over some unsaid feeling that you have kept to yourself, that would be too selfish of you.
Wouldn't it?
So, you had always kept a clear, straight line with him, knowing you could lose control.
But now that you were both 20, something had been itching you, something had been slowly erasing that invisible line.
James touch lingers on you longer than you expected. When he looks at you, it looks like he never wants to look away. His smile was always genuine, his actions speaking louder than his words ever could.
Even though he jokes about how he hates spending time with you, he would always be there once you ask him to come over.
Your stomach twists at the bittersweet signals he gave you.
Why couldn't he just admit he likes you? That would make everything a whole lot easier.
Your hopes were rocketing up. You needed a second opinion. Now.
Girl wtf do I actually do π
You text your best friend.
Lemme guess...James?
You can hear a long sigh from her through the message.
β¦yeah
You also sigh.
Okay, so, hereβs something.
YOU TRY AND CONFESS FIRST??
You groaned at her message.
I told you.
NO.
Iβm not risking anything.
Well, if u ain't gonna risk anything.
Iβm sure it's like that for him too??
THINK ABT IT OK????
You sensed her eagerness through the screen. Before sending a sigh emoji at her.
This sucks. Maybe she was right, maybe you should confess.
You at least tried typing down your feelings in your notes app. For what? 30 plus times already?
You wrote everything.
Everything.
Every detail on how he made you crazy just by the sound of his voice. How he kept you up late at night on something that shouldn't have been a big deal.
How you yearned for him from the moment you realized he was the only person who understood you.
You felt stupid for typing this down, thinking you won't even send it
After cramping your hands with a now barely legible writing a notification went off from your phone.
Your favorite notification.
Iβm coming by!! No buts, pick a movie for us already BYEEEEEE π
You smiled but sighed.
His timing was always wrong.
Still, you locked your phone and went down to the couch to pick a movie. Probably a movie that gave him hints. A movie where two best friends fall in love with each other.
You grabbed your favorite chips. Which was also his favorite.
And the doorbell rang. You nervously went up to the door before pulling it open. His hair was messy and he had his cute nerdy glasses that you loved.
He looked very handsome. Ever since he hit puberty, it was game over for your heart.
You were lucky to see his face every day. But not lucky enough for him to have feelings for you.
βHey, come in!β You greeted before turning back to walk away.
βIβve missed you!β He lunged a hug behind you.
Oh shit.
This was exactly what you didn't like. I mean, you loved his hugs, but you wish he hugged you as something more. Not as a friend.
You chuckled before pushing his arms back.
βYeah, me too.β You tried not to make it awkward.
βAre you okay?β
You failed.
βYeah! Iβm alright.β You recovered.
βReally?β He raises a brow.
βReally,β You laughed before walking towards the living room.
βOkayβ¦ but whereβs my βIβve missed you too, my weirdoβ?β He asked.
Your heart sprinted. You turned to look at him; he was still waiting for a response.
βIβve missed you too, weirdo.β You joked. You purposely left the βmyβ out. Didnβt want your feelings to evolve more.
James smiled at your response. He felt something was off but just brushed the feeling off because he knew youβd eventually tell him.
Both of you plopped down on the couch, pulled the blanket over, and you clicked the remote to start the movie.
Nothing happened for a while but then you felt a hand over your shoulders. You didn't flinch at his casual touch, you were used to it.
But you always smiled to yourself, seeing how comfortable he is with you.
βJust say you like each other already!β James complained about the show. His one hand thrown in the air.
The movie you two were watching was, βLove, Rosie.β You have watched this show multiple times already. And you relate to the story a lot. The only difference wasβ¦yours was one-sided.
βHey, what's up with you?β He turned his head.
You didn't even realize how quiet you have been.
βWhat do you mean?β You acted.
He sighed. βCome on, tell me whatβs wrong.β He paused the movie and turned towards you.
βI need to tell you something.β Your body tensed.
βYeah, okay, go, shoot,β James said, looking more concerned now.
βThereβs been something I have been feeling.β βOkayβ¦β He nods, still unfazed.
βIβ¦like you,β You said, almost too quickly.
James blinked. Twice. Thrice. βW-what?β
βIβm sorry! I know you don't like me and that's fineββ
You tried to explain yourselves but before you could, James pulled you in and kissed you to shut up.
Your eyes widened.
James pulled back. βYou could have said it sooner. God, I like you too, stupid.β He grinned.
And for a while, everything felt like your dream came true.
Then, everything froze.
Because this wasn't real. No. You were merely looking back at how you wish things had happened. How you wish you had said the words βI like you.β to James.
But you didn't.
Because you were scared. A coward. Thinking he would do the first move.
And now, all you do is look at his Instagram posts and stories with his new girlfriend.
It made you rethink everything.
Your heart twisted in a pain much more terrible than being stabbed all over and over again.
Because maybe, just maybe, if you weren't scared enough to risk the 17 damned years of friendship, you could have been in her place.
Smiling from ear to ear as he kisses you on the cheek. Always present in his posts and stories as a βwatermarkβ. Going on fun and cute dates with. Hanging out with his now cooler friends.
He barely had time for you now. He had better priorities, you guessed.
But before her, there was you.
But was there even a you if you guys weren't a thing? How do you grieve for a love that did not even exist?
Maybe you should have ruined the friendship.
Because all you do now is sit and ponder how things would be different, rather than having the best time with him right now.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
β Live Streamingβ Interactive Chatβ Private Showsβ HD Qualityβ Free Actions
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
