Arielle

Sunghoon was the type of boyfriend a girl could dream of. 

Sweet, caring, thoughtful.

Stable.

Everything you should look for in a guy.

Sex was gentle, loving. Like he was always scared he would break you.

It felt nice to be loved by Sunghoon.

He noticed all the little things about you – the way your lips twitch when you lie, the way you like your tea and the exact face you make when you hate something.

Tonight was no different from the rest. 

You had just gotten home from work, papers and projects forgotten the moment you left the office building.

Walking into your apartment, warmth hits you in waves, the smell of food wafting through the narrow hallway.

Sunghoon stood at the kitchen table, setting up utensils and plating food. The scene looked so domestic, so homely it made you sick.

He looked up to see your figure leaning against the doorframe staring at him with eyes he couldn’t read.  

“You okay? How was work?”

The words pushed you back into reality and you pushed off the wall, dropping your coat on the  back of one of the chairs surrounding the dining table.

“Work was fine, boring, I guess.”

Your boyfriend hummed. You didn’t answer his first question.

Dinner was eaten with Sunghoon complaining about the neighbours and their annoying habit of slamming their door every time they leave the house.

You laughed softly, responding with well-thought answers. 

Unusual. 

Night seems to come quicker when you dread it.

The two of you got ready for bed with quiet jokes. 

You had climbed into bed first, laying on your side with tight shoulders Sunghoon hadn’t seemed to see.

He slid in beside you, spooning you from behind, hugging your body, strong arms wrapping around your torso.

A few minutes passed in silence, the only sound in the dark room being the faint tick of a clock just outside.

Those minutes were spent dead awake, your eyes staring at nothing in particular. Until soft kisses were placed along your neck, their direction heading up to your jaw.

Sunghoon’s hands dragged along your abdomen, tracing lower and lower, closer and closer to your warmth.

You stayed rigid, still staring, body stiff.

Rolling you over, he looked into your eyes and saw that unreadable emotion from before. Something that had been present these past few weeks. 

He didn’t know what it meant, but it looked something like longing.

Continuing on, Sunghoon closed his eyes and pressed kisses along your collarbone.

Clothes were taken off with the same careful tenderness he always used, like loving you was something fragile.

You melted into it.

He used light strokes, hitting spots he knew made you crazy 

Your moans and his sweet nothings filled the chilly air in that small apartment of yours and a hot feeling tightens in your stomach.

Sunghoon pulls away before you can finish and a whine escapes your mouth. Right next to his ear.

He pulled you closer until there was no space left between you. 

His thrusts are small and slow, like every other time anything sexual happens between you two.

Palms grab at his back with a harsh pressure.

Lips brush your jaw and then they're on yours, his tongue begging for entrance. You let him in and he claims your mouth with a passion.

With your eyes closed, your brain drifts away and you think of someone, imagine someone.

Someone you shouldn’t. 

Someone toxic and wrong.

Breaking away from the kiss, Sunghoon ruts into you with a faster pace, chasing a release that has seemed to slip away from you.

The warm knot from before morphing into something twisted and horrible.

Your hands raking at his back falter for a moment, and then you realise you should like this. You should want to feel this with the loving boyfriend everyone wants.

But you don’t. 

And you continue to imagine a name and face that plagues your past and your present and probably your future too.

Heeseung. Sunghoon. Heeseung. Heeseung.

Shame and pleasure flow through you simultaneously and you hope he doesn’t notice.

Who? You don’t know either. 

The tension in your womb forms once more and releases with a force so strong it makes you want to die.

This time you pray he doesn’t see it. Doesn’t see that the look in your eyes isn’t for him.

Ragged breaths take over the silence and he comes inside you.

Filling you. 

Filling you with something you can feel on every level.

Finally pulling back, he cleans you up with the softest movements and you stay staring at the roof the whole time.

He stays quiet when he slides your clothes back on and lays down beside you, an arm automatically wrapping around your middle.

You don’t close your eyes, or you’ll see him again.

You’ll see everything ugly and wrong with you and it’ll ruin the life you’ve created to escape from it.

After a while he speaks. “Did I hurt you?” He asks, voice timid.

“No,” you whisper back. The lie came easily

His head nestles into your neck at that. He trusts you. Your boyfriend trusts you so wholeheartedly because he loves you.

The kind of love that you wish you had felt for Sunghoon first.

Only when his breathing evens out and the night dips into early morning do you close your eyes and push everything down. 

Push down his name, his memory and every ugly, disgusting part of yourself that still reaches for him.

Pray it disappears. 

Pray you wake up and learn to love the life so easily laid out in front of you.

But you aren’t sure you believe in a god enough for praying to work.

© enriellae

⋮ note: i was playing my guitar and singing some lizzy mcalpine and felt the intense need to write a heartbreaking angst of sunghoon and heeseung !

please don't hate me but i get my best writing from strong emotions, and lately ive been feeling pretty stressed so why don't i write it all down?

The castle was a home like no other. You had never felt so welcome in a place that belonged to all — portraits that often gossiped to you, halls that invited you to explore them, passages that opened in time of need. The castle was a friend you welcomed into your heart without protest.

You were not someone who let things in easily, never had. People came with expectations, questions, and noise you did not always have the energy to answer. Hogwarts came naturally to you it all settled around you so easily it stopped feeling new almost immediately. Portraits whispering like bored aunties with nothing better to do, staircases shifting as if they had moods, doors opening for you like they were in on something you were not. You let it all in.

You received your letter at eleven years old. Being a half-blood — it was simply standard procedure. You stayed on for university like a lot of people did, but unlike most of them it didn’t feel like a choice. It felt like returning to something that had already claimed you.

And somewhere in the middle of it, you met him. It was annoying at first because your life was perfectly fine. Up until then it was quiet, controlled with minimal emotional risk — exactly how you liked it.

You had known Yang Jungwon for four years now, but it had not always been that way. You met in your sixth year after being paired up by Professor Snape for a three day run on Felix Felicis.

Snape paired you together like it was funny, like he didn’t just throw a Slytherin who avoids eye contact like it’s a sport with a Gryffindor who… looks.

The moment your names were called you had looked across the room, already mildly irritated, to the black-haired Gryffindor — only to find he was already looking at you. You vaguely recognized him. He was someone you had passed in corridors, one of those people who existed in your peripheral vision. You two had never spoken as there had never been a reason to, until then.

His expression did this small thing — eyebrows lifting, like he expected literally anyone else. The moment your eyes met, he looked away, offering a small, tight-lipped smile. He looked a little nervous.

You weren't too bothered to be paired with him, he seemed to be a good enough partner — at least he wasn’t Seamus.. low bar, but still.

The seat beside you was already taken. So you gathered your things without hesitation and moved — sliding into the empty space next to him instead. As you settled into the seat you had looked over to your old table. You were only a seat behind — with a perfect view of your previous place.

"Y/n right?" His voice pulled you out of your thoughts. You turned slightly, catching the way his eyes couldn’t decide where to land, like looking at you directly might be too much. Flickering between you and the chalkboard at the front of the room. You almost smiled.. almost.

"Yeah," you answer, a little softer than intended. He nods, almost immediately, like that confirms something for him. Even though he already knew.

Yang Jungwon was popular, though not in the loud, attention-seeking way others were. Known as the composed, hard-working Gryffindor, he carried himself with a kind of steady confidence that people trusted. Down to earth, reliable, kind but not soft. Never someone you could easily push around. He had made that clear and yet sitting beside you now, with your attention fully on him, he felt something in that composure slip.

He had never been someone easily taken by others. He had never found himself captivated by someone’s presence, never caught himself returning to the same person in his thoughts without reason, until you.

The first time Jungwon had noticed you, he had been half-listening in Herbology. His attention slipping as the professor droned on about Venomous Tentacula. His gaze had wandered, unfocused — until it landed on you.

You were seated a row ahead. Not directly in front of him but just off to the side, angled enough that he could see the curve of your profile. Your head rested against your hand, posture relaxed in a way that suggested you were not entirely paying attention either. Looking like you could not care less about Venomous Tentacula trying to eat someone two tables over.

All he knew about you was your house, Slytherin. Obviously. He had his own assumptions about you, but not in the obvious way. Most people assume all Slytherins are calculated and cold. They decide before you even utter a word — that you are aloof and detached. It's not that you don't feel things — it's that you feel them too much and learned the hard way that not everyone deserves access to that.

But you didn't seem to care for what others thought. You let them have their assumptions about you.

The plant in front of you swirled around your fingers as though it had chosen you. You did not react nor did you pull away either. You just let it weave between your fingers. Watching like it was mildly interesting at best. It was subtle.

The kind of moment no one would notice unless they were already looking.

Jungwon raised an eyebrow with something alike to curiosity flickering across his expression. Before he realized it, his own lips mirrored yours without his knowledge. Afterwards, it became a habit.

Not an intentional one — he never sought you out but his attention found you anyway. His gaze would drift in the middle of lessons, between notes, during long stretches of nothing. It would settle on you without a second thought.

Often times, he didn’t even let himself think about it long enough to question it. It was easier to let it exist as it was — something small and unspoken. You existed in his subconscious.

Which is why, when he heard your name called alongside his — it didn’t feel real. You were not supposed to exist like this, not in front of him, not real in the way everything else was. Not close enough to talk to or look at properly.

"Jungwon?" you said his name like it wasn’t a big deal, like he wasn't suddenly aware of everything. The way you tilted your head, the almost-smile you gave him as if you were being polite, not trying too hard.

"Oh! yeah, that's me." he replied rather fast. Realization settling in that he had spent more time thinking about you as an idea rather than as a person.. and now you were both.

You nodded, turning back to your notes and pulling out the correct pages as Snape rambled about ingredients.

You fell into a comfortable rhythm. Passing ingredients without speaking, writing notes like you shared a brain cell for a few hours. You had found yourselves to be great partners. Often times passing things between you wordlessly or having the answers the other didn't have.

By the second day, conversation came easier. You talked about things that had nothing to do with potions, debated topics you didn’t need to care about...and agreed on almost all of it. Almost.

"You Gryffindors and your pride" you rolled your eyes in faux annoyance as he passed you a serrated knife, a quiet scoff leaving him in return.

"I do not have pride! Besides you lot are practically evil." he shot back, leaning slightly against the desk. You dropped your jaw, exaggerated and offended like he had just personally offended your entire bloodline.

"That is a serious accusation." you deadpan. The Murtlap tentacle squelched unpleasantly under the blade — you winced at the texture, just a little, trying not to let it show. He noticed.

"Your stereotyping wounds me." you added flatly, beginning to write notes into both your books without thinking.

"Yeah, that was bad rage-bait," He grinned sheepishly while waiting for the knife, "Besides," you said flatly, glancing up at him with deliberate intent, "do I look evil?" you teased.

Jungwon scoffed automatically, ignoring the way he couldn't look away, fingers fumbling as you handed him the blade, just slightly in a way he hoped you didn’t notice.

"Yeah," he said, clearing his throat as he adjusted his grip on the knife, "Completely. The devil in disguise." he responded as he added the cut up ingredients into the cauldron, focusing a little too hard on the task.

You laughed under your breath and smacked his arm, with no real force behind it. He laughed too but quieter.

From that day forward, you were rarely apart. It wasn’t something either of you planned, it just happened. One day turned into the next and suddenly it felt natural to look for him without thinking. The unregistered expectation of him beside you like he had always been there.

In the library, you would sit across from each other with books spread out between you, the intention to study long forgotten. He would kick your foot under the table just to get a reaction. Which, annoyingly — you let him.

Other times, he would be sprawled across your bed, entirely too comfortable in your space, half-listening as you rambled about assignments, deadlines, anything that crossed your mind.

You found yourself seeking him out without realizing it. Waiting for him and measuring parts of your day by whether or not he was there to share them.

Even on the days when everything felt slightly off, when something sat heavy in your chest or doubt crept in quietly — you found yourself at his door. Not to soothe you or to push your burdens on him, but to exist beside someone who didn’t need you to explain anything for it to feel easier. Because his presence made you feel better without trying.

You didn’t rely on people like that. Didn’t need people like that. Well, apparently you did.. at least when it came to him, which is… deeply inconvenient.

When you'd show up at his door, quieter than usual, a little distant, eyes not quite focused — he would let you in, something in his chest tightening at the sight of you like that. Because your upset, somehow always became his.

He wouldn't speak to you different nor did he make you speak, he would just sit besides you as you watched the life outside his window. You always said his view was better along with some bitter comment about Gryffindor privilege. He’d laugh every time, and just like that.. something would lift, just enough.

It scared him how easily you fit into his life. He found himself looking for you without meaning to, glancing toward the places you usually were, expecting to see you there like it was a given.

When he would find you, a grin would take over before he could stop it, because somehow — no matter how big the castle got, no matter how many people filled it, Jungwon always found you.

One time, he found you in your common room. He’d walked in with Ni-ki, half-listening to whatever he was saying. His attention had already started drifting, and then it landed on you.

You’d picked the far corner sofa — the one slightly too close to the fireplace, where it was warm enough to make people leave you alone after five minutes. You were curled into it, book open, fully committed to looking unapproachable. Which, ironically, had never worked on him

"Hey, miss," Jungwon greeted as he made his way over, dropping onto the sofa beside you without hesitation, close enough that your shoulders brushed.

You didn’t look up immediately. You let the page sit there for a second longer, like you were deeply invested in whatever paragraph you hadn’t actually been reading.

You shifted just enough to turn your knees toward him, the book still half open in your lap. "Hey, Won." you'd return lazily, not thinking about it. He did.

That was the first time you had called him that. He stiffened — just for a split second, as though he hadn’t just short-circuited internally over one syllable. You hadn't noticed because he had pulled his arm free between you and rested it along the back of the sofa, fingers brushing against your shoulder like it was nothing. Tracing small, idle patterns against your sleeve as his gaze dropped to the pages.

He also didn’t comment on the fact you hadn’t turned a page in five minutes.

Over time, you became familiar with his friends and him with yours. It just happened, the way everything else between you did. Conversations overlapped with introductions blurring into inside jokes. Before long, there wasn’t really a separation between your friends and his.

Your "friends" being Kenny, she was your best friend from day one, she was the type of friend that would go to war for you — loud where you weren’t, reactive where you were measured. The kind of person who would absolutely escalate a situation on your behalf without hesitation. If you felt something, she felt it louder.

And then there were Jungwon’s friends. Jake, a Ravenclaw Astronomy nerd. Somehow capable of making constellations sound like gossip. You didn’t understand half of what he said, but you listened anyway.

Ni-ki, a Slytherin Quidditch Seeker. Sharp and quick in a way that kept everyone on their toes.

And Heeseung, a Gryffindor Transfiguration major. Annoyingly perceptive, he always carried himself with an ease that made it seem like he understood more than he let on.

The two of you fell into an easy friendship with the group, however they did question your new found friendship. "You two look good together." Heeseung said casually, like he was commenting on the weather, tossing the words into the air without warning.

Jungwon choked — coughing as he turned too quickly, nearly twisting his neck to stare at him. "We're friends," Jungwon managed, the words coming out uneven, far less composed than he usually sounded.

A chorus of groans followed immediately. "Yeah, obviously," Ni-ki muttered. "Painfully obvious," Jake added under his breath. Jungwon frowned, defensive now. "What’s that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Heeseung said easily, though the look he exchanged with the others said otherwise. They didn’t press it because, technically Jungwon was right.

You were just friends.

Then, quieter this time, "So," Heeseung started, leaning slightly forward, voice low enough that it didn’t carry beyond them, “What’s her friend’s name?”

Jungwon blinked, "…Kenny?" Heeseung hummed and Jake smirked faintly.

"So.. you don't like him?" Kenny’s voice came from somewhere behind you as she sprawled across her bed. She’d been watching you for months now, watching the way your friendship with Jungwon had unfolded and she wasn’t quite convinced there wasn’t any foul play going on between you.

"Kenn," you sighed, not even looking up from where you lay on your own bed, "How many times do I have to say it? He’s just a friend." She groaned and turned over to stare at you upside down. Her hair falling messily over the edge.

"Sure. Yeah." she muttered, entirely unconvinced. You rolled your eyes, used to this by now. "So what’s the pink-haired guy’s name?" she added, quieter this time.

You blinked. Then laughed loud, thanking her mentally for switching the topic as she grinned, unapologetic.

As your groups grew closer, so did Kenny and Heeseung who had fallen into something of their own. It hadn’t been sudden, by the time it became official, it felt almost expected. A year after you met Jungwon, they started dating. And somehow nothing really changed. Not in the ways that mattered, at least. Other than your teasing.

She once said "You know, I thought you and Jungwon would have gotten together before me and Hee— " she paused, catching your bewildered look.

"Jungwon?" you said suddenly feeling your oxygen supply run out, "Nah it's not like that." you said simply, even then she didn't press — only pressing her lips together in response.

At first people also thought your friendship with Jungwon was something else entirely, tossed out with knowing smiles and raised brows. "You two look really good together." And every time you both reacted the same way. With immediate denial, you'd dissolve into small shakes of your heads, overlapping explanations, a little too quick to correct them. It became routine.

Sometimes people didn’t ask you at all. They went to Kenny. "Is Jungwon actually taken?" someone had asked her once, leaning in like it was some kind of secret. She had only blinked at them, unimpressed. "Ask him yourself," she replied simply. She never clarified and never denied it either.

Jungwon got it too. Only he had no idea how to respond. Guys would approach him casual, like it meant nothing and he’d pause because he didn’t know how to answer. The obvious response was easy, "No, we’re just friends. Go for it."

But Jungwon didn't want to say that, nor did he enjoy the thought. Didn’t like the idea of someone else approaching you, talking to you like that, looking at you like that. So instead, he’d shut it down."We're friends." he’d say, not waiting for a follow-up, not giving them space to ask more. Not that they ever went through with it, because where you were, so was he.

Over time, the questions faded. People stopped asking and not because they stopped noticing but because they’d already decided. After all you'd been best friends for 4 years and you were together more often than not. And neither of you corrected them anymore.

You returned to Hogwarts after two years. This time as a University student or survivors, in a way. Those two years hadn’t been spent learning in classrooms or complaining about assignments. You had stayed —worked alongside the professors, helping keep the castle standing in the shadow of Lord Voldemort.

Even if no one had seen him. Even if he had vanished again like smoke slipping through fingers — the disappearances said enough.

Those two years had changed everything. Not loudly, not in ways anyone else could fully understand — but in the quiet, constant ways that mattered. You had learned each other in survival. It brought you all closer in ways no one else could comprehend. Every worry was shared, every fear met halfway. There was no space for pretending and no room for distance. The Room of Requirement became something more than just a hidden space. It became yours, it offered escape when the rest of the castle felt too exposed.

Jungwon knew where to find you, he always did. If you weren’t checking the protective shields or burying yourself in work no one else wanted to touch, you were there, trying to keep yourself busy, trying not to think and he never let you stay like that for long.

"Enough," he’d say, quieter than it sounded and you’d argue, of course. But he didn’t listen, he’d drag you back to his dorms if he had to, ignoring your protests until the exhaustion settled in properly. Watching over you after you'd finally given in. You always did.

Over the years, you had both grown into yourselves. It wasn’t something you noticed all at once it came in passing glances, in the way people started looking at you a little longer than before.

"Do I have something on my face?" you muttered to Kenny as you walked through the halls toward your dorms. Hogwarts University students no longer had to share quarters within their houses, they could room with whoever they like. Which is how you’d ended up at the very top of the university tower with Kenny.

She turned to you immediately, eyes narrowing as she scanned over your features — eyebrows knit in concentration. "Nope," she concluded after a moment, straightening. "You’re good."

You hummed, only half-convinced as you continued up the winding staircase beside her. You waved at a passing portrait that greeted you by name.

"—You’re just hot," she added casually. You scoffed turning to her, "Be serious."

"I am serious," she insisted, nudging your shoulder. "Did you not see the way Beomgyu was staring at you earlier?"

"Heeseung's friend? the Quidditch player?" you said as you turned your head slightly. Kenny groaned at your reaction. "Yes, that Beomgyu."

"He was totally eyeing you earlier." she winked as you reached the top floor. You hummed, any retort dying on your tongue when you saw that there were only two dorms on the top floor, most the other floors had 4 or more on each of them. You had no idea what you’d done to deserve that kind of luck but you weren’t about to question it.

Two doors stood opposite each other, a large curved window decorated the space at the end of the hallway, the light spilled through, inviting and warm. Making the space feel almost intimate.

You had both arrived early, eager to settle in — to decorate, to breathe in the castle before the chaos of the Sorting Ceremony began. As you neared the doors you heard voices from one, men specifically. You and Kenny slowed at the same time, sharing a look as if to say oh god. Kenny, unfortunately, looked far more interested than she should’ve been.

You, on the other hand? Already considering turning around and pretending you got the wrong floor. As if on cue the door swung open, a blonde haired boy walked out. You barely spared him a glance at first, too focused on reaching your own door until he made a noise.

"Y/n??" he gawked, you froze for a moment, then turned. "Jungwon?" you both spoke with raised voices. He laughed still a little startled but there was no hesitation in what he did next — he stepped forward and pulled you into a hug. It was immediate, familiar and not.

Because the second his arms wrapped around you, you noticed it. His arms felt, stronger.. broader. There was more of him than you remembered. His frame filled out, solid in a way that made your breath hitch just slightly.

Since when was he built like this? And then you breathed in. Bad idea.

He had always smelled good.. annoyingly so but now it was something warmer, deeper… addicting. As though someone had personally curated a scent just to mess with your composure.

"How did you guys know we're here?" he asked as he pulled back from you, still grinning. His hands lingering on your arms like he wasn’t quite ready to let go. You smiled automatically, your body was on autopilot while your brain was still catching up.

Your eyes instinctively scanning over him. You hadn't seen him in what felt like forever, your only form of communication had been letters, since you had been on holiday with Kenny for the summer. Letters didn’t prepare you for this version of him.

His hair caught your attention next. Once dark, now an ashy blonde that fell just enough into his eyes to make him blow it away every few seconds. It softened his features in a way that made him look different but still him. He caught you staring and smiled — smaller this time, almost shy. Like he knew and didn’t at the same time.

"We didn’t," you said, letting out a quiet laugh as you nodded toward the door behind him. "That’s our dorm." His smile only widened. Beside you, Kenny raised an eyebrow, her gaze flicking between the two of you, lingering on where his hands still rested against your arms. Clocked, immediately.

Before he could respond the other boys filtered out, coming to investigate the commotion — his hands left your arms almost reluctantly. "This year is going to be so good." Jake declared the moment he saw you both, his excitement immediate and infectious.

You huffed out a quiet laugh, leaning back slightly against the wall as the hallway filled with noise — overlapping voices, half-made plans, people talking over each other like they hadn’t just had an entire summer to do exactly that.

It was easy, like slipping back into something that already fits and yet — your eyes flicked back to Jungwon without meaning to. He was already looking at you. Of course he was. You looked away first, because you were not about to unpack that in a hallway at like… 10am. Still, your lips pressed together to hide a smile.

This year was definitely going to be something.

After greeting everyone you opted to decorate your room and unpack. Deciding unpacking was safer than socialising for more than ten minutes straight.

Barely 5 minutes had passed with your absence when you heard the door open. You were midway through murmuring an enchantment, flicking lazily as your clothes lifted from your suitcase and sorted themselves into your wardrobe.

You didn’t even need to turn to know who it was but you glanced over your shoulder anyway. Jungwon stood there, grinning like he’d been waiting for this exact moment.

"Hey Won." you hummed, turning back like your heart didn’t just do something weird and unnecessary. Another flick of your wand sent books gliding into place on a shelf.

He stepped inside slowly, he noticed your posters already stuck around the walls — most of your possessions already found their home in your room. The fact that you’d basically moved in within five minutes because you hated living out of a suitcase.

"It feels like I haven't seen you in years." he said, stopping in front of you. You paused, setting your wand down before turning to face him properly. He was already looking at you. Not casually either — like he was actually looking, as though he was updating some kind of mental file on you. Or like he was taking note of everything he hadn’t been able to see through letters alone. Stop that.

Jungwon had always been like that though. Quiet about it, but present. He didn’t need a room full of people — just one. You.

He was the kind of friend who showed up without being asked, the second something felt off. The kind who would sit with you through your half-finished thoughts, letting you find your way to the point without rushing you there.

No pressure, no "Just say it already." Just there, annoyingly perfect. He knew he had a soft spot for you, you're his best friend. The one who challenged him without hesitation. The one who never raised her voice, even when hurt. The one he had missed more than he’d expected over the summer.

"I know," you said, a lazy smile pulling at your lips. "I missed you." you added. He tilted his head slightly, something softer settling into his expression.

"Come here." he murmured, it wasn’t really a request, he pulled you into him, arms wrapping around you before you could respond, and you melted into it almost instantly — a quiet, content sigh leaving you.

"I missed you too," he murmured into your hair. You hummed, your fingers drifted up to play with the soft blonde strands at the back of his head — like it was muscle memory.

He slid his hand from your back to your waist, his grip tightening around it. Just for a split second, but you felt it. He pulled back, and your arms fell away reluctantly as you stepped out of his space. He looked over you with narrowed eyes as though something wasn’t adding up.

"What are you looking at?" you teased stepping forward just to mess with him. Just enough to throw him off, he faltered before rolling his eyes in faux annoyance. You almost laughed.

"You look different." he spoke, not moving despite you being close enough you could see every detail on his sun lit face. The light spilled over half of his face, highlighting the soft curve of his lips as they parted in quiet amusement.

"Is that good or bad?" you questioned, he’d always thought you were beautiful but now there was something more. You were almost glowing — confidence and charisma, you’d grown into yourself in a way he hadn’t been there to see.

"Good," he said. "You look pretty—" he paused, then added quickly, "I mean, you’re always pretty." Right.

You turned your head, hiding the smile that tugged at your lips. You were not letting him see that.. he saw it anyway and exhaled through his nose at your reaction.

"Your hair…" you started, glancing back at him and looking over the strands falling over his forehead, the light catching in them.

"What about it?" he challenged.

"Suits you, it's pretty" you nodded. He gasped dramatically, falling back onto your bed. You laughed, shaking your head as you went back to finishing your room.

Conversation came easily after that. "Also, Kenn and I went clubbing, and I got so paranoid at one point because of this guy—" you started, pacing slightly as you spoke, wand flicking absentmindedly as objects whizzed past. Jungwon watched you.

"He was a muggle, I think… anyway, he kept trying to get between me and Kenny, and I got so pissed I could’ve hexed him—" you continued.

That was all Jungwon heard before he zoned out. Something tight had settled in his chest, something he didn’t want to name. "and then I went to get a drink and he just followed us—"

"Won?" He blinked, refocusing, still leaning back against your bed, propped up on his elbows. "Mm?" he hummed. "So he’s dead now, right?"

You rolled your eyes. "Yeah, we killed him Dexter style." He huffed out a quiet laugh as the last of your belongings floated into place.

You heard a knock and a chestnut head peeked around the corner. "Heyy guys." Jake spoke with a goofy smile as he stepped into the room, "Hi Jake." you greeted, settling onto your bed beside Jungwon. "We’re all going to The Three Broomsticks, if you want to come," he said, his eyes flicking briefly to Jungwon — who was playing with the hem of your sleeve.

Since when does he do that. Jungwon glanced at you, he was surprised to see your eyes already on him. "Yeah I'm down." you said, dragging your attention back to Jake before your brain can start over analysing like it's paid to do so.

"Won?" you added, quieter now, turning back to him — searching, though you didn’t know for what. For the little time you'd been back in his presence, you had felt a shift — it was was barely noticeable, like the world had tilted slightly off its axis. It wasn't something you listened to, even as your brain screamed that things were different. Even as it grabbed you by the arms and shook you, you ignored it.

Throughout your friendship you hadn't dated. Not seriously. Not even accidentally. It’s not that you couldn’t, you just… didn’t care to. There had been moments — people who almost asked, words that almost formed but something always stopped them.

You hadn't seen Jungwon staring holes into their eyes, his fingers curling into his palms. One boy had spewed apologies as he scrambled off, leaving you with an eyebrow raised and a "That was weird."

"Yeah, let's go," he hopped up, extending his hand out for you and without thinking, you took it.

But he didn't let go. Instead, he guided you gently behind Jake, your hand still in his, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like it’s nothing and it should have been, but something unfamiliar threaded through the familiarity. His hand in yours felt comfortable but now you were aware of it. Which is annoying because you were perfectly fine not being aware.

You also had never over-thought anything physical with him before, not that that's what you were doing…

Kenny looked between you both, her eyes immediately dropping to your hand in his loosely. Her smirk was instant, like she just unlocked a new form of entertainment.

"You okay?" Jungwon murmured, leaning down so his voice brushed against your ear. He pulled back, just enough to look at your lips as you talked.

"Mhm," you nodded quickly and then, you slipped your hand from his — stepping forward to urge the others along. You didn’t look back at him, didn’t see the way his hand lingered in the air for just a second longer than it should have.

Didn’t know if he noticed the way your fingers had twitched before you pulled away. Definitely didn't think about the fact that for the first time in four years — being around him doesn’t feel simple, and that might be a problem.

The air was crisp, fresh in a way that made everything feel lighter, clearer. The hills stretched endlessly in the distance, and the pristine lake sat below you as you walked along the bridge.

You slowed, falling a step behind the others without realizing it. Your gaze softened as you took it all in, a small smile settling on your lips at the quiet beauty of it. You breathed out, shoulders dropping a little.

Jungwon looked around mid-conversation, half-listening to Jake ramble about something irrelevant, and when you weren’t there, something in his chest did this annoying tight thing. Like when you forget something but don’t know what.

Until he turned and there you were, a few steps behind, walking like the world had paused just for you. It was the same thing that had caught his attention the very first time. He hated how that got him, as though every time was the first time.

He slowed without thinking, letting the others move ahead as he fell back into step beside you. He didn't speak — his arm brushing lightly against yours as he followed your gaze out toward the horizon.

The Three Broomsticks had a comfortable amount of people wandering in and out, it smelt faintly of butter-beer and a woodsy scent you couldn't quite put your finger on.

Your group took to the corner booth as usual, you sat besides Jungwon at the end of the booth and ordered a butter-beer as you all settled into chatter and laughs sipping your beers. As your cup emptied, you leaned back with a quiet sigh, the warmth of it settling heavily in your chest.

You slumped sideways until your weight rested against Jungwon’s shoulder. His shoulder shifted just slightly to fit you better, like it was muscle memory. His voice kept going, talking to the others, but softer now, closer. He smiled small, fond but you didn’t see. You felt the faint vibration of his voice and his hand settle on the small of your back against the seat.

"Sleepy?" he asked, brushing against your hair. "Mm, no," you mumbled, lifting your cup slightly before setting it down with a quiet clink. "Just recovering from this, it was so filling." You pushed yourself upright, pulling away from his shoulder — acting like your heart didn’t just do a weird little thing.

But his hand didn’t move. He just hummed, fingers moving in slow circles like it was the most normal thing in the world, and the annoying part? It was normal, it’s always been normal.

The front door swung open, the bell chiming lightly as a group of Quidditch players walked in, their voices loud and easy, already caught up in talk of the upcoming season. Many of them were back with hopes of becoming successful professional players.

That included Choi Beomgyu. Heeseung and Ni-ki were up instantly to greet the Chaser, shoulders knocking together in greeting. As their chatters died down he was pulled into your table and then into the seat beside you.

"Hey Y/n." he sent you a lazy smirk as he settled into the seat "Hey." you returned with a slight tilt to your head. You’d always known him — never closely, but enough. Passing smiles, casual greetings. You'd often see him around since he was also a Slytherin — he always sent you a boyish smile if he saw you sat in the Quidditch stands.

His eyes flit from yours to your lips and then over the rest of you. You noticed that too. "How was your summer?" he asked after taking a long sip of his butter-beer. "It was great, How was yours?" As he spoke, you felt it.

Jungwon's hand had stopped its lazy motions and now rested fully against your lower back, fingers spread like he’s anchoring you there without making a show of it. Your eyes flickered to him for just a second. He was leaning closer now.

"Hey, you guys wanna get going?" Jake called, breaking the moment. Voices overlapped in agreement, chairs scraping as everyone stood. Heeseung invited Beomgyu along without hesitation. Jungwon said nothing.

He bumped against you as you walked, your friends gathered ahead of you as the path stretched back toward the castle. Beomgyu glanced back once, eyes flicking between the two of you. Taking in the space, the distance, the way it didn’t quite feel like distance at all.

Jungwon looked to you and while you took in the world, he took you in.

"I’m doing the re-run on potions tomorrow," you groaned, dragging your attention back to him. He barked out a quiet laugh. "Me too."

"Snape?" he added — amused. "Hey! Snape loves me." you laughed swatting at his arm. "Of course he does!" He teased, "his bias towards you Slytherins is too obvious."

"Whatever." you rolled your eyes, yelping as he poked your sides. "I really missed this," he spoke low.

"I missed this too." you responded easily, he smiled flashing his dimples and for a moment, you just looked at him — really looked. Eyes catching on the curves of his cheeks and the flicker of mischief in his eyes. He seemed to have to same idea, looking over the details on your face. Pupils dragging side to side, you both looked away after a moment without a word.

As you reached the dorms your friends all turned, stopping you in your tracks "Thoughts on going to the lake, we have time to kill before the sorting ceremony?" Heeseung suggested, glancing between you all.

"…Yeah, okay," you nodded with the others, like you weren’t internally negotiating with yourself. Everyone else agreed easily, except Beomgyu who waved it off with something about joining later. You all filtered into your rooms.

You pulled out a bikini you’d bought over the summer, layering it with loose joggers and a top. Low effort, high reward. Soon enough, you were all heading down together arms full of towels and drinks, laughter echoing through the halls.

"Give that here." Jungwon’s voice came from behind you as he took the bag from your shoulder, without waiting for permission. He looked almost offended that you’d been carrying it yourself.

"Thanks, Won," you said glancing back and sending him a smile. You didn’t see Jake’s smirk. Kenny, however, absolutely did. "You’re getting boyfriend privileges," she sang under her breath.

You rolled your eyes, "He’d do that for anyone." Even as you said it, something in your brain went …would he though? She only groaned, unconvinced.

The Great Lake stretched endlessly before you, framed by rolling hills that dipped into the distance. It had been a while since you'd been here, not by choice. Between N.E.W.T.s and those two years confined to the castle, moments like this had been rare — almost unfamiliar.

But now the air was light, warm — the sun was out. It hung high above you as you laid out blankets, dropping your things with a satisfied sigh before standing over one of them — kicking off your joggers, pulling your top over your head.

You stretched, rolling your shoulders, fingers combing through your hair — completely unaware of anything beyond the sun on your skin.

Jungwon had been standing near the water, looking out across the lake and zoning out like he does when he’s thinking too much. Until he turned and saw you. He just, stopped.

His gaze locked without meaning to and dragged, slowly, over you as you moved — unthinking, unguarded. He didn’t even notice Jake walking up behind him. He followed his line of sight and smirked.

"She looks good, hm?" Jake murmured clapping a hand on Jungwon's shoulder, "Shit— don’t do that," Jungwon exhaled, his body jolting slightly, a faint flush crept up his neck.

Jungwon turned back toward the lake quickly, "She always looks good," he said, too fast, too dismissive like he needed to neutralise it. "Just friends?" Jake asked incredulously. "Yeah."

"So you wouldn’t care if I tried something with her?" That did it. Jungwon turned fully, deadpan. The look he gave Jake was enough. Jake laughed, clapping his shoulder. "Thought so. What are you waiting for?"

"I’m not— that’s not—" Jungwon cut himself off, jaw tightening. "We’re friends, Jake." he finalised. He opened his mouth and then stopped when he saw you walking towards them.

You weren’t paying attention to any of that, obviously. You were looking at the water, already halfway mentally in it, and you reached out, fingers wrapping lightly around his wrist, then slid down intertwining with his fingers like it was muscle memory.

His breath caught for a second, before he tightened his grip, grounding himself in it. You stepped into the water first, testing it with your toe before wading in fully. When you deemed it safe you stepped in completely. Then you turned back to him, smiling. He followed without hesitation.

Jake watched for a moment, turning around with a shake to his head "Idiots."

"Ah— fuck," Jungwon muttered as the water climbed higher, soaking through his clothes. You laughed, pulling him further in until the water reached your waist, he wrapped his other hand in yours.

The breeze danced through your hair, sunlight catching on the ripples around you as you tilted your head back slightly, eyes closing for just a second. The water was warm and inviting, the blonde in front of you inched closer. Without thinking his hand slipped from yours only to rise to your face. Your brain went very quiet. Which was rare, concerning, even.

He brushed a stray piece of hair away but his fingers lingered at your jaw. Careful, like he didn’t quite trust himself. Your lips quirked at his touch, then he dropped his hand and a drop of rain hit your shoulder. Another followed.

"Do you wanna go back inside?" he asked. You shook your head immediately, a grin spread across your face and before you could act normal about it you stepped back and splashed him square in the chest.

He gasped dramatically standing there for moment in shock. "Oh.. you’re dead." you barely had time to laugh before he lunged forward, sending water crashing back toward you, enough to make you shriek.

"Jungwon!—" you huffed, you stumbled backwards through the lake while your hands flew up too late to defend yourself. "You started it!" he shouted back, his laugh cracked loudly across the lake, messy and breathless and so stupidly pretty it made your chest hurt a little.

The others sat near the shore watching like this was the most entertaining thing they’d seen all week. Which, to be fair, Hogwarts was basically just academic trauma and near death experiences, so your standards for fun got weird here.

Both of you were soaked within seconds. The rain picked up, steady now — but the sun hadn’t disappeared, casting everything in a strange, golden haze, like a memory while it was still happening.

By now all of you were completely drenched, you waded through the water to the shore and grabbed your wand — relief settling in as you saw your belongings still dry beneath the shield you’d cast earlier.

You flicked your wand, casting a shield overhead to block the rain like a makeshift umbrella. The others immediately crowded underneath it with grateful groans, wrapping towels around themselves, you opted to do the same but Jungwon had beat you to it.

He picked it up and wrapped it around your shoulders rubbing against your arms. Your breath caught slightly and only then did you notice how his black shirt clung to him, soaked through — defining the lines of his arms, his shoulders, the shape of him in a way you hadn’t seen before.

You looked away, back to his face. This was safer.. right. Not really, because he was staring at you with this soft concentration that somehow felt worse. He was entirely too focused on drying your arms, still rubbing. You shivered, exaggerating it just slightly with teeth chattering sounds as you leaned into him, wrapping your arms around him.

"So dramatic," he snorted, but he didn’t pull away. If anything, he held you closer — his hands moving up and down your back, warming you through the fabric.

"Wait— I’m an idiot," you laughed after a few moments, suddenly pulling back. He blinked. "That’s not new—"

You ignored him and grabbed your wand, flicking it with practised ease. A warm gust of air spilled out, surrounding you instantly. Everyone huddled around you like a pack of penguins, they all groaned in relief.

"Thank fuck for you" Jake sighed as he leaned against you without thinking. The flicker in Jungwon's expression was brief but it was there.

After a hot shower you changed into your new robes, which were a lot more flattering than the school attire. Still house colours, still mildly humiliating, but at least you only had to wear them in classes.

You made your way down to the Great Hall with your friends, the familiar hum of voices growing louder with every step. As usual, you all split at the entrance — murmured "See you laters." and fleeting touches before heading toward your respective house tables. Jungwon gave you his signature smile, his hand brushing over your shoulder in passing. Then he was gone, slipping toward Gryffindor's table.

Kenny slid in beside you as Ni-ki took the seat across, already reaching for something on the table. A moment later, another presence settled at your side, Beomgyu.

"Hey," he greeted, offering you a soft, easy smile. "Hey," you returned, turning toward him.

He asked about the lake, about the afternoon, interested in a way that didn’t feel forced. You didn’t notice the way Jungwon’s eyes had already found you across the hall or see his gaze narrowed slightly, settling on the back of Beomgyu’s head. Lingering there, unmoving, even as the Sorting Ceremony began.

The first student was sorted into Slytherin. Which had you turning to stick your tongue out to Jungwon — how you usually would. Only he was already looking, his expression softened the second your eyes met, a small smile tugging at his lips. You faltered for a moment and then he threw you an eye-roll at the announcement.

Beomgyu had watched the exchange, curious. He leaned in close to your ear, "Are you and Jungwon dating?" he whispered. The question hit differently this time, it felt louder, like a ringing in your ear. You felt as though you'd been snapped out a daydream.

No, Jungwon isn't your boyfriend, it had never been discussed between you. Never defined but then your brain, traitor that it is, starts listing things.

You didn’t let anyone act the way he did with you. No one else held you like that. Looked at you like that or knew you the way he did and yet that didn't change the fact that, the label had never wavered.

Four years. No confusion. No weirdness. No “What are we?” conversations at 2am like some tragic situationship. Just… him and you.

Which, logically, should’ve been comforting but lately it felt like wearing something that used to fit perfectly and now it sat just slightly wrong — not enough to throw it away, but enough that you couldn’t stop noticing it.

Maybe it was nothing. Maybe you were overthinking like a normal person who refuses to be embarrassing out loud. And you weren’t about to be the girl who ruined a perfectly good thing because she couldn’t keep her thoughts in check.

"No," you said finally, shaking your head. "We’re just friends."

Beomgyu’s grin widened slightly. "Okay." he replied, leaning back in his seat.

Jungwon had of course seen your exchange. Not the words but enough. His jaw was tight, teeth grinding faintly as his gaze flicked between you and Beomgyu, something restless settling beneath his skin.

The rest of the ceremony passed in a blur. By the end, you were full, tired, and mildly overwhelmed by your own thoughts, which was honestly rude. You all trudged back to your dorms with light chatters. At the doors you said your goodnights and split off again.

Sleep came easily. It always did when your brain decided to emotionally clock out instead of process anything.

The morning came quietly. Soft light filtered through the windows as you got ready, rubbing at your eyes and stifling yawns as you moved through your routine. Half on autopilot, hair, robes, minimal effort because you refuse to be perceived this early in the morning.

By the time you made your way down to the Great Hall with Kenny, the familiar buzz of voices had already settled in.

You slid into your usual place, picking at fruit and sipping your tea as conversation drifted lazily between your friends. Jungwon sat across from you at some point, without asking, he reached over taking your cup and bringing it to his lips.

He hummed satisfied, before setting it back down in front of you like it was his to begin with. You stare at him for a second. Right. We’re doing that now.. You nudge his foot under the table anyway, because apparently you love enabling it.

Beomgyu slid in besides you, all easy smiles and bumps your shoulder “Morning.”

"Morning." you replied. "We should get going." Jungwon said suddenly, his tone firmer than necessary.

"Yeah, lets go." you agreed, already standing. "See you guys later."

Kenny gave you a pointed look, knowing, you ignored it. Jake didn’t miss the shift either, his eyebrow lifted slightly as his gaze flicked toward Jungwon.

The classroom felt the same as you settled into your seat beside Jungwon, a strange sense of deja vu washed over you. You turned your head slightly, studying him. He was already looking at you, his head tilted in recognition, almost curious.

"Deja vu." you whispered, he nodded, lips catching briefly between his teeth, like he felt it too.

"Hogwarts University students," Snape’s voice cut cleanly through the room, "you are here for a two-week re-run course on unnecessary, ineffective, or unneeded potions." His chalk scratched sharply against the board as he listed them.

"Babbling beverages. Stupid potions. Confusing concoctions." A pause. "And Amortentia. An arguably unneeded and unethical love potion."

Beneath the title, bold and unmistakable, he wrote,

"NOTE THAT AMORTENTIA DOES NOT CREATE TRUE LOVE BUT A TEMPORARY OBSESSION."

Your eyes lingered on it. Temporary, right. The first class was simple, babbling beverages and unsurprisingly, you were paired with Jungwon.

You fell into your usual rhythm of cutting the ingredients and writing in turns as though no time had passed at all. You stewed the Alihosty leaves first and added the Billywig stings as Jungwon stirred counter-clockwise, then went in the bile and leech-juice.

You potted the light brown substance into a vial and handed it to Jungwon so he could cork it properly. Snape sauntered over past each station with sharp disinterest. Sniffing and prodding at the goop in each pot. He sent some glares with flares to his nose until he reached yours.

"This is.. sufficient." he spoke looking between you both, "Thanks sir." you both hummed in return.

"Think that's the nicest he's ever been to me." Jungwon murmured in your ear as Snape retreated to the front desk. That earned him a laugh.

The next classes blurred together in similar patterns. You went through the same motions except Beomgyu lingered more and talked more, finding reasons to be near your group. You didn't mind, he was easy to talk to.

But Jungwon was becoming almost restless, he lingered more. Looked at you like he wanted to say something like the words were right there but he just… didn’t.

By the time you made it to the Quidditch stands, the air had turned crisp. You sat with your friends, eyes following the players as they darted across the sky. Jungwon besides you as usual. It was Slytherin vs Ravenclaw, which meant Ni-ki and Beomgyu were playing.

Beomgyu slowed mid-air as he passed your section, hovering just long enough to wave but then he waved again. Smaller, directed at you. You smiled back automatically because… you’re not rude and also because it would be weird not to. Social norms are exhausting.

You didn’t notice Jungwon’s quiet huff, didn’t feel his gaze settle heavier on you. You sniffed a little at the cold before turning to him. "What?" you asked with amusement tinged in your voice. He didn't falter, if anything his lips curved just a little more.

"Nothing," he said. "You cold?" You nodded, about to say you’re fine but before you could do anything about it, he was already pulling you closer.

Your side pressed against his, your hand lifted and placed in his lap, his fingers threading through yours like it was instinct. Oh okay.

He rubbed slow circles into your skin, then lifted your hand slightly, bringing it closer to his lips blowing warm air against your fingers. His eyes never left yours. You bit the inside of your lip without realizing, holding something back — something you couldn’t quite name.

His gaze dropped to your lips and stayed, for a second too long. Then he tore it away, lowering your hand back to his lap — but not letting go. By now you were mentally somewhere else entirely.

Above you, the game continued. People were yelling, Jake was probably commentating like he’s being paid for it, Ni-ki was doing something illegal on a broom but neither of you were really watching anymore.

At some point Beomgyu circled back around and this time — he noticed. The way you were pressed into Jungwon’s side. The way your hand rested, laced with his, something in his expression shifted.

His jaw tightened slightly, eyes narrowing as he flew past. You didn’t notice but Jungwon did and for a brief second, his lips quirked up.

The fourth and last class was on Amortentia, the strongest and deadliest love potion. As Snape had so bluntly put it, the most unethical and you're just.. casually brewing it on a random Tuesday.

You stood at your usual station with Jungwon sleeves pushed up, already moving before you even think about it.

You started by heating the water, steam curled softly into the air as the scent of something faintly sweet lingered beneath it. Jungwon added the bruised peppermint flower heads and you added the peppermint leaves. The two of you moved in quiet sync.

"Apparently it smells different for everyone," you murmured, glancing over your shoulder briefly. Like you’re not even slightly curious what his would be.

He hummed in response, tipping the crushed moonstone into the cauldron as you stirred anti-clockwise, adding the rose thorns with careful hands. The potion shimmered faintly, suspiciously pretty and definitely illegal in at least five countries.

From then it was a waiting game, he placed the cauldron in a dimly lit closet as instructed. Snape’s voice cut through the room once more. "You’ll return later," he said. "Let it settle."

You pack up your things, already halfway out the room, when you heard her.

"Jungwon," Penelope Clearwater’s voice slid in, sweet but sharp around the edges. She talked of him helping her in potions. You didn’t need to hear the rest, you already knew.

And then you decided… yeah, no. You were not doing this today, so you didn’t wait, didn’t interrupt. You just left. It wasn't dramatic — it was just easier.

Because she has this way of talking that makes you feel like background noise and you don’t do that. Not for anyone, but Jungwon had noticed too late. He was already suppressing a sigh as Penelope spoke, his patience thinning. "Can you just ask Snape?" he said flatly. "Or your partner."

"Seamus?" she scoffed. "That bloody idiot couldn’t tell a moonstone from a bezoar." she huffed in annoyance. Jungwon barely heard her, he was already looking around for you but you weren’t there.

"I’ve got to go,” he cut in, not waiting for a response. "I hope you find the help you need."

You hadn’t meant to go anywhere in particular. Your feet carried you toward the dorms out of habit, your mind quieter than it should have been until you heard a noise, low and grinding almost — like bricks moving.

You paused and stepped back and there it was. The Room of Requirement. Waiting for you, you exhaled slowly before stepping inside.

Bookshelves lined every wall, filled to the brim. A fireplace crackled softly along one side, casting a golden glow across the room as though the room was actively telling you to relax. In the far corner was a nook, carved into the wall like it had always been there. Soft blankets, scattered pillows, a large window framing the view beyond — rolling hills, the lake stretching endlessly beneath the sky.

You walk over, running your fingers along the spines of books until one caught your attention — Extinct Creatures. Good enough. You then kicked off your shoes and climbed into the nook, the cushions sank beneath you, welcoming, familiar.

You barely made it a few pages in before your eyes began to drift. Your breathing slowed.

Jungwon had walked back into the classroom in search of you, and then he tried the dorms. As he went back to the stairs, he saw it, the outline of a door that hadn’t been there before.

He stood directly in front of it and closed his eyes thinking you. The next moment he opened them the door had changed — larger now, curved, silver handles gleaming softly under the light. He didn’t hesitate. His eyes moved quickly, scanning the bookshelves, the fireplace and then you.

Curled with your knees against the window, your head against a fluffed pillow. As he walked closer he felt relief wash over him — your chest moved up and down gently as you breathed deeply in sleep. He couldn’t help it. The way his eyes moved over you as he climbed into the nook beside you — careful, deliberate, like even the smallest movement might wake you.

Not touching you, not until you stirred and turned. A soft sound left you, something content — unaware as your head found his chest. Your hand rested against his hip like it had always belonged there. Jungwon’s breath hitched, uneven now — completely out of sync with your slow, steady breaths.

He froze completely. Unsure where to put his hands, what to do, how to exist without disturbing you. One arm was trapped beneath you, already beginning to go numb. The other hovered awkwardly at his side.

Then you moved again, your leg slid over him, settling across his lap as you buried your face into his neck, exhaling softly against his skin. He sucked in a quiet breath, sharp and careful like even breathing too loud might ruin this.

He shifted slightly, freeing the arm pinned beneath you and finally he hesitantly wrapped it around your back, holding you.

You mumbled something incoherent, your voice warm and drowsy against his neck, and he let his head fall back slightly trying, desperately to relax into it.

Trying not to think and trying not to feel everything all at once. He didn’t know how long passed, minutes maybe more until you stirred again. You groaned quiet against him as you shifted, pressing closer without meaning to.

Your eyes didn't even open yet but your brain caught up real fast. You don’t panic, you're not someone who panics, you process and pretend you meant to do this. Fuck.

"Jungwon?" you murmured, your voice thick with sleep. "Hm?" he replied softly, forcing a lazy smile into his tone. "Morning."

You shifted again, this time pushing yourself up just enough to swing your leg fully over him, settling on top of him without hesitation. Chest to chest. Your head dropped back into the crook of his neck like it was instinct.

His jaw clenched, a quiet, strangled sound left him as though you'd wounded him. You lifted your head slightly, brows knitting. "You okay?"

His cheeks were flushed now, his breathing uneven and shallow. You didn’t understand. Couldn’t. Your hand came up, cupping his cheek gently, your thumb brushing against warm skin. "You’re so hot," you murmured, frowning slightly as if trying to figure it out. Then you shifted again and he exhaled sharply.

"Don’t— move," he said quickly, his hands gripping your thighs — firm, grounding, tense. You blinked at him, slowly.

He forced himself to breathe through it, his hands sliding slightly higher before stilling again, like he didn’t trust himself to move any further. Before you can even decide how to recover your dignity, the door creaked open.

Kenny stepped in and froze. Her eyes landed on you and then on him, then back again. Her jaw dropped — slowly giving way to a smirk. "Oh?" she said, dragging the word out. You stilled as heat creeping up your neck.

"What are you guys doing?" she asked, her gaze flicking over Jungwon’s dishevelled state with barely concealed amusement. You sit up like this is completely normal behaviour.

"We’re actually about to check on our Amortentia," you replied and you slide off him like nothing happened.. because nothing happened.

Completely unaware of the situation you’d just left him in. Jungwon sat up behind you, hunched slightly, hands braced at his sides. His shoulders tense, like he’s trying to reboot his entire system.

Kenny hummed, clearly entertained. "Right," she said, already turning. "Have fun with that." Something about a date followed as she disappeared through the door, laughter lingering behind her. "Won, are you good?" you tilted your head. He nodded quickly, a tight-lipped smile pulling at his mouth.

"Yeah— I’ll meet you there," he said, voice just slightly off. You don’t question it. You should but you don’t. "Don’t take too long," you added lightly, offering a small wave as you stepped out. The second you left Jungwon had sighed, loud and harsh — almost frustrated. He checked the corridor, making sure you were gone, before heading straight for his room.

He locked the door and stripped himself of his clothes — which were uncomfortably sticking to him.

He had successfully hidden his raging boner from you b ut he couldn't find it in himself to enjoy it — he groaned as he looked down at the reddened angry tip of his length which was refusing to go down. He turned on the shower and stepped in. The water ran cold, biting against his skin as he stepped under it, bracing his hands against the glass. His head dropped forward.

"Fuck…" he muttered under his breath, voice low and strained. His lip caught in his teeth as his hand wrapped around the base of his cock, his mind wandered to your chest flush against his.

Everything about that moment replayed too vividly. He pumped his hand up and down, slowly — a groan caught in his throat. His eyes were knit shut, the image of your body on his urged him to fasten his hand. You looked so fucking pretty on top of him — his teeth bit down harder.

He turned so his head was now leaning back, pressing his weight against the glass. He released his lip as his hand sped up — small fast breaths echoing through the room.

One image in particular was stamped in his head, his hands gripping your thighs like they were his to claim. The way your skin felt on his, the warmth of your touch — your breath against his neck. His hips stuttered as the coil snapped, his jaw slacked with shaky breaths as his high took over, ropes of his cum leaking out onto his hand and stomach.

He breathed heavily trying to catch his breath, he felt guilt flood his mind. He had thoughts of you before — thoughts of how you'd sound, how you'd taste, but he had never let himself do this. That restraint he had before had snapped in one moment.

His breathed in harsh again, sharper this time, frustration bubbling beneath the surface. He stayed there longer than he needed to. By the time he walked back into the classroom, his hair was still damp, water clinging to the ends as it curled slightly at his neck.

You stood at your stand, writing in the notes you hadn't done earlier when Jungwon walked in. He kept his eyes anywhere but you at first.

"Hey," he said, stepping up beside you, running a hand through his hair in an attempt to look casual. "Hey," you replied lightly. "Good shower?" you asked with your eyes still on the pages in front of you.

He froze for half a second, too quick for you to notice. His eyes flicked to you — searching your face for something, any sign that you knew, "Er— yeah," he said, forcing a small, sheepish grin. "Woke me up."

You hummed in response, like that made sense. Still focused on your notes, Snape swept back into the room — robes trailing behind him. "Go get your cauldrons" he drawled as he wiped the chalk board.

Jungwon moved instantly like he needed something to do and grabbed the cauldron from the shelves — setting it down with a thud.

You removed the lid and sighed in relief at the pearlescent liquid staring back at you. The potion had settled perfectly. Pearlescent and smooth, it shimmered with soft spirals of steam curling into the air like something almost alive.

Jungwon leaned over the cauldron and took in the scent, his head tilted for a second, "Vanilla musk…" he murmured, almost to himself. He paused and breathed in deeper, "Star jasmine… and…" his voice softened, quieter now, "fresh parchment." he finished, it was almost enchanting, he found his eyes fluttering shut, to completely seal himself into the confinement of the aroma.

When he opened them again, they found you. Then the potion, then you again.

"That smells so, so good." he exhaled, tipping his head back slightly. He watched you for a second as you stood in front of him towards the cauldron, without thinking he stepped closer. Resting his chin lightly against your shoulder. Your hair brushed against his face, soft familiar.. and there it was again.

The same aroma from the cauldron hit his nose, subtle and alluring but unmistakable. His breath catching as he leaned just slightly further in, his nose brushing the side of your neck. You felt it more than you saw it, the slight pause in his breathing. The way he didn’t pull back straight away.

"That tickles— what are you doing?" you laughed turning toward him but before your brain could overanalyse it into oblivion, he had jerked back.

"Wha— nothing!" he said too quickly, scratching the back of his neck as he stepped away. His mind was racing, of course it smelled like you. Of course it did, and the potion didn’t lie. No matter how much he had tried to.

You shook your head in amusement as you leaned over the cauldron and let the aroma seep into your nostrils. "What can you smell?" he asked, you knit your eyebrows together.

"It smells like, autumn" you started slowly, "Fresh strawberries— and rain.." you trailed off. "Smells good," you added, almost absentmindedly. "That good?" he spoke as he potted the substance. Needing something to ground himself. You nodded with a hum.

Snape once again walked over each station and arrived at yours, he took one look at the potion and nodded once — then walked back to the board. You looked at each other at the same time and broke into quiet, stifled laughter.

And then you noticed Penelope, walking over, you sighed internally. She had a stack of papers in hand, posture perfect as though she rehearsed this in a mirror beforehand. "We’re having a party tonight," she announced, placing a flyer neatly in front of Jungwon like she’s presenting a case. "Room of Requirement, for whoever wins the game."

She doesn’t look at you and you don’t look up. Mutual understanding, or maybe sly hatred. You focus on the vial in your hands instead, like you cared deeply about whatever you were pretending to do. "You’ll come, right?" she added, her tone shifting — directed only at him. Shock.

Jungwon barely glanced at the paper before his eyes flicked to you. Your brows are pulled together slightly — not dramatically, just enough that someone paying attention (him, apparently) would catch it.

"Y/n are you coming?" he asked instead. That caught you off guard, you looked up to see Penelope smiling at you. "Everyone's invited." she added with that strained smile, "I’ll think about it," you said, returning your attention to the vial in your hands.

"We'll be there." Jungwon said easily, still scanning the paper. Penelope seemed satisfied with that so she turned and walked off and you looked at him immediately. "Who says I'll be there?" you challenged. "C’mon," he grins, completely unbothered. "I’ll drag you if I have to."

"Yeah?" you shot back, arching a brow. "Try it." He leaned in slightly, voice dropping just enough "Don’t start whining when I do." Your stomach did a small, very annoying flip. You scoffed, nudging him lightly. "I don’t whine." He hums like he knows better.

You both walked back to the dorms as you talked, conversation was light, easy as it drifted between the upcoming game and whatever else came to mind. Jungwon split off to his room to change, and you did the same — stepping into your dorm and closing the door behind you.

Your hands were slower than usual as you picked out something to wear — something casual, but fitted just right. Something that sat on you well. Your favourite jewellery settled against your skin and a quick swipe of lip-gloss, a glance in the mirror and then you were out again.

The living room was already alive when you stepped in. Voices overlapping, laughter spilling out between your friends as drinks were passed around and poorly mixed concoctions were tested. Your eyes found him instantly. Jungwon sat sprawled against the sofa, one arm thrown lazily over the back, a backwards cap resting low on his head. Grey hoodie, black pinstripe pants — effortless.

Dangerously so. He looked—

No. We're not doing that. You averted your thoughts and slipped in beside Kenny at the counter instead. Across the room, Jungwon’s voice faltered mid-sentence, Jake kept talking but Jungwon had stopped. His eyes found you the second you walked in and stayed and they moved slowly, taking you in like he was trying to memorize something he hadn’t noticed before.

Like you were different or maybe like he was. You tipped the drink back with Kenny and immediately scrunched your nose, pulling a face. "Fuck, that’s disgusting," you laughed, nudging the glass away. Kenny snorted beside you.

"Yo, Jungwon?" Jake’s voice cut in, barely holding back laughter. "Hm?" Jungwon responded, not looking away from you. "You’re staring." you turned. Their expressions shifted instantly too quickly to catch fully, but enough to notice something. You walked over anyway, slipping into the space beside Jungwon like it was second nature.

"What’s wrong with you?" you grinned, your leg brushing his as you sat. His breath hitched barely and the gloss on your lips caught the light. You leaned in without thinking nudging the glass near him. "Nothing," he said, a little too quick. "Thanks." He reached for your drink, taking a sip — his eyes still flickering back to you. You didn’t stay long and you stood again, moving back toward the kitchen to fix the drinks for the others.

"I'm doing it later." Jungwon’s voice was low, almost absentminded. Jake turned to him slowly. "…And just so we’re clear," he said carefully, "by it you mean—"

"I’ll tell her." he said quieter this time like he was certain. Jake blinked, he breathed out a laugh. "Wow," he muttered. "didn’t think I’d see the day." He then slumped back against the sofa with a breath of disbelief.

Jungwon didn’t respond, he was still watching you because lately it had become impossible not to. Every day, it got harder to ignore. Harder to pretend, harder to act like you didn’t pull him in without even trying.

Across the room, you laughed softly at something Ni-ki said — but your attention shifted when you caught Kenny’s eye. "Can you help me with something?" she asked already moving, you nodded following behind.

"I’ll be right back," you called over your shoulder. The door clicked shut behind you and Kenny turned immediately, leaning back against it — arms crossing as she stared at you. For a moment she just looked at you, perplexed. "Kenny?.." you said cautiously, a nervous smile tugging at your lips. "What the fuck is going on with Jungwon?" she asked, her voice sharper than intended. Your brows lifted, "Jungwon?"

"That man is staring at you like he’s never seen you before," she continued, watching you closely. You exhaled slow, because you knew. You’d noticed it too, you had felt it and avoided it. Hearing it out loud was too much and yet somehow relieving. "It’s nothing," you start.

"Y/n, he’s crazy about you, he—"

"What if you’re wrong, Kenn?" you cut in, quieter now. Your expression tightened but Kenny didn’t hesitate. "And if I’m right?" she asked. "Can you live with that?" The question landed heavy, like they had an ache behind them. You paced, hands restless at your sides because you saw it. The way he looked at you. The way everyone else looked at you both and the way your chest flood with something warm when he got too close and worse, it feels right. That’s the problem.

To answer her question, no. You couldn’t live with not knowing, with pretending. "Okay." Your voice was sudden and firm. Kenny blinked. "Okay?" she echoed. You nodded, the slight buzz running through your body did nothing but assure your current thought process.

"Yeah," you said, more certain now. "I’m going to test it." Kenny narrows her eyes. "How?" You shrug lightly. A small smirk pulling at your lips. "Observation," you say. "Field testing." She didn’t interrupt or move. "And by the end of tonight," you continued, "If I feel like he does — if there’s anything there…"

"I’ll confess." She stood still for a moment as though any sudden movement would change your mind then she broke. A grin spread across her face, wide and disbelieving. "Wow," she laughed. "Did not see that coming."

The conversation with Kenny had been playing on your mind as you walked towards the kitchen. No matter what, tonight would change everything.

You had a plan for the night, not a good one and it was not a foolproof one but it was something. How to figure out if your best friend of four years has feelings for you—101.

Eyes. Jungwon loves eye-contact he fiends for it. He held it longer than most people, like he was always searching for something just beneath the surface.

Body language. He was subtle with everyone else but not with you. He leaned in, closed space without asking, existed just a little closer than necessary like proximity was instinct when it came to you.

Touch. Initiating more contact, that was the biggest one. He'd nudge your shoulder, brush against your arm, pull you forward when you lagged too far behind.

Jungwon was always the one to initiate it, so tonight you’d flip it. You'd hold his gaze longer than usual. You don’t look away first. Close the distance before he can, be the one to reach for him.

It made your stomach twist just thinking about it, because this isn’t just observation anymore. It’s risk and if he pulls away, or if he hesitates. You’ll have your answer.

Your friends made it to the game a couple minutes early to get the best seats for the upcoming game, Slytherin V Gryffindor. You hang back just long enough to knock back a shot, purely medicinal.

Once you made it to the game there were a few empty seats besides your friends. He sent you a small wave, like he hasn’t been subconsciously tracking your existence since you walked in. You settled besides him — making a point to sit with your leg flush against his. He paused briefly and relaxed, this wasn't unusual. Not yet.

You then turned to him looking between his brown feline eyes. "Hi Won," you said. He looked between your own, his eyes widened for a flicker of a moment. "Hey Y/n," he returned with a mischievous smile, confusion twisting into his brows.

"What are you up to?" he said leaning in slightly. You leaned in even closer and tilted your head, just a little. Play dumb, "What do you mean?" you replied, eyes still trained on his.

"I- What?" he stammered. You only feigned ignorance, perplexing him further. Was it always this obvious?

Jungwon had been convincing himself he'd been thrown into an alternate dimension, the one he'd dreamt of once where you would flirt, shameless.

It was the kind of reality he’d never let himself linger on for long, too aware of how easily it could blur into something dangerous. Something that would make it impossible to go back to what you were.

So instead of questioning it, he leaned into it. A small grin graced his lips, your eyes dilated as they looked into his and you pulled back to sit back in your chair. He sat back with the sleeves of his hoodie rolled back — his forearms on show. He watched as you shook your head in amusement and disbelief, trying your best to focus on the game that was about to begin.

Shortly after, the balls were released into the air along with a whistle to signal the start of the game. As the players all flew around the pitch you couldn't help but notice Jungwon's gaze when he was convinced you weren't looking.

You turned to face him watching as his eyes flit over your face in response, "What are you looking at?" you asked holding his eyes with yours again. "You" he said simply, you rolled your eyes at his words, but despite that you felt it. That warmth spreading in your chest, traitorous and loud.

You look back at the blurs of red and green in the distance. Relishing in the warmth, instead of filing it away. You all talked about the game as the breeze picked up and your shoulders caved in, as if to shield yourself from the cold.

You then felt an arm snake around your shoulders, Jungwon pulled you into him and rubbed up and down your arm, you pressed further into his warmth. "Comfy?" he smiled looking down at you. You nodded looking up at him, "Me too." he said, with a sheepish grin — making a point to rub harder against your arm for a moment.

Your friends snickered at the two of you, but neither of you noticed — too caught up in the quiet little world you always seemed to fall into together. Conversation flowed easily, effortlessly, the kind you’d forget the details of later but remember the feeling of.

His chest vibrated under you as he spoke, sneaking glances at you. Every so often, his voice would dip, like he was saying something just for you — even when it wasn’t anything important at all.

It's not like you hadn't been in this position before, you had been enough times that this wasn't new. Only it was. Your heart beat faster now, harder against your chest. You were certain he could hear it.

You also knew, somewhere along the way, that this was another shift — another quiet turning point in something that had always felt steady. A new line drawn without either of you acknowledging it, one that would change the shape of everything after.

The game blurred by, you and Jungwon cheered and whined at each-others teams as each of them scored points. He would never admit it but he was secretly rooting for Slytherin to win. For… morale. Just so Ni-ki could come back flashing that boyish grin you all inevitably cooed over, that was the reason.

Not the way you leaned forward with every play, eyes lit with excitement or the way your hand tightened in his sleeve whenever the score shifted. Not the way your voice carried just a little louder when it was your house pulling ahead. Definitely not that.

The commentator was drowned out by Jake's own commentary, full body reactions, dramatic gasps, like he was personally responsible for the outcome. It’s funny, it is, but you’re only half there because Jungwon’s hand is still on you. "Oi, focus!" Jake’s voice cut through as he pointed wildly at the pitch, "Ni-ki’s about to lose his mind—" You laughed softly, but your attention didn’t fully leave Jungwon.

Not when his hand slid just a little further down your arm — not unfamiliar, just more intentional than before as though he was testing something too. The last few minutes of the game had you all perched at the edge of your seats — tension coiling tighter with every second, every pass, every near miss.

It peaked when Ni-ki suddenly dipped — sharp and brutal, a near 90-degree dive as his eyes locked onto a fleeting glint of gold. "OH—" Jake practically folding over the railing, "—HE’S GONE—WHERE IS HE—" Just as you all stood up to look over the banister. He shot back up, a grin splitting across his face, fist clenched tight around the Golden Snitch.

The stadium erupted as the Slytherin team crowded around the blonde seeker, Beomgyu pulled him onto his shoulders and they all chanted the house name. But somewhere in the chaos, Jungwon grabbed your hand, you hadn't even register when it happened.

One moment you were cheering, the next — his fingers were laced with yours, his other hand thrown into the air with the crowd. The cheers mellowed like it had been pushed underwater. Your eyes trained on the space connecting you both, like they might explain themselves. He looked over at you, noticing your silence following your gaze to your hand in his. Your eyes snapped up to his, he didn't let go, he didn't pull away. He only looked over your expression carefully.

"Hey." he spoke softly, quietly — just for you. "Hi." you returned, feeling that familiar flutter in your stomach, the one that the buzz of alcohol had barely dampened.

"Is this okay?" he asked squeezing your hand for a moment, your heart stuttered. "This is okay." you nodded. A smile stretched onto his face as his thumb circled your skin. Enough to quiet the doubt that had been clawing at you all day.

As the players all made their way back inside and the cheers had subsided you all hurried inside, to the warmth. "The party then?" Heeseung said making you groan. "You don't whine remember?" Jungwon said catching your wrist as you pulled away.

"Wasn't whining." you muttered, he rolled his eyes. "You're not actually gonna drag me?" you scoffed, your voice trailed off with a hint of doubt as you watched an evil grin mould onto his lips.

"You can make this easy and just come with me— us." he tilted his head with a hint of a pout on his lips. You stared at him for a second.. debated your life choices.

"Whatever." you rolled your eyes letting him drag you along to the Room Of Requirement because apparently your free will stopped working around him. The doors of the Room of Requirement opened to something entirely different this time vast and open, the ceilings stretching high above with dark stone beams crossing overhead. Fairy lights draped between them, casting a warm, golden glow that softened everything it touched.

Sofas were scattered across the room in uneven clusters, already claimed by groups of students, laughter spilling between them. In each corner, makeshift bars lined the corners, bottles everywhere, drinks being poured like consequences weren’t real.

"See?" he murmured, leaning slightly toward you, his voice low enough that it barely carried past your ear. "Not so bad." But he wasn’t looking at the room. He was looking at you.

The soft buzz that had been carrying you through the evening was starting to dull at the edges, thinning out into something far less convincing. You needed more than this half-hearted warmth for what you had planned. You grabbed a couple of bottles and some glasses from the bar, weaving your way back to the corner your friends had claimed earlier.

"I was about to come look for you," Kenny said the second she spotted you, her voice half-laughing, half-knowing. "Thought you’d already wandered off."

When you drank, you wandered. That was just a fact. Slipped away from conversations, from rooms, from people. Chasing distraction wherever it led, no real destination in mind. Your laugh came out as a exhale through your nose as you set everything down. "Not yet," you murmured, already reaching for a glass.

Everyone was sprawled out on a corner sofa, Jungwon sat at the edge with a twinge of amusement playing on his lips — he watched as you topped some unknown liquid off with some coke. You took a safety sip. Your sip turned into another as you deemed it drinkable. The room pulsed with low, bass-heavy music, something nostalgic bleeding through the speakers as your friends broke into loud, overlapping chatter about the game.

You looked up from your glass and caught his eye, and just like that — he tilted his head, a quiet invitation. Come here. You hate that it works. You moved without thinking, slipping into the space beside him at the edge of the couch. It was closer than usual.

His hand snaked around your back settling on your hip. "Got enough space?" he murmured, leaning in close enough that his voice brushed against your skin instead of reaching your ears. You blinked once. twice, suddenly your brain wasn’t keeping up with your body. "Yes— yeah I do" you said softer than you'd anticipated. Your voice had given you away. His eyes held yours for a second too long, lips curling up. "Good."

His gaze dipped, catching on the dark liquid in your glass. You followed it, then nudged it slightly toward him, tilting your head just a fraction. He took it, fingers brushing with yours, eyebrows furrowing for a moment as he sniffed experimentally. His eyes were on yours the whole time, he took a sip from where your lips touched the glass — expression morphing into subtle delight at the taste.

"Strong," he muttered, lips quirking slightly. You nodded like you hadn’t just noticed that and let your gaze drift across the room, swaying slightly to the music as the alcohol settled warm beneath your skin.

Jungwon didn't look away once, not when you turned, not when you laughed, not when you lost yourself in the rhythm. His eyes stayed on you like you were the only thing in the room worth watching.

It didn’t take long for the winning team to burst through the doors, loud and electric with energy. Ni-ki and Beomgyu led the way, the golden trophy gleaming under the soft glow of the fairy lights as cheers erupted around them. You smiled easily, stepping forward with the others.

"Your drop was insane, Riki," you added, nudging him lightly. He broke into that familiar boxy grin, pulling you into a quick side hug before being dragged into more congratulations. You poured another drink not long after, feeling the buzz deepen as the night went on. Enough to make the world feel lighter, hopefully enough to make you braver.

You got up at some point as someone asked the room to create a dance floor in the centre of it. The room shifted, glowing softly as it cleared, colours flickering across the floor like something alive. People flooded in almost instantly, laughter rising with the music. You were about to stay exactly where you were because, realistically, dancing in a crowd wasn’t usually your thing — but then you felt Jungwon stand beside you.

"You wanna dance don't you?" he grinned reading you. You turned to him, a small laugh slipping out. "I think I’m at that point." He reached for your hand and you let him. He guided you to the floor with a smile that was tugged between his teeth, one you couldn't see as you walked hand in hand. You also didn't notice the figure that stood somewhere along the side of the room with a glare directed at you.

Jungwon turned as he reached the dance floor and pulled you closer, you took his other hand in yours. Whatever this feeling was, you concluded you liked it and then the music switched and you gasped.

[ SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK > JOJI ]

"Fuck, I love this song." you smiled. Jungwon pulled you closer, hands now safely on your waist. "I know." he said, softer now. "Did you—" you started, but he cut you off with a playful roll of his eyes, spinning you once before pulling you right back in. A laugh slipped out of you anyway, bright and unfiltered, dying the second your body met his again. Your arms found their place around his neck without a second thought.

"Hi." he whispered. So close, close enough that you could feel his breath, see the way his eyes flickered not steady but blown out and uncertain in a way you’d never seen before. "Hi," you echoed, your fingers drifted to the hair at the nape of his neck as the lights shifted over his face in soft, changing colours.

"You've been different today" he started carefully. You tilted your head slightly, studying him. "Good or bad?" you asked. "So good" he said with no hesitation, "Yeah?" you murmured, a hint of a smile pulling at your lips.

"Yeah," he nodded, hands pressing lightly into your waist — like he needed to be sure you were still there. Jungwon’s thoughts tangled over themselves, something settling in his chest but not from the alcohol. It had him finally thinking, what if she feels what I feel?

"C'mon let's grab a drink." you said stepping back and taking his hand. He pouted just for a second, at the loss of your weight against him but it vanished the moment your fingers slipped into his. His grip tightened instinctively, like it settled something in him. You caught Kenny’s smile as you walked back, that knowing one she usually threw at you. This time, you didn’t brush it off. You smiled back.

You were halfway through your drink when you felt it, that familiar prickle of being watched. The universal experience of someone staring at you too hard, with one look around the group your eyes met Beomgyu's.

Too late to pretend you didn't notice. He tilted his head slightly, subtle, motioning toward the door. You hesitated for half a second, stomach dropping and then you nodded.

You turned to Jungwon, whose eyes were already on you, like he’d been waiting.

"I'll be right back." you said to him, squeezing his hand. A silent promise more than anything, he nodded once — squeezing back, thumb brushing lightly against your knuckles before letting go.

You got up and headed to the door, walking through and leaning against the wall as you and Beomgyu settled outside — the sound of music being drowned into silence as the door swung shut. You leaned against the wall as Beomgyu joined you, hands shoved into his pockets, a sheepish grin tugging at his lips.

"Hey," you said, tilting your head. "What’s up?" He exhaled through a small laugh. "I just—" he scratched the back of his neck, glancing at you, "I wanted to ask about you and Jungwon. Again." You huffed out a quiet breath, already knowing where this was going. "I noticed things felt… different," he added.

You looked down at your hands for a moment, fingers fidgeting slightly. "Yeah.. there has been a development" You glanced back up at him. "On my side, at least" Beomgyu didn’t even hesitate. "It’s reciprocated," he said with a small laugh, nodding like it was obvious. "Like— painfully obvious." You breathed in sharp at that.

Good to know you’ve been the only one missing that for four years. "But I just wanted to make sure," he added quickly. "I wasn’t lying before," you said, frowning slightly. "I just— didn’t realise," You started.

"No, no," he cut in, shaking his head with a small smile. "You’re good. We’re good." Relief flashed across your face "Okay, I'm glad."

"You should say something to him though." he added. "I will," you murmured, more to yourself than to him.

"Soo," he dragged out, nudging your shoulder lightly, "what are you waiting for?"

That question followed you all the way back inside. Through the noise, past the lights and the crowd that blurred around you as your eyes searched and found him.

Jungwon. Stood with Penelope, not too close. Nothing anyone else would question but close enough that it feels intentional. Close enough that you noticed. "You came," she said, soft, almost relieved like his presence meant something specific. Like he came for her. Your stomach turned and something bitter ran up your throat.

Your chest ached in this dull, persistent way like something was pressing there, not hard enough to break anything, just enough to be constantly noticeable. Which was worse, honestly. You could deal with sharp. You told yourself it was nothing. Jungwon’s expression was neutral — polite, attentive in that way he is with people he doesn’t want to be rude to. He’s listening, nodding slightly, but there’s no real weight behind it.

She says something else, quieter this time, leaning in just slightly like she doesn’t want anyone else to hear. He glances around for a second — quick, then back at her, responding with something short.

He’s not pulling away or shutting it down. He wasn’t doing anything that would let you go oh, I’m being dramatic. That’s what got you, not what he did, but what he didn’t do.

Your jaw tightened as you turned away, slipping back into your group like nothing had happened. As though you hadn’t just stood there analysing every second of that interaction like it meant something. You grabbed a drink, didn’t even register what it was — just needed something to do with your hands.

Don’t look, not at her handing him a drink. Not at him hesitating, then taking it anyway. You didn’t see him notice you were back or the way he excused himself with something vague, already moving before she could respond. "Hey," he said, quieter now, like the room had shrunk down to just the two of you. "Hi," There was a beat. A shift.

"I didn't see you come in," he started, sitting besides you. Wonder why. The thought came automatically, dry and sharp, but you didn’t let it show. Your eyes flicker to her, just for a moment. He followed your line of sight, not obviously. "Just got here a couple minutes ago." you said.

"Yeah, I—" he huffed a small breath, like he’d rather skip over whatever explanation he could give. "She just stopped me." You didn’t respond, didn’t ask. "She was asking about something for class," he added anyway, quieter this time.

Your fingers tightened slightly around your glass. "Right," you said, like it mattered. He paused watching you, "I wasn’t… staying." He said, softer. That made you glance at him properly. He looked like he wanted you to understand something he wasn’t fully saying. Your chest tumbled in that same dull, frustrating way and you looked away first.

"Okay," you said, a little too quick. He didn’t call it out, he just nodded once, like that was enough — for now. "I was looking for you, actually," he added after a second, almost like it was an afterthought.

"Yeah?" you said, trying to keep your tone even. "Yeah," he repeated, quieter. That was all it took, the quiet certainty in his voice, the way he looked at you like you were the only thing he’d meant to find — for that nagging ache in your chest to loosen, easing just enough to finally let you breathe.

"I was—" he started, then stopped, huffing a small breath. "Do you wanna—"

"The balcony?" you said at the same time. You both paused and then laughed, caving into each other a little. "Yeah," he nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. "The balcony."

He walked quieter than usual with that drink he had already taken a few sips from. Tonight, you were going to say it. Penelope doesn't matter, that didn't mean anything. You closed your eyes briefly, inhaling. Nerves crept in as you reached the balcony behind the tinted glass doors. He reached for your hand as you stood before the stone railing of the balcony. You had never felt so vulnerable, never entrusted something as fragile as your feelings to another person.

The cool air kissed your skin, a relief against the heat crawling up your neck and then you turned to him. Your fingers curled into his, his grip tightened almost instantly. "Y/n," Jungwon breathed, there was a flush across his cheeks, spilling down his neck. His hand held yours too tightly, almost desperate. "Yes?" you said, unaware you were holding your breath

"I don’t know how to say this…" he murmured, more to himself than to you, a quiet, almost shy smile tugging at his lips. "I think you know what I’m going to say," he added, letting out a small, breathy laugh. He took a sip of his drink and placed it down the stone railing. "I think I do too," you replied carefully, a smile breaking through despite yourself.

He mirrored your smile pulling you a little closer. For a second, everything aligned, like maybe all the overthinking, avoidance and quiet longing hadn’t been one-sided delusion. Then, something shifted. His eyes flickered. Not to you, but past you. Through the glass doors as though something had caught his attention. Your brows knit, your gaze followed his instinctively — but you didn’t understand what he was looking for.

You just knew you’d lost him for a second, his attention had slipped through your fingers. Your brows pulled together, your brain already scrambling to justify it. When he looked back at you, his expression had changed. Brighter, a full smile broke out, stretching across his face. Like whatever he’d been working up to wasn’t heavy anymore.

It was contagious, you couldn't help but smile at his smile, only yours came with a tilt to your brow. "Right— sorry, where was I?" he said, voice suddenly lighter, confidence replacing the earlier nerves like they’d never been there. "I think…" he started, taking a quick sip of his drink, like he needed it, like he couldn’t quite stay still, "I think I really like someone."

Your chest tightened but not in a bad way. Not yet, because obviously he meant you. You nodded, amused "Right, who is she?" you spoke, still smiling — even as something inside you began to sink.

"Ah, you know our potions class?" he said, almost fond. "Penelope." He looked over at the glass again, at her. You faltered for a moment, then you held your smile for a second longer, letting it settle into something softer, something that took effort to be there. Hope is so rude. It shows up uninvited and then ruins your life.

You didn’t shatter or explode or break in any loud, dramatic way. You just felt, disoriented — like missing a step in the dark. That sudden, disorienting lurch where your body forgets where it’s supposed to land.

"Oh." you exhaled letting your hand drop. Your heart ached in a way that felt… unauthorised, almost. As though it had no right reacting this strongly to something you were never promised in the first place.

He didn’t seem to notice. "Yeah," he continued, almost giddy now. "I noticed her a while ago… sometimes it feels like she just — lives in my head." Eyes soft and sparkly. How they would be for someone in love. That look, the one you thought meant something. The one you thought was yours.

You thought you were being smart. You had the upper hand because you weren’t saying anything but now you don’t even get to be angry. There’s no betrayal, he didn't lie or trick you. You had built something out of moments of eye contact and hope, which is actually humiliating when you put it like that.

And you smile, of course you do. You ask questions and play the part you’ve always played. The best friend, the one who listens because that’s what you are. That’s what you’ve always been.

Push it down before it has the chance to become visible, before it turns into something he might notice — because the last thing you want is for him to look at you and realize. That you’re not as unaffected as you’ve spent years pretending to be and somewhere between him talking about her eyes, her laugh, the way she made him feel — your mind drifted. Your gaze lifting past him, to the clouded night sky, stretched out above the castle.

"Y/n?" Jungwon laughed softly, the sound light and open. "Yes?" you breathed. Something in your chest had gone strangely still. "I think I love her" he said almost dazed. You felt sick, It wasn't even just jealousy. It was the realization, that whatever you were holding onto — hope maybe or just the possibility of more, it didn't exist how you wanted it to. The realization that you were never part of the equation.

"You should tell her." you said, in a voice you barely recognised as your own, stepping back towards the door. He didn't register anything you said, he just stared through that same glass and gawked. For a moment you stood still and forced your eyes to his profile, his parted curved lips, his glittering eyes.

Your heart ached at how easily he held that look for her. It was steady, unguarded. There was no hesitation, no flicker of self-consciousness, no quick glance around to see who might notice. It was simple. Just him and her. It was real, and it wasn’t you.

You turned on your heel and walked, because you were not about to let him see what that did to you. Not now, not ever. Past the dancing students and past your friends who weren't aware of anything that had happened.

Your stomach flipped in slow, nauseating waves and suddenly you were too aware of everything. Your voice. Your hands. How long you’d been avoiding eye contact with the world. You kept your expression neutral on autopilot, years of practice kicking in. Survival instinct, if you don’t react, it didn’t happen.

You wondered if you saw him clearly at all, or if you were just filling in the blanks with what you wanted to see. You found yourself in a barely lit abandoned classroom and sat down on the steps near the window. The window was cracked open, letting in cold air that didn’t help but felt deserved somehow. It probably hadn't been long, probably minutes, but it felt you had been there for hours.

At some point your hands had started shaking, small at first, then enough that you had to press them flat against your thighs to make it stop. Your jaw locked, teeth pressed together like you could grind the feeling out of your system if you tried hard enough.

You were angry, you didn’t do anger. You did quiet and distance You did the slow, controlled kind of detachment where things stopped mattering because you decided they didn’t but you were angry, because you had allowed this. You let yourself believe it meant more, more than friendship but this this was different. This was sharp, embarrassing because none of this was technically his fault.

You let the lines blur. You let yourself sit a little closer, stay a little longer, read into things you knew you shouldn’t. You let your friends talk, let Kenny look at you like she’d already written the ending, let Jake’s stupid comments sink in like they meant something, like it wasn't just in your head.

You sat with your shoulders slightly caved in, your leg bounced repeatedly. In the time you were sat dissociated you were stuck. Cutting your thoughts off as they crowded in, not letting them finish their sentence. Redirecting them to something, anything else but it kept coming back.

He didn’t hesitate. You tried focusing on anything else, the rough breaths you could barely manage. You swallowed hard, blinking rapidly when you felt pressure build behind your eyes. No, I'm not doing that. You ignored it, even when your vision blurred slightly — even when a tear slipped free anyway, trailing down before you could stop it.

You didn’t wipe it right away, you just let it happen like it didn’t belong to you. Eventually, you stood because sitting there felt worse and staying meant thinking and thinking meant feeling.

Jungwon felt as though someone had dimmed the lights in his head, except nothing felt wrong, in fact it all felt overwhelmingly right. At some point his thoughts had narrowed quietly, to her. Penelope. She became his centre without him allowing it. His body followed without his mind understanding or questioning the reality of why. Which is why he didn't notice your faux smile the way he would have, the way it held a second too long.

He would have once, you knew that. He would’ve tilted his head, narrowed his gaze just slightly, like he was trying to read something between the lines. He would’ve asked, "What’s wrong?" even when you insisted nothing was.

He sauntered into the room with the kind of confidence only deeply intoxicated people and stupidly pretty boys possessed. Music pulsed through the room walls, low enough to feel in your chest more than hear properly. Everything looked slightly blurred around the edges, Jungwon placed his half-empty cup down on the nearest table carelessly, some shimmering pearlescent liquid sloshing over the rim.

He then walked over to her with a set of nerves he had no memory of harbouring. She stood glancing over at him with a knowing smirk. The type of girl who looked like she collected secrets for entertainment. "There you are," she hummed and Jungwon smiled instantly, helplessly.

"Hey," Jungwon said, eyes wide in that soft, open way — the same ones she had wished, not long ago, had been on her instead. The one you’d spent weeks trying not to fall apart over.

"Hey handsome," Penelope replied smoothly, like she’d tested it beforehand. She set her drink down and passing him a refilled cup of the same pearlescent liquid, he took it without even looking.

It was around then that Jake and Heeseung had circled back after getting some air, expressions already exhausted from dealing with drunk idiots all night. Jake was mid-sentence when he noticed Jungwon, Heeseung followed his line of sight and both of them went quiet for a second. "Oh, for fuck’s sake," Jake muttered under his breath.

"Heyy Jungwon.." Heeseung started carefully, voice cautious in the way people spoke to someone standing too close to the edge of a cliff. His gaze flicked to the girl beside him — unfamiliar, unimpressed by the interruption.

"Hi guys." he grinned looking between them. The grin alone was enough to concern everybody involved. "This is Penelope!" he added, gesturing toward her as he shifted slightly closer, like it was obvious.

"Oh… hi?" Jake said slowly, exchanging another look with Heeseung.

"Uh—where’s Y/n?" For a fraction of a second, Jungwon went still — he inhaled, sharp as though he was discovering your existence for the first time and then it slipped away again. Gone so quickly Heeseung almost thought he imagined it.

"Oh, Y/n?" he said vaguely, already turning his attention back. The way he said your name made Jake’s eyebrows cock immediately, like he was recalling someone from a class roster.

"I don’t know, she left earlier." he mumbled unbothered before turning right back toward Penelope again, already distracted by whatever she whispered next. She giggled beside him and he looked at her like the sound made perfect sense. Jake physically recoiled, "What the fuck." Heeseung stepped in immediately, pulling Jungwon slightly aside. "Hey- what are you-"

"Did something happen?" Heeseung asked carefully, watching him with increasing concern. "Like before this. With Y/n or something?" Jungwon blinked at him, like the question was irrelevant. "Realised I'm in love with her" Jungwon said nodding, his eyes didn’t even leave Penelope. Heeseung shot him an appalled look, open mouthed and on the edge of annoyance.

"What?" he said flatly, disbelief breaking through. "In love with who?" Jake whisper-shouted, leaning in sharply. Jungwon barely reacted, his eyes held a softened mushy glint as he waved dozily at Penelope, who was giving his friends pointed looks. Jake immediately pushed Jungwon's head back down.

"Who the fuck is that?" he snapped, gesturing toward her. "Penelope," Jungwon repeated patiently like Jake was struggling academically (he was not). Jake snatched the cup out of his hand immediately.

"Alright. Enough, come with us." Heeseung said grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the exit, ignoring his whines and pleas. Penelope stepped forward quickly. "He wanted to stay—"

"Didn’t ask,” Jake snapped instantly." Jungwon continued whining the entire way out while Jake muttered increasingly aggressive threats under his breath, clutching the cup like evidence in a murder trial. Somewhere beneath all the haze clouding his mind, buried deep enough to almost disappear entirely, your name still sat quietly in Jungwon’s chest.

Jake also did the damage control, he spotted Kenny near the drinks table laughing at something Jay said, entirely unaware her night was about to get violently worse. "Kenny." Something in his tone made her smile drop immediately.

"We found Jungwon with some girl," Jake whispered quickly, glancing over his shoulder like he expected the walls themselves to start listening. "Talking about being in love and shit and Y/n is nowhere to be found." Her face shifted rapidly through about seven different emotions in under three seconds.

They both ran out the room, in opposite directions. Heeseung and Jake practically hauled Jungwon down the dungeon corridors toward the nearest empty potions classroom while he complained the entire way.

"Guys! Let me go-"

"Shut up." they snapped. The classroom door slammed shut behind them loudly enough to rattle the shelves, bottles clinking around the room. Jungwon stumbled slightly as they shoved him into a chair near one of the worktables.

Jake lifted the glass to his nose and inhaled, immediately pushing the glass away once the smell hit his nose. "It's Amortentia." he concluded, letting out a long suffering sigh before setting it back down. "Jungwon?" Heeseung crouched in front of him. "Can I see Penelope now?" Jungwon groaned dramatically, throwing his head back against the chair.

"If you tell us what happened with Y/n," he said steadily, holding his gaze, "then yes." he lied, Jake nodded supportively anyway.

He made a concentrated thinking face at the ceiling "I took her to the balcony, I think- I wanted to tell her.. about Penelope and I did and then I looked back and she was gone." he rambled.

Jake and Heeseung looked at each other with pained expressions. "Fuck." Jake breathed, because suddenly he could picture it too clearly — you standing alone on that balcony listening to Jungwon talk about loving another girl after everything, after the lingering touches, all those painfully soft moments neither of you knew what to do with, and worst of all. Jungwon probably sounded sincere when he said it.

You probably stood there hearing every word and believed him completely.

"Can I see-" "—No!" they shouted immediately.

You lent against the cold stone of one of the many balcony's around Hogwarts, the air was sharp and prickly — you could feel the goosebumps, it soothed you. "Y/n." Kenny’s voice cut through the silence gently, though there was an edge of exasperation underneath it. You don’t turn immediately, didn't trust your face yet, your eyes bored into the stillness of the night — across the Great Lake.

"Y/n." she repeated softer this time as she approached. A hand settled carefully against your shoulder, you turned around meeting her worried eyed with your tired ones. "It's just me," she spoke quieter, taking in the exhaustion behind your eyes. "Oh, sorry." you said, "No," Kenny sighed almost instantly, offering you a small smile. "Don’t apologise."

You didn't answer, the wind pushed through your hair softly as your eyes drifted back toward the lake. Kenny leaned against the railing beside you after a moment, careful not to crowd you too much.

"Where did you go?" she asked eventually. "A walk." you replied simply. Kenny hummed softly, "You always come back weirdly philosophical after walks." Her eyes moved over your face carefully, like she was trying to piece together what kind of damage had already been done.

"He told you about her, didn't he." you said as though you were talking about something casual. She paused, "Yeah. Well.. Jake did," Kenny replied gently, turning to you. You nod softly, attempting to look unbothered. "Don't do that," she murmured immediately, tilting her head. "What happened?"

"Nothing happened," you say, too quickly. "He just likes someone." Kenny blinks "Wait," she frowned. "Like actually?" You shrugged lightly like the conversation bored you. "Yeah." like it’s nothing. "He told me earlier."

"And you’re just… fine with that?" You lets out a short breath that almost sounds like a laugh. "Why wouldn’t I be?" Kenny turned toward you fully now, leaning forward slightly against the railing. "Because, you like him." The thing everyone apparently knew except the one person you wanted to know it. You shake your head, eyes dropping back down.

"It doesn’t matter."

"It does matter."

"He doesn’t feel the same," you say, firmly this time. "So it doesn’t matter." There’s something in the way you say it, like you're trying to convince yourself more than anyone else. She watches, carefully "Who is it?" You hesitate, just barely "Penelope."

"Who?" She raises a brow "She's in our potions." You say calm straight to the point. "And you’re okay?"

"Yeah." You shrug small "I told him he should tell her." The words tasted awful coming back out but that’s what a friend says, that’s what you are. Kenny's expression shifts "You told him that?"

"Of course I did," you say, like it’s obvious "That’s what you’re supposed to say."

"Not if it hurts you." You finally looks up at that, and there’s a flicker of something raw before it dulls. "I’m not hurt," you say. It’s quiet and you almost believe it. Kenny doesn’t call you out on it right away, she just studies you for a moment, then asks softly.

"What did you expect him to say?"And that was the question you weren't ready for, because your brain instantly reminds you how sure you were.

Your throat tightens, and for a second you can’t answer. Can’t even form the words without everything else slipping out with them. "Nothing," you says eventually. "I didn’t expect anything." A lie.

"Right." Kenny frowns almost sadly. A silence forms between you. Uncomfortable and loud, you clear your throat. "It's not a big deal," you add, stepping back, already closing the conversation before it can open into something dangerous. "So let’s not… do this again." You both know it’s not okay but it’s enough, for now. So instead she nods, "Let's go inside, get you warm."

The night blurred by the time you made it back to your room. You moved through it on autopilot, same routine, same steps, as if nothing had shifted or as if something hadn’t.

It took significantly more effort than either Jake or Heeseung would ever admit out loud to get Jungwon back to his dorm. Mostly because he would not stop talking.

And by the time they finally shoved him through the dormitory door, all three of them had looked seconds away from collapse. Jungwon stumbled toward his bed dramatically while Jake slammed the door shut behind them.

"I hate this school," Jake muttered immediately, "You say that every week," Heeseung replied tiredly, preparing something in the bathroom, "Because every week this castle invents a new problem." Jungwon dropped face first onto the mattress with a groan. "Penelope would understand me." he said muffled, Jake actually lunged towards him, "Don’t make me hit you."

Heeseung returned a moment later from the bathroom holding a glass filled with something dark purple and deeply suspicious looking.

"Drink," He said, pressing a glass of something dark and purple into his hand, Jungwon looked up slowly. "What is that." he frowned.

"Drink the fucking potion before I throw you into the Black Lake myself." Jake huffed, Heeseung nodded once in agreement. "Honestly at this point I’d help him." Their expressions — tired, worn down, entirely over it, left little room for argument. He sighed and drank it.

"Goodnight," Jake said flatly, the effect was instant, his body went slack as he dropped back against the pillows, breath evening out into a heavy, unnatural sleep.

Both of them exhaled, Jake dragged a hand down his face while Heeseung pushed Jungwon’s legs properly onto the bed. "That should keep him out until morning," Heeseung muttered. "It’ll wear off by then." Jake only nodded, quieter than usual.

Something about the entire situation sat heavily in the room now that the chaos had died down. The silence after disaster always felt worse somehow.

Morning came too loud, too bright. Jungwon groaned, dragging a hand over his face, pressing the heel of his palm into his eye as a sharp, splitting ache pulsed at the back of his skull. His mouth tasted awful, he blinked once, twice. Then he froze.

He sat up abruptly, breath catching as the night came rushing back in fragments — words, expressions, the certainty he’d felt. It had felt real, so real.

The party, Penelope’s face.. the overwhelming certainty sitting inside his chest every time he looked at her, intense enough to make him dizzy even now in retrospect. He remembered saying he loved her. Remembered meaning it in the moment with horrifying sincerity. His stomach turned. Did I mean it? No. No, that’s not right. Why did I say that?

And then, you. The thought hit harder than the headache and a mix of emotions followed in — anger, sharp and immediate at the realization that someone had drugged him.

Embarrassment, heavier, settling in his chest as he replayed what he’d said. How he’d said it, but beneath all of that, one stray thought, quiet and devastating in its simplicity.

She told me to tell her.. She didn’t care. Jungwon stared blankly at the floor now, jaw tightening slowly as another ache spread through his chest entirely separate from the headache splitting his skull open.

She doesn’t feel the same.

V 𓄧 lore accurate jungwon and riki ^. once again im sorry for making this 2 parts pls i wasn't going to i had no choice don't hurt meimsorry. she's alr at least 70% done. DAS RED RED DAS RED U SHOULD COME MESS WITH THE TEAMM EEE.

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Being in a relationship was like the tide.

At times there were highs that could be deep and overwhelming. At others there were lows, where it was dry and closed off, leaving only the sand behind.

You didn’t truly think there could be an in-between, a normal, when the water was always moving.

Being in a relationship was like the tide, and Jungwon was like the ocean. 

It was late when the sound of keys jingled at the front door of the quiet dorm. The sound of footsteps followed quickly after. 

Wrapped in Jungwon’s warm sheets, you turned your head toward his door connecting to the hallway, waiting for him to step inside.

He flung the door open full force and quickly spotted you – laying half asleep in his bed. He rushed toward you – too fast for you to even register the situation – and flopped on top of you, taking away your ability to breathe. 

“Hello?” You managed to puff out. 

“I missed you.” He breathes, his hands wrapping around you.

“Missed you too, but please get off of me.”

He groaned, rolling off of your crumpled body and slipping under the covers, lying with his chest to your back and arms wrapped around you. He sighed in against your neck, as if a thousand problems floated away with just the scent of your perfume.

“How was your day?” You asked, trailing your fingertips up his arm, softly scratching him with your nails. His soft breathing brushed your neck as he nestled further into your body. “won?”

“Mm?” He groans, tightening his hold.

You pull his arms loose and twist around to face him and find his eyes looking back at you. 

“wonnie, whats wrong?” You hold his face, tracing the caked lines of his dried makeup with your thumbs. 

“Doesn’t matter,” he whispers softly, breaking eye contact. He moved out of your hold and hid his face in your neck even deeper.

Just as you started to ask him why he’s hiding from you, his lips begin to trail down your throat. That's when the annoyance begins to creep up on you.

“won, lets talk first,” you push him back lightly, but he resists, continuing his path along your collarbone.

“Mm,” he groans, the tone ignorant and dismissive. “Forget about it.”

Unease flooded your senses and worry tightened in your chest. He was shutting you out again.

Sometimes it felt like you weren’t the one he’s supposed to trust and confide in. We’re you not doing enough? Not making him feel safe enough to trust you?

Jungwon continues kissing your skin, soft under his lips. 

He takes his time, sucking and covering your neck with marks, distracting you. The sound of his kisses echoing in the still room. 

You whine softly and slide your arms up his back, pulling him closer to you.

Hands slide down your waist and slip under the thin band of your underwear, moving to palm your ass. 

You lifted your head slightly, caught in the drunk daze of his gentle loving, until you realised what you were doing, how he was acting. 

Your body flinched at his touch.

Slowly, you slide your hands back around to his chest and push softly, his kisses stopping abruptly as he notices your cold demeanour. 

His hands slide back up from your underwear and he holds your waist once more, resting his forehead on your shoulder. 

“Not tonight, won. I don’t feel like it,” you voice, sliding your fingers into his hair, combing the stiff pieces – thick with hairspray and gel.

Jungwon lifts his head after a moment, your hands falling from his scalp. He looked visibly annoyed, his forehead scrunched with irritation, “is it because I won’t tell you one little thing?”

Rolling your eyes, you scoot away from him, flipping over the covers and sitting on the side of the bed. “No, I just don’t feel like it, Jungwon.”

“No – you're pissed at me because I didn’t give you the answer he wanted,” he sits up now, leaning on his forearm.

“It’s not even because of that, you’re just being an asshole,” you counter, turning your head to glare at him.

“Oh so I’m an asshole now,” he looks confused, “are you on your period or some shit? Why are you acting different?

“How would you know if I’m acting differently? You barely even see me enough to notice anything.” A fact. One you didn’t mean to let slip. 

Of course you knew he wasn't away on purpose, but when he was home, it always led to something else, and sometimes you just wanted him to hold you. Just to feel his warmth when the world felt cold.

Jungwon was silent for a moment, looking down at the mattress he lays on.

He gets up and walks to his wardrobe, his movements swift, grabbing sweats and a black tank top.

The guilt eats you, “won..” you plead, but he ignores you, storming out of the room and slamming the door behind him, heading to the bathroom to wash up. Maybe even to wash off your touch when it feels like betrayal.

You sat on the edge of the bed for a few more minutes, thinking about the argument. Why did he always have to make you seem like the bad guy? You just wanted him to be able to lean on you.

You knew how his world worked and you were so, so scared of losing him. 

And for good reason, because now he was slipping away.

Fifteen minutes had passed and Jungwon still hadn’t come back into the room.

Quietly you changed into fresh clothes from your dedicated space in Jungwon’s wardrobe. 

You thought as you put your things in your purse. 

You thought about all the times he's done something like this and then acted as though nothing had happened. You thought about all the times he'd hurt you.

And then, for the first time, you thought about taking a break. From him and from the world.

Guilt slowly seeped into you as you stepped into the hallway, the door clicking softly behind you. You turned and were quickly met with the chest of one of the seven Enhypen members, Jay.

You crashed into him hard and he stepped back, holding your arm lightly to keep you steady. “Are you okay?” 

He was concerned. 

A genuine emotion. 

Something Jungwon refused to let you see.

“Oh, sorry,” you apologise quickly, “I’m okay,” you assure him. You didn’t really feel like talking, especially when tears were threatening to spill.

He doesn’t notice though. 

Good.

“If you were looking for Jungwon, he's in the living room,” he says as he lets go of your arm and moves back, giving you space when he notices how stiff you are.

“I’m actually leaving, but thanks,” you look to the floor when you say it, adjusting the strap of your handbag on your shoulder with shaking hands.

You don’t look up long enough to catch his reaction, but when you try to maneuver around him his hand blocks you.

“I know you two fight sometimes, and I know it’s none of my business, but he loves you, y/n,” Jay says gently.

That surprises you. 

You take a moment, contemplating about how maybe Jungwon is just tired. Stressed, even. 

Work is non-stop and maybe he just needs something to ground him. Maybe he just needs you.

That thought crosses your mind for just a second

But then you realise how they are all just maybes. 

You remember how he treated you over a simple question.

How he dismissed you like you were nothing and it hurt.

“I think you need to remind him of that,” you say roughly, pushing his arm out of the way and moving past him.

You can hear him sigh, giving up when he knows you won’t budge. But it’s not like you don't have a valid reason. 

Rain hits you in fat, hard pelts, crashing against your skin with force. The wind blowing your hair into watery eyes. 

You knew better than to walk home in a storm like this without a proper coat, but you had to go home. You just couldn’t stay in that apartment, not when he was like that.

Your heart felt heavy and chained. 

You were stuck. 

Love isn’t a strong enough word for the obsession you have for Jungwon. Sometimes it felt like you couldn’t breathe without his familiar scent near you.

He was your comfort, but you aren’t sure you’re his.

The loud blare of a car horn rips you out of your sulking and headlights shine against your back, illuminating the dark street ahead of you.

Realising that the car had beeped and slowed for you, your steps resumed, quicker now as you attempted to ignore it.

Another blare sounded in the quiet street, and your heart began pounding, identical to the rain beating down on the concrete.

Now, certain they were following you, your head turned toward the danger at your back.

The car was a black Audi, sleek, new and… familiar.

You scoffed and all the tension in your body lifts. 

The passenger side window rolled down with almost comedic slowness and the person you hoped not to see appeared, reaching over the glovebox with a stony expression.

“Get in.”

Rolling your eyes you began walking away, holding your arms close to your chest as a defence from the cold whipping your skin.

Following you, he kept the car at your walking pace.

“I’m not playing, y/n. You’ll get sick,” he says with a tone of boredness, like this was just another inconvenience. 

“As if you care.”

His heavy sigh could be heard through the heavy rain, “Of course I care, baby. Just get in the car and we’ll talk okay?”

“No.”

“Y/n. Get in the fucking car.”

Gosh you wanted to, and it was oh so cold. 

But you had to have some self-respect, right?

Though, self respect wasn’t enough to battle another minute in this storm. So you stomped over to the car and got in, slamming the door behind you.

“Thank you,” he sighed, turning the wheel to drive back to his dorm.

He was so calm and that made your body flare with anger, “you are so fucking rude sometimes, you know that?” 

Jungwon keeps his eyes on the road, one hand on the wheel, another leaning on the ledge at his door.

Seeing his non-existent reaction, your head hits the headrest in defeat. “Why do you do this to me, Jungwon?”

Tears began spilling once more and your eyes wandered to the city speeding by. 

As you stared out of the window, jealousy coursed through your veins and your chest ached.

Because why did the world have to keep spinning by while yours was crumbling right beside you.

It was silent for a few moments, the only sounds echoing in the vehicle being the blinker and his occasional tapping on the steering wheel.

Your quiet sniffles joined in to the small symphony of awkwardness.

He quickly noticed and snapped his head toward you, his eyes burning into the side of your face.

“Y/n?”

“Don’t even, won.” 

“Y/n, don’t cry..” he whispers, pulling the car up to the side of the curb.

Ignoring him felt hypocritical. 

You let out a shaky breath, wiping under your eyes with the sleeve of your hoodie, but the tears didn’t really stop, they just slowed, like the tide pulling back before another wave.

“I’m not crying because of you,” you mutter, even though it’s not entirely true.

Jungwon turns fully in his seat now, one hand still gripping the steering wheel like it’s the only thing keeping him steady. The streetlight above flickers against his face, catching the smudges of makeup he hadn’t fully washed off, exhaustion plaguing his face.

“Then what is it?” he asks quietly.

You laugh, but it comes out wrong and empty. “You really don’t know?”

Silence stretches between you again, but this one feels different. Thicker. Nothing to distract you in the background.

“I just…” You pause, swallowing hard. “I don’t know where I fit with you anymore.”

For Jungwon, the world felt as if it had collided with the moon. 

You can see it in the way his expression falters, like the words physically hit him. Like it was a tidal wave taking him under.

“I come over and you’re either not there,” you continue, voice softer now, “or you are, but it’s like… you’re not really with me. And I get that your work is busy and you have to prioritise it at times but when I try to talk to you, you shut me out.” Your fingers twist in the fabric of your sleeve. “And then you act like I’m the problem when I don’t just go along with it.”

Jungwon looks down, jaw tightening.

“I’m not asking for everything,” you add quickly, making sure he knew that you understood what it took to be a girlfriend of an idol, “I just want you. Like… actually you.”

For a second, you think he’s going to deflect again. Get annoyed. Change the subject.

That’s what he always does.

But he doesn’t this time

Instead, he leans back in his seat, dragging a hand over his face, exhaling like he’s been holding it in for hours.

“I don’t know how to do that,” he admits.

That catches you off guard.

Your head turns toward him slowly.

“What?”

“I don’t know how to… just be like that,” he says, quieter now. “With you. With anyone.” He laughs under his breath, but there’s no humor in it. “Everything’s always loud. Busy. I don’t get to think about how I feel, I just… keep going.”

His fingers tap restlessly against the steering wheel again, like he needs something to do.

“And when I do stop,” he continues, voice dropping, “it all kind of hits at once. So I don’t. I just… distract myself.”

The words hang there.

You understand what he’s saying, more than you want to.

“And I’m just another distraction?” you ask, you just wanted closure at this point.

His head snaps toward you immediately. “No. No, you’re—” He cuts himself off, frustrated. “You’re the only thing that doesn’t feel like that.”

“Then why does it feel like I am?” you whisper.

Those words break him a little.

It's evident in the way his shoulders drop, in the way he finally looks at you properly, no excuses, just him.

“I miss you all the time,” he says, as if it was his biggest secret. “Even when you’re right there.”

Your chest tightens again.

“I just don’t know how to say it right,” he adds. “Or show it without messing it up.”

There it is.

Not distance

Not indifference.

Just someone who wants too much and doesn’t know what to do with it.

A man who keeps choosing the wrong ways to reach.

The car is quiet again, but this silence feels softer. Like words unsaid.

You look down at your hands, then back at him.

“Then stop trying to do it perfectly,” you say gently. “I just want you to try, won.”

Jungwon studies your face like he’s memorizing it, like he’s scared you’ll be swept away by his world.

“I am trying,” he murmurs.

“Maybe,” you reply. “But I need to feel it too.”

Another pause.

Then, slowly and carefully, he reaches over, no rushing, no overthinking. His hand finds yours, fingers hesitant at first before they lace together.

It’s such a small thing.

But it feels steady.

Something new out of something old.

“I don’t want you to leave,” he says, barely above a whisper.

You glance at your intertwined hands, then back up at him.

“Then don’t make me feel like I have to.”

His grip tightens just a little.

And for once, he doesn’t look away.

Being in a relationship was like the tide.

It never stopped moving. It never would.

But there was always an in-between, even if it feels impossible to find. It just takes time to discover.

Being in a relationship was like the tide, and Jungwon was still the ocean. 

Only now, you weren’t drowning in it.

© enriellae

⋮ note: this was originally meant for heeseung, but I've been crushin on the won lately, so here ya'll go !

Also, i tuned into blood saga (pro-boycott btw) but the live was so laggy, let me tell you, sunoo did so good but i miss dada...