#step away

Eve Ensler, The Apology

just let out a longg loudd sigh. you’re never gonna let him go huh

I pry myself away from it all as I stand in the mirror, and I remember who I am.

Think about who you have around you. The people that you interact with regularly. You took that job, and they’re the other people that work there. You went to school, and that’s who you saw every day. You moved in, and they were living next door.

Most of the time, you are surrounded by people who just kind of happened to you. Some of whom are toxic for you.

Since some of them are toxic for you, what can you do about it?

It starts by being intentional. Stop letting people just kind of happen to you. Part of dealing with toxic people is being intentional about who gets close to you.

In today’s Gospel, Jesus does just that. Jesus looks over His disciples. All of the people who follow Him for whatever reason. Or none.

Jesus looks at all the people who just kind of happened to Him. Jesus decides to be intentional about who gets close to Him. No one has a right to be close to Him. That’s His gift to give.

Jesus looks for people who understand who He is. People who are willing to help Him. People who will support and encourage Him. That’s who Jesus chooses.

Be like Jesus.

Stop letting people just kind of happen to you. Be intentional about who gets close to you. No one has a right to be close to you. That’s your gift to give.

Look for the people who understand who you are. People who are willing to help you. People who will support and encourage you. That’s who you choose.

The more you choose who gets close to you, the less room you’ll have for toxic people.

But that’s only part of it. Being intentional also means protecting who God made you to be. By separating yourself from toxic people.

Separating yourself from toxic people doesn’t mean that you have to have a big confrontation with them. You don’t have to tell them that they’re toxic. You don’t owe them an explanation. If they truly are toxic, you’d just be wasting your time anyway.

Sometimes separating yourself from toxic people can be as simple as ghosting them. Disappearing from their lives. Completely.

Sometimes separating yourself from toxic people isn’t simple. Especially if there are connections you just can’t break. Maybe you’ve got a child with them. Maybe they’re your parent. Maybe they work at the same place.

How do you separate yourself when ghosting them isn’t an option?

Step away. Little by little, start distancing yourself from them. Gradually spend less and less time with them.

They may try to draw you back in. They may hit you with a bunch of “shoulds.” They may try to appear less toxic when they feel you slipping away.

Don’t fall for any of it.

Keep stepping away. Be less and less available.

That shared connection doesn’t give them a right to be close to you. That’s your gift to give.

Interact with them when you have to. But do it on your terms.

Protect who God made you to be.