#spd problems

All I can say to this is agreed

Literally no one:

Nureotypicals: HAHAHAHAHAHHA SO FUNNY WE NEED TO SHOUT AND LAUGH FOR NO REASON!!!!!

senses: *awful cacophony of indecipherable sensory fragments*

My child and I are both Autistic and have SPD. I have ADHD as well. We're both bad cleaners for different reasons.

I get visual sensory overload which trashes my Executive Function and makes it really hard to get started cleaning. I do most of my cleaning at night so I can focus better because of minimal distractions. I currently ask my partner or friends to help me break down the task into smaller pieces and let them help keep me on task. I need support to clean. Sometimes, I just need someone to sit with me to get it done. Because of that support, I can do it.

My child is a toddler and because development is different with every child I am learning to be patient. They're awesome at routines. Yesterday, after I changed their diaper, they threw it away unprompted because that's what I always do. That was the first time I've ever seen them clean up. Ever.

With putting things away, it's trickier because they think putting something in a box and removing it is a game. I sing a clean up song when I put away toys so they can have a better understanding of the difference..

In both cases (adult and child), I think it is really important to remember two things when we think about how we approach expectations for everyday tasks:

1. Assume competence: I can do things. My child can do things. We just do things differently. Just like NTs, we have strengths and things we struggle with. And no one NT or ND, should be expected to do everything on their own. We all need support and help sometimes.

Be supportive and help make it easier for others to be resilient within their own capacity. Ask how you can help. Is it a child that struggles with folding laundry? Let them hang their clothes and show them how to roll up their pajamas like burritos.

Is it a friend who needs to go to the grocery store, but doesn’t have the energy to drive or struggles to see during the day/night? Offer to drive them. 

Is it me, who needs to have someone hang out with them while I clean my kitchen? You don’t need to do anything except be there. 

We need to get away from the idea that there is one “right way” of doing things. It should matter more to you that we did the task, not how we did the task.

We also need to take the idea that people need to do things on their own all the time and set it on fire. 

2. Rethinking our language: Regardless of age, people need to feel supported in order to accomplish things, especially people with disabilities, people with chronic illnesses, or who are not NT. DO NOT use words like "lazy, unhelpful, attention-seeking, difficult, etc" when people are struggling. Words like these erode self worth and make it harder to keep trying. 

Growing up, no one helped me the way I'm helping my child. I would get overwhelmed by the mess, have no idea where to start, and staying on task was hard. Most of the time, I just froze.

Instead of offering support, my parents called me lazy, unhelpful, ungrateful, attention seeking, difficult, etc. They could not understand why I couldn't do something so simple on my own, and they expected me to fix my difficulties in accomplishing my tasks on my own. They said I shouldn't expect them to "bail me out of my problems" . Their words. 

With my child, we try different ways of doing things. If it works, great! If it doesn’t, we try something else. There is no guilt tripping, no name calling, no calls for apologies. We just say “Welp, that didn’t work. Let’s try something else”. When we find something works, we celebrate it