#autisim

Let's talk about the term "Autism [Parent]" (mom,dad,etc.)

Is it just me or does it feel weird when allistic parents call themselves “autism parents”?

Like… something about that wording just gives me the ick.

Your child is autistic. That’s their lived experience. Their brain, their sensory world, their communication, their identity.

You are involved in their life; yes you support them, advocate for them, raise them, but you are not the one experiencing autism.

So why are you labeling yourself with it?

It starts to feel like you’re centering yourself in something that isn’t yours to hold.

And what really gets me is when it’s the same people who say “their autism doesn’t define them”... but then turn around and define themselves by their child’s autism.

Like which is it?? Because that contradiction is loud.

If autism “doesn’t define them,” why is it defining you?

It comes off less like support and more like identity borrowing.

It's like taking something that impacts your child’s entire existence and turning it into a label for yourself; one that gets you community, attention, or authority in conversations that should be led by autistic people.

Yeah, parents deserve support spaces. Raising a disabled child can come with real challenges.

But there’s a difference between:

“I’m a parent of an autistic kid”

and

“I’m an autism parent”

One keeps the focus where it belongs. The other kind of...shifts it.

Autistic people already get talked over enough; especially Autistic POC and HSN & MSN Autistics. Their experiences get filtered, explained, and often overwritten by the people around them.

So when even the language parents use starts pulling that focus away, it doesn’t feel harmless, it feels like part of the same pattern.

Like just… support your kid. Advocate for them. Learn. Listen.

But you don’t need to make their autism your identity to do that.

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments.

Do not talk over autistic people here.

Do not talk over POC or MSN/HSN autistic people either.

If you’re allistic or otherwise not part of those groups, this is a space to listen, not dominate the conversation. You can contribute and ask questions, but you are not the focus here.