You probably haven't read my *other* work of Hal being "kind of pregnant" hahaha, so I will have to reintroduce my baby here,

This is Orianna 'Martha' Jordan, Hal's daughter. His starlight and his shackles. All the same.

I haven't yapped much about her on this blog hahaha

But this kid embodies what I would call "The burden of a mother" to Hal. And to me, as well. Her whole being, her design, her face, her personality, was designed specifically to tackle and tear down different aspects of Hal's personality.

To curse him, even.

It's just a proof that I have thought too much about Hal being a mother it's legally insane.

What is a child to a mother, anyway? When you look at a growing fetus, you either see a miracle or a parasite, eating away at its mother's flesh and blood, and the unformed child's greed and gluttony would not just stop at the mother's body. It extends. And extends. And extends. It will eat at its mother's life, her dream, her soul, her future, her past, and the worst of all, the mother's sense of self. Her identity will soon boil down to just being a fetus's mother.

What kind of blessing is that?

To someone like Hal, who yearns for freedom, for the sky above so desperately. I think the curse of a child is his biggest fear.

But then again,

I also think he would be too kind and too responsible to ever leave his own child. And that's the core pain of it, of the tragedy of Hal being a mother: he would strip himself of his own freedom, his own identity, his sense of self for a child bearing the eyes of the person he loves.

Even in death.

He has never been able to take death lightly, has he not?

So what if I tell you the worst punishment you can give a man without fear is giving him a child you know he would love and ripping that child away from his arms?

Personally, I think he would not mind dying in childbirth; he's the type to tell Bruce to choose the child and not him, the mother.

He has been waiting for it for a while. Waiting for what? Exactly? For a reason to be dead, for a reason to strip himself of the guilt of yearning for death. And what is more worthy of the death of a hero than the new birth of someone bearing a part of him? His flesh, his blood, his soul, his greatest virtues and his most despised sins.

Hal would be a great mother. As long as he is allowed to be. As long as he allows himself to be. As long as Fate allows him to be.

And the sky shifts, stars move, the sun rises, and the moon falls,

The man named Hal Jordan, the man without fear, the greatest Green Lantern alive, has not been allowed such a thing, hasn't he?

The closest he has ever been close to motherhood was when he was with Helen. Funnily enough. He has ever only allowed himself such a fleeting moment of selfish desire for a family when it did not matter at all. When he was dead. When he was already gone. When his body was dead, and buried in the middle of the sun. When his soul was chained to something not human. When he thought he had a future no longer.

That was the only one time he ever allowed himself to turn around and face that feeling,

Of a desire so strong that he had to bury it too deep, so it would not ruin 'Hal Jordan'. Not just himself. But as a belief of who he was, what he had done, what he could've done, what he would've done.

Only when that belief and his own name was lost, that he was willing to give it all to a spouting seed meant for the future.

What a bitter thing to think about.

And when I gave Hal a daughter, and when I named her "Orianna", which meant 'a new Dawn', I was such an evil bitch haha because at that moment I wondered to myself,

"What would this man do if Fate were so cruel to him that when he was finally allowed to have a child, that child would be ripped away from his gripping hands?"

Hal would weep for days and months for the people who don't even know his real name, for the people who curse his name and throw rocks at him.

How much would you think Hal would weep for a child he brings into this world?

His tears would be able to fill up the ocean.

Can you imagine that? Can you imagine finally letting go of yourself, your name, your past, your future, only to have all of them ripped away from you in the form of a child? Your beating heart that lives and laughs outside of your body?

The early death of a young child, and the inevitable grief that would come. And of course, the cruel revelation that follow right after, as well, that the world is cruelt and indifferent, and your child is not promised a happy life. No matter how much you have prayed and begged and cried for them.

No one knows what your fetus will bring you. No one knows whether the lump in your belly is a blessing or a curse.

To Hal Jordan, it is both. No. Everything. It is everything that he depises and desires.

Sacrifices. The loss of self. A blessing. a curse. A parasite. The 7 sins of men. The 7 virtues of us. Devotion. Punishment. Judgement.

And then,

Revelation.

But what comes after that, anyway?

Will it be redeemption and happiness and a future to be longed for?

Or just suffering?

And the kind of grief so grave it will turn Hal into a dead person walking?

Childbirth, that is.

And I wonder, sometimes, because I haven't written til that part yet in my "To Cage a Star" fic,

Of what differences there are, between motherhood and fatherhood.

Of the differences that Hal and Bruce cannot share. But they do try. But it's not really negotiable. The pain of a mother is not something a father can easily understand, no matter what.

The fear that comes with it. And the will one has to overcome it.

At the end of it all,

except for the horny part,

I like Hal being a mother BECAUSE the thought of it is so interesting for me, to think about someone like Hal being a mother and being thrown into motherhood like a hamster being put into a terrible cage ahaha

It's like when you read a book so good you never wants it to end, but it also means the main character will never stop suffer. But the symbolism, the thought-provoking prose, the poems, the wordplay, and so on and sofort. Something like that.

Jesus Christ I think I need to stop hahaha

I'm always happy to talk about this topic but likeeeeeeee

LIKEEEEE