#sober journal

V 3.02

Being kept awake.

Up at 430am staring at YouTube videos. Not anything interesting, I don’t remember much.

The days are becoming more of an effort.

Right now, I wanna step away from everything. Like a camping trip or something, just to empty my mind.

Maybe it’s something I’ll look into

Not much to say.

Adios amigos

V 3.01

It’s been about 2wks since last journal entry. I clearly went down a rabbit hole.

Started off with a gin n tonic and was lost from then onwards.

I’m trying to identify what made me carry on rather than just stop after that day 1.

How did it turn into a binge?

I think it was anxiety and a feeling of emptiness.

I have noticed when I hit about day 12 of no drinking I get that itch. I cannot seem to push through it.

I’ll have to try and keep this journal updated more frequently.

Have a good day everyone

Adios amigos

Day v2.13

Some ramblings going on in my head, this post isn’t exactly structured.

Alcohol is my support system, it’s just the worst support system for me.

I turn to alcohol any time there is feelings.

Happy … alcohol

Sad … alcohol

Angry … alcohol

Nervous … alcohol

Alcohol doesn’t judge.

I worry and I don’t share my feelings, only with alcohol.

I have no idea why I don’t, i know my GF would listen. I know this cos I’ve told her…but only when drunk.

My current worry/feeling of anxiety is old age, I haven’t prepared for when I cannot work and it’s scaring me. It’s keeping me awake.

Im finding it hard to not turn to alcohol to cope with this. Today is a struggle, I’ll try stay in bed and not drink.

Not sure amigos

Adios

🤘✌️

Day v2.12

Amazing what a good sleep can do, I always felt I slept really well. But the last two days have been great.

I wake up reasonably motivated, I don’t hate the world and I feel pretty.

For the last two days I’ve been actively trying to hit 10k steps. My legs are starting to feel it, which i didn’t think would happen.

I always thought I was medium sporty, not healthy just sporty. Over the last 5years I guess that’s been in decline.

Alcohol has done that, I drank more and did less. It crept into my life one can/shot at a time… I was always a binge drinker, then it switched to the odd morning beer. Then that switched to two beers and then daily beers.

I’m recognizing that pattern and it ruined a lot of things for me. Healthy, looks, marriage and social groups.

Bit deep for 7am!

On to Thursday, have a busy day ahead!

Adios

Day v2.11

Woke up refreshed and feeling pretty good.

Was up a bit earlier than usual, gave me 2hrs to myself and just zone out.

The rest of the day was work focused, a bit more training.

No urges to drink yesterday but I can feel them just round the corner. It’s odd…almost like it’s too silent and something is coming.

Adios

Day v2.10

Been ill in bed last 2days, so haven’t been writing things down.

Just staring at family guy and the pretty colors

But here’s a podcast recommendation if you like true crime

I Could Murder a Podcast

Oh and I bought a treadmill for home so I can get my activity up. Find myself behind a computer so much a I hardly have time for good walks. Taking the dog out helps but its just not enough.

Adios

🤘🤞

Day v2.08

An early rise on a Saturday, it was odd to not feel cloudy.

Can’t say it was productive day, the GF is working so I just played games all day.

Excited to start the new season of After Life tomorrow.

Time to crack on with day 9

Adios

Day 3

Woke up feeling ok.

Starting a new role tomorrow (3rd) really really nervous. Not sure I can do it.

Watched Don’t Look Up, interesting film. I enjoyed it.

Still thinking about the new role and how I’ll cope. There’s been organizational changes and people are leaving…can I do this role. Anxious, very anxious

Cooked a nice home-made meal with the GF, didn’t drink. Food was nice and was good to have that clear moment with her.

Saw a comment about being sober gives you clarity. What about if I don’t like what I see?