#smi

In my job, I work with people living with severe mental illness, diagnoses like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and borderline personality disorder, among others. I like to joke that my career in politics prepared me for this work (there’s some truth to that 😅). In reality, I think it’s my intuition and genuine care for people that led me here. I’ve always been able to read people well, which served me in politics, but over time the constant noise of that world wore me down. These days, I put that same energy into helping others heal.

I love hard, but I also suffer no fools even harder. My husband says that part of me scares him, and he’s probably not wrong. But I digress. 😬😅

Last night one of my clients living with schizophrenia stopped by the office. He just needed someone to talk to, to be heard, and I was grateful to be there for him. Moments like that always put my own worries in perspective.

Schizophrenia is a serious mental health condition that affects how a person thinks, feels, and experiences reality. People may experience hallucinations, seeing or hearing things that aren’t real, delusions, strong false beliefs such as feeling watched or targeted, and disorganized thoughts that make communication difficult. They can also struggle with low motivation, emotional flatness, and social withdrawal. It’s a condition that can bring confusion, fear, and deep isolation, but with treatment, therapy, and strong support, many people with schizophrenia can and do live meaningful, fulfilling lives.

Even if someone’s autism doesn’t cause significant problems for someone to do basic activities of daily living, live independently, or maintain safe behaviors, another condition might.

I’m autistic. My level when I was diagnosed at 17 (I’m 21 now) was level 1. While I don’t feel like this is entirely accurate to how my autism affects me now it’s still my diagnosis.

But I have other things going on with me. I have severe depression that has resulted in multiple hospitalizations. I think like 7? in the last 3 years. My mental illness is so severe that I am frequently at risk of being hospitalized, and when I am hospitalized it’s usually for a week or longer instead of the normal 5-7 days. I’m worried if I can’t stay out of the hospital for longer periods they might recommend a residential placement, but luckily that hasn’t been on the table yet.

I get to the point where I get nervous sharing my autism level publicly online because I get nervous people will think I’m low support needs. But that isn’t my reality. I’m definitely not high support needs. I don’t need constant care and can do all my every day hygiene without any physical support. But there’s a lot I can’t do.

I can’t live independently without being hospitalized within 1-2 months. I can’t maintain employment without severe mental decline leading to hospitalization. I can’t maintain safe behaviors like not hurting myself for long periods of time. I can’t manage my own medication because of safety risks. I can’t keep my space clean. My ptsd is so bad that often times I can’t say no with my mouth. I am eligible for home and community based services. Which in my state requires that a person needs a nursing home level of care.

There’s a lot of things that I can do. And I’m very grateful for that. I’m nowhere near the most disabled. But when people compare me to people who can live on their own and mask and work without completely breaking down I just feel like I can never measure up. My life feels like it’s not amounting to as much as other level 1 autistic people my age and I feel like it’s because I’m not good enough or trying hard enough.

But there are lots of disabilities than can cause a person to have severe problems with independent living and daily activities. A person who is mostly bedbound due to a physical disability doesn’t have low support needs just because they aren’t autistic or are level 1. A person with severe mental illness who is living in a group home or state hospital doesn’t have low support needs.