─ Any Love of Any Kind ─
wc: 4.4k Next Chapter
CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR MANGA, AU, NON CANON COMPLIANT crossposted on wattpad, quotev, & ao3 @ regalrem
Being a trader in the Sphere had its highs and lows; you did whatever it took to satisfy the Sphererites as long as the profits were good. Then one day, your father met Caines, a rich, corrupt man seeking power over the Sphere, even using his own son to achieve it. This encounter changed everything you knew, and as fate took an unexpected turn, a new life emerged as you were thrown into the Pit.
You were rescued by a stoic, confident man, joining the Cleaners.
You found salvation in more ways than one, yet you still battled emotions of grief and loss. Love came to you in its various forms: manipulative, toxic, soft, and gentle. It clouded your perception of reality, except for one clear thought.
You had one mission,
Killing Caines.
Italics = past
Chapter 1
[PART I] Fragile Things
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The soft breeze of the wasteland filled your ears as you lay on the ground, looking up into the sky. Wind threaded through your hair while the air stung your eyes and lungs. Above, pieces of trash floated, falling like snow.
It was calm. After everything you’d endured, this felt almost serene. The rush of your heartbeat muffled the world. The burning in your lungs from every breath overshadowed the sharp agony of broken bones. Blood from your lips trickled as you stared at the sky and the distant Sphere.
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Growing up in the Sphere, they made the Pit seem like the lowest place imaginable. As a child, you believed it. Now, it’s clearly propaganda from pampered Sphereites living in effortless luxury. You never truly fit in with them, working as a trader alongside your father. In a place like this, trading couldn’t provide comfort. Naturally, that meant taking side jobs—smuggling goods for any Spherite desperate enough to pay. Drugs, information, even people: anything embarrassing, grotesque, or inhumane. The rich always have secrets or messes to hide, and you learned that lesson young.
As a teenager, you grew up working alongside your father. He’s the one who put you in this position, in this mess. Your family always felt singled out by other Sphereites, wanting to prove they could be in the same rooms as them, go to the same restaurants and stores, and wear the same clothing. Your father knew deep down that no one would accept him because he was still just a trader, but he wanted to be like them, live like them, act like them. Of course, your father told himself that he was doing this job for his family. For you.
Silly, little, naive, you believed it.
You and your father went door-to-door, delivering goods and jotting down requests from Sphereites. Sometimes, you’d bargain with other merchants for the best price. Those who wanted only coins were easier to persuade. Thanks to this, your family wasn’t exactly poor. Coins bought you what you needed, provided goods to trade, and attracted even more Sphereites looking for your father’s wares.
The attention was exactly what your father wanted. Not just the attention, but the fame—the fact that he was simply known for ‘helping’ them. It got him exactly where he wanted to be. Eventually, they were invited to an event, a gathering of the most prestigious Sphereites where guests mingled, sipped wine, and lived off the expenses of those under them. Your father bathed in all the goods he could find there. Moving through the crowd, they spoke to several Sphereites—some they had known and worked with for years, others they wanted to know. At that event, he met someone.
Caines.
That’s all you knew him as. No first name. Just Caines—a tall, pale man with short white hair. He was nice, sometimes too nice. His demeanor was always calm, showing no other emotion. His wife had long blue hair, like the silver-and-lapis necklace she wore. They apparently had a son. You never learned his name, but they described him as an angel. He took half their beauty, gentle and caring as ever. He had a voice of silk and eyes the color of the heavens. Other Sphereites had never seen their son, but they believed it.
No one dared to go against what Caines said.
Father often spoke highly of Caines. They became good friends after Caines asked Father for an item at the event.
A yarn swift.
Your father didn’t question the need for the item, but he wondered why Caines couldn’t get one himself. He said it was a gift for Caines's son’s birthday. He noted the request and, the next day, took you to find a yarn swift. These weren’t common, so you both rushed to get one in time for the birthday.
You found yourself talking to multiple merchants at the stall stores, going into clothing stores, or dumpster-diving in their trash cans to find a yarn swift. It took days, hours, and multiple times running away from guards when they’d find you digging in other people’s trash. You huffed as you exited out of an alleyway, tripping over the foot of a person walking on the sidewalk. You look up to see that it was one of the elders carrying a box of their trash to the dumpster. You look at the items in the box, a hint of hope in your eyes.
“Excuse me, I’m so sorry for hitting your foot earlier. Please, let me help you out!” You motion, offering your hands out to take the box. The elder gives a slight nod before telling you to watch yourself next time. You smile and wait for the elder to leave the sidewalk before turning and sprinting home.
You open the door with your foot, seeing your father sitting at the dining table, rubbing his head. He looks up at you and then down at the box you drop in front of him. Without saying a word, he stands up, digging through the box. He pulls out a yarn swift, holding it carefully. He gives you a big smile before putting the item in a nearby gift box.
“That’s my girl,” Your father says, walking over and patting your head. “How’d you find it?” They ask, scanning you up and down. “Don’t tell me you were dumpster diving again. C’mon, kid, I told you already, you can’t do that anymore.”
You sigh and pat down your clothing, taking off your dirty jacket before throwing it on a nearby door hook. “No, Dad. Some old hag was throwing out their trash, and I simply helped them. Just got a little dirty from… bargaining?” You lied. You close your eyes and drop your head. That made no sense at all. You’ve always been a terrible liar. You sigh and sit down at a chair at the dining table. “I’m sorry.” You say sincerely.
Your father doesn’t say anything before grabbing a ribbon from a nearby drawer, walking over to the gift box, and securing it.
“Just make sure you get any smell or gunk off you by tomorrow. We’re going to the Caines’ house to deliver this.” You watched your father set the box on the table.
“They want us to deliver it to their kid themselves.” He says as he sits down in the chair across from you.
You pause for a moment, lost in your own thoughts. Why would the Caines want us to deliver the gift to their son ourselves? It made no sense to you, but you knew your father would never decline an invitation to their house. Knowing how much this meant to them, you couldn’t refuse to go.
“Alright. I’ll get cleaned up and make sure I don’t stink,” you say, getting out of the seat. You walked around the table, gave your father a side hug, and headed to your room. You passed your parents’ room and stopped at their doorway. You stepped back and entered quietly, going to their bed. You stood at the edge, looking down at your mother, who was asleep.
She’s been asleep a long time now. When she wakes, she only has energy to talk for a few minutes. You never understood what happened. One day, your mother was fine, then fell sick. It’s been months, and she looks like a shell of herself. You lean down, kiss her forehead, and leave quietly. You leave the door ajar and continue to your room.
The walls of your house are riddled with family pictures, old art, and random items that you and your father had collected within the last few years. You pass by your sibling’s room, but don’t linger for long. You understand their job as a guard, and don’t speak to them often. Their opinions frequently clash with yours and your father’s; however, you all agreed to protect both jobs. Your sibling didn’t like that you joined your father as a trader, and thinks that you’re wasting your potential. You two constantly clashed about the most minor things, but what siblings don’t?
After taking time to clean up, you put on your best outfit for tomorrow before heading to bed.
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The sound of loud knocks on your door wakes you up. You jolt awake, leaning up in bed, seeing your dad at the door.
“Be ready in ten,” He says sternly before turning around. He’s dressed in his best suit, hair slicked back with gel, and from the smell of it, the best cologne he’s used for years. You jump out of bed and quickly put on a white-and-gold dress, often worn by other Spherites. You fumble putting your arms through the sleeves and groan when you realize you put it on backwards. Grabbing a nearby bag, you waddle to the bathroom while fixing your dress. You manage to clean any sleep off your face and fix your hair before meeting your father at the dining table.
“Two minutes to spare!” You say panting, fixing an earring that felt loose on your ear. Your dad gives you a small laugh before turning and grabbing a smaller box.
“Perfect. Gives me enough time for this,” He says, handing the box to you. You take the box from his hands and give him a quick look. He reassures you. “It’s for you, kiddo. You’ve been workin’ hard, so I went out earlier and traded some coins to a spice merchant for it. Open it,” He says eagerly.
You look down and open the box. Your eyes widen at the necklace. It’s silver, with a green and blue mixed gemstone in the middle. The colors are a mere echo of the ocean you once saw in a dream. You never thought it’d be true, living on a floating island, that oceans were real. Now, it belongs to you; the ocean is yours. You smile and look up at your father before taking the necklace out of the box.
“It’s beautiful, thank you, father.” You speak softly as you hand him the necklace. You turn around and lift your hair so your father can put the necklace on for you. It sits perfectly in the middle of your chest, the cold silver on your skin. You turn back around and stare at your father’s hand. He’s holding a fan that your mother gave him years ago. It's small and decorated in art, containing sand, a tiny shell, and seawater. Engraved at the bottom of the fan are both of their initials. It’s his most prized possession since your mother fell sick, and you’ve always loved how much he adores her and takes a piece with her, wherever he can. He puts the fan in his pocket.
Your father pats your head. “Just as beautiful as your mother,” He says. They look at the clock on the wall before grabbing the gift and stuffing it in their bag. “Let’s go. Don’t wanna be late,” He says, ushering you out of the house.
The walk to the Caines’ house was longer than expected, but the weather of the peaceful day made it worthwhile. As you and your father approached the gates, you looked around at the massive doorway. You can hear faint voices and music playing in the house. It wasn’t just going to be you and your father at the birthday party, and you’re unsure why you even thought so. Your father clears his throat and flattens their suit before knocking on the door. A few moments later, Caines arrives and opens the door. He looks down at the gift in your father’s hand before giving us a big smile.
“Welcome. Come in, we’ve just started to open presents.” He says, stepping aside. You walk near your father and quietly follow behind Caines as he leads you to the main living room. It’s massive, with long curtains and drapes covering the windows, elegant couches, and a chandelier in the middle. It was nothing like you’ve ever seen before. You spot other teenagers sitting on the couches in the room, and they glance at you before focusing back on one standing near a table in the middle. Your father sets the present down on the table and backs away, standing with the other parents. You don’t leave his side, feeling uneasy and out of place.
“I know we’ve never had a proper introduction, but this is my son. Tamsy.” Caines gestures towards the tall boy standing near the table, who is opening presents. Your eyes widen, mouth slightly agape. It was true. Their son was a mix of both of their beauty; his eyes were as colorful as the heavens, and his hair was just as white and blue as his parents'.
Truly an angel.
“I’ll make sure there’s a proper introduction after the party,” Caines states before stepping away, going to stand next to his wife. Your father nods and looks at Tamsy for a second before tilting his head in your direction. He looks down at you, still looking stunned, and he gently taps the bottom of your chin, closing your mouth.
“Close it before a fly gets in,” He whispers. You quickly recompose yourself, regaining your posture and clearing your throat. You continue to stare at Tamsy as he opens the presents, thanking one of the other teenagers who got them a costly silver watch. From where you’re standing, you see them turn around and set the gift down, their smile faltering for a second before turning back and smiling just as he had seconds before.
Just like his dad, he can’t show anything other than fake sweetness.
This left you with an uneasy feeling now, not because of the fake emotions, but because of the gift. If he were reacting this way over a watch that costs more than your entire family lineage alone, he’s going to hate a yarn swift! You shift uneasily as you watch their hand hover over gifts, praying that he’ll get yours done and over with. Instead, Tamsy grabs another present and opens it. A golden necklace. He thanked a parent in the room and set it down behind them.
Great, just great. Seriously? Another item that costs more than your entire life earnings.
You bite down on your bottom lip as you see Tamsy’s hand hovering over you and your father’s gift. The gift was obvious; it was from you, wrapped in a simple blue ribbon rather than the shiny, sparkly paper everyone else used. You tapped your foot quickly, watching Tamsy untie the ribbon and open the box. He looked at the yarn swift, then smiled widely. He grabbed it and held it in their hands, running their fingers over its ridges, spinning it by the rod to get a better look. The people in the room turned their gazes towards you and your father. You look up at your father, who is standing tall, then look back at Tamsy, meeting eye to eye.
You felt your heart drop as you met their gaze, his eyes boring into yours. He flashes a smile at you before bowing his head.
“Thank you.” He says, his voice as smooth as silk. You give a quick nod, lowering your head. You watch as Tamsy turns and sets his last gift behind him, being extra gentle with the yarn swift. As the party continued, the guests moved to the dining room to mingle and eat. Your father rushes over to a nearby drink table before snatching a wine glass and drinking the entire cup as a shot.
You push his arm before quickly taking the glass from his hand and setting it back down.
“Slow down!” You hiss at him. “I know the nerves are high, but he liked our gift. That should count for somethin’,” You say to your father. He shakes his head at you.
“No, no. He hated it. You can tell. Did you see the fake smile he put on? He absolutely hates it!” He whispers back, making sure other guests don’t hear us.
“He likes it. Caines requested that we get that for him. Why would he hate it? Even if he doesn’t like it, he can just throw it out. What matters is that we’re here, right? You need to make connections. I’ll be here, so go ahead.” You say, pushing your father to a group of Sphereites talking about whatever rich people discuss. You sigh and turn back towards the table, grabbing a nearby tea sandwich before stuffing it all in your mouth.
“Does it taste good?” A voice says next to you. You turn and see Tamsy, grabbing some food and putting it on a small plate. You turn your head away, continue chewing, then wipe your mouth.
“Sorry, I didn’t see you there.” You say quickly. You turn back to Tamsy and meet his gaze. They give you a small smile before grabbing a drink nearby.
“Need this?” He offers, giving you the drink. You nod and take it out of his hand, sipping on the wine to clear your throat. You sigh and thank him.
“I’m Tamsy,” He states, setting his plate of food down. “I wanted to give a proper introduction, or, my father says, I should. Anyways, thank you for… coming,” he says flatly.
You don’t know why, but the fact that Tamsy is being told to introduce himself to you makes you feel sour. The entire interaction between the two of you feels forced. Maybe you had hoped that he would want to get to know you because he actually wanted to, not because he was told to. You swallow your pride and smile, saying your name. You hold out your hand; however, Tamsy looks down at it before grabbing his plate and leaving.
You stand there, shocked at the interaction. Were you not supposed to do that? Not even a goodbye? Your hand drops to your side, and you suck your teeth before turning and grabbing a plate, stacking it with food. You leave the room, grabbing a wine cup as you exit and walk to the entrance.
You stomp down the stairs as you make it past the entrance doors, sitting on a nearby bench outside. Shoving another tea sandwich in your mouth, you silently chew and look around at the other massive houses. You feel out of place again, everything feels off, and quite frankly, your pride is worse than it’s ever been. It feels like it’s been shattered into a million pieces because of a bad interaction with one of the most beautiful men you’ve ever seen.
You look back at the entrance, debating whether you should go back inside and wait for your father, or just leave him here alone and meet him back at the house. Knowing him, he’d never leave you. You finish your food, take a few deep breaths, and go back inside.
You walked into the room, locking eyes with your father. His eyes met yours, pleading, giving you a ‘help me, get me out of here’ look. You walk over to him, pardoning your interruption and grabbing his arm.
“Please, can we please leave?” I quietly ask him, and he nods profusely.
“I’m right there with you, kid. These people are on another level that I don’t think I’m ready for,” Your father says, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. “I know I wanted to blend in and be similar to Sphereites, but I ain’t think that the people here would be wearing items more than our entire lineage.”
You laugh and nod. Thank god he agrees that this is more than both of you had planned. Just as you both were about to slip out of the room, Caines stopped your father.
“Leaving so soon?” He says, grabbing your father’s shoulder. Tamsy appears behind his father; the sheer act of seeing them side by side makes it more apparent how much he resembles him.
“My uh… My daughter isn’t feeling well. I’m going to take her home so she can rest.” Your father lies to Caines, pulling his shoulder out of his grasp.
“Oh, what a shame. Ate the sandwiches too fast?” Tamsy coos from behind his father. You stare at him and grit your teeth before looking away. Caines looks back at Tamsy, then at your father.
“That’s a shame. Please come back another time, I have another request that I’d like from you.” Caines says, looking down at us. Father nodded before grabbing your shoulders and walking to the entrance.
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Days passed since Tamsy’s birthday party, and you and your father returned to the Caines’ house. When you returned, Caines' request was small, yet they’d pay a reasonable price. One request turned into another, and another, and then some. It started small, with pieces such as clothing, a jewel, or certain spices that they wanted. The pay was worth it, but you still felt uneasy working with them. Your father became a bootlicker for Caines, taking any request, no matter how outrageous, if it meant they were getting paid for it. You two were stuck there, and god knows for how long.
You and your father both knew that you were officially workers for the Caines’ family. They stared down at you like pawns, knowing that whenever they needed you, they’d have you. Nothing was officially confirmed, but they already knew, too.
Days turned into months, which in turn became years. You were no longer a teenager working for Caines, but a full-fledged adult. This meant that there were more opportunities, more ways to get items, and more ways to earn coins.
Working with the Caines family was tiring, draining, but worth it. You and your father have been able to rack up a decent amount of coin to leave your newly hired housekeeper to take care of your mother. Enough to keep them alive and well, and to get anything that you needed.
Over the years, you grew to see Tamsy more. It was never entirely genuine. You’d drop by the Caines’ house to give your payment, and see Tamsy through the window, or catch them just as he was leaving the house, or pretend you didn’t see them at all. Sometimes Caines would invite you in for a drink or a meal to thank you for getting him what he needed.
One day, when you accepted, you saw Tamsy. He looked different. He got a lip piercing. I’m sure Caines hated it. He walked around topless with his long hair flowing, listening to loud music in their room, screaming the lyrics of the song.
As much as you hated him, god, you loved seeing him like this.
Some days, you’d stop by longer, talking with Caines, but only wanting to see Tamsy. One day, he brought a girl home in the middle of giving Caines his request, shoving past you at the entrance. She was beautiful, chillingly, drop-dead gorgeous. It pained you knowing that this crush, this idea of being with Tamsy, would never happen. It was getting in the way of you doing your job correctly, and it needed to stop. You strictly forced yourself to go there to give Caines their items, and that was it—no more.
Time passed, and you saw Tamsy less and less. Caines said that he’d be gone for hours, then days, then months at a time. He didn’t know where his son had gone, but since his son had turned 18 a few years ago, he hadn't really cared what he was up to. He knew that he was safe, and that’s all that mattered to him.
Caines called your father back for a request. Father was exhausted. Exhausted from working with Caines, being his lapdog, and going far out of their way for him. He needed a break. We both went to Caines’ house, not dressed in any fancy outfits, but in our regular clothes. Looking like regular traders at the market. It might not have been classy, but it was your father’s idea. He thought that if you looked worse, Caines would want nothing to do with you anymore.
Again, they were wrong.
As you both entered the house, Caines walked both of you to the living room. He eyed your outfits, giving a wry smile as you both sat down on the couches.
“That’ll leave a stain…” Caines whispered under his breath. He sighed and leaned back in a chair nearby, crossing his leg and placing a hand on top of his knee. You both sat across from him, waiting for them to speak.
Father finally spoke, clearing his throat. You could see the clear signs of anxiety all over his face.
“Your request… Sir?” Your father spoke. Caines looked at him, grabbed a slip of paper from their suit, and passed it to your father. Your father carefully peeled open the paper, reading the name.
Regto Suberec
You saw your father wince, look at the paper, then back to Caines, then back to the paper.
“It’s just a name.” He said slowly, cautiously.
“Indeed, it is a name. A name of a person I need you to dispose of,” Caines said sternly.
What?
Your father looked at Caines, a frown forming on his face.
“No. No! We don’t do this, Caines. We trade. We’re traders. We bring in what you need, regardless of what it is. We don’t kill. We’re not murderers!” Your father says, crumpling the paper and throwing it to the floor. You feel your face go pale. You could never kill someone, or ‘dispose’ of them as they stated. You feel disgusted. Why would they want to do that?
You both knew Regto. The man took in a white-haired kid, Rudo, a few years back. He heard he was an orphan, the kid of the supposed murderer in the Sphere. You both hadn’t kept in contact with them, but you at least knew that Regto was a good man. Not a man deserving of getting killed.
Caines looks at the balled-up paper and faces both of you, anger seething out of his face, the sweet mask that they put on.
“We’re leaving.” Your father says, grabbing you by your hand and dragging you out of the house, leaving abruptly.
The Caines always got what they wanted. They made sure of that.
*nervous gulp*
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