Dear bitches, I have a question that may benefit the class: I'm lucky to have a job that has a very generous 15 day sick leave policy, and no health issues that would make me take it - except that I also have the copper IUD that gives me horrid cramps on day 1 of my period, for just about 24 hours exactly.
What is the business speak for 'I'm taking a sick day today because of my period'? What is the general business speak for 'I won't be here for a day for health reasons' that doesn't imply contagion or invite questions about how I'm feeling when I come back? Thank you and I hope you know JUST how appreciated you are (seriously, who else would I ask this to)
Sweetie pie... we LOVE that we're the ones you choose to ask this of. This is all we ever wanted--for strangers on the internet to talk to us about their periods!
(Sidenote: I, Piggy, also currently have an IUD, and it leads to practically ZERO symptoms of menstruation. I don't bleed, I don't get cramps, I don't experience mood swings. About once per year my face breaks out in zits and I bleed a small amount for a few hours. That's it. I fucking love it. So readers, just keep in mind that everyone's body is different and your symptoms may vary on any medication. I DIGRESS.)
The #1 thing to keep in mind is that your employer is not entitled to any confidential medical information. If you have cancer, they don't have a right to that information. If you've got a headache, they don't have a right to know. If you're considering a cosmetic surgery, a gender alignment surgery, or any other surgery... they don't need to know. So if you're menstruating and it hurts, they definitely don't get to know.
So my preference would be to go with the direct approach. If you're cramping and you want to take a sick day, just tell your employer "I'm taking a sick day." If they press for details, say "I'll see you tomorrow. :)" If they keep pressing, remind them that they are not legally entitled to your confidential medical information.
But if you'd rather not be direct (and who could blame you?) just tell them you "got food poisoning from the mussels at that place off of i70--you know the one? Yeah last time I'll make that mistake, even if I do have a Groupon. I didn't know puke could even BE that color!" Food poisoning is gross and temporary and tends to dissuade further questions.
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Workplace Benefits and Other Cool Side Effects of Employment
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