#shocker really

I’ve recently (several weeks ago as we know) acquired an Optimus Prime

me (autistic) (very young): yes! Quick question, how do I do that?

my parents, whom im beginning to realize might have been Mistaken about some things: well obviously you read the Bible and memorize all the rules in it, and if you think something might be right or wrong you check against the rules in the Bible!

me, (again, autistic): ok! Those are definitely different things and not the same thing in a different hat!

Me, recently, (I must stress, so so so autistic) watching the ‘rule’ that you will know someone’s relationship with Christ by the fruits of the spirit and the ‘rule’ that being gay or supporting gay people is morally wrong and you cannot maintain a relationship with God while living in sin like that smash into one another in real time as every actually decent Christian I’ve seen in the past six months has been either Gay or supportive of the LGBTQ: …… oh shit have I been being homophobic and weirdly rules-lawyery the whole time. How the fuck did that happen? Where did the idea that ‘a relationship with God’ equals ‘knowing all the rules and checking everything against them?’ come from?

my parents in actual recent conversation: you cannot trust your understanding of God or your mind to adequately reach out to Him! You cannot trust your relationship with Him to be enough! To be on the safe side you should focus on what you can fully know (the Bible)! This totally isn’t self-contradictory considering you have to rely on your mind to interpret the Bible also!!

me, (very near an autistic meltdown): oh so. Oh so I’ve been faith-by-works-ing my way through this. I saw ‘we cannot fully rely on our own power to know what God wants’ and instead of going ‘so I should Ask Him’ I went ‘so I shouldn’t even try to ask and should instead follow a bunch of mostly made up rules.’ Great. Love that for me. I gotta change that now I fucking guess. Can I at least get a solid answer on whether wanting to marry someone of the same gender is chill or not, because I’m fighting fucking battles right now between my conservative family and my liberal friends and I want to not keep having to say “I guess I’m just not sure” every time someone gives a half-decent argument either way.

God, giving a shockingly clear and immediate answer: Girl you are single and entirely unready for a relationship. Also you’re ace. Also we just spent all this time on how you’re struggling because you’re terrified of trusting me with telling you whether something is wrong or not because you don’t believe I’ll tell you when you need to know. You don’t need to know right now. You’re working through this mental hypothetical because you’re anxious and untrusting. You are completely and painfully single. Having some all-powerful sign that confirmed for all time that this was right or wrong would do absolutely nothing for you right now. It’d change nothing about how you treat gay people - you treat them well anyway. The only thing it would do would make you feel (falsely) like you wouldn’t need to rely on me anymore. Literally why would I do that.