#shit week

No? Good to hear.

Yes? Also good to hear, please tell me more.

For the last couple of weeks whenever my dad sniffed he could taste something coppery, like blood.  i told him it was probably a sinus infection (since I had that happen to me before) and to go the the doctor.  Last weekend he finally when, doctor said, yep, sinus infection and gave him some stuff for it. 

Sunday night he had a bad headache.  Now, my dad normally doesn’t say much when he’s in pain, but he did then.  Still, he just took some advil, took the stuff the doctor gave him and went to bed earlier.  But the meds didn’t help and around 3-4 am he and my mom got up and went to the emergency room.

Now, I didn’t know this.  They both work earlier than me. So I get up and get ready for work and then get a text from my mom just before I leave letting my know that she’s got my dad at the ER.  Cue me being worried as fuck.  The last time he was there was because his heartrate was doing funky shit that they never figured out.

So I go to work with a bit of worry in the back of my head, but thinking it might just be a migraine since my dad does have blood pressure problems.  Then a few hours later I get another text from my mom that floors me.

My dad has mass, a tumor on his pituitary gland.  While I am no doctor, I do work in a doctor’s office and I’m not an idiot.  That’s not a good thing.  Between dealing with patients I seached as much as I could about it and how they deal with it, and of course gave myself all the ideas of the worse case scenerios because that’s my brain. 

According to the neurosurgeon, the tumor is massive and resting on the optic nerve. My dad does have a sinus infection.  The infection is actually what let us know about the tumor, it made his sinus cavity press against the tumor which is causing the pain (and it’s a lot of pain that morphine, the a double dose of morphine, and then a dose of Dilaudid only dulled). If that hadn’t happened we probably only would have found out if the tumor effected his optic nerve (which it would have according to the neurosugeon).  Also, while there is one neuosurgeon on his case, there is two others consulting on it, an endocrinologist, a ENT, cardiologist, and a few others. He’s got a shitload of doctors on his case right now.  Which is terrrifying and reassuring at the same time.

He goes is for surgery on Monday afternoon.  His main neurogsurgeon wants it done despite the infection (and the bleeding he has/had somewhere).  We’ve already been told that it’s not a rare surgery, the NS does them 3-4 times per month and normally the patient would go home after a couple of days but with my dad he’ll be keeping him a little longer.  And that actually works since that should put him home the week of the 16th which I am off for (March Break for Ontario schools in my area and my bosses are going on vaca) so we don’t have to worry about him being home alone or having to have someone come in (though one of my cousins offer, love ya A!). 

So yeah.  I’ve spent the last week worrying my ass off and trying to keep my mother going since she’s been trying to keep everything together and getting paperwork done (doc notes for work etc).  My mom have been running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off geting paperwork, making phone calls, (aruging with our building manager over parking). And my dad’s have a shit ass week (when he was aware enough, drugs and pain made him very vacant, it was scary seeing him like that).

On a somewhat funny, if painful note: I fell out of bed last night.  I’m not exactly sure how it happened with how I lay on my bed, but one minute I was laying there then I rolled over slightly and I was on the floor. I landed leaning to the right with my legs kind of underneath me and using my right hand to break my fall, so now my legs, and right hip, and right hand all hurt so much and my lower back and shoulders ache from being jarred.  I have hurt all day. I can barely walk.  And I still don’t know how it happened.  I lay diagonal on my bed with my feet pointed towards the wall, so if I was to fall off my bed I should have landed on my head or shoulders. 

I’m going to say it straight out, this past week has been an absolute shit time and I’ll explain why. I started out with failing an assessment. I completely stuffed it up and could not remember a thing. Automatically that made my week crappy. Then a few days later I head to the doctor explaining that I really really did not want to lose my job after previously losing one a couple of weeks beforehand. I was prescribed anti depressants. The first time I took them, they made me feel really drowsy and I was still just feeling like shit. A few more days pass and were at Saturday. I end up having a horrible shift. By the end of the week I found out I had lost my job via a text message. Everything just crumbled. I haven’t felt as shit as this in a long time. 

However even when all of this was happening I was appreciating my family. I appreciated everything I had and I was trying my absolute hardest to let my family know I appreciated them. I love them so much. They do an absolute ridiculous amount for me. I’m only 18 and I’m still living under their roof and I know friends that have to move out or have even been kicked out. 

My point of this post is not to make anyone feel like shit or to make them feel sorry for me. I wrote this post with an intention to give hope to at least someone, anyone. It can be so shit sometimes but at the end of day we should appreciate everything we have. Live, learn, appreciate and love everything you have. Also if you are feeling down there are so many amazing helplines and websites that are there for people. Thank you to everyone who follows this blog. I write for all of you. I write for myself to let off emotions and I write because I genuinely love it.