i thought it through and i noticed more isolation tendencies recently, more depressed thoughts and behaviors, emotions, and minor increase in suicidality. issues with speech and words in general heavily increased.

we started paying attention heavily and managed to identify the source in oleander and see that (obviously) it wasn't the only delusion he holds now.

he believes that our body is dying/dead again. hard to say which one because he denies it. we know he's lying because, well, we share one goddamn mind and the only ones capable of lying to others would be captains who are able to hide the truth.

he thinks that there's a lot of puss under our skin and he has attempted to get it out multiple times which could hind towards him still believing that we're alive and that it could save us but we're unsure about this one. without his cooperation it's hard to figure out the details. maybe he's just trying to delay decomposition.

we're getting ready for complete shutdown, just in case. i don't want it but i know that there's no way around the fact that im one of three persons capable of being a helmsman or/and captain that are (mostly) immune of psychosis. we're gonna go to some forest this week, hopefully.