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Year eight is complete.
It has been hard for some time not to fall back on bad habits. I still get the urges relatively often. But I am glad to say that I still have managed to refrain.
Even if it temporarily numbs the senses, it only brings more pain after it has abated.
Here's to starting year 9 self-harm free.
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I'm finding that my life is much happier when I stop relating to everyone through my pain. When I relate to people through the things I love, or the ways in which I move through life I feel much more complete. I don't have to constantly be in pain in order to feel connected or loved.
Excerpt From My Future Memoir
Fucking Horrible Year
This year has been the worst year of my life. A divorce, heartbreak, self harm, suicide attempt, hospital stay, anorexia, some more heartbreak. There was a time where I was not planning on being on this planet anymore. More than once actually. But here I am. Still standing. Recovering. Attempting to thrive. Moving on. There are still times where I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be living still. Yet, for him, I will stay. For him I will continue to move on. I owe him that much. I cannot fail him again. I am moving onto another season of life where I am going to attempt to enjoy the little things in life. A more simple life. I want my poetry and my art to flourish. I want honesty and authenticity to spill from my spirit. I want to rediscover who I am. Who I am without the constraints of a marriage. Without the constraints of a religious school. Without the constraints of other people’s opinions. I want to embrace my love for nerdy things and my grandma sweaters and baking and singing and poetry and art and running and sewing. No one will ever stop me from being me again. I want to be 100% me.Â
It’s difficult to even think about how nobody knows you relapsed but you want to get better again
-rren
One of the most effective ways to progress and better yourself in life is to give yourself care, even when you feel like you don’t want or deserve it. If you continue to show yourself love, you will begin to understand that you *do* deserve it. Let your healing begin✨ . PathwayToPositive.wordpress.com Instagram: @PathwayToPositive Facebook.com/PathwayToPositive . Reposted from Instagram account @mindbliss.app 😊
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
some happy things to think about
loud music, new bands, learning an instrument, seeing a concert
making art, seeing art, going to an art museum
the warmth of the oncoming spring
the coolness of the oncoming fall
new people to meet
old friendships to strengthen
new photos to take, to pose for
laughing with others
your first kiss, your thirtieth
holding hands
cute dates
movie nights
warm blankets in cold weather
animals! getting a dog or a cat or a rat
new clothes
new hobbies (knitting or writing or horseback riding)
quiet nights
quiet mornings
being outside
water (oceans, lakes, ponds, rain)
adventures!
💞 Remember that missing self harming whilst in recovery is normal. It doesn't make you a failure. It doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't mean you're not recovering. It's okay. But please try your best to fight the urges. You got this 💞
Why do I miss self harming?
There are a number of reasons to miss cutting yourself, including:
Because it is an addiction and a coping strategy.
It's what you are used to, you've probably used the same method to calm down for a number of years.
It creates a rush of endorphins.
Physical pain can be said to distract you more than anything else, nobody can deny that a stubbed toe will grab your attention more than listening to music (a healthy alternative coping strategy.)
Like many addictions, you begin to become tolerant to it. A cocaine user begins needing more and more cocaine to get high, a self harmer begins needing to cut deeper or more in order to get the same feeling.
However, it's really great that you've managed to stop self harming. Please try to continue to resist the urge to, and even if nobody else in your life is, I'm proud of you for taking this step. You got this xxx
