#self distraction

You ever find yourself wasting an hour of your life in your bedroom just daydreaming about whatever horrible shit you could performatively say or do just to destroy your own life and see what would happen?

binge watching « how i met your mother », find it rather comforting

I need to be obsessed with something self destructive in order to be able to handle life…

I did not ask to be this way, this dark sinister vessel. If i could go back to my inception creating someone ignorant, patient, and blind, i would. The world turns without knowledge of what propels it. But I can not, and have already, felt too much and thought more than should  be acceptable. My envy for those who never asked, 'why' is limitless.