Random Acts of Recovery

Monument Valley honestly kept me from having a panic attack a few weeks ago. 

I was on hold with my bank for roughly a half hour because someone had stolen my debit card number and had charged a couple hundred dollars worth of stuff to it. All I could think about while I was on hold was what if my rent check bounces, I can’t afford the late fee I’ll be slapped with and I’m already on bad terms with my super - and I felt that horrible grip around my chest squeezing down and my breathing getting faster. 

Normally I can just drink a cold glass of water and sit in front of my ac (to remind myself that no, my throat is not actually closing up, and that yes, I can still successfully get air into my lungs with the help of a fan) but this time neither of those tricks did anything. Well actually that’s not true, they reminded me that I was alone in my apartment, and if couldn’t find a way to calm down, I wouldn’t necessarily be able to get help - which only scared the shit out of me even more. 

So I sat in front of my AC and pulled up the brightest, happiest looking app I have on phone, which is Monument Valley, and within ten minutes of building pathways to guide the princess through the castle I was breathing normally.  I found myself thinking, look at this bitch, you’re already solving this, this will be cleared up with your bank in the next half hour, and in case your check bounces, you’ll have documentation as to why to show your landlord. On good days, it’s sometimes honestly as simple as helping a tiny me walk through a beautiful castle while solving simple puzzles to remind myself: