#scatter brained

It's been a while.

Seeing skinny and medium-sized women infiltrating the Big Mama tag on Tiktok makes my ass itch. You know you'd have a breakdown about being called big anything any other time. This doesn't concern you, find some business of your own.

Season 6 of Love Island really set the bar too high. This season reminds me repeatedly why I don't usually see it for shows like this. Seeing men play in these gorgeous Black women's faces is (literally) upsetting me and my homegirls.

Whitney really ain't got no business being dead.

I miss being in a choir. I've been rewatching my old college gospel choir performances all week. Singing with people who can sing and learning harmonies and hearing live music and watching people play their instruments and be talented is my idea of a good time. If I could get that experience back without having to go to church to do it, I'd be all over it.

Folks been getting a little too bold in my inbox lately. Although I've been known to use this blog as a diary, make no mistake, y'all don't know me. Don't be fucking weird. Act like you got some sense.

I paused my Hinge account, and with the way I've been feeling since, it was the absolute right decision. I have very little patience for men talking to me crazy, and between this app and that one?

I mean, just weary...

My sister's coming to visit me in a few weeks, and when I tell you I cannot wait... I haven't seen her since Christmas, so this visit feels long overdue. Also excited to go home next month for our friend's wedding. It's finna be humid as hell, but I'll take it since my last few visits were during the winter.

Did a goal reset for this second half of the year. I'm looking forward to building better habits and accomplishing them.

My thoughts are short Sometimes they make sense

Have I done one of these since I moved? ...I don't think so. I'm going to have to do another one of these breaking down the roommate mess I've been dealing with, but that'll be for another day. I've been "it is what it is"-ing the situation for the past week or so though.

One month and 3 more days until I head home for the holidays. I can't wait.

There have been a few situations lately that have left me feeling unsafe out here and the need to be around my family, their love, and familiar surroundings is real.

If I've unfollowed you recently, it's nothing personal. You just had one too many nekkid white folks up and down my dashboard and I just couldn't do it no more.

The lack of good, hood Chinese spots in LA blows me more and more the longer I live here.

I remember when a three-day weekend used to be enough to recharge me to deal with them people and them kids. I don't know if I should blame my period or how over this job I am at this point, but three days just wasn't cutting it this time, so I played hookie today. And still don't wanna go in tomorrow smh.

I'm hosting Friendsgiving next week and although I'm a little nervous about it, I'm more excited than anything. I'm in charge of making parmesan-crusted chicken, mashed potatoes, and sausage dressing. This is my first Thanksgiving in... at least a decade where I won't be making cookies and I'm not mad at it. Mostly because I'll be baking them like crazy for orders during the holidays.

I've never received any apartment-warming gifts from anyone. Not for my old place or this new one. But times is hard for everybody and the holidays are coming up. I do wonder who'd donate or buy me something if I posted the Cashapp/Venmo/Zelle though.

We can all agree that Black people's penises are not cocks, right? They are to be referred to as dicks, correct? We're all on the same page with that???

A man who got loud with me and my friends during brunch yesterday ended up being kicked out of the restaurant and, once in the parking lot, slammed his baby mother's head off a car. A man who went on a homophobic rant and was screaming and yelling horrible things 18 inches away from my face. I know how this sounds, but I'm simultaneously so sorry it was her and so glad it wasn't me.

I'm moving next month and when I tell you I am ill-prepared... yikes. Even still, although I have my moments of panic here and there, I wouldn't say I'm in panic mode. Might should be, but I'm not. Right now, anyway.

Every Black person I know in LA went to the Renaissance tour for Beyonce's birthday show tonight. Love that for them, hate that for me.

Yesterday I gave myself an orgasm that I felt in my toes and fingertips. That shit was amazing. My body needed that.

Talked to my best friend from back home earlier this week and she admitted to me that she cheated on her husband. My roommate broke up with her boyfriend yesterday after finding out he'd moved a woman he worked with in with him and had been lying to her about it for over a month. Last night while my roommate was on the phone with friends trying to comfort her, they just kept going on and on with examples of how their boyfriends had dogged them and how they'd dealt with it.

Ayo... I know relationships are work. But all these instances have me wondering am I dumb for thinking that work was mostly gonna entail learning to love and merge lives with your person? I can't imagine completely disregarding someone's feelings like that and being so intentional in hurting my partner. This really what folks just out here doing?

Had to cancel my Houston trip and although I'm bummed about it, I'm more so relieved that I get to keep that money in my bank account. Adulting and being responsible for keeping a roof over my head is some bullshit though.

I've gotten really close with a couple of my coworkers over the past few months. We've been hanging out pretty regularly and whenever we see each other, I noticed we always hug as a greeting and as a goodbye. The reason I noticed this is because before that started happening, I was being hugged very infrequently. Not that I didn't have friends before them, but those other friends aren't big on being touched, so we never hug.

It's little, but it's meaningful and I don't take it for granted. I really miss being touched and held.

Motherfuck these upcoming student loan payments.

Speaking of those new friends, I was honest with them and told them I didn't have the funds to go through with plans we made a while ago. Past Michelle would've cancelled without a reason and isolated myself until I was financially okay again. Present Michelle realizes that people I care about don't deserve the disappearing act, so I let myself be vulnerable and let them know.

How many draft emails do you have? Work: 397 Personal: 214 My thinking is that a large numbers shows someone who started a thought but failed to follow through. A smaller scale of starting dozens of hobbies that one fails to master. More of a daily scatterbrain that kind of points to larger failure to complete issues. For my work, I only have some for just the past 15 months. I on occasion…