Translucent, at best.

In my Positive Psych class in undergrad, my professor made us keep a gratitude journal. I try to remain grateful and note things I'm grateful for in my daily life anyway, so why not keep a running list I can revisit on the days I most need it (like today)?

I'm starting late, but I'm going to challenge myself to list 3 things I'm grateful for as many days as I can this month.

Today, I'm grateful for...

the activity of my limbs, as the old saints say, because it could've been another way.

doctor's appointments without a long wait because I walked in at 4:33 for a 4:40 appointment and was back in my car by 5:10.

closing all the circles on my watch because I kept my word to myself that I was going to work out today.

the fact that several of Anthony Bourdain's books are available to borrow on Libby because now I can read one (or a few) before his movie comes out this summer.

unexpected office visits from old clients just to say hi and give me my flowers because they're doing so much better than they were when they first saw me.

But... also, too, and as well...

It's something about calling a nigga daddy - or, more specifically - it's something about a nigga doing some shit or talking to me in a certain tone (some bass in it, but not chastising or disrespectful) that makes me want to call him daddy that just does it for me. I couldn't always explain it. For a good while, I didn't like it, but facts is facts. The clit wants what the clit wants.

I have to be in charge of every other aspect of my life, have to be extra vigilant to make sure nobody's trying to get one over on me or patronize me because I'm Black or a Black woman or a Black woman in a new environment or just because that's how they are.

And I be fucking tired. And because there has to be a pre-established level of safety for me to feel comfortable doing anything with anyone sexually... when I get that? When I can let my guard down with no issues and the understanding that the person in front of me is just as dedicated to my pleasure as I am to his?

...