the searing white flash of lightning that makes the rapidly falling raindrops visible is enough to alert race as to what will come next; he’ll never admit it, but he immediately begins to tremble, using every ounce of his energy not to move his hands up to cover his ears and muffle the rumble of thunder. albert, who’s been sitting beside him for the better part of four hours to work on a project they’re partners for, takes notice of race’s sudden shaking and frowns.

“you alright, racer?”

race looks at him; albert, albie, al, his best friend, the guy he’s in love with (even though he’s still a little hesitant about admitting that part), and even though the answer to the question is initially no, looking at him does make race feel a little alright. just a little. he thinks about how this - his fear of thunder - is the only thing he’s never told albert about. it’s the one thing he feels too ashamed of to share with albert, but he’s always figured it’s not a big deal; albert wouldn’t ever have to know, right?

well, considering their current circumstances… maybe race has to rethink that one.

“yeah,” he croaks, almost flinching at how small his voice sounds. “yeah, al, i’m good.”

albert raises an eyebrow, and race knows he’s already lost this one.

“you sure? you don’t sound too sure of yourself an’ you’re, like, shaking right now.”

“dammit, albie.” race chuckles, attempting to downplay just how scared he really feels. the attempt fails as his voice quivers about halfway through the first word, and he wants to cry. but he doesn’t. “why d’you have to be so observant?”

“i’m not observant, tonio,” albert responds with a soft smile. “you’re my best friend, of course i’ll know when something’s up with you. i’ve known you long enough to notice when you’re not bein’ totally honest with me about somethin’. now, what’s the matter?”

race falls silent. he knows there’s no escaping this conversation, but he wants to try and avoid it for as long as he can. 

"race."

he sighs in defeat. he managed to successfully avoid it for a total of less than two minutes.

"promise you won't make fun of me," race says; he tries his hardest to make his voice firm and steady, but it comes out as a shaky, scared whisper. he feels weak. vulnerable. afraid. he doesn't think his shaking can get any worse but in that moment it does and it makes him feel so pathetic and helpless and suddenly he's trying to make sure his breathing is steady and his vision is clear.

in a second albert is by his side, gripping his hand and wrapping an arm around his shoulder, holding him close. he knows race likes the touch, and race is so glad he just knows because he thinks that if he had to speak another word he would start crying. 

"of course i promise not to make fun of you… whatever's got you scared this bad ain't somethin' i'll ever make fun of you for, tonio. you know, i'm sorry for pushing in the first place… you don't have to tell me if it's too hard for you." albert's voice is soft, his tone sincere, and race wonders how he got lucky enough to have a best friend like this.

"i wanna tell you, it's just… hard." race's voice softens more and more as he speaks, ending up as a whisper. 

albert nods. "i get that, racer. just… tell me when you're ready."

"yeah… yeah. thanks, al."

a silence falls among the rather small bedroom, but neither of them really mind; it’s that same, familiar comfortable silence that occurs in the few moments when they don’t have anything to talk about.

“do you remember when we met for the first time?”

race looks up at albert, surprised, and blinks. “i guess, yeah… what about it?”

“i just think it’s crazy, you know...” a small smile starts to form on albert’s face, and race can’t help thinking about how much he wants to see that smile all the time every day, how much he wants to kiss those lips. “how it all began, i mean, and then there’s where we are now. when you sat down next to me on the first day of school in second grade and started rambling on and on about how cool you thought stars were, i immediately wanted you to be one of my friends forever. you were the first person to talk to me that year, which was huge to me ‘cause-”

“you’d just moved into the area,” race interrupts softly. the storm is still going on outside, and it shows no signs of quieting down any time soon, and race still feels himself trembling, but this helps; talking helps. touch helps. he helps. albert helps. 

“yeah.” there’s a full smile on albert’s face now, and it makes race want to smile, too, but all he can manage is a small upturn of his lips. “and now we’re here, and i love how it is and i love you and i wouldn’t trade this for- for anything in the world.”

the world seems to still in that moment. time stops, noise quiets, everything fades away until it’s just the two of them. race is aware of how cheesy this all sounds in his head, but he can’t bring himself to care.

it was those three words, he knows it was. they've been saying those words to each other for so long; in quick, fleeting moments, in long, heartfelt talks. 

"can you stay the night?" race whispers. 

"'course i can," albert responds in a soft tone. 

“thank you, albie. i love you.”

“and i love you, tonio. always.”

---

i wanted to fit race telling al abt why he’s scared into this but i couldnt find a way to do that without rewriting basically the whole thing, and i love what i have so i didnt want to do that.

long story short… anyone want a lil part 2? :)

-sanj <3

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with a soft smile and a note of the excited, hopeful grins on both the boys' faces, elisa agrees, and they thank her eagerly, promising to be back soon before holding hands and rushing off.

"you like the stars?" race asks albert as they settle down on the cool grass.

albert smiles at him and nods before looking up at the sky. "i love them. i think every star has a story."

"really?" race's voice is full of curiosity as he follows albert's gaze to the starry night sky, "whaddya mean by that, albie?"

"like... every star has a reason for bein' there," albert replies, trying to piece together the right words. "maybe an angel dropped 'em. or maybe someone died and became a star, and now they're watchin' over everyone they love."

"i never thought of it like that," race whispers in awe.

albert chuckles softly and shrugs, "no one has. it's kinda stupid anyway."

"hey, no," race responds immediately, pouting and resting his head on his friend's shoulder. "i think it's real neat."

•••

age fourteen

the second time race and albert go stargazing together, they're on a hill at a park.

"it's been a while since we've done this together, huh?" albert asks with a smile, nudging race gently.

race chuckles and nods. "yeah. i've missed it."

"to think this is only the second time we've done it."

"wild," race agrees. "you still think all stars have their own story?"

"i mean... yeah. it's a cool thought," albert replies with a shrug. "one i've grown up my whole life with. it's kind of hard to just let go of that and not think it anymore."

race smiles warily, and his tone is soft when he speaks up again. "you think one of 'em could be rosie?" his voice falters as he says her name, and albert frowns.

"oh, racer," he mumbles as he pulls his friend close. "'course. in fact, i'm sure one of 'em is."

race is almost surprised at how easy he finds it to lean into albert's embrace, and he finds himself greatly enjoying the warmth and security it provides.

"it's been four years, al," race sighs shakily. "i should- i should be over this, but she was only nine, and they- they just—"

"tonio, we've talked about this before," albert tells him quietly. "she was your sister. i know how close you are with all of them and i know it must've hurt so bad when you lost her. i can't imagine what it would be like for me if i lost one of my brothers."

"albert..." race trails off and albert's breath catches in his throat at his friend's use of his full first name.

"thank you," race finally breathes out. albert only realises how tense race's body has been when he feels the smaller boy relax in his arms.

"any time," albert whispers. "just... remember she's one of the stars, okay?"

race nods and manages to look up at albert with a small smile that makes his heart do a strange flip.

"yeah," race says softly, "she's one of the stars."

•••

age fifteen

the fourth time race and albert go stargazing together, it's because race asked albert to meet him on the hill.

"i have something to tell you," they say simultaneously.

"you first," albert smiles sheepishly.

"no, no, you can go first," race counters.

"race, c'mon."

"ugh. fine."

silence.

a few minutes pass.

more silence.

"race?" 

“sorry,” race replies, staring down at his lap. he feels the tears pooling up in his eyes, and despite his best efforts, they begin to fall.

“race? oh my god, racer, is everything okay?” albert asks worriedly, pulling the smaller boy into an embrace. his heart aches at the way race is shaking, his body wracking with sobs.

“what if you hate me for this? what- what if i lose you?” his voice breaks. “i can’t lose you, albie, you’re my best friend!”

“nothing you say is gonna make me hate you, race. as long as i’m alive, you’re never gonna lose me. we’re never gonna lose what we have, i promise.”

“i’m pan,” race whispers quietly, voice full of fear.

“you’re- you’re pan?” albert asks incredulously.

when he feels race nod against him, his eyes get watery, and he sobs with relief.

“holy shit, racetrack,” albert says, laughing through his tears. “i was gonna tell you that i’m bi.”

race pulls back and stares at albert with wide eyes, and soon both boys are laughing and crying and hugging so, so tightly.

“we’re such idiots, oh my god,” race says breathlessly. “i cannot believe we were both so afraid of this.”

“no one i’d rather be an idiot with than you,” albert chuckles, taking race’s hands in his own. “i love you, race.”

race smiles widely and squeezes albert’s hands. “i love you, too, albert.”

•••

age sixteen

the fifth time race and albert go stargazing together, it's because albert sent race a text asking if he's willing to meet up at 'their spot.'

"what's up, al?" race asks, worried.

albert shrugs, keeping his gaze fixed on the sky above them. "nothing, really. i couldn't sleep so i thought getting a breath of fresh air and spending time with you would help me relax."

"awwwwwwwwww—"

"oh my god, race, stop," he snorts, lightly punching his friend in the arm.

race laughs and leans into albert. "long story short, that's really sweet. and kinda gay."

"thanks," albert chuckles as he wraps his arm around the smaller boy. "i'm sorry for calling you out here for no reason."

"yeah, i was worried that either something horrible happened or that you wanted to murder me without anybody there to watch," race jokes.

albert rolls his eyes fondly, "good to know you trust me after the - what, twelve? - the twelve years we've been friends."

"hey, anything could ha—"

"shut up, racer, i'm not gonna kill you!" albert exclaims, grinning. "i love you too much."

race freezes, and suddenly albert regrets his words.

that is, until race leans in and whispers, "but, like, no homo, right?"

"you little bitch!" albert shoves race away, face burning as race covers his mouth to smother his laughter.

"i may be a little bitch, but at least i'm your little bitch."

"kinky."

race winks, "you know it."

"you're fucking shameless!" albert laughs loudly, and race flashes him a cheeky grin. both their hearts flutter, their minds buzz, and their stomachs burst into hundreds of very, very aggresive butterflies (in the best way possible, of course).

•••

age seventeen

the eighth time race and albert go stargazing together, it's after they decide to ditch their homecoming dance. race touches albert's shoulder, the skin visible through his ripped shirt. albert hisses in pain and flinches, and race immediately pulls his hand back.

"sorry, albie," he apologises with a frown.

"you're okay, racer," albert responds, giving him a small smile.

"we really should get you home and take care of all this, you know—"

"i'll be fine, tonio."

albert doesn't miss the way race's breath wavers when he uses the nickname, and he chuckles softly.

"what?" race asks, raising an eyebrow.

"nothing, it's nothing," he says with a bigger smile. "i love you, race."

"i love you, too, al," race sighs. "you didn't have to get into a fight with 'em, you know. i coulda handled it myself. you coulda gotten kicked out."

albert shrugs. "those delancey brothers were in for it. you know this ain't the first time they've said shit like this to you. hell, it ain't the first time they've... said shit like this." he laughs humorlessly and shakes his head, "they had it a long time coming."

"you're kinda shaking, dude," race responds after a beat of silence, nothing but concern in his words. he places his hand on albert's arm and rubs small circles into it, noticing the way al relaxes. "and you're tense. are you sure you're okay?"

"i'm okay," albert says quietly with a nod. "it's just the adrenaline."

"okay." race smiles warmly at him.

albert isn't sure what it is, but something compells him to reach out and hold race's face in his hands; gently, almost deathly afraid of hurting the boy he's known for so many years. the boy he's fallen in love with.

race's smile widens and he leans eagerly into albert's touch, "what's this? you being affectionate?"

albert laughs breathily and runs his thumb over race's cheek, "when i tell you i love you, i mean it. i really do, race."

the way race's lips part and the way his eyes widen make albert question if what he's said is too much at one time, and he begins to let go of race before the shorter boy grabs his wrists and holds his hands in place.

"you mean it?" he whispers. albert nods.

thats all it takes for race to grin and throw his arms around albert's neck, pecking his lips and his nose and his cheeks before laughing the most beautiful laugh albert has ever heard.

"good, 'cause i mean it, too."

albert smiles, "you remind me of the stars, racer."

"and how is that, albie?"

"well, they're everywhere on your face. in your eyes." albert revels at the blush rising on race's face, thanking the moonlight for making the light pink colour visible. "on your cheeks." he kisses the patches of freckles on race's cheeks "your nose." kisses the freckles on his nose. "your lips."

this time, before albert can make the move, race does, kissing him full on the lips, both grinning and laughing too much to kiss properly.

"i love you," race mumbles after they part, burying his face in the crook of albert's neck.

"i love you, too," albert smiles and wraps his arms around race, kissing the top of his head and playing with his blond curls.

"we really have to get you home soon," race says albert's neck, and albert laughs.

"just a few bruises. i'll be fine," he replies.

"noooo," race whines and pulls back out of albert's embrace. "your place. now."

"moving a little fast, aren't we?"

race scoffs as he gets up, grabbing albert's hand to pull him onto his feet as well. "you know what i meant."

albert snorts, but he squeezes race's hand and they walk the rest of the way just like that; laughing, holding hands, occasionally falling quiet to smile up at the stars and thank them silently.

×××

my fave idiot boys i love them !!!!!! ansd i hope you all liked this!

-sanj 💕

tag list:

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