#salsae

In regards to how Emma's memory loss would play into things, I think they'd all have good and bad days at first. A balance of being grateful they defied the odds to have a chance of creating a future they can be proud of together at all, of Emma being alive and well and living happily with Alex, of being reacquainted with all the things big and small that made them fall in love with her and having the opportunity to love new ones. Of reconnecting with these two boys who for reasons her mind can't explain but her heart knows without a shadow of a doubt feel like home.

(Chapter 180)

Of perceived selfish grief over wishing Emma would regain her memories when a confused look is thrown their way after they reference something from their childhood (isn't it enough that she's there?). Of self-doubt that she'll ever be able to live up to the Emma everyone loved or relearn the language she sees the boys communicate without words, of seeing what she believes is a brief flicker of hope die in everyone's eyes when she reminds them of all the little ways she's not her (is it more cruel they found her instead of being able to believe their Emma lives on somewhere in distant lands?), of anger over having those memories just within her reach only for her dreams to deny her each time.

But as the days turn to months and the months turn to years, things get better. The sentiments Emma shares in chapter 180 hold true.

Only now today and tomorrow is by their sides.

☆ This unnamed piece set during the timeskip by @p-s-geeks:

There is a flower in your pocket. It’s wild and medicinal. You’re familiar with it. You remember white bedsheets, a pleading whine, two pairs of hands embracing you, and the flower on your forehead, working more wonders that it was biologically capable of (it wasn’t the flower, you know). The flower currently in your pocket is probably in a worse state, has probably shriveled up and wilted after hours of being plucked. It weighs lighter than a feather but feels heavier than diamonds. […] You unearth the flower from your pocket. Ray deserves to see this. Deserves to relive memories with you. And you kind of need him to. Right now, he’s the only one who’s been through thick and thin with you in majority of these trials and tribulations. He’s the only one who can look at it the way you look at it. […] “It’s alright” Ray says, pressing himself closer to you. You hold onto him like he’s the last lifeline on a sinking boat. “It’s alright. You’re not alone. You never were alone” You sleep listening to her gentle words in his gentle voice and it’s the deepest sleep you’ve gotten in a long time. (You wake up to a beautiful orange sunrise. To limbs tangled around yours. To soft snores. To groaning and complaining about morning coming too early during summers. And the hole in your heart subdues itself. It doesn’t disappear, doesn’t stop panging, but you still smile in remembrance and hope.)

How all the little things build and build until they become so deafening, and how so much solace is able to be found in those small‚ tender exchanges on one quiet night, with Ray echoing simple yet loving words he learned from her so long ago that became etched into his being after Grace Field not only by her but through the actions‚ big and small‚ of their family as well (because family is so very integral to each of them). How at first orange is such a painful reminder and how it ends on a most radiant sunrise that's the true embodiment of Emma, giving them both the strength to continue onward.

☆ Everything in banana_slug_army's library. Too much to cite in one post, but here's her tag on here and me talking about the only kind of jealously I enjoy between them:

(I do subscribe to the headcanon of Norman having a pang of jealousy over how much time RE got to spend together before their reunion in the Paradise Hideout with how he tends to navigate extremes at that age, but it’s of a very specific variety. Seeing how close the Grace Field escapees have become during their near two years out in demon world and how that shared trauma brought them together could be a mixed bag for him, with the aching reminder that he wasn’t there with them, didn’t share those memories with them after a lifetime of being together, and the initial flare of jealously turns into shame over thinking it in the first place when 1) he’s mad at not being able to have been there with them‚ not at them, 2) how selfish it is to still want that when they already went through his death once and now will have to go through that a second time, and 3) he spent so long isolated and effectively helpless in his immediate circumstances while at Lambda and suffered for no justifiable reason that it manifests in a festering internal rage, which heartbreakingly can never be given a satisfactory answer…so basically banana_slug_army’s Interwoven lol)

☆ Everything in @salsae's TPN library. Again too much to cite but here's her tag on the blog, me gushing about (so what am I defending now?) aka the quintessential Norray-focused REN fic exploring NR's relationship nine months into the search for Emma, and me gushing about her canon-divergent REN wedding fic, to have and to hold (fanart here). I am constantly citing this snippet of defending and thinking about the flashback and dream sequences Shirai went back and added to the volume release of chapter 181.

☆ Speaking of wedding fics, @carnivorouswillgraham's w.a.m.s. gushing can be found here. Also the post that inspired the fic with my silly edit.

The softness she regards them with, almost proto-shoujo bubbles. 🖤🫧🧡🫧🤍 Norman, adorably, hesitating because he’s still grappling with latent feelings he can’t even begin to articulate about his friends, but at the forefront of them is how he unquestionably gravitates to them and is attune to all their little nuances. Ray, heartbreakingly, hesitating because he’s grappling with the reality he’s beginning to comprehend and the crushing acceptance that he can’t save all his siblings as things stand now, and after already narrowing it down to just Emma and Norman, being faced with the question of if he could honestly live with himself if he chose one to save over the other. The conclusion he comes to further bolsters his resolve to confront Isabella in just a few short weeks, and foreshadows the devastation of Norman’s shipment after a lifetime of realization and meticulous planning. Really like the quiet magnitude of this both for Emma and Norman’s blissful unawareness of the farm system’s horrors conceived for them and ofc from the future romantic perspective as being the core foundational tenant of REN. 🖤🧡🤍

☆ Last of the wedding-related fics but honeynpeaches' Between Your Fingers, Between the Lines also has the first portion of Ray's chapter dedicated to it so I'll use that as a segue (gushing found here). The third chapter exploring Emma's inner monologues throughout the course of the series remains unpublished, but the Norman and Ray chapters can be read as self-contained fics. Highly recommend it and frequently to go back to reread when I need to reground myself in their character foundations.

So many little nuances and call backs, profoundly beautiful.

Additional citation of snippets in this post and this post, as well as this post for Ray angst fic recommendations.

There are so many amazing passages in here, but the "[o]ften, those eyes are blue" line absolutely fucking wrecks me every time. How the cadence of that brevity lands on such a simple fact that now evokes so much sorrow when he used to have such warm and positive associations with those eyes. Windows to the soul and everything that made Norman Norman and what he loved about him.

And then the often referenced celestial symbolism of him as the stars of the trio (to Emma's sun and Norman's moon), but a less romanticized, more viscerally horrifying perspective on it.

☆ As the Crow Flies by Goldfish_Writes I've talked about in more depth here. I'm not very big on full genre AUs, with my usual thoughts being "I consider the characters' personalities inherently shaped by the narrative itself. If you remove them from those circumstances they cease to be the same characters anymore, and I grew attached to them in part because of the circumstances they found themselves in; I got attached to this story." I'm also not very big soulmate AUs as they seem to miss more than they hit for me. But I am a big fan of REN, and I'm interested in seeing where this fantasy story goes.

The pre-established Noremma is absolutely delightful. Another thing thing I've mentioned before is my dislike of Norman being extremely uncharacteristically nebbish or aggressively confident and suave when pursuing relationships that' works in tandem's usually packaged with Emma becoming bizarrely demure. Again, I understand the appeal of stock scenarios, but it's not something I enjoy reading for them. I adore when they reach this level of knowing, playful banter with an underlying thrum of challenge, bred of familiarity at which boundaries can be teasingly skirted and which are low blows and off-limits, and founded on them being equals (after both of them, to different degrees, placed each other on pedestals).

☆ home by 81194, featuring a classic scenario of Ray, a dumbass, trying so so hard to lie to himself about his feelings for NE and failing spectacularly throughout a series of snippets before the two take matters into their own hands.

i think emma wouldn’t have been so spontaneous if she hadn’t been sure of how everything would go. things always go her way when she’s involved, after all… i love her sm.

Very much in agreement on Emma's respectful tenacity and ambition on these matters lol

☆ A Relatively Brief Reflection on Cognitive Dissonance by ribbontype is a wonderful character study of Norman up to the trio's reunion in chapter 121 executed through exquisite, deft prose, allowing one to easily luxuriate in its flow and imagery.

The way they make him whole and reaffirm his resolve to damn destiny itself. <3

☆ Tethered by SuddenWhispers is a beautifully written fic beginning during the human world arc and continuing past canon as the cast navigate what living truly means in the human world, along with what Emma regaining her memories could mean for the new promise.

Also some Ray and Barbara and Cislo interactions with the latter two acting as mentor figures to the former encouraging him on one of his weaker fronts of advocating for his wants, hello??

☆ the ambiguity of belonging by Kiss_Kiss is another post-canon fic that's smaller in scope but no less rewarding of a read with its quiet and desperate moments of vulnerability between the trio reaffirming how much they mean to each other.

Also not only is the handwave of Lambda sickness done away with for Norman, but it also touches upon what the difficulties of losing one's ear entails for Emma, something I rarely if ever see.

☆ Finally, hoping you're someone i used to know by @hylialeia

☆ This is when they start antiquing together since they're already traveling all over the world, spotting little shops with hidden treasures. ↳ Tying in another headcanon of mine that they find and fix up a duplicate of the music box Isabella gifted Emma for her sixth birthday, I debate whether they find it before or after finding her.

(Mystic Code Book Chapter 1 Q&A | Questionnaire Translation Source)

☆ They also find a vintage chess set and start having matches again. The win totals remain close.

↳ They find it comforting how after so long the other still has the same subtle quirks to how they play, hold and move the pieces. When one takes a bit longer to make a move and the other glances up to see the tiniest familiar tick, it can be hard to stop that warmth from blooming in their heart. ↳ Sometimes the younger kids will watch them play and want to join in. These matches tend to take longer, but they don't mind. The sight of the other gently coaching and encouraging the children leaves them so very fond.

☆ This actually applies to any situation where they're tending to the kids since they're both very family-oriented. Reading them bedtimes stories, helping them with projects or lessons, Ray showing the kids how to cook, etc. He was never cruel or malicious toward them back at the house:

(Chapter 8 | 9 | 15 | 22)

But seeing Ray being able to openly express his fondness for their family without having to maintain a cool detachment and air of indifference heals Norman's heart some. Similarly, seeing Norman fall back into caring for the kids without the mantle of Minerva weighing on his shoulders does the same for Ray.

(so what am I defending now?)

☆ To plug another of sae's fics, when the two end up on dish cleaning duty together it's not uncommon for this to play out:

(to have and to hold)

☆ In a similar vein, in the winter sometimes Ray tells Norman to hold for a second so he can fix his scarf. Norman, in a light and breezy tone, tells him he doesn't have to worry about him, you know? Ray responds with a tch, saying he worries about everyone, in the way he keeps watch and frets in a nurturing way about the rest of their family. The way his fingers linger ever so briefly on the fabric followed with a light pat over Norman's heart to signal he's done hint otherwise.

☆ It's funny watching them get roped into something like a Mario Kart tournament because they don't trash talk each other at all, but they will get insanely intense with the trajectory of their green shells, banana peel placements, snaking, etc., all while keeping relatively calm exteriors. ↳ It's also funny to see Norman be a sore loser in his own way.

☆ Whether it's at one of the Ratri estates or while they're out on another search, if one wakes up in the middle of the night and can't find the other, their first guesses are to check outside or a spot in the establishment they noted earlier as a good vantage point to see the stars. Sometimes they converse, sometimes they don't, but they appreciate each other's company as their minds drift to whether Emma is looking up at the speckled sky, too.

I adore the way Ray's chapter of Between Your Fingers, Between the Lines by honeynpeaches opens when he's around six years old and Emma dropping flower crowns on the boys' heads, declaring they'll be wed that very day.

Everything about this little snapshot is perfect. Emma walking onto the scene framed in the imagery of a halo. Norman being an adorably smitten baby going on the fritz for the first few minutes of the entire conversation. Ray being an amalgam of emotions held together with a rubber band on the verge of snapping. His reaction to Emma's quick and casual defiance of whatever she deems arbitrary is a wonderful blend of comedic and heartbreaking. The pure frustration at her flippancy born out of a deep and endearing love that trumps his fear of the whatever consequences result from confronting Isabella.

But he sees how Emma and Norman smile, and he can’t deny them. He’s never been able to. Not really. Not when it matters most…He’d give anything for them, and he already knows it.

Down to the more minute gestures of Norman moving to calm Ray after he's calmed himself down in a familiar, reassuring rhythm

(Chapter 28 Bonus Comic about Chapter 14's flashback)

with the gentle placement of his hand over the other boy's, and Emma taking his other hand to move close to her heart to subconsciously convey how much it would mean to her to be able to reify their bond through such a ceremony, even if it's only pretend.

For how their play wedding goes, I love what @carnivorouswillgraham does in w.a.m.s. that I've already gushed about here

But aaah do I love the idea of the music box Emma received from Isabella as her gift being the musical accompaniment to their ceremony.

(Mystic Code Book Chapter 1 Q&A)

In addition to them just all being adorable little babies enjoying the chance to recreate such an important ceremony between all three of them, even if just pretend.

Baby Ray going through an existential crisis but still trying to be present for his bffs/soon-to-be spouses and genuinely finding some solace in these moments with them that will solidify his resolve to confront Isabella in just a few days.

Just continue to fucking gut me.

For adulthood, I'm half and half of whether they'd have one, but if they do and Emma regains her memories, I imagine it playing out very similar to how it does in @salsae's to have and to hold, which I've gushed about a bit already here.

All of their friends and family gathered together at one of their homes or whichever quiet venue could accommodate such a large gathering, some of their siblings walking them down the aisle as Nat plays the piano, Emma in relaxed summer attire befitting or her kind and free spirit, incorporating the paper cups as part of the vows and the galaxying braining of turning it into a REN thing rather than solely an NE one, the trio taking turns crying out of joy (because ofc they can't all cry at the same time), Ray somehow getting roped into catering his own fucking wedding…it all comes together in such a beautifully brilliant way that I can't really think of anything to be altered except Alex walking Emma down the aisle.

If Emma doesn't regain her memories, I'd still imagine something similar playing out with it being a lowkey event in someone's backyard, but there's less chance of Ray prioritizing getting NE together separate from him (for a while) because in his mind they're forever classified as a matching set that he's not a part of

(2020 Exhibition Interview)