#goldfish_writes

☆ This unnamed piece set during the timeskip by @p-s-geeks:

There is a flower in your pocket. It’s wild and medicinal. You’re familiar with it. You remember white bedsheets, a pleading whine, two pairs of hands embracing you, and the flower on your forehead, working more wonders that it was biologically capable of (it wasn’t the flower, you know). The flower currently in your pocket is probably in a worse state, has probably shriveled up and wilted after hours of being plucked. It weighs lighter than a feather but feels heavier than diamonds. […] You unearth the flower from your pocket. Ray deserves to see this. Deserves to relive memories with you. And you kind of need him to. Right now, he’s the only one who’s been through thick and thin with you in majority of these trials and tribulations. He’s the only one who can look at it the way you look at it. […] “It’s alright” Ray says, pressing himself closer to you. You hold onto him like he’s the last lifeline on a sinking boat. “It’s alright. You’re not alone. You never were alone” You sleep listening to her gentle words in his gentle voice and it’s the deepest sleep you’ve gotten in a long time. (You wake up to a beautiful orange sunrise. To limbs tangled around yours. To soft snores. To groaning and complaining about morning coming too early during summers. And the hole in your heart subdues itself. It doesn’t disappear, doesn’t stop panging, but you still smile in remembrance and hope.)

How all the little things build and build until they become so deafening, and how so much solace is able to be found in those small‚ tender exchanges on one quiet night, with Ray echoing simple yet loving words he learned from her so long ago that became etched into his being after Grace Field not only by her but through the actions‚ big and small‚ of their family as well (because family is so very integral to each of them). How at first orange is such a painful reminder and how it ends on a most radiant sunrise that's the true embodiment of Emma, giving them both the strength to continue onward.

☆ Everything in banana_slug_army's library. Too much to cite in one post, but here's her tag on here and me talking about the only kind of jealously I enjoy between them:

(I do subscribe to the headcanon of Norman having a pang of jealousy over how much time RE got to spend together before their reunion in the Paradise Hideout with how he tends to navigate extremes at that age, but it’s of a very specific variety. Seeing how close the Grace Field escapees have become during their near two years out in demon world and how that shared trauma brought them together could be a mixed bag for him, with the aching reminder that he wasn’t there with them, didn’t share those memories with them after a lifetime of being together, and the initial flare of jealously turns into shame over thinking it in the first place when 1) he’s mad at not being able to have been there with them‚ not at them, 2) how selfish it is to still want that when they already went through his death once and now will have to go through that a second time, and 3) he spent so long isolated and effectively helpless in his immediate circumstances while at Lambda and suffered for no justifiable reason that it manifests in a festering internal rage, which heartbreakingly can never be given a satisfactory answer…so basically banana_slug_army’s Interwoven lol)

☆ Everything in @salsae's TPN library. Again too much to cite but here's her tag on the blog, me gushing about (so what am I defending now?) aka the quintessential Norray-focused REN fic exploring NR's relationship nine months into the search for Emma, and me gushing about her canon-divergent REN wedding fic, to have and to hold (fanart here). I am constantly citing this snippet of defending and thinking about the flashback and dream sequences Shirai went back and added to the volume release of chapter 181.

☆ Speaking of wedding fics, @carnivorouswillgraham's w.a.m.s. gushing can be found here. Also the post that inspired the fic with my silly edit.

The softness she regards them with, almost proto-shoujo bubbles. 🖤🫧🧡🫧🤍 Norman, adorably, hesitating because he’s still grappling with latent feelings he can’t even begin to articulate about his friends, but at the forefront of them is how he unquestionably gravitates to them and is attune to all their little nuances. Ray, heartbreakingly, hesitating because he’s grappling with the reality he’s beginning to comprehend and the crushing acceptance that he can’t save all his siblings as things stand now, and after already narrowing it down to just Emma and Norman, being faced with the question of if he could honestly live with himself if he chose one to save over the other. The conclusion he comes to further bolsters his resolve to confront Isabella in just a few short weeks, and foreshadows the devastation of Norman’s shipment after a lifetime of realization and meticulous planning. Really like the quiet magnitude of this both for Emma and Norman’s blissful unawareness of the farm system’s horrors conceived for them and ofc from the future romantic perspective as being the core foundational tenant of REN. 🖤🧡🤍

☆ Last of the wedding-related fics but honeynpeaches' Between Your Fingers, Between the Lines also has the first portion of Ray's chapter dedicated to it so I'll use that as a segue (gushing found here). The third chapter exploring Emma's inner monologues throughout the course of the series remains unpublished, but the Norman and Ray chapters can be read as self-contained fics. Highly recommend it and frequently to go back to reread when I need to reground myself in their character foundations.

So many little nuances and call backs, profoundly beautiful.

Additional citation of snippets in this post and this post, as well as this post for Ray angst fic recommendations.

There are so many amazing passages in here, but the "[o]ften, those eyes are blue" line absolutely fucking wrecks me every time. How the cadence of that brevity lands on such a simple fact that now evokes so much sorrow when he used to have such warm and positive associations with those eyes. Windows to the soul and everything that made Norman Norman and what he loved about him.

And then the often referenced celestial symbolism of him as the stars of the trio (to Emma's sun and Norman's moon), but a less romanticized, more viscerally horrifying perspective on it.

☆ As the Crow Flies by Goldfish_Writes I've talked about in more depth here. I'm not very big on full genre AUs, with my usual thoughts being "I consider the characters' personalities inherently shaped by the narrative itself. If you remove them from those circumstances they cease to be the same characters anymore, and I grew attached to them in part because of the circumstances they found themselves in; I got attached to this story." I'm also not very big soulmate AUs as they seem to miss more than they hit for me. But I am a big fan of REN, and I'm interested in seeing where this fantasy story goes.

The pre-established Noremma is absolutely delightful. Another thing thing I've mentioned before is my dislike of Norman being extremely uncharacteristically nebbish or aggressively confident and suave when pursuing relationships that' works in tandem's usually packaged with Emma becoming bizarrely demure. Again, I understand the appeal of stock scenarios, but it's not something I enjoy reading for them. I adore when they reach this level of knowing, playful banter with an underlying thrum of challenge, bred of familiarity at which boundaries can be teasingly skirted and which are low blows and off-limits, and founded on them being equals (after both of them, to different degrees, placed each other on pedestals).

☆ home by 81194, featuring a classic scenario of Ray, a dumbass, trying so so hard to lie to himself about his feelings for NE and failing spectacularly throughout a series of snippets before the two take matters into their own hands.

i think emma wouldn’t have been so spontaneous if she hadn’t been sure of how everything would go. things always go her way when she’s involved, after all… i love her sm.

Very much in agreement on Emma's respectful tenacity and ambition on these matters lol

☆ A Relatively Brief Reflection on Cognitive Dissonance by ribbontype is a wonderful character study of Norman up to the trio's reunion in chapter 121 executed through exquisite, deft prose, allowing one to easily luxuriate in its flow and imagery.

The way they make him whole and reaffirm his resolve to damn destiny itself. <3

☆ Tethered by SuddenWhispers is a beautifully written fic beginning during the human world arc and continuing past canon as the cast navigate what living truly means in the human world, along with what Emma regaining her memories could mean for the new promise.

Also some Ray and Barbara and Cislo interactions with the latter two acting as mentor figures to the former encouraging him on one of his weaker fronts of advocating for his wants, hello??

☆ the ambiguity of belonging by Kiss_Kiss is another post-canon fic that's smaller in scope but no less rewarding of a read with its quiet and desperate moments of vulnerability between the trio reaffirming how much they mean to each other.

Also not only is the handwave of Lambda sickness done away with for Norman, but it also touches upon what the difficulties of losing one's ear entails for Emma, something I rarely if ever see.

☆ Finally, hoping you're someone i used to know by @hylialeia

I've said this numerous times before how I'll give more leeway to individual short comics with the hyperbole being used to quickly and clearly deliver a punchline with a limited amount of time and space (like in the chapter 91 "Hayflick Effect" → "Hey! Flick!" bonus comic), but I hate when Emma is stripped of all her nuance to facilitate familiar shipping formulas. I understand how this snowballs from innocuous offhand jokes in the fandom, but it's unfortunate when these things overtake popular perception of her. She's emotionally intelligent and cunning (we see this early on when she's brazen enough to muse what Conny's up during her confrontation with Isabella in the hallway, all while keeping up the most cheerful front), so I always enjoy reading fic that keeps that balance in mind.

Beautiful, a simply beautiful exchange of greetings.

The preestablished Noremma is absolutely delightful. Another thing thing I've mentioned before is my dislike of Norman being extremely uncharacteristically nebbish or aggressively confident and suave when pursuing relationships that' works in tandem's usually packaged with Emma becoming bizarrely demure. Again, I understand the appeal of stock scenarios, but it's not something I enjoy reading for them. I adore when they reach this level of knowing, playful banter with an underlying thrum of challenge, bred of familiarity at which boundaries can be teasingly skirted and which are low blows and off-limits, and founded on them being equals (after both of them, to different degrees, placed each other on pedestals).

I generally have two default outlines for how I see REN getting together: all together at once, or NE getting together first before roping Ray into the relationship. Here it's clearly the latter, though with a bit of a twist in that NE isn't as intimately familiar with Ray stemming from a shared childhood, but there is an awareness of him being out there. There's also the layer of longing that I personally vibe with for him and incorporate into my interpretation of the ship that can be summed up as "Ray is first to know, last to go, and Emma is last to know, first to go." (Because when there’s something she wants and believes it’s correct to do so, she just goes for it. There might be some delay in trying to find the correct timing, but the progress on it dramatically picks up when she realizes, "wait, why aren’t we together? We should fix that." lfjldj adore that respectful tenacity and ambition.)

With Ray, there's a denial born from years of steeling away his heart so he would have the mental fortitude to see off multiple children on their shipment days and a bone-deep belief that after everything he's done, he doesn't deserve such love. He is committed to the vow he makes to Emma in chapter 38 about living on to protect their family, and multiple times he's at the center of discussions what's the best path forward to secure the safety of his friends and family. He can be in the spotlight for that, but when it comes to advocating for his own wants, he falters; accepts that internal strife born of self-loathing as penance for everything he's done to reach this point, prostrates himself to the idea that Emma and Norman are beyond him when it comes to matters of the heart, and attempts to twist and contort to himself he's content to live the remainder of his days with this secret if it means they'll be happy together. (I'll also do a quick shoutout to @salsae's vowsverse for the ultimate breaking down of this wall; simply spectacular culmination of all the build-up over the years.) But all this is underlined by a desperate clinging to the hope that a future with them is possible, a hope that he would never dare put to words but still subconsciously lingers as he tries to extinguish it.

Tying that long tangent back around to this AU, again, Ray doesn't know the two as intimately as he does in canon, but there's a spark of hope at the thought of a different future for himself that he wrestles with, griping over the ludicrousness at the pair's goal and fighting them tooth and nail with each step of their approach, yet he's still the one to initiate their game and can't help but want to meet them to see if there's a foundation where his hope can bloom.