#fss asks

(Chapter 121 | Chapter 122 | Chapter 123)

These panels are especially great for the parallel composition in chapter 114 (@just-like-playing-tag has a lovely edit of it here).

Further underlining how similar they are.

I've seen people lament a shift in Ray's personality post-escape, but that's more to do with the narrative not allowing for as many opportunities for his impish side to surface. The tradeoff is that with Ray's vow to Emma in chapter 38, there's more focus on how he's just as family-oriented as she is now that he can express his affection and care without fear of retribution.

The burden of being the eldest of the escapees weighs more heavily on them now that the safety afforded by the familiar prison of Grace Field is gone. Even Emma isn't immune from the toll it takes on her.

(Chapter 109; excellent panel composition on Demizu's part to have that giant block of text all in the bottom right as opposed to splitting it across multiple panels so it dwarfs and looms over Emma)

And despite living on in part for him, the loss of Norman was devastating for both her and Ray.

(Chapter 64)

Their best friend effectively rising from the dead is nothing short of a miracle, but their time apart has sharpened his ruthlessness.

(Chapter 121)

Like Ray, Emma is logical, even if she's more inclined to entertain ideals. In the face of everyone's joy and relief at Norman's plan, she can't bring herself to speak up. Not with how pragmatic it is, not with how dire the circumstances are. Like Ray, she's willing to put herself last for the people she loves, even if she'll carry that regret the rest of her life, because this is the best way.

(Chapter 122 | Chapter 32)

She does everything she can to squash her feelings down, framing the issue around herself. She's the problem.

(Chapter 121)

If Norman hasn't changed, then they're still on the same path heading toward the same goal, and any qualms she has are irrelevant.

But when Ray offers her sanctuary for honesty, she relents. If there's anyone for whom the ache of Norman's absence and the elation at his return would mirror her own, it would be Ray. If there's anyone who would understand Norman's point of view and all the intricacies and benefits of his plan, it would be Ray. They're both so much more strategic than her, and it's one of the many things she's admired about them.

(Chapter 5 | Chapter 88)

Emma knows Ray has all this in mind, and he's still giving her the space to share her true feelings without judgment or reprimand.

(Chapter 123)

Reminding her that even if there's a deep self-loathing snaking through her veins, paralyzing her with indecision, it's okay to advocate for yourself and the ideals you hold in your heart.

(S1 Episode 9)

You can feel the profound weight of a lifetime of suffering and loss on his face as he grapples with trying to keep his emotions out of what he’ll say next, because he never brings up how what happened in all the years prior made him feel, not even when Emma provides him with an opportunity where she prompts him with speculation about what it must have been like seeing dozens of their siblings off and being powerless to do anything about it in chapter 15/episode 5.

(Chapter 181.1)

He never explicitly colors his recollections with emotions when discussing them with Emma and Norman, how what was happening around him and what he and Isabella did made him feel, and only displays the full anguish of what that did to him when he's speaking with Emma on the night of January 14th. While the two knew Ray intended to kill himself to serve as a distraction for them to escape, Emma never knew how deeply he internalized his self-loathing and the belief that he deserved to die for his actions and inaction until that eventful night, otherwise she would have asked one of the other kids to go talk to him, if not just have said “fuck it” and did it herself, Isabella's watchful eye be damned. She would not have let him suffer to that degree so long on his own; it goes against every fiber of her being.

Ray keeps all of that inside though, because he doesn't want their pity. He doesn't believe he deserves any when he actively chose to become Isabella's informant and which children would be shipped out early due to his experimentation with the trackers, least of all from the two people who are firmly categorized as genuinely good and worth saving in his mind. He loves them enough to squash down his humanity and die for them.

On the other hand Norman….should we go with the hc that he knows that Isabella is Ray's mom…would never forgive Isabella for deceiving them and hurting them yes, but also because he could never forgive her for how she treated Ray

Not sure if you were the anon who sent this ask last year but REALEST SHIT he would be internally livid about how she treated Ray, even without that additional layer of their relationship.

Love overthinking this panel from chapter 174 and how Norman appears in it. It could easily just be due to knowing Ray had a unique relationship with Isabella from being her spy for years, but why not throw more angst in given his knowing and somber expression? Out of all the kids, he seems the most likely to piece things together on his own, especially with all the time he had to pore over things in Lambda. All the oddities he noticed between Isabella and Ray but chalked up to other things at the time, and isn't that so incredibly like Ray to keep that kind of conflict and pain to himself, either to spare others or because he loathes pity. There's a sad fondness tinging the thought.

(Norman also would have by then revisited the way Ray and Isabella behaved around each other and connected the dots and the blank spaces, hating the picture and feeling more and more sick as he got a glimpse of Ray's headspace on that terrible night before his birthday)

Again I think he would feel this way regardless, but presumably they read stories at Grace Field featuring biological parent-child relationships and probably pondered what those kind of ties could entail and feel like. It's knowing both were aware of those ties and that Ray hoped it would mean something to Isabella only to have that hope crushed in such a cruel manner that evokes additional ire from Norman, centering how Ray was feeling over the general expectation that sharing blood somehow elevated their relationship/made it more special with how at odds that feels with the themes of the series.

But yes, somehow them arriving at the topic (a number of ways it could come up, ranging from the more pointed to the more subdued), and Norman revealing he put the pieces together because he had a lot of time to think at Lambda, citing a few instances that made more sense to him because of it, and in an echo of their exchange in chapter 13/S1 episode 5, Ray responds with something along the lines of "I really can't get anything past you, huh."

Norman's intelligence is one of the many reasons he's fond of and cares for him, how capable and attentive it can make him, but there's bittersweetness and grief tinging those words due to the situation in general and at the thought of having been obvious about things back at the house that all circle back around to him loathing the idea of pity directed at him when roughly sixty of his siblings at Grace Field plant #3 suffered a worse fate under Isabella's care, a few of them as a direct result of his choices.

Ray's the most explosive of the three, the quickest to become exasperated and the one who stews the longest. Norman's more laid back when it comes to the mundane happenings of day to day life, but most notably in his regard to Isabella's betrayal, Ray's perceived one, and his feelings toward the demons, if it goes against his moral code and bruises his pride, the resentment runs deep and festers.

Emma without her memories—whether she ultimately regains them or not—might skew slightly more toward the center for how she internalizes that absence. Certain things that wouldn't have bothered her before lingering longer (e.g., forgetting something because it slipped her mind versus not being able to recall at all), leaving her potentially feeling more defensive or off-kilter, doubting herself, building up until they explode.

(Chapter 181.4 / Epilogue | Chapter 123)

But overall she retains her easygoing and genial nature, quick to let bygones be bygones even when she's not the one starting arguments.

This is especially true between her, Norman, and Ray because they're all operating on the fundamental understanding that they love each other, acting on this mutual gravitation toward one another that's always been present and furthering it by consciously committing to supporting each other. If a major disagreement comes up, they talk it out, encouraging each other to be honest.

(Chapter 123 | Chapter 153)

Maybe not right away if it's too tense to have a productive conversation, but once things have settled more. Whatever sentiments they have on the matter at hand, they don't like being at odds like this the longer things go on.

That said, bickering and bantering is commonplace between them.

(Chapter 4 | Chapter 10 | S1 Episode 5 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 36 | Chapter 131 Side Scene)

It's part of their rapport, knowing (or in Emma's case, relearning) how to push each other's buttons, how to tease and get a rise out of each other, while also (usually) knowing what's off limits. Silly, more lighthearted arguments such as nicknames, personal taste in food, and snoring have some creative solutions. (I fully subscribe to these incidents from banana_slug_army's Snippets happening at some point:)

(Chapter 83 Side Story)

It lines up with this analysis of the trio's respective intellectual strengths well, with Norman just knowing all the technical aspects of swimming and Emma just winging it and learning as she goes, potentially pushing or pulling Norman along with the speed she's seen going. Ray probably read something about it so he could swim after them if pressed.

Shoutout to @stray-tori for this edit of that strip from her reading of volume 10 (because NE would pull that shit to get Ray in the water fslkdj)

As a side note, I wish we had a confirmed scaling between the human and demon worlds since we're never shown that the kids need to traverse any large bodies of water in the search for Cuvitidala and the Seven Walls they would either need to swim or acquire a boat (playing into the demon world is underwater theory), but presumably none of the Grace Field kids ever had the opportunity to learn how to swim before they left for the demon world. The three other premium farms might of had a pool if they were set up like schools or towns to provide another venue for physical activity though.

(Mystic Code Book Chapter 3)

Regarding sports, I've seen multiple instances of Emma being into volleyball in part because of her similarities to Hinata from Haikyuu!, so if I had to pick a team sport I'd probably go with that, but I don't have any in-depth headcanons for it. I love @7w7thais' high school AU featuring this though!

I also adore this comic by winter_calm about REN's morning routine where Emma goes for a run after giving the boys a good morning kiss, and then she picks up groceries for Ray to make breakfast for the three of them. Incredibly canon to me. 🖤🧡🤍

I could see RE going on longer runs together, ranging from similar casual grocery runs or something more competitive, with Emma winning more often than not (and despite knowing her nearly all his life, Ray still wonders how someone so tiny can have enough energy for all three of them).

Norman…I think you could argue anywhere from him doing the bare minimum to stay healthy (it takes so much time and there's so many other things he could be doing! RE have to drag him to go running with them, and even then he ducks out early) to him eventually being a big cardio guy and looking akin to this ancient meme while doing it:

(Chapter 121)

But I just can't see him ever being big into weight lifting lol. I always default to Ray and Emma maintaining more muscle than him.

(Chapter 4 Bonus Sketch)

But general outdoorsy activities? He'd love to play tag with the younger kids. (Pre-finding Emma I've very fond of a scene I mentioned in this ask playing out, of Norman getting winded either from a general illness or him still dealing with Lambda sickness, reassuring everyone that he's fine and encouraging them to go off and play while he rests a bit, eventually the group whittling down to just him and Ray sitting under the shade of a tree, space left for a third. Watching their family indulge in such mirth without fear of a future cut short, they know even with the lows that have come before and could come again, when they find Emma, they'll be able to genuinely tell her they've been well.) Same for Emma and Ray. Frisbee golf, sunbathing or swimming at the beach, hiking, they're up for a lot of activities if it involves their friends and family.

They've also taken their siblings mini-golfing, but they've gone with just the three of them, too. It usually ends up with Norman and Ray taking forever to take a shot to irritate the other two (with the other two knowing he's already calculated the exact trajectory he needs for a hole in one or a birdie, and it's mini-golf, my ass you need to wait for the wind to change or whatever), which leads to Emma taking forever to take a shot in retaliation (she's more prone to being adventurous with her swings, which has resulted in breaking something at least once on a course, but she's not a slouch either) before they're all lowkey being judged by the group (or two) following them to move on already.

And picnics! They love going out on a walk to a favorite spot with a basket or two prepared by Ray, or planning an afternoon somewhere they've never been before to enjoy some new scenery and local cuisine (though Emma and Norman always insist Ray's is their favorite). It doesn't always turn out as planned between being rained out or sudden allergy attacks, but even then they're still able to enjoy themselves.

(There's nothing quite like catching the other two in conversation, wind gently carding through their hair, framing their faces so beautifully, as fondness seeps into each word and each natural pause, heart brimming with love both at the sight of their partners in their own unique dynamic and within their trio as a whole, each moment etched into their new forever.)

Sometimes the picnics lead into stargazing if they're out far enough. Emma loves pulling Norman and Ray close whenever she takes note of the North Star, because like she concluded when they were children, it's just like them.

(TPN Light Novel 4: Films of Memories - “The Guiding Star”)

Even on her deathbed, they refer to her as ママ.

(Chapter 177)

Everyone except Ray, who starts off using ママ before switching to 母さん.

I've talked a lot about this topic over the years (see my tag for Isabella and Ray's relationship here), but one of the most tragic things about their relationship is that their biological connection caused Isabella to hold a profound, unique ire for Ray that she didn't have for any of her other charges.

I continue to debate how much of her maintaining her deal with Ray was strictly for pragmatic reasons and how much was due to wanting to keep him close out of some painfully complicated mess of emotions that was constantly oscillating between a tainted affection and spiteful hatred. Any time she would find herself falling into the former, forgetting the circumstances of their relationship, him being the living, breathing reminder of one of the worst things HQ forced her to endure would resurface and how they chose to put him in her plant as if to silently mock her and unknowingly rub in how pitiful the life of a Mom would always be under this system. To openly love him would be one step further in giving in than she’d already done by accepting the Mom position and loving all the other cattle children she raised for slaughter, and she hated to give that much more of herself than she already had when she wasn’t aware of his origins. - from this post

"I couldn't dote on you. For twelve years, I made you live a life you wanted to curse."

This is something I originally saw brought up by @just-like-playing-tag that always leaves a bad taste in my mouth for AUs where she and Ray easily mend things and start acting comically chummy with one another:

Least favorite thing about [Isabella]: Eh it has to be how she treated Ray. Now, hear me out: You know there's this kid who knows that him and his siblings are being raised in a farm. He knows none of them will survive their 12th birthday. He has to see the siblings he obviously loved (because that's what kids do, they love their siblings, no matter how much Ray tried not to get attached) being shipped once every two months. He had to go through all of this, while acting like everything was fine. And you think "oh yeah why don't we treat him like a fucking animal that's obviously the right thing to do." Just. Girl what's your problem??????? His life was a nightmare, why did you had to make it even worse??????? She called him "dog." She made him hate himself more then the already did. She made it so that he'd never forget that his biological mother hated him. Really,,,, why. Why didn't that boy deserved the "happy life" you promised to give every child you raised. Why did you chose to fuck him up more that he already was. Even worse, the thing is,,,, I know the reason she did it. It's because she knew Ray was her son, and she didn’t want to get attached in any way. It's because him himself was born out of the system that had tortured her in every way. Because that too was probably the manifestation of a deep self loathing for all she had done and she kept doing. But still- woman, you're an adult. And he was a freaking five years old. All you had to do is not to add more trauma.

So when she says she "couldn't" bring herself to dote on him, it's not that she was holding back special treatment of him because of the farm's rules or something similar. It's that for so long she couldn't bring herself to let go of this disdain she held for him and how that seeped into so many of their interactions after that revelation of their relationship, in ways that were imperceptible to all the other children around him, but Ray knew. He always knew.

(always a riddle inside my head (aesop's kin) by evanescent)

I come back to this moment from S1 episode 10 where she smiles to herself at Ray in the throes of despair after Norman's shipment.

There's no one else around to constitute this being part of a front. This is her silently reveling in thwarting the schemes of children she’s taken care of for years for daring to think they could upset the status quo, taking petty delight in the challenge and the break it offers from the monotony of her existence in her role while also harboring jealously for the hope they hold that she lost so long ago, and finding catharsis in snuffing it out.

But she also recognizes how ugly this is, even if only unconsciously or without ever putting a name to it, which is why she holds a level of detachment in her observations of Ray in the second light novel.

(TPN Light Novel 2: Moms’ Song of Remembrance - “The Starry Sky and Leslie’s List” Chapter 9)

Claiming to hold no particular maternal feelings toward him, always trying her best to refrain from falling into outright loathing, being unable to bring herself to dote on him for all he represented, yet still noting and appreciating the unconditional love Norman and Emma were able to provide Ray and the solace he found in their presence. A tempest of emotions that, as you note, she was only able to fully sort out once she had the distance of both space and time at Grace Field headquarters.

For his part, Ray tries to maintain aloofness and distance in their relationship as well. The bonus sketch of Isabella hugging each member of the full score trio is incredibly telling with him refraining from hugging her back.

re: Ray, I see it as him being either so desperate for affection he goes to her while utterly loathing himself for giving into that moment of weakness (I will forever love the anime for including him humming her lullaby on the night of the fire for what one can interpret from it), or she manipulated him into doing it while they were in front of the other children to remind him of the power she holds in this intricate and delicate hell they’re living in, making him suffer another small defeat in a line of many. ["That’s something he will never have. Ray probably thinks that she is giving him all this because of his academic prowess."] The wondering whether this is something he treats as a flat matter of fact or if it’s something he laments and forces himself to believe, because imagining Isabella being able to love him while choosing to interact with him the way she does—putting on a loving show in public while taking her mask off behind closed doors and maintaining the clinical air of a business transaction—is simultaneously a waste of energy and too painful. - from this post

It's part of why his initial presentation of his meeting with Isabella at the wall to Norman is framed like this in chapter 14:

And like this in chapter 28:

When the reality is some mixture of what's presented to us in chapter 37 and chapter 181.1:

Here he appears much more emotional and vulnerable. Any sign of weakness could be used against him, and that's not something he can afford in securing Emma and Norman's future. Yet there's still a small part of him that clings to the hope that Isabella will immediately drop everything to be on their side, the side of all the children in general, and that she won't kill him. Not any of the other children anymore, him specifically now that she's aware of their biological connection after the five years they spent together at Grace Field, because that has to mean something, right?

And we see the pure devastation in his eyes when he realizes she won't.

Even as he does everything he can to steel his resolve and build his mental fortitude over the years, even when he knows logically nothing good can come from longing for a relationship with her that can never be, that small hope remains in his heart that maybe, deep down, she didn’t truly resent him. That maybe, deep down, she could genuinely love him.

And that’s why he has so much trouble finishing his sentence of “to you, I’m…” in S1 episode 8 despite feigning nonchalance when referring to himself as a dog in chapter 13/S1 episode 5.

(As a side note, post-escape I don't think this gnaws at him as much since he's out of the oppressive environment of Grace Field and Isabella's immediate presence, which gives him the time and space to also sort through his feelings and heal through being present for his family, though in this post I've talked about how I don't think they would ever be able to fully shed the past in an AU where she survived.)

All of this contributes to their last conversation in chapter 177.

Why did Isabella only tell Ray she was sorry and to take care of others and not the thoughts actually raging in her head? Wasn’t that entire thought process and wanting to ‘mend’ things with Ray one of the primary factors among everything else for her rebellion?

Her internal monologue in chapter 177 makes it clear she only has so much strength to act as the life leaves her body (which lends itself to Shirai wanting to wrap the series up as quickly as possible at this point).

In the blitz her mind is going through as it rapidly fades, she's addressing the points her heart believes are most important. This includes apologizing to Ray for the way she uniquely wronged him.

(@1000sunnygo's tweets on Ray's use of 母さん throughout the series)

Every instance Ray refers to Isabella as "Mother" is an emotionally charged acknowledgement of their connection and what it's supposed to mean under normal circumstances, be it more obvious such as in the flashbacks during their meeting at the wall or subtly as in the note he used as bait for Krone in chapter 22/S1 episode 7 (I have a separate post on that here).

For the final one, Isabella reaches out to gently cradle his face, and Ray in turn grasps her hand as he cries out at the impending reality that he's forever losing the chance to reconcile crashes over him, willingly accepting and clinging to the ties that brought him so much grief, even if it's an acknowledgement only privately shared between them among those present.

For his part, he mourns the loss of what could have been. How, in another life, they could have had a normal, loving mother-son relationship. Something that as much as he might try to deny after everything with how foolish it could sound, was something he wished for deep in his heart. How now any opportunity at mending their actual relationship, of her making a long-term, concerted effort to repair it was gone. How he was left to pick up the pieces. - from this post

I think there's also a selfish reading one can pull from her final words to Ray, though it's unintentional on her part given where one's mind must be when they're on the precipice of death. At this point, it's safe to say she's genuinely remorseful when she states she wishes she had time to atone for everything she's done, and asking Ray to take care of everyone in her stead given what we've seen of him truly beginning to thrive in life when he opens himself up to his family's love and has others relying on him does pair well with those maternal well wishes for the children's future. Yet knowing everything he went through and how little regard he held for his own life for so many years because he was also filled with self-loathing over his actions, her last request being to take care of everyone else without also advocating for him to take care of himself feels somewhat off, especially in light of how it was stressed by Emma and the other escapees in chapter 38.

It's a small choice of wording, and again she's not thinking the clearest when she's so close to death and so overwhelmed with wanting to convey her final sentiments toward them, but that's a lot to place on the shoulders of a thirteen year old, especially when he's not afforded the chance to truly have an honest conversation with her to express all his feelings over the years to her, and he's left to mourn that lost opportunity and all the "what ifs." - from this post

Yet again she dictates how their relationship will proceed, how this final exchange will play out, and upon reflection of it I think Ray would feel a torrent of emotions similar to what banana_slug_army presents in chapter 4 of her fanfic Sunshine and Solace.

Hatred, bitterness, emptiness. Despite knowing there wasn't much else she could do under the circumstances of her death and learning of everything she worked toward during those two years since he last saw her, it doesn't cancel out the mental scars she left on him over a lifetime, the memories and fear etched into his being that shaped who he was without completely defining him that he could never shed, his blessing and his curse. Their relationship would forever be tainted, and complete reconciliation would be impossible.

(Chapter 34)

This had to be carefully coordinated and done at the exact time the fire was happening because Isabella is notified when trackers are damaged or deactivated, as seen in "The First Shot" bonus chapter where Ray damages his to test his theories about the house.

While we're giving conflicting accounts of this meeting in chapters 28 and 37 that were written years earlier in the manga's run, I think it's safe to assume some amalgam of what we're shown in Isabella's flashback of chapter 37 and what's shown here is what actually happened on January 15, 2040, because damaging the trackers and causing an alert to go out is corroborated by what Krone tells the children in chapter 20.

So Ray put together what was happening at the house, decides to confront Isabella about it while also testing to see what happens when he damages his tracker, and his hypothesis is proven correct in that Isabella came running to find him within a few minutes of his experiment.

(Norman's letter from the live action movie)

Norman stresses they have to outwit Isabella in his letter to Emma, which means somehow physically removing the working, intact trackers from Ray's and Emma's ears to serve as distractions/keep her attention on them while the other escapees are deactivating theirs with the deactivator since it can't be in two locations at once.

(S1 Episode 11 | Chapter 34)

(Chapter 33)

Ray’s tracking device is shown to work outside the body if removed fully intact (along with being able to work within open flames), so it’s not as if Emma couldn’t have removed hers and kept it on her person until Isabella took the bait of putting out the fire. I’m assuming the plan was to have Emma remove Ray’s with the scalpel from the infirmary, and then have him or Thoma and Lanni do the same for hers (or whoever ended up being there).

However, no one accounted for how emotionally distraught Ray would be over using their siblings to facilitate the escape and fully believing his death was the only way to atone for it.

(Chapter 34)

He admitted to what he did prior to this.

(Chapter 15)

But it was in a very detached manner with no emotion assigned to it, so they had no idea about the depth of his guilt and self-loathing.

So when the time comes for him to remove it, he’s disoriented from not only inhaling lighter fluid fumes, but also having his entire plan modified without being aware of it, Thoma and Lannion and apparently all of their other siblings knowing about it and having the mental fortitude to cope and prepare for the escape, and wrestling with the feeling deep in his gut that he should be dead by now because that’s the only way he makes everything right.

(Chapter 33)

It’s important to note that Emma’s scream is what brings Isabella to the dining hall sooner rather than later. (In the anime, she’s marking off the calendar, but we can assume she would have gone patrolling eventually.)

Theoretically, she could have waited a minute or two more. Isabella would have probably checked their rooms first, and even if the kids made a fake bundle of pillows and blankets to mimic Emma’s sleeping form, Ray’s would still be empty, so she’d run off to find him.

But Emma decides in that moment Ray is too distraught to successfully slice out her tracker for her (and I guess she doesn’t trust Thoma or Lanni either despite both of them being adept at making the rockets to launch across the cliffs </3), so she tells the boys to take Ray to where everyone is supposed to meet up and that she’ll handle her own device.

(Chapter 34)

And based on the top right panel not being surround by black for a flashback, they had enough time to quickly bandage Ray’s ear, too, as opposed to Anna doing it when they meet up with her. If they had known what Emma was about to do, I don't think any of the boys present would have gone along with this.

It's why Ray apologizes to Emma later that morning in chapter 38, saying she wouldn't have lost her ear if it wasn't for him, but she had already accepted the consequences of her actions and moved on when she made the decision hours ago, never considering holding it against him.