#saldeath

You could hear the inmates' cries as you got onto the elevator. Even from above, their pleas were audible. Not that anyone cared to listen. Why would they? These scum deserved whatever torture they got in Impel Down after everything they had done outside, as you were told many times: If they had wanted to keep their freedom, then they shouldn't have committed crimes. It was that simple, really.

It was almost midnight, and you had to go to Level 3 before your shift started. It was going to be a hot night, almost overwhelmingly so for that matter, but this level was considerably easier to handle compared to others, so you didn't have much to complain about.

The first level was called the Crimson Hell. And, as its namesake, it was filled with crimson trees as sharp as blades and had grass like needles that stabbed you each time you took a step.

As anyone could imagine, it was too much trouble to keep track of the inmates without getting hurt yourself. Yes, every guard got a few pairs of shoes to help them walk in this place without getting hurt, but the uniform didn't do much when you fell on your ass while chasing them alongside the poisonous spiders, that was for sure. And, honestly, running around your whole shift wasn't something you preferred to do, anyway.

The second level was called Wild Beast Hell, and, unlike the first level, it contained various creatures that had not been tamed. Like, at all. Some even had human-like faces and repeated some of the words they had learned from the inmates or guards, much like a parrot, so that was interesting.

It was always entertaining to see newbies looking horrified when a Manticore "talked" in front of them, you know?

Most found them off-putting, but you thought they were sweet, well, in a grotesque way, of course, especially when you brought them something to eat, like crackers or chips. Then they were even willing to let you pet them occasionally. They usually had half a mind not to attack anyone who didn't wear a black-and-white striped uniform, but you knew better than to leave your guard down there. That basilisk bite you got on your arm on your first day of work was still throbbing to this day, unfortunately.

Because of these beasts, most prisoners often either lost the will to go on and let themselves get eaten alive or refused to escape even when their cells are unlocked. It definitely made you guys' job ten times easier.

Your level, the third one, was the tamest one compared to the rest. At least, in your opinion. The heat coming from Level 4 boiled the prisoner's blood in their veins, and they were given so little food and water that any thought of running away or attacking a guard didn't even cross their minds anymore after several weeks of enduring this pain.

They were reduced to the point where, by merely looking at them, one could not even tell that they were ever once frightening criminals. 

The worst part of this level was its desert-like terrain. Yeah, it definitely wasn't worse than Level 4, but it still caused overwhelming dryness to you as well as the criminals and made you sweat like crazy. Your clothes were always filled with sand and got stuck on your skin every shift, too, for that matter.

The next level was 4, of course. They called it the Blazing Hell. At this level, a pool lied at the middle filled with boiling blood heated by a raging fire, making it extremely hot. You had the misfortune of seeing a couple of inmates jumping from one of those holes left at each level to give the option of going even deeper into Impel Down if they so much wished to do so. They are always told that each level is worse than the previous one, but there were always some fools who thought there couldn't be anything worse and tried their luck.

Well, the duo you saw jumped down from the ventilation and quickly fell into the pool to get steam-cooked while they still breathed. They couldn't even scream because of the heat. They started boiling the moment they jumped and quickly cooked alive before going in with a loud splash. You had no idea if they were still breathing when they surged, but one of their arms did shoot up, and you saw the man's flesh easily come off the bone like overcooked meat, soft and tender.

Suffice to say, you had thrown up soon after and later kindly asked them not to assign you to this level anymore. You always thought you had an iron-like stomach, but that? That seemed to be your limit.

Thankfully, your Chief Guard was kind enough to ensure that you were kept on the top levels after this incident; there was no point in dragging a guard down there if they couldn't do what they were supposed to, after all. You didn't think someone like the Commander, the other superior guard responsible for the Five Jailer Beasts and the torture devices used on the inmates, would have listened to your pleas likes this and instead would have just told you to get a thicker skin. She was so annoying and frankly, creepy as hell. Honestly, who even had the genius idea of hiring her here, anyway? Yes, every person locked down here deserved to get punished, but whatever the hell was going on with her was not it. Yeah, you weren't exactly the epitome of nice either, no one here was, and it was kinda the point of this job, but at least you didn't go and bash someone's skull in just for the fun of it. Hell, she all by herself was getting rid of at least 100 or more prisoners every month and that was with Magellan telling her to hit the brakes a bit!

...Frankly, you were just grateful that they didn't ask you to work under her. Not that you would even if they did. The day they assigned you to work with the Commander would most likely be the day you would give your resignation letter and leave, for that matter. Who knows what kind of stuff she would want you to endure? None of the ones who did even wanted to talk about it after their shifts ended, that was for sure. Some even quit just after one day of work! That was enough of a reason for you to stay away and not even a promotion would stop you from booking the hell out of this place. 

Well, the next level in question was the Freezing Hell. In stark contrast to the station above it, the entirety of Level 5 here was a giant freezer. You had no idea how they managed to do that, though. The whole place was so cold that not only did the prisoners kept here either froze to death or lose pieces of their flesh from severe frostbite, but the food given to them was frozen to the point of being virtually inedible. Your best guess was that they probably sucked on it like it was a popsicle until they managed to soften it enough to nibble on it.

Not even the Den Den's work here, so the only way for Chief Warden to learn what was happening was for the guard to come and give a face-to-face report after their shift ended each work day, meaning extra work.

Because of this, only specially selected guards were assigned down there. They had to be strong and resilient, both to fight off the cold and keep the inmates in line. You definitely weren't that, so you never went past Level 3.

And finally, Level 6, or also known as Eternal Hell. This was the lowest level in Impel Down, and most of the people outside didn't even know that it existed. It was where insanely powerful prisoners who had committed extremely atrocious crimes, and whose mere existences had become a major threat to the World Government itself, were kept.

You even heard Vice Warden Magellan say that even a single Level 6 prisoner lurking in a remote country could be an incredible danger to the public, so they were always shackled to the ground with sea-stone chains even if they weren't Devil Fruit users, just in case. And as far as you knew, the prisoners on this level have been given either the death penalty or a life sentence for what they had done, and would never get to be on the surface again. At least, not if they weren't in a body bag.

So, they were basically "erased" from history, as far as the World Government was concerned. Good riddance, really.

You, personally, never even went there before, not even to bring supplies to the staff, let alone see anyone brought down to Level 6, but you knew that the recently "caught" Fire Fist from the Whitebeard Pirates was on that level, too. It was by pure coincidence, too; you were just passing by the cargo to find a few cleaners to get rid of the mess at Level 1 when you heard two Chiper Poll agents talking.

Some internal conflict had happened in Whitebeard's crew, apparently, and that was how Fire Fist was brought here. Betrayed by his own brother, a trusted crew member, as it turned out.

They say that he's going to be executed, but nothing was clear yet. Though there was no way the World Government wouldn't use this opportunity, such a valuable pawn at their disposal, to get rid of one of the last remnants of the old era, that was for sure. You sure hoped you wouldn't get a shift that day when that happened, because, surely, those monsters would come knocking on their door to save one of their own even if it meant making the whole world their enemy. 

Well, it wasn't like these matters concerned you anyway, so there was not much point in thinking about this stuff all that much. Things out there on the sea were getting more and more violent, as the Worst Generation was getting more prominent. With that, the Four Emperors were also starting to get lively again as new threats were coming at them, and with Admiral Sakazuki now becoming the new Fleet Admiral, you guessed that there would be a spike in the number of judicial executions and battles overall happening on the globe that would happen from now on.

...Yeah, these were not good times. Not at all.

The worst part was that all this shit affected the civilians the most, even though they had the least amount of either say or power on what was happening. The Navy was lucky that after everything that had happened in Alabasta, the people weren't on the streets, rioting.

The elevator made a 'Ding!' noise when it reached Level 3. Not that you needed a reminder of it, since you already started to sweat from all the heat reaching you from the closed doors.

It hit you in the face, just as if you were in a sauna, when you stepped out. It was still a hundred times better than freezing you ass off, though, that was for sure.

You went to the left and reached the machine before inserting your time card into the designated slot. You loved that small clicking noise it made when it punctuated the paper. Then, to make sure you didn't lose the damn thing again, you put it in the inner pocket of your jacket right after.

The last time you did misplace it, you had gotten a considerable amount of Belli cut from your paycheck that month because they couldn't verify your working hours, and you were adamant about not repeating that shit show again anytime soon.

Then, as you walked towards the gate to enter Starvation Hell, you saw a familiar face.

"Oh! How are you, Kanishitoru?" You greeted the man. He was wearing a thick coat, so you guessed he must have been on Level 5. Just as usual. "What are you doing here?"

"My shift just ended, but Hannyabal asked me to bring some papers to Miss Domino." He said, smiling back. "How about you?"

"Well, that sucks. You must be sweating like crazy with all that. I've got the night shift today, though."

"Don't even mention it," The man sighed. "I could stay in the freezing cold all day long and be totally fine, but I really can't deal with all this damn heat!"

"How was your level?"

"Like always," he shrugged. "Not much going on. A couple of frozen inmates here and there, though some vanished. There's no point in searching, though. They're probably dead anyway. We had to dig open the doors because they were shut due to all the snow in the morning, though. What about you? I didn't see you at Level 4 last month. Are you stationed here now for good?"

"Oh, no. I was at Level 1 last month," You explained. "Saldeath sends me from one level to another whenever they lack men in one these days. Sometimes it's 1, sometimes 2, or sometimes 3. I don't mind either way."

The man looked surprised when he heard that, "Why is that?"

"I volunteered. Thanks to him, I don't have to work at Level 4 anymore, so I might as well do him this favour, too, you know? He said that they'll be getting new recruits in a few months anyway, then I'll be stationed here for good."

"Ahh, that makes sense," the other nodded along. "Level 4 isn't exactly... the most newbie-friendly place, anyway."

"Yeah. I couldn't deal with the stench of cooked human remains anymore, you know?"

"You could always come to Level 5. The inmates never smell there, not even sweat!"

"Hell no! One thing I hate more than anything is the cold, you know that!"

"Well, that sucks. It would have been fun to get a shift together every now and then."

"Not unless you finally decide leave that gigantic icebox!"

"Well, that ain't happening anytime soon, missy!" He joked. "I'll be taking my leave then. I think I'll honestly start to melt if I stay any longer."

"Yeah. Better go to your room and take a shower. I could probably smell you before I hear you coming at this point." You teased him and pinched your nose.

"Oh, buzz off!" He laughed and lightly punched your arm. "I hope you have a horrible shift!"

"With Miss Domino being here? You know nothing's gonna happen."

"I hope you get sent to work with Miss Sadi next, then!"

You gasped. That was a fate worse than getting shot in the leg. "I thought we were friends! Traitor! I hope a minokoala bites you on your way!"

Kanishitoru laughed as the doors to the elevator closed and got up. If he had any luck, maybe he could find something to eat in the lunchroom before the kitchen was closed.

You, on the other hand, turned around and walked past the gates. You already knew the routine, so you had no reason to bother going to the office and talking to the Head Jailer. She probably had more important things to do with her time, anyway.

At the center was a man hanging from a cross, his arms open wide. He didn't look up or even react when you reached him, probably comatose from the lack of nutrients and fluids in his body, with how sickeningly thin he looked. Almost like a skeleton, if you had to compare him to anything.

You checked his pulse, and when you saw that he was still breathing and his heart beating, you resumed your walk. No guard was allowed to put them down unless they had died or gotten permission from a superior before their time was over.

Most prisoners, like any other day, didn't even bother glancing in your direction when you walked past their cells, but some still had hope that you might show a sliver of compassion to them and slammed themselves against the bars to reach you when they saw you approach.

"Please, miss!" One begged. "Just a bit of food! Even crumps will be enough! I don't care even if it was covered in mold! Just something! Anything!"

"Just a bit of water!" Another held his hands out, trying to reach you. "Hell, even a drop! My throat is burning! I'm about to drink the sand at this point! I'm begging you!"

"This is against human rights!" Another cried, even, looking quite angry. "You can't treat us like this! No matter our crime, we're still human beings like you guys, aren't we, huh?!"

The World Government would argue otherwise, you thought, and walked past them. You didn't have the liberty to actually feed the inmates, anyway, unless you took the risk of getting disciplined. And you sure as hell wouldn't do that in this level; most of these people committed assaults, murders, kidnappings, torture, and much worse. They didn't deserve anything, let alone getting their basic needs met.

At least at Level 1, they could argue that they tried to fuck over the WG, not their fellow citizens, like committing tax fraud or insurance scams, and ask the guards to be a bit more lenient with them. You didn't know about the others, but you usually went a bit easier on them from time to time because of this, like stopping your chase and letting them rest a bit before continuing the hunt.

An hour into your patrol, you stopped and leaned towards the nearest wall to get rid of the sand from your boots. Some were stuck to your sock, but at least it was more tolerable than before. No matter how you walked, it seemed, some of it always found its way inside. It annoyed you to no end.

Then, you heard a message coming from your walkie-talkie.

"Guard 17890," said the woman from the other line. "Do you copy? Over."

"A-affirmative!" You quickly responded, grabbing the device with both hands, and then cringed a bit since you stuttered. To be fair, anyone in your shoes would have been startled since it wasn't every day Miss Domino gave you a call personally. "Over."

"What's your 20?"

You looked around for a moment to confirm your location, "Northwest, near the ventilation. Over."

"Do you see anyone out of their cell?"

You frowned. That was unusual.

"Negative. May I ask what the situation is?"

"I've got a code [10-17] coming from Level 1," Miss Domino explained. "They said one of the inmates is gone. They think he might have gone a few levels down, so we need to keep an eye on that. Over."

"Roger that."

"The inmate's number is E8200." She said, then. "Blue hair, red nose. 6.4 feet tall. He had a bounty of 15,000,000 belli before getting caught. Minimal risk, not much of a threat. Do you require backup?"

"Negative," you said. You should have no problem handling a Level 1 criminal by yourself. "Is this all, Miss?"

"For now, it looks like it. Check in with me every hour or so until this is finished. Don't hesitate to ask for backup if you think you won't be able to get him."

"Roger that."

"I'm out, then."

And with that, the transmission was over. You put your walkie-talkie away again and checked your rifle so it wouldn't jam or anything when you needed it before resuming your patrol.

This time, you were a bit more attentive of your surroundings and listened closely before taking a turn when you reached a corner. There wasn't much that a man could use as a weapon here, but it was still better to be safe than sorry. This prisoner had managed to jump down two levels without getting caught somehow, after all, and this meant he had to be a bit competent on some level.

You called the Head Jailer twice to give her your reports about the situation before you finally heard something.

A commotion.

You frowned.

That never happened.

...It sounded like a group of inmates were... arguing?

That didn't make sense. Not to you, at least. They had nothing but the clothes on their backs, so what did they even fight over?

You listened to their shouts as you approached them. You even got a hold of your rifle in case you would need to give a warning shot for them to calm down already.

"Shut the hell up, you piece of shit!" Someone shrieked and banged on their cell door.

"How the fuck did you get out anyway, huh?!" Another questioned, sounding personally offended by his fellow inmate's success, "You look like a twig! Ain't no way you did it alone! Who helped you, huh!?"

"Get us out, too! Please, I'll do whatever you want!" The third begged, and actually sounded sincere with his promise. "Hell, I'll be your servant for the rest of my life if that's what you want!"

"Hah! As if!" A shrill voice said, then, booming with quite an annoying smugness. That was probably the reason why they were so agitated. "You were just talking shit about me just a moment ago, you bastard! Now you want my help? No way in H-E-L-L!"

"Don't be like that! We criminals need to stick together!"

"You think you'll be able to survive all by yourself, you clown?! You need us, too!"

"Just tell us how you did it and we'll figure it out somehow! Come on, man! Be a champ!"

So there was your suspect. You ran a bit faster and almost fell onto your face when your feet slipped on the sand. This place was so damn slippery, damn it, and especially so when you needed to be fast! There was no way you could let a few more criminals go rogue! You would definitely get demoted if that happened under your watch, and then you would have to be on the cleaning duty for who knows how long!

Your delinquent laughed, then. It was very high-pitched and loud, very performative, as if he was on a show."You guys should have thought that before acting like pieces of shits towards the Great and Amazing Buggy, idiots!"

Good, you thought, that was relieving to hear. At least that meant one problem you wouldn't have to worry about. You quickly got a hold of your rifle and turned the corner to see E8200...

Slapping his own ass in front of a cell, agitating and angering the other inmates, mocking them, saying, "You lot can kiss my flashy ass!"

The other three were trying to grab him through the cell, too, looking like rabid dogs that went mad, but their hands barely reached his surprisingly long, blue hair. How was it still so blue, you wondered, when there was no hair dye here. Was it its natural color? It wouldn't be the most shocking thing, you supposed, with the Grand Line harbouring many different kinds of people.

Well, now wasn't the best time to ogle a man, was it?

"Freeze!" You shouted and pointed the muzzle at the guy's back. "No one move!"

"Eeegh!?" E8200 screeched in surprise, hands going up instinctively. What did he say his name was? Bunny? Buffy? Ballie? Yeah, something with a B. "What the hell?!"

"Inmate E8200," you said. "I'm detaining you! Either you cooperate and return to Level 1 or get locked up in here, your call!"

The man slowly turned towards you, and you finally saw what his face looked like as well. Just as the Head Jailer had said, his nose was red. Comically red. Like a big, round tomato. It looked weird and unnatural on his face, as if someone had forcefully stuck it there with sheer force of will, not something that you would be born with, contrasting his hair with both its shape and color.

He really did look like a clown. Like an actual clown you would see in a circus.

You frowned. What the hell? Since when did they let people get in here with costumes? Maybe you would have to write a report on this so that they would be more careful next time with what they allow the prisoners to bring into their cells.

Then another thought struck your head.

...Why did you kinda dig the look, though? It was kinda cute, right? Like a jester? A silly little guy you would see at a festival? It especially looked like it thanks to his ocean-blue hair. It was so long and thick, it almost made you jealous, too.

"Where did you get that thing?" You asked the man, then, and pointed the rifle at his nose. "No accessories are allowed in the prison. Take it out."

E8200 looked confused for a moment, then his eyes went comically wide as he realized he was talking about that fake nose of his.

"A-are you...are you talking about my...?" He mumbled, his face contorted with disbelief, and pointed to his nose. "My nose?"

"Yeah? What's up with that clown nose, inmate? I said take it out."

And let you see what his face actually looked like while he was at it, of course.

If he still looked this attractive as a clown, who knew what he truly hid behind there, right?

....

....

....

....God, you were really shameless, weren't you?

"T-t-t-t...." He started to stutter, then, as if you had just insulted his whole bloodline, he exploded. "WHOSE NOSE IS BIG AND RED?! I'LL KILL YOU, YOU BASTARD!"

You scoffed at his theatrics but decided to let it slide; there were more important questions, after all.

"So that's your real nose?" You asked in disbelief.

That seemed to agitate the clown even more.

"OF COURSE IT IS! WHY WOULDN'T IT BE, HUH?!"

You couldn't help but grimace, to E8200's dismay. Puberty must have been really cruel to him. And the other kids, too, of course.

"Damn..."

"W-W-W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'DAMN...', YOU-?!" He tried to scream, coming at your face as if he had forgotten about your firearm, probably trying to intimidate you, but quickly mellowed down when you put the tip of your rifle to his Adam's apple. "I-I-I-I mean! Yeah! Poor, wretched me! Born with such a silly nose! I'm a bit sensitive about it because of it, as you would understand!"

You hummed and nudged him on the throat again. The clown shivered from head to toe. You kinda liked it.

"C-could you, pretty please, put that a bit down, Miss...?" He sheepishly asked and tried to push the tip of the rifle down with his index finger. Not buy much, of course, just to get it away from his throat. He wouldn't want you to actually shoot him, after all, accidentally or not.

"Like I said, I'm detaining you," You said again and made a show of putting your finger on the trigger. As expected, it made E8200 jump out of his skin. He was so skittish and foolish, it was ridiculous. How the hell had this man become a pirate before ending up in here? You almost felt bad about messing him like this. "You have the right to remain silent, as anything you say can and will be used against you in court."

"Yeah, yeah, I know all of that." The man sighed, hands still up in the air. "But..." He grinned then, "I don't really want to go back, you know!"

He had this mischievous look in his eyes.

That was never good.

You held your rifle tighter, "Well, you don't have much of a choice now, do you, inmate?"

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that..." He said, and before you knew it, something small, as small as an olive for that matter, was thrown your way. Had he hidden that in his ear? Even though you weren't sure what that thing was, you tried to dodge it, but it made a small hissing noise before exploding in front of your face.

At that moment, you knew you fucked up.

Suddenly, you were engulfed by a green smoke that made you choke and your eyes tear like hell, and you started to cough as if your throat was one fire. What even was this?! Some kind of mustard gas?!

"What the hell?!" You cried, falling onto your ass in pain. You tried to rub it away, but it seemed to make it only worse. Where the hell did a prisoner even find something like this? Had he stolen it from a guard or something?

E8200 laughed on top of you, loud and proud. Suffice to say, it pissed you off to no end,

"Haha! No one can escape my Buggy Balls!" Ugh, what kind of name even was that? He sure as hell wasn't creative for someone who looked like he belonged to a circus. "See you later, loser!"

And just like that, you felt a vein throb in your throat, frustrated. You didn't even care that your eyes hurt like a bitch now, you would not let that bastard escape, and quickly jumped onto your feet to follow behind him.

It was hard chasing someone like this, barely able to breathe while tears fell down your face, but at least you kept a fair distance between you two so as not to lose the man. And your tears and sweat did kinda help with getting rid of whatever bomb the clown had thrown at your face, so there was that.

"Come back here, you bastard!" You gave a few warning shots. It was hard to aim like this, so E8200 dodged them with ease.

"Who the hell would stop just because you tell them to, idiot?! I'm getting the hell out of here!"

"Like hell you are!"

"Yes, I am!"

"No, you're not!"

"Yes, I am!"

"No, you're not!"

"YES, I AM!!!!"

"No! You. Are. Not!"

"YES, I AM, DAMN IT-!!!"

Then, before he could even finish his sentence, E8200 crashed into something.

You looked up, and despite your teary eyes, you could see that the silhouette belonged to none other than Magellan himself.

You gasped and quickly put down your firearm, "Vice Warden?! Sir?!"

E8200 tried to backtrack when he heard that, clearly familiar enough with the title to know what that meant for him, but the man grabbed him by the throat before he could run away again.

"So you're our little runaway, Buggy the Clown." Magellan tsked. "You've made quite the ruckus here."

Buggy the Clown? That was the first time you had heard of this name. As you had expected, he must have been a small-time criminal whom most didn't even know about. Though the existence of a circus-themed pirate was quite alluring just as it was also ridiculously unbelievable.

"M-magellan...!" The blue-haired man gasped and tried to breathe through the huge hand that was clasped against his throat. Serves him right. "H-how nice it is to see you here...!"

"Can't say I share the sentiment," Vice Warden sighed, and then turned towards you. "More importantly, are you okay, Miss....? Your eyes are quite red. Would you like me to assist you with this one?"

"Oh, it's totally fine, sir, really!" You said and wiped your eyes with your sleeve. "I just got caught off-guard! Thank you for your help, but I'm sure you've got more important things to do than deal with a Level 1 criminal. I'll handle him from here."

"I was about to meet with the Head Jailer anyway." He said and held the man down as you pulled out a pair of cuffs. E8200 hissed in pain when you tied his hands a bit too tightly than it was necessary.

Good.

"Would you like me to give Miss Domino a call, sir?" You offered after pulling the inmate up, one iron grip on his blue locks while the other held tight onto his arm.

"If it isn't too much trouble."

You quickly pulled your walkie-talkie.

"Guard 17890 to Head Jailer," You said to the thing. "Are you there, Miss Domino?"

You heard a shuffling sound come from the other side, "Affirmative. What's the situation?"

"I have got E8200 detained now, thanks to the Vice Warden."

"Magellan?" The other asked. She seemed just as surprised to hear that he was here. "What is he doing there? I thought he was going to meet with Hannyabal?"

"I'm not sure. Please wait a moment. I'll be giving the walkie-talkie to him now." You informed the woman and handed the device to the Vice Warden.

Magellan thanked you, "Domino? Are you there?" He then asked.

"Yes, what's the situation, Magellan?"

"I was just about to visit your office when I saw that Guard 17890 was chasing down Inmate E8200," he explained. "I decided to help her a bit while I was at it."

"That's good. I'll inform Saldeath that our little runaway was found, then."

Vice Warden nodded even though there was no way for the women to see it. "I'll be with you in five minutes. Then we can talk about what we will do next with our new visitor."

There was a silence for a moment. She probably didn't like that you had heard that. Not that you would do anything anyway. Snooping around wasn't exactly your thing. "Got it. I'll be waiting for you here, then. Anything else?"

"Not from me," Magellan said, then turned towards you. "What about you?"

"Oh, no, I'll just escort the inmate to Level 1 again if that's okay with you," you said. The clown grumbled a bit when he heard that, but didn't try to fight you off otherwise.

"Okay. Inform me if anything changes, Guard 17890."

"Yes, Miss Domino."

"I'll take my leave, then," Magellan said and returned your walkie-talkie. "Please be careful. This one is a bit of a scamp with lots of dirty tricks up his sleeve."

"Aaahhh, that's really rude!" E8200 cried out, then, with a clearly fake-pout on his face. Everything was so exaggerated with him, like he was on a stage. "I'm not that bad! Really, I'm not! Most people adore me, you know?"

Vice Warden ignored him, "Are you sure you can handle him by yourself?"

You nodded, "He'll be back in his cell in no time."

"Aww, man! It was so hard to come down here, too!" He huffed again. This got him a smack on the head.

"Good. I'll be taking my leave, then."

"Yes, sir. Have a nice night."

"You as well."

The clown started to cry soon after you parted ways with Magellan. He was moaning and lamenting every step of the way, so much so that you thought your brain would start to melt out of your ears if he didn't shut his mouth soon, so you couldn't help but threaten him just a little.

"If you don't shut up," you warned him after pulling his air, "I'll make sure that you're sent to Level 5!" The blue locks felt soft against your skin. What was his haircare routine, damn it?

"Y-y-you can't do that?!" He shrieked, his voice filled with disbelief and a bit of fear. "You're just a guard! You don't get to just change someone's level however you want!"

And, yeah, in normal circumstances, he would have been right, but you were pretty sure that Mister Hanyabbal and Saldeath liked you enough to do this little favor. And it wasn't like the clown had any way of knowing any of this for 100% anyway, so there was no way he would actually try his chances just to prove a point. At least, he wouldn't if he didn't want to get the beating of his life.

"Oh yeah?!" You raised your walkie-talkie, making sure it was clearly visible in his vision. E8200 followed the device with his eyes and audibly gulped. "Let me give a call to Chief Warden then and see what happens! He wanted to open up some cells anyway!"

"B-but!" He stuttered. "Just because I'm being a little annoying?! Being annoying isn't a crime, is it!?"

"It sure as hell is here!"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" He cried, then, and got on his knees, begging. "I won't annoy you anymore, I swear! Just don't send me to Level 5! I don't wanna go there! No!"

Fat tears were falling down his chin and wetting the dry sand, and his voice rose a few octaves with his abnoxious whines. His blue eyes looked big and shiny because of it now, too. "I'll do whatever you want! I would even kiss your boots! Please!"

God, he was so pathetic. How could someone beg like this without feeling the slightest shame? Didn't he have even the slightest of self-respect?

....

....

....

...And why the hell did that turn you on so much, anyway?

"...You won't going to do that, will you?" He continued.

Was it because he was so pathetic? Or were you just captivated by his appearance? Or maybe a bit of both? But, you were never into-

Wait...

Did that mean you were into....

Clowns?

"....Hey? Are you even listening...?"

Oh, no.

Oh, hell no!

That cannot be true! No way in hell!

"From Buggy to Guard." He looked at you with those huge, blue eyes, waving his shackled hands in front of you. "Are you there...?"

You looked at him.

He did look cute, though, right? Like, objectively?

...Or were you just kidding yourself?

God...

...

...

...

You were the first one to look away.

"Fine." You sighed. "I won't bring you to Level 5."

"Yesss!" E8200 celebrated, jumping up and down, fists in the air, as if he had won the lottery. "Thank you so much!"

"Just get up so we can leave. I don't want to keep Mister Saldeath waiting."

"Wait a second!" the man sprang then. "Just one moment! I've got a question!"

Suddenly, he was so close to your face that it made your cheeks warm. You pushed his stupid head away and coughed. "God, what is it now?"

"I-I thought! When you jump from those holes, you know, in each level?" He pointed at the ventilator above you guys. "You get to stay at that level. Was I wrong? That's what the Marines had said before dragging me down here!"

"Well, technically you are allowed that, but..."

"So can I? Pleaseeee?"

"Why would you even want that?" You asked, confused. It was actually baffling to you that someone would want to stay here by their own free will after coming from the upper levels. "This level isn't exactly any better, either."

"I-I'm, uhhh, just soooo tired of running, you know?!" He kicked the sand, eyes turned to the side. "I'm sick of those spiders, too! I just want to sit in my cell and do nothing."

"You'll be starved here, though. No food or what will be provided. Not even when you're drying away like a leaf because of the heat."

"It's still better than the Wild Beast Hell," E8200 insisted. Oh, that fool. He couldn't be more wrong.

"I don't think you understand the severity of-"

"It's fine! I'm sure it'll be fine!" He interrupted your lecture and even dismissively waved his hand with a smile. "I might not look like it, but I'm very resilient, you know?!"

You stared at the clown for a moment, contemplating whether you should still drag his ass back to Level 1 anyway, for his own sake, but then just shrugged. You honestly weren't being paid enough to deal with this bunch.

"Whatever. If you wanna stay, then stay. Why stop you, right?"

"Yes! Absolutely!" E8200 nodded enthusiastically and followed like a good little prisoner as you guided him into one of the empty cells. It had a couple of skeletons in it, but at least those could keep him company, you supposed.

....Or be something to munch on once the hunger hit.

He watched from the side, smiling ear to ear, as you locked the door and put away the key. It was quite unnerving how delighted he looked, but maybe his stay here had already melted the rest of his brain, making him unable to understand his situation.

"Thank you so much!" He waved at you, happily, mind you, as you walked away. He really looked delighted with his new living quarters. It even made you question whether Level 1 was really that bad or not. "Have a nice day! Or night! Whatever! I can't tell what time is it, anyway!"

Yup, you thought, this one would not last for long.

Despite this unusual and hectic encounter, however, you would totally forget about the clown and his antics before the next guard even came to start the morning shift.

(Who would have guessed that this guy would turn out to be one of the two masterminds of the first mass breakout of Impel Down who led a huge riot with half of the prison, though?)