#saddness

Doomed to Fall Apart - Jjk Men Smau

Synopsis: *This was a request* You find out you are pregnant and you are thrilled, quickly texting your boyfriend, and soon to be father of your child, the news, but sadly, they don't match your joy. *obviously this is intended for female reader*

A/N: Thank you guys so much for giving me some more ideas!! If I haven't said it enough, I love myself some angst and as much as it hurt to do this request, it was amazing. Hopefully I did it justice and part 2 will be coming quickly! Anyways, hope you guys enjoyed 💕

*Since these are going to be a bit long, Im going to devide it into 4 parts. The next part will be with Nanami / Toji / Choso. Then I'll do the next part of the story entirely*

Part 1 / Part 1.5 / Part 2 / Part 2.5

-No warnings really for this one. Enjoy!

Part 1 and Part 2 can be found here!

-Y/N blames herself for everything, pushing past exhaustion to search the frozen lake. When the ice collapses beneath her and Mando, Finn arrives just in time to find her barely hanging on, cold, bleeding, and drowning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N’s POV

The wind feels colder the farther I walk. Or maybe that’s just the ache hollowing out my chest.

I keep my eyes on the snow, boots crunching softly with each step, like the world is trying to avoid making noise around me. Maybe it knows I’ll break if anything else hits me today.

I round the corner of the cabins—

—and my breath catches.

“Gwen?”

She stands in the middle of the path, arms wrapped around herself, shoulders trembling in the cold morning light. Her hair is tangled, her clothes rumpled, and her face,

God.

Her face looks like she didn’t just cry last night she survived something.

I cross the distance fast, barely breathing.

“Hey—hey, are you okay?” I ask as I pull her into a hug.

She stiffens for a second, like she’s not used to being touched after something awful, then she melts just a little enough to press her forehead to my shoulder.

“I almost died,” Gwen says, voice hoarse. “He… he almost had me.”

My heart stops. “What?”

She shakes against me, fingers gripping the back of my sweater like she needs help staying upright.

“The Grabber,” she whispers. “He was here. Last night. In the kitchen. He grabbed me—he beat me—he tried to shove me in an oven. He was going to burn me alive.”

My stomach lurches. My entire body goes cold.

“Oh God, Gwen”

“Finn saved me,” she adds quickly, like she needs the words out before she falls apart. “He called him. Distracted him. Finn… Finn saved my life.”

My chest tightens so sharply I can barely breathe.

Finn was fighting for his sister while I was asleep in his bed. He was protecting Gwen, talking to a killer and I didn’t even wake up.

A wave of guilt crashes over me so hard I almost sway.

But I shove it down. Hard. Gwen doesn’t need my guilt. She needs me steady.

I pull her into a tighter hug, both arms wrapped fully around her, grounding her the way I wish I could’ve last night.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper into her hair. “I am so, so sorry you went through that.”

She makes a small broken sound but nods.

“You’re safe now,” I tell her gently, even if I’m not sure it’s true. “You’re here. You’re breathing. That’s what matters.”

Gwen pulls back, wiping her face roughly with her sleeve, like she’s angry at her own tears.

“I told Mando everything,” she says. “Everything about the dream. He believes me now. Or… he’s trying. He said we’re going to the lake.”

“Lake Maru?” I ask quietly.

She nods. “The boys are under the ice. I’m sure of it.”

A slow, heavy silence settles between us.

I look at her really look and my heart squeezes painfully. Her trembling. Her fear. The exhaustion dragging at her eyes.

She shouldn’t have had to face any of this alone.

“I’m going with you,” I say. Firm. Immediate.

Gwen blinks. “Y/n”

“I mean it.” I tuck her hair gently behind her ear, voice soft but unshakeable. “You’re not going back out there without me. I’m not letting you face any of this by yourself.”

Her chin wobbles. “You didn’t have to”

“Yes,” I say gently. “I do. I am here to help you after all.”

She swallows hard and nods.

As we start walking toward the cabins together, Gwen close at my side, I feel the guilt settle deep in my ribs, quiet, sharp, and suffocating.

I should’ve been awake. I should’ve been there. I should’ve known.

But I’ll carry that in silence.

Because Gwen almost burned alive last night.

And she needs a friend. Not a girl crying over a boy who left her bed before sunrise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Finn’s POV

The morning air tastes like metal when I inhale.

Cold. Sharp. Wrong.

Mando’s words are still ringing in my head—Gwen’s dream, the lake, the boys trapped beneath ice, and underneath all of it, the one thing I can’t shake:

The Grabber is back. And he’s coming for all of us.

I walk fast, boots crushing through fresh snow.

My hands won’t stop shaking.

Not from the cold. From last night.

From the sound of Gwen screaming.

From the way the Grabber laughed through the phone.

From how close I came to losing her.

And from the thought that keeps clawing at the back of my skull no matter how many times I shove it away:

If he wants Gwen, he’ll want Y/N next.

The dorm comes into view quiet, still, half-frosted over. Too still.

A sick feeling twists low in my gut, sharp and instinctive. I push the door open, step inside, and head for my bunk.

“Y/N?” I call out softly.

No answer.

My pulse spikes.

I reach the doorway— and the first thing I see is the bed.

The empty bed.

Still a little rumpled from where she slept.

The sweater she wore last night is gone. Her shoes are gone. Her scent—warm, familiar—lingers just faintly in the air, already fading.

“Angel…?”

My voice drops, rough and confused.

She’s gone.

She’s actually gone.

I step closer, touching the blanket like maybe she’s hiding underneath it, like maybe she’ll materialize if I want it hard enough.

She doesn’t.

A sharp, ugly rush of emotions hits me all at once, too fast to separate:

Relief. Fear. Anger. Self-disgust. Longing. Guilt.

I rake a hand through my hair, breathing hard.

“Shit.”

She shouldn’t have been here last night. She shouldn’t have been anywhere near me. Not when the Grabber is hunting again. Not when I’m the one he hates enough to come back for.

I squeeze my eyes shut, jaw clenching.

I shouldn’t have touched her. I shouldn’t have let her touch me. I shouldn’t have let any of it happen.

But I wanted her. God, I wanted her so bad it scared me.

And that’s the problem.

Because wanting things, wanting people, is how they get taken away.

I open my eyes again, scanning the room like maybe I missed something. A note. A sign. Anything.

Nothing.

Just silence.

A silence that feels like punishment.

“Dammit, y/n/n…” I whisper, voice cracking. “Why’d you leave?”

But the answer cuts through my skull before I even finish asking:

Because she should.

Because I’m dangerous to be around. Because the Grabber knows I survived him. Because he wants to make me suffer again. And y/n is the kind of person he would take just to watch me break.

Just like he tried with Gwen last night.

I swallow hard, throat tight.

I imagine Y/N waking in the dark without me there. I imagine her confusion. Her hurt. Her shaky voice calling my name.

It guts me.

But the fear is louder than the ache.

If she’s not in this room, then maybe….maybe….she’s safer. Even if it means she thinks I regretted everything. Even if she thinks I left because of her.

I drag a hand over my face, breathing unevenly.

“I can’t lose you,” I mutter to the empty room. “I can’t.”

Not after last night. Not after hearing the Grabber breathe through the phone, whispering what he’d do to me. Not after imagining her screams

I shake my head violently.

No.

She’s not dying because she likes me. She’s not getting hurt because she ended up in my bed for one night where I finally felt… whole. Wanted. Alive.

I take one last look at the empty sheets.

My chest aches. But I turn away anyway.

Because the only thing worse than Y/N walking away from me…is Y/N never walking again.

I grab my jacket, shove my arms through the sleeves, and head toward the door.

I have to see her. Not to pull her close. Not to explain anything. Just to see her breathing, alive.

Whatever this thing is between us—

it doesn’t matter if she dies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N’s POV

The walk to Lake Maru feels like walking through a dream I don’t want to be in. Everything is too quiet. Too cold. Too heavy.

Gwen stays close beside me, her breath hitching sometimes like she’s trying not to remember last night. I stay glued to her if she even sways, I’m ready to catch her. Ready to fight for her. Ready to do anything except fall apart.

I can’t break. Not right now. Not when she almost died only hours ago.

But my chest hasn’t stopped aching since I saw Finn’s empty bed.

I keep telling myself: Don’t think about him. Don’t feel this right now. Just breathe. Just walk. Just be here for Gwen.

Lake Maru opens ahead of us, wide and frozen, a sheet of white stretching out under the gray sky. Ken and Barb are already out there brushing snow from the surface with wide brooms, revealing the glassy ice beneath. Not digging just revealing. Searching.

Looking for bodies.

My throat tightens.

I focus on Gwen’s hand brushing against my sleeve. I focus on the snow. The cold. Anything except—

I look up.

He’s standing near the edge of the lake, close to Mustang and Mando, breath fogging out in sharp little bursts. His cheeks are red from the cold, his hair messy, his posture tight like he’s holding himself together with sheer force.

He looks exhausted. He looks haunted. He looks alive in a way that makes my heart twist painfully, like something inside me recognizes him before my brain does.

Then his eyes find me.

And everything stops.

My breath. My steps. My heartbeat. The whole damn world.

He freezes too.

Finn looks at me like he’s seeing something he thought he’d lost.

And God….it hurts. It hurts so deep I can’t breathe for a second.

He takes half a step toward me.

Mustang steps into his space, bumping his shoulder lightly. She says something I don’t hear. She smiles. She looks comfortable near him.

And that’s when my stomach drops.

Finn doesn’t look away from me once.

But he doesn’t move toward me either.

I swallow hard, forcing my eyes off him before I start crying in front of the entire team.

Gwen nudges me. “Hey… you good?”

“Yeah,” I lie, because what am I supposed to say? Actually, I woke up alone in Finn Blake’s bed after we had mind blowing sex and now he’s standing next to Mustang like he didn’t hold me down and give me the best orgasm of my life or whisper things into my neck.

I step forward, grab a broom from the equipment pile, and move toward the lake. My hands are shaking on the handle.

I stand near Gwen and start brushing the snow away. Slow, even strokes. The cold bites through my gloves. The wind burns my cheeks.

Just keep moving. Just focus on the ice. Just breathe.

But the moment I see my reflection faintly on the surface It hits me.

Hard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FLASHBACK

A summer night. Music thumping from a party behind us. The smell of weed still clinging to my hair.

I’m sitting on a porch swing, legs tucked under me, laughing too much, too loud, because everything feels soft and warm and Finn is sitting next to me.

So close.

Our knees are touching.

He’s staring at the sky, talking about constellations and something about how cats secretly rule the world. I remember the way his voice sounded, warm and safe and a little slurred from the high.

I remember leaning into him.

I remember his arm sliding around me like it belonged there.

I remember falling asleep with my head on his chest, his heartbeat steady in my ear.

And he stayed. He stayed all night.

In the morning, I opened my eyes and he was already awake, looking down at me like he wasn’t sure if it was okay to breathe.

“You okay?” he whispered.

I nodded.

He smiled.

Something fluttered in my chest. I didn’t have a name for it then.

-The next day at school-

Donna leaned against Finn’s locker, flipping her hair and giggling. Finn smirked at something she said.

I turned quickly walking down a different hall.

It shouldn’t have hurt. It wasn’t even rejection. Not really.

But it felt like someone pressed a thumb straight into my heart and didn’t stop.

I didn’t understand why.

I do now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BACK TO NOW

My chest aches so sharply I suck in a shaky breath.

Ever since I met Finn Blake— without knowing it, without meaning to, without choosing it—

I was his.

Completely his.

And now?

Now he’s twenty feet away, and I can’t look at him without feeling like my ribs are splintering.

Because what do you do

What do you do when you are hopelessly in love with someone…

and they don’t want you?

I keep brushing snow. Slowly. Painfully. Waiting for my heartbeat to stop hurting.

Across the lake, I feel his eyes on me like heat in the freezing air.

But I don’t look up.

Because if I do… If I meet his eyes right now… I will shatter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the team packs it in when the sun disappears.

One by one, their flashlights fade into the tree line. Their voices drift back toward the cabins. Their exhaustion, fear, and shivers win out.

But not mine.

Not when there are boys under the ice. Not when the Grabber is still out there. Not when Gwen nearly died last night because no one listened soon enough.

And not when I can’t sleep anyway. Not with Finn’s empty bed burned into my skull.

So when Mando says, “I’ll stay if you stay,” I nod, grab a new flare, and walk back onto the lake.

The flares paint the ice in streaks of red and orange, glowing like veins beneath the surface. The air is colder now — the kind of cold that cracks skin. Snow crunches under every step.

Mando takes the far side of the lake. I take the other.

Darkness yawns between us, broken only by the flares.

I start brushing again. Slow, steady sweeps. My muscles ache. My hands sting. But I can’t stop.

I won’t stop.

Every now and then, that crawling feeling hits the back of my neck — the one that whispers: You’re not alone. Something is watching.

I shake it off.

It’s nothing. It’s just the cold. It’s just the dark. It’s just—

“Y/N!”

Mando’s shout tears through the night.

My heart jumps.

I sprint toward him, boots slidding on the slick surface.

He’s kneeling over the ice, palms flat, breath fogging in frantic bursts.

“Y/N—look.” His voice breaks. “I found him.”

I skid to a stop beside him and drop to my knees.

Felix.

God.

Felix is right there.

His skull is pressed against the ice, frozen mid-scream. His hat floats upward in the slow, eerie underwater current.

My stomach turns. My heartbeat falters.

“Okay—okay.” Mando’s breathing hard. “We need to get him out. We need to get him to—”

“To his parents,” I whisper.

He nods.

We start chipping the ice together, his gloved hands striking the ice with an axe, my sledgehammer hammering, the echo carrying across the lake in sharp, violent cracks.

“Almost—” Mando grunts. “C’mon—almost—”

The air shifts.

Just slightly.

Like something moved.

Like something is standing behind us.

Watching.

Mando keeps chipping away at the ice. 

I stop for a brief moment.

Eyes scanning the area.

Everything in my body screams danger. My skin crawls. My breath fogs faster. My heart stutters against my ribs.

But I don’t stop chipping. I can’t stop. Felix is right there.

A soft scraping sound echoes across the lake, metal against metal.

Skates?

No. No way.

I whip around, scanning the darkness.

Nothing. Just shadows. Just flares.

Mando’s hits on the ice get louder and louder. I can’t hear anything now.

But that wrong feeling? It gets stronger. Heavier.

“Y/N!” Mando snaps. “Watch your footing—”

The ice groans under us.

Then cracks.

Once.

Twice.

Then—

BOOM.

The ice beneath us shatters.

The world drops.

And we plunge into the freezing water.

Cold like knives. Cold like death. Cold so intense it rips the breath out of my lungs before I even register the fall.

Underwater chaos swallows me whole.

White bubbles. Black water. Felix’s pale face drifting past me. Mando kicking wildly.

I claw upward, breaking through the water’s surface with a gasp that burns.

“Mando!” I scream, voice raw. “Grab the edge!”

He tries. He tries so hard.

But something holds him down.

He vanishes beneath the water like he’s being pressed down by an invisible force.

“Mando!” I choke, lungs seizing. “Mando!”

He thrashes under the surface, trapped, pulled, drowning.

I don’t think.

I just reach for the pocket knife in my back pocket, the tiny one Finn insisted I carry “just in case.”

I flip the blade open with numb fingers.

And I stab the air above the water.

There’s nothing there.

Except—

A shriek.

A ripple. A distortion in the air, like heat waves on pavement.

And Mando shoots upward, gasping, coughing, clawing at the ice edge.

“It let go,” he sobs. “It let go!"

But I don’t have time to process it.

Because something hits me.

Hard.

A blow to the side of my skull that explodes stars in my vision. Pain flashes white. My ears ring. My body jerks sideways.

Then I’m underwater again.

Cold grips me like chains. My limbs feel slow, heavy.

Something is holding me down. A force that pushes against my head, shoving me deeper.

My lungs scream. My vision blurs.

This is it, I think. I’m going to die under the ice.

And weirdly— I’m not scared.

Not of dying.

Just of leaving them.

Gwen. Sweet, brave Gwen.

And Finn.

Finn with the haunted eyes. Finn with the broken voice. Finn who saved his sister last night. Finn who left me this morning. Finn who will blame himself for this until the day he dies.

That hurts more than the cold.

I fight.

I kick. I claw. I swing the knife blindly underwater.

The force falters.

Just enough.

I shoot upward again, breaking the surface with a violent cough.

“Mando—” my voice is shredded. “Grab the edge!”

“I’m not leaving you!” he shouts, gripping the ice.

“You have to!” My breath comes out in ragged gasps. “You have to survive!”

He hesitates. One fraction of a second.

It costs me.

My grip slips.

The cold claws up my arms, my chest, my spine. My head throbs. My vision swims sideways.

Concussion, I think distantly. Maybe. Probably.

I can’t pull myself out anymore.

I can’t feel my legs.

I can’t feel… anything.

I latch onto Mando’s boot, pushing him up the ice’s edge with what little strength I have left.

He crawls forward on the ice.

He’s safe enough.

I’m not.

My fingers loosen.

The ice is red from the flares, from the blood on my temple, from Felix beneath me.

My heartbeat slows.

I blink up at the dark sky.

Huh. It’s actually kind of pretty.

I exhale, fog drifting upward.

This might be it, I realize. This might be where I end.

And the only thing that hurts—

is that I didn’t get to say goodbye.

That Gwen will blame herself. That Finn will think he pushed me into danger.

I hope they don’t carry that.

I hope they forgive themselves.

I’m… weirdly at peace. I helped. I kept Gwen alive another night. We found Felix. And Mando is safe.

That’s enough.

My eyes drift closed.

The flares flicker.

The world goes quiet.

And I try to not let go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Finn’s POV

Gwen shoots upright so fast she almost falls over.

“Mando,” she gasps, voice cracking. “Mando—Finn—he’s, he’s on the lake. GO!”

My heart stops.

She doesn’t say shit like this unless it’s real.

I don’t waste a second. I’m out the door before anyone else. Ernesto and Mustang sprint behind me. Gwen’s footsteps are frantic, uneven, terrified.

The cold slams into my face, burning my lungs as I run faster, faster, faster across the empty campgrounds. My boots slide on the snow, my chest tightens, my breath comes in sharp bursts.

Please be okay. Please be okay. Please.

I see the lake.

I see the flares. I see the hole. I see—

“Mando!” Ernesto shouts, diving to his knees on the ice.

Mando is collapsed near the edge of the hole, half-conscious, shaking uncontrollably. His legs are still submerged in the water. His lips are blue.

Me and Ernesto pull him out quickly.

I don’t look at Mando. I look straight into the black hole gaping in the lake.

Ernesto grabs Mando’s wrist, checking for a pulse.

Mando jerks awake with a violent gasp.

“I—I found him… Felix… we found him…” His teeth chatter. “Y/N… Y/N’s still… in the lake…”

Then he passes out again.

My heart drops— no, it free-falls straight out of my chest.

I hit my knees so hard the ice cracks under me.

“Y/N!”

Gwen screams somewhere behind me. Mustang curses loudly. My ears ring.

“Y/N, please—PLEASE—” My voice cracks so hard it hurts

Everything inside me rips open.

I lean so far over the edge Ernesto grabs my jacket.

“LET GO OF ME!” I snarl, voice breaking. “Y/N!”

I shove him off, nearly falling into the hole myself.

And then

I see her.

Her fingers.

Just her fingers.

White-knuckled. Barely hooked onto the jagged ice. Like she held on as long as she could.

“Y/N…” My voice isn’t even a voice anymore. It’s a prayer. A scream. A dying animal sound. “Y/N—oh God—no—NO—”

Her head lifts out of the water for half a second.

Her face is pale. Blue. Her eyelashes crusted with ice. Blood streaking down her temple.

Her eyes are closed.

“ERNESTO!” I scream. “HELP ME—NOW!”

I plunge my arms into the freezing water. The cold hits so hard I gasp, but I don’t care. I grab her under her arms, fingers digging into her frozen jacket.

“Hold her—HOLD HER—”

Ernesto drops beside me and grabs her other arm.

Together, we haul her out of the lake.

Her body hits the ice with a sickening slap.

She doesn’t move.

Not even a twitch.

“Y/N?” My voice cracks into pieces. “Angel—hey—hey, look at me—open your eyes—please—”

Nothing.

I drop to my knees beside her, hands shaking so violently I can barely press them to her neck.

“C’mon…” I whisper. “C’mon, baby—please—”

There.

A pulse.

Tiny. Fragile. Barely there.

But there.

“Oh thank God—oh thank God—” I breathe out a sob so raw it burns my throat. “Stay with me—stay with me, angel—don’t you dare leave me—”

Gwen collapses beside us, grabbing Y/n’s hand, sobbing so hard she can’t breathe.

“Y/N!” she wails. “Please don’t die—PLEASE—”

I slide a hand under Y/N’s jaw, turning her toward me. Her cheek is ice-cold. Her lips are purple. Blood drips slowly down her face. Scratches carve across her skin.

She looks dead.

She looks dead.

“No,” I whisper, voice shaking. “You’re not allowed. You hear me? You’re not allowed to leave me like this.”

I scoop her into my arms. She falls against my chest like a rag doll.

She’s so cold my breath catches.

“Ernesto—Mustang—!” I shout over my shoulder. “GET MANDO OUT OF HERE. NOW!”

They scramble into action.

But I don’t look back.

I start running.

Holding her against me. Feeling how limp she is. How cold. How wrong.

“Stay with me,” I plead, tears freezing on my cheeks. “Angel—please—just stay—just breathe—just hold on—”

Her head lolls into my shoulder.

She doesn’t answer.

She doesn’t move.

She doesn’t do anything.

I run faster.

My boots slip. My lungs burn. My heart is a fist punching itself apart inside my ribs.

“Don’t you do this to me!” I yell into the night. “Not you—NOT YOU—”

The cabins come into view. Lights flicker inside.

I sprint for the nearest door.

I don’t stop running.

I don’t stop holding her.

Because if I stop

She might stop, too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Authors Yap!!!

I got this done a lot earlier than expected, hell yeah! I am so excited for the next part, talk about emotionally intense (at least I hope so). Thank you for taking the time to read my story! I am seriously so grateful that my experience has been so positive. Let me know your thoughts, feelings, and if you have any steamy ideas. I love those!

Stay horny,