#saafeera

"You ready?" 

Misa nodded, patting his shoulder bag firmly. 

"Misa and I are going out!" Halek called. "We'll probably be back late. Don't worry or wait up!"

Officially they were going to a free concert on the Twsogh Ðíúntdhà, which was on the way to the Industrial Quarter, so they would be seen travelling in the right direction. 

Ailít, having just given birth, was not coming with them. Nor was Juni; ze would be too obvious a suspect. Just the two of them and Saafeera. 

Halek and Misa both had priority seating cards for the train, so people shuffled around or stood up and made space for them on the accessible benches, but they were both fat enough and the benches crowded enough that it was a very tight fit. The other three people on their bench were someone who was visibly pregnant, a kid with a broken foot, and an elderly person with a priority seating card of their own visible on a lanyard around their neck, so Halek obviously wasn't going to ask any of them to move. He just tucked himself awkwardly between Misa and the guardrail at the end of the bench and hoped the trip would go by quickly. 

Misa worried at the strap of his bag with one hand, the other laid protectively over the bag of carefully packed chemicals resting on his lap. 

He rested his head on Halek's shoulder, putting his mouth right next to Halek's hearing aid. "I hope I gave Saafeera the right instructions for the chloroform. I did my best with the average body mass of adults in Moghrlai Gurodstadit and then added a bit extra on the assumption that nighttime security guards in a military-owned facility would be big enough to effectively deter any casual thieves and hold their own in a brawl, but if I messed something up- or if she comes across someone a lot smaller- or anything else goes wrong- I could end up having killed someone."

Halek patted Misa's arm, which he hoped was comforting and not just weird. The way they were squeezed into the space made it hard to move and he was sure the angle and force distribution of the reassuring pat had been really awkward. 

Misa had barely stopped talking when he started again. "I can't seem too sober when I get home. It's a huge outdoor concert. They're definitely going to be selling stuff. I'm old enough to buy the legal stuff and people selling the illegal stuff won't care enough to check my ID as long as I don't look twelve. Everyone knows you don't do that stuff anymore but that's even more reason I would, having a guaranteed sober friend to look out for me. There will be smoke everywhere even if I didn't. I hope no one will be awake when I get home but I need to smell like something and seem hungover in the morning."

"We'll go to a cannabis store on the way back and you can smoke a bit to get the smell in your clothes," said Halek. A lot of those were open all hours of the day. "We'll get some glow sticks at a dollar store."

He wished they actually were going to the concert. He wouldn't consider himself a fan of any of the bands playing, but he liked them well enough when their songs came on the radio, and his friend Neesa was a big fan of one of them. He wished he'd been able to say yes when she'd asked if he wanted to go together. It would have been so much simpler. The kind of thing a normal teenager would do.

But he had a job to do, and there was no way he was letting Misa do it without him. There would be other concerts, and other times to see Neesa, but if Halek wasn't there to look after him and things went wrong, there wouldn't be another Misa.

They got off at just before the river crossing, at the same stop they would if they were actually going to the concert. Most of the other people on their train got off there too. At this time of day, trains that went through the Industrial Quarter were infrequent and wouldn't be crowded enough to blend in on, so they would be walking the rest of the way. Halek had thought about taking the carpet but decided against it; it was best to be seen travelling to the concert and it would have been too awkward and noticeable to lug it along with them on the train. 

In the crummy train station bathroom, they changed clothes. Misa and Halek were close to the same size, so Misa's spare janitors' coveralls fit with only minimal discomfort. The uniforms would hardly be visible under all their winter gear anyway, but it was best to be thorough and look like they had reason to be in the Industrial Quarter after hours. 

They crossed the river on the pedestrian side of the long bridge. "Are you sure of your plan?" Halek asked. 

Misa nodded. "I have a nice long fuse so we can get good and far away before it starts. I'm hoping once my smaller explosion gets going, it will cause a chain reaction with all the gunpowder and flammable airship gases and engine fuel in there. Even if it doesn't all blow, it'll be very on fire. Saafeera will find us to confirm the immediate surrounding area is cleared, and then as soon as I light it, we start running." 

Even after-hours, the district was practically swarming with police cars. Halek had expected that, but it still made a deep uneasiness settle in his gut. 

He pushed it away, pulling freezing breaths in through his mouth. Misa needed him to navigate across the district, so he had to stay calm and attentive. 

Even though the streetlights made it harder to be stealthy, Halek was glad of their presence. There had been a noticeable decline in his ability to see in the dark recently. He was starting to worry about cataracts. 

He linked his free arm through Misa's, quietly leading him through the near-empty streets. 

He almost seized up when they had to creep right past one of the stationary cars, but the cop inside never looked up from the magazine they were reading. 

They finally made it to the military airship hangar. 

"Keep watch while I set up," Misa said in a low voice. 

The Industrial District was unnervingly quiet in the off hours. Halek flinched at every sound, certain he would turn around and that would be the end- of this mission, of his career as a revolutionary, of his freedom, maybe of his life. 

Hypervigilance, he thought. He was always on edge. 

But he needed to be hypervigilant, doing this. Missing anything could doom Misa and himself and their operation. 

He almost screamed when snow crunched nearby, slapping his arm over his mouth to muffle the yelp, but it was just Saafeera. 

"Clear?" he whispered.

She nodded. "Clear."

Misa started walking backwards, unspooling a long fuse. Halek and Saafeera followed him. It had to be three metres long at least.

"Start running for the nearest bridge out of the district as soon as I light this," said Misa. "Fast as you can."

"I'll light it," said Halek. A few more seconds for Misa to get away from the explosion. "It'll be easier for me, since I can see it better."

It was a weak argument. Misa would be able to see the burning brightness of a flame in the dark. They both knew that. 

"No." Saafeera took the lighter. "I will light it, because I'm the adult here, and a faster runner. We'll want to split up as soon as possible anyway, and the two of you will need each other's support to get out. Misa, put the fuse on the ground, then the two of you start running."

"Okay." Misa set the end of the fuse down and Saafeera clicked the lighter on. 

Halek and Misa linked arms and took off running. A second later Saafeera was behind them. 

Halek navigated, and Misa let Halek lean on him to run faster and hurt his knee less. They were nearly to the Ðíúnttwsogh when the first explosion went off. 

Every bone in Halek's body wanted to throw himself and Misa to the ground and take cover, but he forced himself to keep running. It was best they be completely gone by the time all those police cars converged on the hangar. 

By the time they'd crossed the bridge, Misa's chain reaction hopes had paid off. 

This side of the rivers, while legally still Moghrlai Gurodstadit, wasn't really part of the city. It was a lot of forest, with the Gharan commune somewhere in the woods closer to the Ðíúntmoghr and Kulainestainer even further downriver, and beyond that the municipal garbage dump and the prisons. 

Easy terrain to disappear into, but not really anywhere to go. The nearest train stop outside of the Industrial Quarter was in Kulainestainer, as was the nearest bridge back into the city proper. A boat down the river was out of the question if they wanted to be hard to trace. 

The Gharan commune. Zhe'ārani might let them in for a bit, and no one there would be talking to the police. It was still a walk, but not as far as to Kulainestainer, and Halek needed to rest his legs for a while after that run. It would be a good place to take a break- if they could find it. 

He hoped they would come across it eventually if they just followed the river. It was secluded, but it wasn't meant to be impossible to find, just away enough from the city to be left alone. 

It was very late when he finally got home. He tried to be as quiet as possible as he closed and locked the front door. He didn't want to wake anyone up. 

"Halek."

Halek stifled a scream. 

"Shh. It's only me." Juni sat in an armchair in the dim halo of a small lamp. "I wanted to make sure you got home safely. Did you have fun at the concert?"

Did everything go according to plan?

Halek nodded. "Yeah," he said, trying to keep his voice down. 

"Good. Nobody got hurt?"

"Nobody got hurt," Halek confirmed. "I strained my knee a bit, but we were fine other than that. I kept an eye on Misa and no one started any fights near us." 

"You're going to have nightmares tonight," Juni said. It wasn't a question. 

Halek's face flushed uncomfortably. Juni understood his nightmares the best out of anyone. It made him feel exposed. "Yeah. Probably." 

"You can stay in my room with me if you need to," ze said. 

"No," said Halek. "Thank you, but I'll be okay." It was irrational, but having other people witness the direct aftermath of his nightmares made him feel like they could see right through him and know everything in his mind. He preferred to handle them privately. 

Masterpost Previous Next

Taglist (ask to be added/removed):

@cepheusgalaxy @seastarblue @asher-writes

@aro-villain @transmasc-wizard

@stabbydragon @softandwigglybones @albatris

Halek (he/him): a main character. Halek has a big scar on his face from falling into a sharp corner as a young child and has cystic acne.

Rovian (she/her): a main character. Rovian has a unilateral complete cleft lip (and a cleft palate) and a purplish birthmark on almost half of her face.

Sei (she/her or o-mē/o-mēn): a main character. Sei has Fragile X Syndrome.

Kaelía* (she/it or o-nai/o-nain): a main character. Kaelía has burn scars on the side of its face and neck/around, below, and on its ear (*subject to change due to her more antiheroic nature) and, visible close-up, dermatillomania scars and wounds (hiiii dermatillomania twins with me lol).

Zhe'ārani (she/her) or Ši Arrokhai Kjú (they/them or o-nai/o-nain): main character. Zhe’ārani has vitiligo and achondroplasia.

Jue (ze/hir or o-hā/o-hān): Main character. Jue has Down Syndrome, a burn scar on hir forehead, and a faint scar from a surgically-closed cleft lip.

Āvolú (they/them): supporting character (Zhe’ārani’s friend). Āvolú has severe burn scars and skin grafts on most of their body, including their face.

Aedrii-Nú (she/her): supporting character (Halek’s little cousin who lives with him). Aedrii-Nú has Treacher-Collins Syndrome and a fairly recent scar from a closed cleft lip, as well as a tracheostomy tube. (If readers ever see her mother Délas on the page directly, which doesn’t happen in this draft and I don’t have a plan for in the next draft but might occur when she comes to pick Aedrii-Nú up at some point, Délas also has Treacher-Collins Syndrome.)

Taidan (he/him): minor supporting character (Halek’s mother’s boyfriend, host of a rebel radio station). Taidan has Crouzon Syndrome.

Maidallis (she/her): supporting character (Rovian’s mother). Maidallis has a cleft lip (and palate).

Rokhesh (he/him): supporting character (Zhe’ārani’s father and Rovian’s biological father). Rokhesh has a burn scar around his mouth and nose and had part of the outside of his nose amputated.

Saafeera* (she/her): supporting character (Rovian’s mother). *Saafeera has burn scars in various places on her body and I’m still deciding exactly the angle of the explosion relative to her; especially if I get rid of Kaelía’s burns Saafeera will have some on the side of her face, and regardless probably in some spots on the back of her neck and head.

Nesyue (she/her or o-nai/o-nain): supporting character (Kaelía’s sister). Nesyue has Treacher-Collins Syndrome. (In the original draft this was meant to be a bonding point between her and Aedrii-Nú as their relationship developed but they no longer spend time living together or probably even meet in this draft. Alas.)

Guodei (she/her or ai-nai/ai-nain): supporting character (Kaelía’s sister). Guodei has a ~three-lined scar on one cheek.

Līs (he/they/she/xe/fae or o-nai/o-nain): supporting character (Kaelía and Zhe’ārani’s close friend). Līs has a scar on his face from an incident with a tree branch.

Miwaanii-Shémelús (all of them; there’s at least three of them in there but they all use the same name and vague pronouns) (he/him but honestly it’s whatever): supporting character (main character Daanah’s… partner…? of some sort). Miwaanii-Shémelús has dermatillomania scars and nystagmus (and likely some degree of strabismus when he takes his glasses off).

Juraji (xe/xem): supporting character (Halek’s queerplatonic partner). Juraji has Bell’s palsy.

Diihse (he/him): supporting character (Halek’s close friend). Diihse has Down Syndrome and hemifacial microsomia with a prosthetic eye.

Ãgbii (she/her): minor supporting character (Halek’s friend/part of the group as Diihse’s twin sister and Juraji’s girlfriend). Ãgbii has Down Syndrome and a scar from a surgically-closed cleft lip.

Niimféo-Elús (she/her): supporting character (Halek’s grandmother who lives with him). Niimféo-Elús has some facial paralysis from a stroke.

Chiishé-Faindh (he/him): supporting character (Halek’s uncle who lives with him, Aedrii-Nú’s father). Chiishé-Faindh has Down Syndrome and a cleft lip.

Misa (he/him): supporting character (Halek’s cousin and friend). Misa has chemical burns on and around his eyes from a workplace accident.

Qatriong (she/her or o-nai/o-nain): supporting character (Zhe’ārani and Kaelía’s close friend). After [spoiler], Qatriong has some facial paralysis.

Ailít (she/her): supporting character (Rovian and Halek’s friend, Rovian’s sister’s partner). Ailít has Waardenburg Syndrome.

Fiya (ey/em): minor supporting character (Rovian’s newborn nibling). Fiya has a large birthmark on eir face in a similar position to Rovian’s (possibly mirrored) and Waardenburg Syndrome.

Suinak (she/her or o-pā/o-pān): supporting character (candidate to be betrothed to Jue or Sei, later part of Sei and Yna’s court). Suinak has vitiligo and acne scars.

Mkera (she/her or o-mē/o-mēn): supporting character (candidate to be betrothed to Jue). Mkera has hyperpigmentation spots, including on her face.

Jiremau (she/her or o-mē/o-mēn): supporting character (candidate to be betrothed to Jue or Sei, later part of Sei and Yna’s court). Jiremau has occulocutaneos albinism.

Ynesalinau/Yna (she/her or o-mē/o-mēn): supporting character (candidate to be betrothed to Jue or Sei, later Sei’s wife). Yna has a prominent underbite.

Méríw (he/they/she): supporting character (Rovian’s friend and coworker). Méríw has facial tumours, alopecia areata, and vitiligo.

Fiitsãn (he/him or ū-rū/ū-rūn): supporting character (Jue’s best friend). Fiitsãn has a scar roughly the size of a quarter (though not an even, round shape) on the side of his forehead from hitting his head hard on a window in a bus crash.

Trais (ze/hir or she/her): minor supporting character (Daanah’s colleague). Trais has alopecia areata.

Ngionah (she/her or ē-ziu/ē-ziun): supporting character (Jue’s guard). Ngionah has alopecia universalis.

Linoxa (she/her or iao-rū/iao-rūn): possible minor supporting character (Fiitsãn’s sister). Linoxa has a severe overbite and ptosis, and possibly other facial differences.

Qaidiao (he/him or ē-mē/ē-mēn): supporting character (Sei’s father, Jue’s uncle). Qaidiao has Fragile X Syndrome.

Jaision (she/her or o-mē/o-mēn): supporting character (Sei’s sister). Jaision has Fragile X Syndrome.

Jēn-Tajanē (she/they/he or iao-mē/iao-mēn): supporting character (Sei’s sibling). Jēn-Tajanē has Fragile X Syndrome.

[The Gharan doctor] (she/her): minor supporting character (Zhe’ārani’s doctor). She has a “Glasgow/Chelsea Smile” (which is a kind of scar around the mouth that kind of looks like a very wide grin).

Jue (ze/hir): extremely romance and sex repulsed (textually very important), somewhat touch averse in most circumstances

Fiitsãn (he/him): sex (or, extrapolating from his experience of kissing) favourable in theory but suddenly becomes averse when the attraction is reciprocated. I think he kind of freaked out the first time this happened because it was very confusing

Halek (he/him): usually fairly sex favourable but becomes very averse sometimes, generally tied to his emotional state to some extent. Romance ambivalent with some aspects of aversion. Sometimes touch averse when the PTSD acts up

Kaelía (she/it): sex and romance averse (doesn’t know that yet)

Guodei (she/her): sex, romance, and touch repulsed, possibly plato averse

Līs (he/they/she/xe/fae): sex averse, often touch averse for sensory reasons

Zhe’ārani (she/her, they/them): leaning touch averse (with varying intensity) for sensory reasons, usually romance indifferent-leaning-averse and sometimes romance repulsed

Saafeera (she/her): sex repulsed

Wnahé (they/she): sex averse

Qatriong (she/her): romance and sex repulsed

Miwaanii-Shémelús 1 (he/him): plato repulsed, sex and romance averse

Sei (they/them, she/her): becomes more and more romance averse the longer she’s in a relationship/the closer she becomes with the object of her attraction. Finds this frustrating

Trais (she/her, ze/hir): touch averse

Luivo (varies, they/he/she): touch averse

Itheo (they/she): romance repulsed

Qeirana (ze/hir, he/him): romance and plato averse

Gwimwyl (she/her): extremely touch-averse except with Ffwyn for magical reasons that let her body actually register Ffwyn as safe in a way she can’t with anyone else despite wanting to

Zhe’ārani stayed in bed for a long time. A world without Qatriong wasn’t worth getting up for. 

One of Rovian’s mothers came to see her at some point. The one with the darker skin. Zhe’ārani was staying in her home but she couldn’t process things properly right now and didn’t remember her name.  

Zhe’ārani contemplated rolling over to face away from her, but she didn’t have the energy. 

“You have a lot of blood on you,” Rovian’s mother signed, and Zhe’ārani became very aware of how true that was. 

It was a very, very bad feeling on her skin, and it was worse when she remembered who it belonged to. 

“Do you want a shower?” Rovian’s mother asked. “Or a bath?”

Zhe’ārani stared. 

She didn’t like showers because standing on the hard bottom made her back especially sore. She didn’t like baths because she was sitting in her own filth and the stagnant water felt bad on her skin. 

In her mind, she conveyed this to Rovian’s mother, but in real life her hands just kind of twitched meaninglessly. 

“Shower?” Rovian’s mother asked, seeming to recognize that Zhe’ārani couldn’t talk right now. “Nod for yes or shake your head for no.”

Effortfully, Zhe’ārani nodded. 

“Okay. Would you like me to help you?”

Zhe’ārani nodded again. She couldn’t do very many things herself right now. 

“Okay. Up you get.”

Rovian’s mother brought her to the bathroom and found a stool to help her step over the edge of the tub.

She helped Zhe’ārani take off her dirty, hated Temple robes and underclothes. “Maidallis picked up some clothes for you yesterday,” she signed. “I had to guess at your size. When you’re feeling well enough, you can tell us what you like and we can get some more.”

Zhe’ārani didn’t remember the last time she’d gotten to choose her own clothes. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to handle it. 

Rovian’s mother turned on the water. “Put your hand under the tap and let me know when it’s warm enough, and I’ll turn the shower head on.” 

Zhe’ārani put her hand under and let the water pour over her skin and between her fingers. 

Rovian’s mother didn’t stop her, so she only nodded when it was almost hot enough to burn. She hadn’t had a hot shower in a long time. The Temple thought cold showers were healthier and more efficient. 

She flinched when the spray first hit her, but then- then it was nice, the warmth enveloping her. 

Her hips hurt. She kept shifting, but she couldn’t find any position that didn’t. 

Stand up straight. 

She hugged herself. Even Guodei had known that with her lordosis, Zhe’ārani’s posture was a lost cause. She would only ever give her a subtle pinch in reminder unless their superiors noticed and ordered her to chain Zhe’ārani up for slouching. 

“You can sit down, if you want,” Rovian’s mother signed. 

Zhe’ārani didn’t have it in her to figure out if it was a trap. Or to keep standing. She sat, bending forwards around her knees.  

In the corner of her vision, Rovian’s mother paused while reaching for a washcloth. 

Zhe’ārani’s wings closed over her back. She’d forgotten about the scars. She didn’t want Rovian’s mother to ask, because then she would have to explain what she’d done. 

Rovian’s mother didn’t say anything about the scars, just reached questioningly for one of Zhe’ārani’s hands, and when she nodded, scrubbed off the spots of blood that had somehow gotten in the wrinkles of her skin, rust red giving way to walnut brown.

Rovian’s mother set down the washcloth and made sure Zhe’ārani was watching her hands. “Ši Arroakhai Kjú.” 

Zhe’ārani nodded listlessly. 

“I want you to know that we will never hurt you. I’m making you a promise, okay? We will never hurt you.”

It was snowing the day of Fiyavu Ozast's funeral. Big, fluffy white flakes that muffled the world and turned the landscape fresh and clean and bright. 

It should have made Daanah happy, or at least calm. Instead it only made her angry. Fiyavu Ozast's death should leave a big, loud, violent stain on the world that couldn't be covered up or muffled or washed away. 

They buried her in the traditional Gathiya Na Theenan way, wrapped in a painted shroud Daanah hadn't been there to help make. 

Saafeera spoke about how the Creator had given Her life to make their world, and Fiyavu Ozast had given her life for her family, and should be honoured for that. 

Daanah scowled. She knew it was just part of the funeral service, but the Creator had given her life willingly. Fiyavu Ozast had been murdered. It wasn't a fair comparison. 

After she was buried, they had a big Norve feast to celebrate her life and rebirth. 

Daanah hardly touched her food. 

She spotted Zhe'ārani, and her crankiness became burning, blinding wrath. This was her fault. Her and her friend. Fiyavu Ozast would still be here if the Temple of Corysecli had never been allowed access to their home. 

She marched over to her. "This is your fault!" she signed angrily. 

"What?"

"You and your fucking assassin friend!" Daanah signed. "My sister would still be alive if not for you!"

"That's not true!" Zhe'ārani signed, her blue eyes wet and wobbly. 

"Oh, so it's just a coincidence, then?" Daanah demanded. "Just a coincidence that you showed up and then right after that she was taken away!"

"Yes!" Tears ran down Zhe'ārani's face. "I never said anything! I didn't even know she was dodging the draft!" 

"Your asshole friend did, then!" Daanah could feel all the teeth cramming her mouth. "She stabbed me the other day, too! Rovian should never have let you in! I wish we had Fiyavu Ozast instead of you!"

Zhe'ārani punched her in the stomach. 

"Whoa!" Halek was there, suddenly, one arm tight across Zhe'ārani's shoulders from behind and pulling her away from Daanah. 

Daanah hit her back, fingernails lengthening into claws. 

Talí grabbed her from behind. "Daanah, stop." 

"This is all her fault!" Daanah was crying too, now. "I want my sister back!"

"I know." Talí pulled her into a hug. "C'mere. I've got you."

"I'm never going to see her ever again." Ever. Ever. 

"I know." Talí stroked her hair awkwardly. "I remember when Nieraus-aer died. I was only little, and he'd been sick, but- he'd been getting better, we didn't expect it. It was really sudden. Really hard for me to even understand." 

She couldn't speak anymore. All she could do was weep. 

Ailít had gone into labour on the day of the funeral. Daanah liked to think that meant something. 

The baby was born on the liminal day between the fourth and fifth cycles of the year. It wasn't the same birthday as Daanah's, but she had been born on a liminal day too. She couldn't decide if it was lucky or unlucky. 

Ey was born Deaf like Ailít and named Fiyazalít, Fiya for short. At birth, ey weighed seven pounds and three ounces. 

When Daanah held em, she felt calm for the first time in many days. Ey looked at her with big charcoal eyes, as dark as Fiyavu Ozast's had been. Ey had soft, thick hair that Daanah suspected would turn out curly like her own and Fiyavu Ozast's and a big purple birthmark on eir face that resembled Rovian's. 

"I always feel so nervous about holding babies that small," Halek said next to her. He was quiet- something about being around a dozing infant did that, even though Fiya wouldn't be woken by noise ey couldn't hear. "So fragile. I'm afraid I'll hurt them."

Daanah hummed softly. It hit her that she wouldn't live to see Fiya grow older than five, seven if she was lucky. She could never have children of her own. 

"You and Rovian should do this early," she said, half-joking. "So I can know them."

Halek shifted awkwardly. "We might not… It might not be with me. If Rovian has kids." 

"Hmm?" Daanah had always assumed that of course it would be Rovian and Halek. It had always been Rovian and Halek. 

"I mean, it's not…" Halek sighed. "It's not that I don't want to. We're going through some… distancing."

Daanah found this upsetting. She couldn't stomach any more change or loss right now. "What happened?" 

Halek tilted his head. "Grief. Fear. I can't promise her nothing will happen to me." 

"But-"

Halek brushed a finger over Fiya's tiny nose. "Ey's so perfect. I can't believe a fully formed person, with little fingernails and eyebrows and everything…"

"I don't want you going back out with the Balance," said Saafeera, out of nowhere. 

"What?" said Daanah. 

"You were stabbed, Daanah. It's not safe. Your mother agrees with me."

Daanah straightened her arms at her sides, defensively covering the gold mark on her skin where she'd been wounded. "It's important to me. I want a better world- for Fiya."

Masterpost Previous Next

Taglist (ask to be added/removed):

@cepheusgalaxy @seastarblue @asher-writes

@pomegranate-opossum @aro-villain @transmasc-wizard

@stabbydragon @softandwigglybones @albatris @bublyfan