#suinak

Jue was trying to memorize a list of all the Beri Empire's territories when the invitation arrived.

From hir study, ze heard Ngionah at the door say "Oh, Lady Paona!" and then speak too quietly for hir to make out. Feeling hir geography tutor's sharp eyes on hir, ze kept hir gaze on the page.

Ngionah knocked on the door that joined the study to Jue's sitting room. "Lady Paona Qeifiot Ragonia here to see you, Your Majesty."

Paona outranked Jue's tutor, and Raiqiongshē had probably impressed upon ei-san the importance of the betrothal candidates, so ei-sa let hir go for the afternoon.

Paona stood to greet hir. "Your Majesty."

"Lady Paona," ze replied uneasily. This visit had not been planned.

"My cousin Lania is hosting a party," said Paona. She held out a colourfully-inked envelope. "Ai-lo has asked me to deliver you the invitation."

"Oh." Jue took it unenthusiastically. "I see."

Lady Lania Qeifiot's parties were well-known for getting… out of hand. Intense. Improper. Jue did not want to go to one.

"I delivered it myself because I thought you might need some encouragement," said Paona. "Lania would be very honoured to have you. All of the betrothal candidates will be there, except for Shio. I would like to observe how they all interact. Also, I know how you feel about… marital duties, and some exposure to immodest displays might do you good and help you get over that aversion."

Jue pursed hir lips. Maybe Paona was right. Maybe it would help. And o-lo was right about seeing how they interacted with each other in a more casual setting.

"Is Princess Seitlēn going to be there?" ze asked. Maybe ze could handle it better with a friendly face there too.

Paona winced delicately. "I do not believe o-mē has been invited. A party of this sort…"

Jue understood what o-lo was not saying. Deep in hir memory, ze heard Paona's childhood voice calling hir slow when o-lo thought ze was not near, doing an imitation for their other friends' amusement, and felt a hot flash of anger on Sei's behalf. "O-mē would greatly enjoy it. To be perfectly honest, o-mē would enjoy it much more than I would. I will go if Seitlēn is also welcome."

Jue had passed on Paona's instructions to Attenant Seina. Wear something fun. More casual. Pizzazz.

"Eyes closed," ū-rei instructed.

Jue closed hir eyes obediently, chewing on the inside of hir cheek. Hir unruly eyebrows had been plucked back into definition again this morning, and the space right above the bridge of hir nose was still tender. Ze hoped Attendant Seina would remember to be gentle there.

Attendant Seina lightly dusted blue and gold over hir eyelids. "I am surprised that you are going to an event like this."

"Lady Paona insisted," Jue said, trying to move hir face as little as possible.

"It reminds me that you are growing up," ū-rei said. "No longer really a child, are you? All dressed up to go to one of Lady Lania's parties, soon to be married, the same leg length for the tailors every time this year."

Jue felt unexpected emotion well up inside of hir, and not about ū-reis mention of marriage. "I… I suppose so."

Attendant Seina had been there for seven years now, looking after Jue bodily ever since Beo!raad's dismissal as hir nurse. Ū-rei had watched hir grow from a child into- well, like ū-rei had said, almost an adult. When ze died, ū-rei would probably be the one to wash and dress hir body for the last time.

Ze knew better, of course ze knew better, but in that moment, Attendant Seina's hands gently and competently working hir hair felt almost parental.

Jue blinked rapidly. Ze did not want to cry and ruin the makeup ū-rei had just applied.

Ze looked at hir face- hir mask- in the mirror. It glittered unusually colourfully in the bright vanity lights. "You did my face well. Lady Paona will like it."

"Thank you," said Attendant Seina. "Will o-lo be accompanying you from here?"

Jue almost nodded and stopped hirself just in time to avoid accidental hair yanking. "Yes."

"Forgive the sensitive question, but… do you favour o-lon for your marriage?"

Under the heavy makeup, Jue knew hir skin must be red with discomfort. "Not- like that," ze said awkwardly. "But o-lo is most familiar to me out of everyone. Everyone else is new to me. Lady Paona and I were friends as children."

Ze wished ze could forget why that friendship had ended. The lesson to never trust anyone, even friends, especially friends, was burned deep into hir core.

Paona arrived to pick hir up at exactly the agreed upon time. "You look wonderful, Your Majesty."

"Thank you," said Jue, self-consciously tugging at hir sleeves. "You as well, Lady Paona."

As they approached Lania's quarters, Jue brought up something that had been lingering awkwardly in hir mind. "Um… Lady Paona, as to the, uh, nature of your cousin's parties… I was under the impression that Lady Lania was married?"

"Oh, yes," said Paona. "Ai-lo is married. Ai-los wife is often away at the front and I expect has lovers of ai-los own there, and- Thank you-" An attendant let them into Lania's music-filled sitting room. "Lady Lania's husband doesn't exactly mind."

O-lo gestured across the room with o-los chin.

Jue recognized Lania's husband, a lord in ai-los mid-twenties, hanging off the arm of another lord in a way that even ze recognized as flirtatious.

Ze looked away, but did not find anywhere more comfortable to fix hir gaze. Ze ended up staring down at the top of Paona's head in embarrassment.

Lania floated over to greet them. Ai-lo was wearing layers of sheer fabric. Left very visible by the gown was some sort of heavily-sequined garment with much less skin coverage than typical Rāmiq underclothes.

Jue felt very much like ze was not meant to be here. This was a party for real adults. For people who did not get uncomfortable just seeing half-bare bodies and flirtatious touches. For people who enjoyed the company of others at all.

It was, technically speaking, eavesdropping, which was rude.

Jue had a spell. Ze was supposed to use it to help focus hir hearing on hir conversation partners when there was a lot of background noise. Ze was using it to focus in on other people's conversations instead, because that was the only way ze was going to get information, for hir own safety and for Talí.

Everyone thought Mkera was very exotic and interesting, which sat uncomfortably with Jue in a way ze could not quite explain.

Jiremau kept trying to join groups and being subtly snubbed. Jue hoped o-mē did not notice that it was being done on purpose. Ze wished ze had not made such a big deal of the incident at the ball.

Waleiyi had managed to gather a small crowd around ai-lon. Unlike Jue, they seemed very interested in ai-los war stories.

"Oh, Lady General, will you protect us if the rebels attack again like they did at the exposition?" One of the other nobles batted ai-los eyelashes at Waleiyi. "Will you scoop me up and carry me to safety? Or lead the charge against them and pummel their forces into submission?"

Waleiyi's face remained blank, as it usually was. "My first priority would of course be the safety of the royal family, but yes, I would protect you as well."

"Speaking of the exposition," said another of the young nobles. "I noticed there were fewer Initiates from the Temple of Corysecli than usual. Isn't your brother an Initiate of Corysecli, Lady General?"

"Yes."

"Not fit for much else, was o-nai," someone said snidely.

Waleiyi all but flinched. "It is a longstanding tradition in my family for the second-born child to join the Temple of Corysecli."

"Līsandyr wasn't exactly the second child, though, was he?"

"Right, there was Lord General Sūl's bastard daughter, wasn't there?"

Waleiyi twitched. "My father's impropriety has no bearing on my brother's status as my mother's second child, and Līsandyr is a powerful mage. O-nai is a credit to the Temple."

"Did you inherit any of that magic, Lady General?" asked the first noble, the one who had been asking Waleiyi to protect ai-lon. "The royal family could certainly do with some of your power in their bloodline, well, if you know what I'm saying." Ai-lo gave a pointed glance in Jue's distinctly magicless direction, and Jue decided ze was done listening to this conversation for now. Ze did not need more reminders of hir inadequacy.

Ze let the sound-focus spell rest and just absorbed whatever snippets of conversation ze happened to pick up from hir place in a corner armchair. Paona must have been doing the same, watching and listening, since o-lo never tried to engage hir in conversation.

Drifting by, a pair discussed Onarys's pregnancy.

"…second trimester?"

"I believe so. The announcement was only a cycle ago. Ē-hā is not so round yet to be in the third."

"I assume they've had it tested for…"

They left Jue's range of hearing. Ze did not follow them with hir spell. Onarys had been good about keeping Jue up to date with how the pregnancy was going. They seemed to expect that it would be wonderful for Jue to have a little cousin, and Jue did not have the heart to tell them that ze was not that excited about it.

"Did you see those sigils in the sky?"

"My gods, they were so cool. Not to give any credit to those Norvics or the rebels, but-"

"They really were impressive. They should have Ausse give us a magic show next time o-pā is arrested." A laugh. "One last chance to see power like that before o-pā is executed."

"They sooo should…"

Jue brought hirself back to real focus when Ynesalinau approached, trailed by Sei.

Ynesalinau and ze greeted each other appropriately.

Paona greeted Ynesalinau, then said something in Beri. Of course Paona spoke Beri. They quickly became immersed in conversation Jue could not understand.

"Sei, are you having fun?" ze asked.

Sei's slender fingers tapped on her speech device. "Yes! Having lots fun with Yna and looking at everyone outfits."

Jue was not sure how to feel about the fact that Sei apparently had a nickname for Ynesalinau already.

"Do you have a favourite of the outfits you have seen?" ze asked.

"Lady Lania dress very interesting," said Sei. "Fabric and style not common. Dancers' costumes very fun, very good dancing costumes. You outfit, very appropriate for this party. Good jewellery with bodice. Bit conservative with skin but very good sparkles, good embroidery patterns, colours."

"Oh," said Jue. "Thanks. Attendant Seina helped me figure it out."

Sei wandered over to be closest to Ynesalinau again, leaving Jue wishing ze had continued the conversation more clearly. Ze knew better than to leave any open conversational space with Sei. She lost attention and left.

From their tones, Paona and Ynesalinau seemed to be sparring verbally, but there was none of the tension Jue had felt between Waleiyi and the Lieutenant Initiate at the ball.

Speaking of the ball…

Jue turned hir head back towards Jiremau, who was now sitting on a couch in the corner of the room. Suinak had joined o-mēn.

Two betrothal candidates talking together- that could be important. Ze turned hir spell on them.

"I've always wanted this," Suinak was saying. "Getting this opportunity- to marry into the family, to come here at all- it felt like a dream come true, like the adventure I always wished for. But now that I'm here- I'm such an outsider, and I'm so afraid that I'm going to screw it all up…"

"You can't do worse than I have," Jiremau muttered.

"You're a princess already, though," said Suinak. "Not like me. I have no bloodline behind me like the rest of you do."

"Yeah, it's only…" Jiremau sighed. "Yna's always been better than me, and everyone knows that, but… oh, I just can't go home. I've been a token of bad luck all my life because of the way I look and I just wanted a fresh start but now no one except you will talk to me here either."

Suinak reached for Jiremau's hand, and they were quiet for a moment.

"It's really lonely, being the only Fūtiq person here," Suinak confessed. "Well- there's the territory's representative, but- we are not remotely close in age. Other than ei-pān, it's just me now."

"Were you and Inoj… close?" Jiremau asked delicately.

"No." Suinak shook o-pās head. "No, we didn't like each other much, but I still… I don't want anyone to think I'm like that, you know? But I still feel like I miss o-pān, I miss just… having someone else from the same place around."

The party went very late. Jue was nearly falling asleep in hir chair by midnight, and it showed no signs of slowing.

Even Paona had become less focused in o-los watching.

"Princess Seitlēn and Princess Ynesalinau seem to be getting on well," Paona said, nodding towards where Sei had climbed into Ynesalinau's lap and was playing with o-mēs fancy braids.

"Get a room!" someone shouted in their direction, to a chorus of laughter.

They did not seem to mind, but Jue felt a churning in hir stomach at what they were implying. "You could say that," ze replied to Paona.

"I think it's genuinely mutual," said Paona. "Princess Seitlēn's attachment does not worry me much, because I think Princess Ynesalinau likes o-mēn just as well."

"That's good," Jue said, vigilance over hir words slipping a bit. "I want Sei to be happy."

Mkera drifted over to them. The novelty of o-mēn seemed to have worn off for the partygoers, who had by now clustered back into their established friend groups.

"May I sit?" o-mē asked.

Jue thought about what Suinak had said about being lonely, and how Mkera must be very lonely here too. There were no other Siolei here at all, not even servants, and o-mēn had only been learning Rāmiloq at all for a short time.

Ze nodded and gestured to the empty spot. "You are welcome to join us."

"Thank you."

O-mē did not speak much, though Paona did try to start a conversation a few times. Jue was not surprised, and did not blame o-mēn at all.

The hired dancers in their bright costumes became a blur as ze fought to keep hir eyes open.

When Lania pulled one of them giggling into ai-los lap and tucked a roll of bills into ai-fos cleavage, Jue decided it was time for hir to finally leave.

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Taglist (ask to be added/removed):

@cepheusgalaxy @seastarblue @asher-writes

@aro-villain @transmasc-wizard

@stabbydragon @softandwigglybones @albatris

Halek (he/him): a main character. Halek has a big scar on his face from falling into a sharp corner as a young child and has cystic acne.

Rovian (she/her): a main character. Rovian has a unilateral complete cleft lip (and a cleft palate) and a purplish birthmark on almost half of her face.

Sei (she/her or o-mē/o-mēn): a main character. Sei has Fragile X Syndrome.

Kaelía* (she/it or o-nai/o-nain): a main character. Kaelía has burn scars on the side of its face and neck/around, below, and on its ear (*subject to change due to her more antiheroic nature) and, visible close-up, dermatillomania scars and wounds (hiiii dermatillomania twins with me lol).

Zhe'ārani (she/her) or Ši Arrokhai Kjú (they/them or o-nai/o-nain): main character. Zhe’ārani has vitiligo and achondroplasia.

Jue (ze/hir or o-hā/o-hān): Main character. Jue has Down Syndrome, a burn scar on hir forehead, and a faint scar from a surgically-closed cleft lip.

Āvolú (they/them): supporting character (Zhe’ārani’s friend). Āvolú has severe burn scars and skin grafts on most of their body, including their face.

Aedrii-Nú (she/her): supporting character (Halek’s little cousin who lives with him). Aedrii-Nú has Treacher-Collins Syndrome and a fairly recent scar from a closed cleft lip, as well as a tracheostomy tube. (If readers ever see her mother Délas on the page directly, which doesn’t happen in this draft and I don’t have a plan for in the next draft but might occur when she comes to pick Aedrii-Nú up at some point, Délas also has Treacher-Collins Syndrome.)

Taidan (he/him): minor supporting character (Halek’s mother’s boyfriend, host of a rebel radio station). Taidan has Crouzon Syndrome.

Maidallis (she/her): supporting character (Rovian’s mother). Maidallis has a cleft lip (and palate).

Rokhesh (he/him): supporting character (Zhe’ārani’s father and Rovian’s biological father). Rokhesh has a burn scar around his mouth and nose and had part of the outside of his nose amputated.

Saafeera* (she/her): supporting character (Rovian’s mother). *Saafeera has burn scars in various places on her body and I’m still deciding exactly the angle of the explosion relative to her; especially if I get rid of Kaelía’s burns Saafeera will have some on the side of her face, and regardless probably in some spots on the back of her neck and head.

Nesyue (she/her or o-nai/o-nain): supporting character (Kaelía’s sister). Nesyue has Treacher-Collins Syndrome. (In the original draft this was meant to be a bonding point between her and Aedrii-Nú as their relationship developed but they no longer spend time living together or probably even meet in this draft. Alas.)

Guodei (she/her or ai-nai/ai-nain): supporting character (Kaelía’s sister). Guodei has a ~three-lined scar on one cheek.

Līs (he/they/she/xe/fae or o-nai/o-nain): supporting character (Kaelía and Zhe’ārani’s close friend). Līs has a scar on his face from an incident with a tree branch.

Miwaanii-Shémelús (all of them; there’s at least three of them in there but they all use the same name and vague pronouns) (he/him but honestly it’s whatever): supporting character (main character Daanah’s… partner…? of some sort). Miwaanii-Shémelús has dermatillomania scars and nystagmus (and likely some degree of strabismus when he takes his glasses off).

Juraji (xe/xem): supporting character (Halek’s queerplatonic partner). Juraji has Bell’s palsy.

Diihse (he/him): supporting character (Halek’s close friend). Diihse has Down Syndrome and hemifacial microsomia with a prosthetic eye.

Ãgbii (she/her): minor supporting character (Halek’s friend/part of the group as Diihse’s twin sister and Juraji’s girlfriend). Ãgbii has Down Syndrome and a scar from a surgically-closed cleft lip.

Niimféo-Elús (she/her): supporting character (Halek’s grandmother who lives with him). Niimféo-Elús has some facial paralysis from a stroke.

Chiishé-Faindh (he/him): supporting character (Halek’s uncle who lives with him, Aedrii-Nú’s father). Chiishé-Faindh has Down Syndrome and a cleft lip.

Misa (he/him): supporting character (Halek’s cousin and friend). Misa has chemical burns on and around his eyes from a workplace accident.

Qatriong (she/her or o-nai/o-nain): supporting character (Zhe’ārani and Kaelía’s close friend). After [spoiler], Qatriong has some facial paralysis.

Ailít (she/her): supporting character (Rovian and Halek’s friend, Rovian’s sister’s partner). Ailít has Waardenburg Syndrome.

Fiya (ey/em): minor supporting character (Rovian’s newborn nibling). Fiya has a large birthmark on eir face in a similar position to Rovian’s (possibly mirrored) and Waardenburg Syndrome.

Suinak (she/her or o-pā/o-pān): supporting character (candidate to be betrothed to Jue or Sei, later part of Sei and Yna’s court). Suinak has vitiligo and acne scars.

Mkera (she/her or o-mē/o-mēn): supporting character (candidate to be betrothed to Jue). Mkera has hyperpigmentation spots, including on her face.

Jiremau (she/her or o-mē/o-mēn): supporting character (candidate to be betrothed to Jue or Sei, later part of Sei and Yna’s court). Jiremau has occulocutaneos albinism.

Ynesalinau/Yna (she/her or o-mē/o-mēn): supporting character (candidate to be betrothed to Jue or Sei, later Sei’s wife). Yna has a prominent underbite.

Méríw (he/they/she): supporting character (Rovian’s friend and coworker). Méríw has facial tumours, alopecia areata, and vitiligo.

Fiitsãn (he/him or ū-rū/ū-rūn): supporting character (Jue’s best friend). Fiitsãn has a scar roughly the size of a quarter (though not an even, round shape) on the side of his forehead from hitting his head hard on a window in a bus crash.

Trais (ze/hir or she/her): minor supporting character (Daanah’s colleague). Trais has alopecia areata.

Ngionah (she/her or ē-ziu/ē-ziun): supporting character (Jue’s guard). Ngionah has alopecia universalis.

Linoxa (she/her or iao-rū/iao-rūn): possible minor supporting character (Fiitsãn’s sister). Linoxa has a severe overbite and ptosis, and possibly other facial differences.

Qaidiao (he/him or ē-mē/ē-mēn): supporting character (Sei’s father, Jue’s uncle). Qaidiao has Fragile X Syndrome.

Jaision (she/her or o-mē/o-mēn): supporting character (Sei’s sister). Jaision has Fragile X Syndrome.

Jēn-Tajanē (she/they/he or iao-mē/iao-mēn): supporting character (Sei’s sibling). Jēn-Tajanē has Fragile X Syndrome.

[The Gharan doctor] (she/her): minor supporting character (Zhe’ārani’s doctor). She has a “Glasgow/Chelsea Smile” (which is a kind of scar around the mouth that kind of looks like a very wide grin).

The table that had been set for them was small, intimate.

After a long, drawn-out silence, Jue cleared hir throat. "Hello, Honourable Suinak."

Suinak had not greeted hir first, and of course that was correct and proper that o-pā would not speak to hir before ze spoke to o-pān, and Jue should definitely have said something sooner and not let that awkwardness grow.

Suinak's gaze flicked up to meet hirs briefly. "Hello, Your Majesty."

O-pās Fūtiq accent was gone since the last time they had spoken. O-pā sounded more like a Rāmiq noble than ze did now, all stressed vowels and sharp consonants and sounds Jue could not quite pronounce. It matched o-pās classic, conservative-but-stylish way of dress and made-up face.

Jue sat down, and Suinak did the same.

"I hope life here has been treating you well," Jue said. O-pān was definitely fitting in.

Ze considered hir bowl. Ze should add some sauce to the boiled mix of grains and vegetables, but the sauce was poisoned. The sauce was definitely poisoned.

Ze spooned a bit on anyway so Suinak would know o-pā was allowed to have some too, but quietly pushed it against the side of hir bowl instead of stirring it in properly. Part of hir knew it probably was not poisoned, but part of hir knew it definitely was.

"Yes, of course," Suinak said. "I feel very at home. Perhaps my true soul form is Rāmiq."

Jue felt hir eyebrows rise and desperately tried to pull hir expression back into neutral. Ze looked down and picked anxiously at hir food.

A moment of panic flashed across Suinak's face and o-pā quickly added "Of course I am not Rāmiq right now, I was born in Fūt and I am not married-"

"I know," said Jue. Dealing with other people's panic was somehow worse than dealing with other people's judgement, or with hir own panic. "You were merely expressing comfort."

"Yes," said Suinak, nodding repeatedly.

"I am glad you are comfortable here," Jue offered. 

"Thank you," said Suinak. "Your palace is lovely. I am very fortunate to be a guest in it."

"Many skilled craftspeople have spent centuries making it so," said Jue. "What is your home like?"

"Oh," said Suinak, "well, nothing like this, of course. I hope you do not think that Fūt only produces those like Inoj, but it is certainly much better here. The home given to my family is much more sophisticated than most of the island, but of course it is still far inferior to yours."

Jue wondered if Suinak really thought of o-pās home like that, or if o-pā just thought it was what o-pān was supposed to say. Ze tried to steer the conversation to safer, more neutral grounds for them both. "I am sure the weather came as a shock when you arrived."

"Oh, yes," said Suinak. "The island is colder by far. Coming north was quite the change."

"A coldwet season is coming soon here," said Jue. "It will snow. Perhaps you might enjoy that, too."

"Yes," said Suinak. "I would be greatly pleased to be invited to partake in any seasonal traditions here at the palace, if it suits you."

"I am sure," said Jue, hoping it did not sound like a commitment for hir to invite o-pān hirself or like a total rejection. Ze put a spoonful of food in hir mouth in the hopes of not having to say more.

Suinak put a full spoonful in o-pās mouth too.

Sensing dissatisfaction, Jue swallowed too soon and said, "You might like some of this sauce." Ze nudged it towards o-pān. "It will make it more flavourful."

"Oh, there is no problem with it," Suinak said hastily, but o-pān took a little sauce anyway.

Jue chewed hir lip, trying to hide it by bringing the spoon to hir mouth again. Ze was going to poison Suinak too.

Stop it, ze told hirself harshly. Ze was always making stuff up like this. No wonder no one listened to hir.

Ze forced hirself to stir the sauce in properly and felt sick.

"At least one of our cooks is Fūtiq." Jue forced a smile, pretending that thinking of Fiitsãn's family did not make hir want to cry. "You can ask for more familiar dishes to be sent to your rooms, if you wish." 

"This is quite alright," said Suinak, smile tight like Jue's felt. 

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Taglist (ask to be added/removed):

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@pomegranate-opossum @aro-villain @transmasc-wizard

@stabbydragon @softandwigglybones @albatris @bublyfan

"Imperial blue and gold, of course," Tailor-Emproiderer Zeing said. "And red, red suits you well-"

Ei-he glanced at Raiqiongshē for approval, who nodded. "Yes, definitely."

Jue never really felt like anything suited hir. Ze always messed it up somehow.

"This gown, we will alternate dark red and imperial blue, with gold trimming and embroidery," ei-he said, beckoning with one hand.

An apprentice brought ei-hen a handful of samples of fabrics in barely-different shades of dark red.

Tailor-Embroiderer Zeing held them each up to Jue's skin in quick succession. "This one," ei-he eventually said.

Raiqiongshē nodded again. "With a green capelet, perhaps. Silver embroidery."

"Yes, of course," said Tailor-Embroiderer Zeing. "Green will go nicely with o-hās hair, and the silver will bring out the scarification."

Jue was fine with Raiqiongshē and Tailor-Embroiderer Zeing making all the choices for the new betrothal clothes. All the different colours and fabrics and threads and styles were a lot to look at, and ze knew ze would get something wrong.

"The colours of Berysek are purple and white," said Raiqiongshē. "The Tasio family uses goldenrod yellow and dark rose. The Sūl family uses pink and grey. Avutaq- we do not want to encourage Taqa independence sentiment, but we do not want the Taqa to feel snubbed- incorporate their orange into something. I do not think the Nsole have an official colour, not having been in contact with the rest of the world enough to need one. We will need at least one garment that incorporates each of these colours- Taqa orange should perhaps just be embroidery on imperial blue."

One of the apprentices jotted that all down as Raiqiongshē spoke. Another got samples of every colour mentioned.

"Real gold thread for the embroidery?" said Tailor-Embroiderer Zeing.

Raiqiongshē pursed his lips in a way that made Jue anxious. Was that palace that short on money?

"Where it is visible," Raiqiongshē said finally.

"Your Majesty Jeilajue, would you care to choose some patterns for the embroidery?"

Jue jumped.

"The dual crown of Rāmia must be present on the main part of each outfit," Raiqiongshē said.

"Naturally," said Tailor-Embroiderer Zeing. "Your Majesty Jeilajue, there are a few options for musical motifs, if you are interested?"

Jue did not actually know what 'motifs' were, but ze nodded anyway. Something to represent hir love of music would be nice.

"You may have the musical one, but pick a few in-season plants and animals too," said Raiqiongshē.

Jue nodded again. One of the apprentices took hir to look at the book of patterns while Raiqiongshē and Tailor-Embroiderer Zeing discussed buttons and ribbons and jewels and lace and all the other finishings the clothes would need.

Jue was very tired from the fitting by the time ze met Inoj and Suinak from Avutaq.

They both had light olive skin and dark eyes, and they were about the same height.

Inoj has brown hair, Jue thought, desperately hoping ze would remember who was whom later. Suinak has red hair.

The pronoun for both of them would be o-pā. They were not Rāmiq, and though Raiqiongshē had bestowed the title of the Honourable on both of them, neither was noble. The other three foreigners would be princesses, so Jue was probably supposed to use 'mē' for them, even though they also were not Rāmiq, and ze had agonized about Inoj and Suinak because 'pā' marked them as outsiders which might be rude but it would certainly be rude to use their intimate pronouns, and it would also probably be rude to use pronouns that marked them as commoners.

Suinak's family was important now, and Inoj's family had been important in pre-Rāmian Avutaq and was still well-respected. Or was it the other way around?

Ze really hoped ze could remember everything, or at least convincingly fake it.

"I met the Honourables Inoj and Suinak of Avutaq," said Jue. Bringing up Avutaq with Fiitsãn might be treading on unstable ground, but ze could not not tell him.

"Oh," said Fiitsãn quietly.

"Do you know them?"

"What?" said Fiitsãn. "No, of course not. My dad can't take us back there very often… it's a long trip, and he needs a good amount of time off work to make it worth it. They could be his family's neighbours and I wouldn't know them."

"I am sorry," Jue said. Ze could hear the sadness and bitterness in Fiitsãn's voice. "It must be hard to be far away from them so much."

Jue's father had been Kettan and hir stepfather had been Sisiban, but ze had never really known either of them, so ze had no way to miss their homes. Henor had been executed for killing Haishionā, Jue's mother, when Jue had been a toddler, and Serip had slowly declined and died of illness in the following couple years. Ze had never been to Ketta or Sisiba, or met their relatives. Henor's family was of course not welcome in Rāmia's court, and most of Sisiba's royal family had been killed in a violent revolution years ago, with the rest having fled.

Zioshue was the only home Jue had ever known.

"Yeah." Fiitsãn sighed. "It's hardest on my dad, of course. And he's under enough suspicion, being Taqa and working in the palace- he can't afford to ask for more time off to visit."

"Will it help?" Jue said abruptly. If it would help, maybe ze could do it. "Me marrying someone from Avutaq, I mean. Would it help?"

"No," said Fiitsãn. Something between them changed, and his eyes went hard. "You just don't get it, do you?"

"What?" Jue did not like this.

"We- they won't settle for anything less than freedom," Fiitsãn said. "Avutaq will never be Rāmia."

"I'm sorry," Jue said. "I did not mean to upset you."

Fiitsãn softened. "It's not your fault. You don't have any real political power yet. But it won't help much for you to have a Taqa consort if Avutaq is still under Rāmian control."

Jue's stomach hurt. Ze had known Avutaq's relationship with Rāmia was a bit of a sore spot with Fiitsãn, but not this much.

Fiitsãn must hate hir. Ze sat hir in the heart of the empire with all its wealth while Avutaq suffered. Ze was the symbol of every problem with the empire.

Ze had not missed how Fiitsãn had said we first when referring to the Taqa independence movement.

"What did you think of them?" Fiitsãn asked. "Did you like one more than the other?"

"I have to go."

"Oh." Fiitsãn sounded surprised. "Okay."

"Bathroom," Jue lied.

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Tonight marked the official start to Jue and Sei's betrothal season.

It was the feast day of the god of marriage and fertility- there was a god of betrothals too, but their feast day was apparently too far away- and the biggest ball they'd had since Teixal's arrival five years ago.

"We are honoured to have not one but two Vessels with us today," Raiqiongshē proclaimed. "Gētnyx Qeij, Vessel of Strength and head of the Temple of Corysecli, and Joasē Luen, Vessel of Marriage and head of the Temple of Tawe, have both graced us with their presence to mark this wonderful occasion." 

Jue did hir best not to let on how very much ze did not want to be here. Smile and stand up straight and hope no one looks too close.

Sei looked happy, at least, but Sei was happy at any occasion to dress up and party. Fashion was pretty much her favourite thing in the world, apart from animals, and she generally did not notice much else.

"Good evening," ze said when Raiqiongshē brought the Vessel of Corysecli over. 

The Vessel's eyes landed on Jue's hearing aids and she began to sign, too fast for Jue to keep up with.

Jue was not going to insult her with hir clumsy hands and awkward grammar and lacking vocabulary. Ze wished ze were bold enough to sign as confidently and freely as her, but instead ze said, "My apologies, but my skills in Standard Rāmian Sign are lacking."

One of the Vessel's Divine Soldiers was serving as an interpreter, and the Vessel was kind enough not to comment on Jue's missing skills. 

Ze was dancing with Inoj first. Inoj was alright, probably, but Jue was already very embarrassed and anxious.

On hir way across the dance floor, ze snatched a flute of sparkling wine from one of the trays the waitstaff were carrying. Jue was not really a fan of sparkling wine, but it gave hir something to do with hir hands and mouth, and it would hopefully make hir a little less awkward and scared.

It tasted like soap with bubbles.

Inoj was dressed in a unique style. It must be Taqa- Jue had never seen it at court before.

They danced. It was okay. Inoj was a decent dancer, and even though it was not quite proper with their respective statuses, Jue let o-pān lead.

"You dance well," ze said, trying to fill the silence.

"Thank you." Inoj smiled. "So do you."

That was not true, but Jue returned the smile nonetheless. "Your outfit is very interesting."

Inoj faltered. "Yeah. Yes. It is a traditional Taqa style."

"Interesting in a good way," Jue said, chest pinching as ze realized ze might have accidentally insulted o-pān. "I like it. It is very nice."

Inoj smiled tightly.

Another flute of wine, then ze danced with Suinak, who was dressed in a very fashionable and very Rāmiq style. 

Suinak was also a good dancer, but seemed insistent for Jue to lead. 

It was proper, but Jue was not as graceful as ze would like to be, and ze was afraid it made Suinak look bad too.

Fiitsãn had been seconded as waitstaff for the evening, and at Jue's third glass of wine, he murmured, "You're drinking a lot, Jue."

Jue ignored him. Fiitsãn just did not understand.

"The ones you need to be careful of are Inoj, Ynesalinau, and Waleiyi," Paona said as they danced.

Jue was pretty sure ze also needed to be careful of Paona. "Why?" 

"Ynesalinau strikes me as the type who can and will do whatever it takes to get what o-mē wants, and will be very good at navigating all this," Paona said. "Waleiyi is strong-willed and possibly hot-headed, and can be physically dangerous. Inoj just gives me a bad feeling."

"I like Inoj," Jue said, a little tipsy and a little too honest.

"Just keep an eye out."

Ze was starting to get a little tired of the taste of soap, so ze did not have another drink before dancing with Waleiyi. Out of the corner of hir eye, ze saw Sei and Ynesalinau dancing, though ze could have sworn they had danced at least once already.

One of the Temple of Corysecli's uniformed Initiates loomed behind Waleiyi as Jue approached. Ze gulped. Ze did not want to be between two highly-skilled warriors, and neither seemed too happy about the other's proximity.

Waleiyi turned to the Initiate after spotting Jue. “You are dismissed, Lieutenant Initiate.”

“You do not have the authority to dismiss me, Lady General,” said the Lieutenant Initiate, clearly already annoyed with Waleiyi.

“I am going to dance with my betrothed, and I do not need you following after me like a lost baby animal.”

Jue did not like how ai-lo called hir ai-los betrothed as if it was already settled.

“I have been assigned to guard you for the duration of this event.”

“I do not need you to guard me. I am a general of our empire’s army and I do not need a babysitter.”

“Then, as a general of our empire’s army, you follow Corysecli.” The Lieutenant Initiate smiled sharply. “I have been given a mandate directly from Her Vessel. You wouldn’t want to go against Corysecli’s wishes, I’m sure, nor would you want to endanger yourself. You are, after all, your family’s only child.”

Jue thought Waleiyi might throw a punch in response to that. Ze vaguely knew that there had been other children, but ze did not know what had happened to them.

“If you must insist on continuing to surveil me, you will go stand over there. I would not want to trip on anything whilst dancing with the Younger Emperor, Lieutenant Initiate.”

Jue was very grateful that the Lieutenant Initiate backed off after that, though ai-nai kept a sharp stare fixed on them as they danced.

Despite hir distaste for the soapy flavour, ze definitely needed more wine after that.

Shio trembled the whole time they danced, then ze danced with Jiremau and was extra self-conscious of hir clumsiness because ze knew she had less vision and ze really did need to lead so they didn't bump into anyone, then with Ynesalinau who kept glancing at Sei, and finally ze could just go stand by hirself and not touch anyone.

Ze leaned subtly against the wall, slowly sipping what was probably hir fifth drink without much enjoyment.

"Hey." Inoj leaned next to hir.

"Hi."

"This is at least three times bigger than the biggest party I've ever been to," said Inoj.

"It's the biggest we've had in, um… five years," said Jue.

"Are you having fun?"

"No." Gods, why had ze said that? Ze wasn't supposed to let that show. "I hope you are, though." 

Inoj shrugged fluidly. "It's a lot."

Jue nodded silently. It really was. Sei thrived in this sensory batterment because of her lower sensory receptiveness, but Jue really didn't. 

"Well." Inoj pushed off the wall. "I suppose I'll go keep mingling and charming people into supporting me." O-pā winked at Jue. "I guess you probably have to do that a lot."

Jue nodded again and sipped hir wine. 

"Alright. Good chat." Inoj made o-pās way back onto the dance floor. 

Jue leaned on the wall a while longer, everything beginning to be pleasantly fuzzy and distant and less scary. 

"Hello," Jiremau said, startling Jue. The wine had relaxed hir enough that ze had forgotten to be vigilant. 

"Hello," Jue said. 

"You have a beautiful voice," Jiremau said, which had to somehow be an insult about hir speech impediment. "Do you sing?" 

"No," said Jue. "I play violin, though."

"I have a sister who plays violin," said Jiremau, getting increasingly close to Jue. "One of the loveliest sounds in the world."

"Yeah." Jue scootched away from Jiremau's approach as subtly as ze could. 

"Your palace is very grand," said Jiremau. "I would so love to live here."

"I wish it had windows," said Jue. Ze had never lived somewhere with windows- Rāmiq buildings were almost always carved into the stone ground, and ze had always lived in the palace anyway- but it seemed like it would be nice. Maybe it would feel less confining to have windows ze could open. 

"The Great Palace of Berysek has many windows," Jiremau said. "Perhaps you will come visit someday on a diplomatic mission… or as a prince consort."

"Maybe."

Jiremau leaned towards Jue and pressed o-mēs lips to hirs before ze knew what was happening.

"No!" Ze shoved o-mē away instinctively, dropping hir glass. 

Jiremau stumbled back. "Oh."

"Sorry," Jue said, backing away. "Sorry. Sorry. Sorry." Ze turned and fled from the ballroom. 

Ze hadn't seen that coming. Ze had made a scene. Jiremau had kissed hir and ze felt gross and guilty and panicked. 

"Are you okay?" asked Ngionah. 

"I'm fine," Jue said, in what was possibly the least-believable lie ze had ever told. 

A hand settled on hir shoulder. "Jue."

Raiqiongshē had followed hir. Raiqiongshē had followed hir. He must be so disappointed. 

Jue burst into tears. 

"Hey." Raiqiongshē gently turned Jue to face him. "How about you tell me what happened." 

"Princess Jiremau tried to kiss me and I can't- I can't- I can't-" Jue didn't know how to explain hir horrible, visceral reaction in a way Raiqiongshē would understand. "I'm sorry!" 

"It is okay," Raiqiongshē said. "I take it o-mē neglected to ask first."

Jue nodded, full-on sobbing now. 

"It was not appropriate of o-mēn to make such an advance," Raiqiongshē said. "I know the ball has probably been very stressful for you. You have only ever been to one other of this size."

Jue started to nod again, but then ze felt hir stomach contents starting to rise up, and ze didn't react fast enough and ze threw up on Raiqiongshē's shoes. 

Raiqiongshē looked appalled. 

"I'm s-s-sorry!" Jue cried. 

"You need to go to bed," said Raiqiongshē. "You are clearly in no state to remain here."

Jue shook, still frozen in place. "Are- are you mad at me?"

"That is not a discussion for tonight," said Raiqiongshē, which definitely meant the answer was yes but he was nice enough not to say it when Jue had just thrown up. "Come along. I will take you to your rooms and summon Attendant Seina. Captain Ruol will find a cleaner."

"But- the ball," Jue said. Ze and Raiqiongshē both disappearing was definitely even more of a scene. 

"Teixal and Onarys and Alokti will cover for me for a time," said Raiqiongshē. "If anyone asks about you, I will just tell them you are unwell, as you clearly are. I now need to change my shoes anyway."

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