#rogray

More often than not, he’d startle awake, heart racing, and a scream lodged in his throat. 

It was only the jarring sound of Natsu’s snores that kept it from escaping. Something else he’d missed in their time apart. Those snores were like music to his ears, a reminder of where he was. Gray would move closer to the dragon slayer letting his noises and warmth, the likes of which he’d never felt during his time at Avatar ground him.

The more Gray tried to hold it together, the more he was shattering, and he knew something was bound to give soon. He knew he should talk to someone about all of it, possibly Natsu or Erza, but Gray couldn’t bring himself to have them know the things he’d done. Mainly because he knew they would forgive him, which wasn’t what he wanted. 

What he wanted more than anything was to be held accountable for his actions.

That morning Natsu had gone off on a job with Lucy, while Erza was busy helping the Master. So Gray decided to avoid the guild altogether, content to go on a walk with Happy, letting the Exceed’s constant chatter keep the voices at bay, even though he wasn’t exactly listening.

“Hey, isn’t that Frosch from Sabertooth?” Happy asked suddenly, pointing at a small pink figure that was walking ahead of them, their head moving from side to side as they stopped every few feet.

“You think he might be lost again?” Happy wondered, already running towards the little creature, leaving Gray paralyzed where he stood.

Frosch was indeed lost, they’d gotten separated from Lector and were now trying to find their way back to Sabertooth, and failing pretty horribly if they’d made it to Magnolia. Happy immediately began pestering Gray to help the Exceed find his way back to Sabertooth, and Gray felt he had no choice but to agree, even though he’d much rather do anything else.

As adorable as Frosch was, seeing them brought back things he’d much rather forget. Words Natsu had told him of a future they’d only narrowly managed to avoid. A future that had been his fault.

In another life or timeline or whatever, he didn’t exactly understand it, he had somehow managed to kill Frosch and set Rogue Cheney off in a path of death and destruction that had culminated in the dragon attacks after the Grand Magic Games. And now here he was, herding that same Exceed back to their guild, full of a guilt that he couldn’t escape for an act he hadn’t actually carried out.

He was well aware that his new magic enveloped him in a darkness that affected his mood and his personality in ways he couldn’t always control. So it wasn’t enough for him that he hadn’t actually done it this time around, the fact remained that he had done so at least once and if it hadn’t been for Natsu’s intervention he might have done so again, and maybe even not have cared. That thought frightened him. What if he got worse, what if he attacked one of his friends?

With the Sabertooth guild looming ahead, he had no choice but to try to put all those thoughts aside. The three of them entered, with Frosch already skipping ahead as if he hadn’t ever been lost.

“Frosch!” a worried voice called out from the shadows beyond the guild’s entrance, “Where have you been? Lector said he couldn’t find you.”

Rogue Cheney appeared, grabbing the Exceed in his arms and checking him over carefully.

“Happy, and I found them in Magnolia,” Gray explained. He could see the shadow dragon slayer narrowing his eyes as he realized who had been behind the rescue, and the discomfort he’d felt before entering the guild intensified.

Frosch, however, didn’t seem to notice any of the tension, responding with a carefree, “Frosch went for a walk with Happy!” once they were set back on the ground.

And with that, Frosch grabbed Happy by the hand and skipped over to where Lector was waiting. Happy looked back at Gray in apology but the ice mage shrugged it away. Happy deserved to have some fun with his friends after spending all morning with him.

He felt Rogue’s glare and was surprised when the shadow dragon slayer addressed him, “Thank you for bringing Frosch back, we were getting worried.”

“It was nothing, I know Natsu would flip if Happy went missing,” Gray waved away his efforts, trying to figure out what he was going to do while he waited for Happy to be ready to go back home.

They stood in uncomfortable silence until a throat cleared itself loudly as Sting came out of his office. “Stop glaring at him Rogue, that’s not how we show hospitality to our Fairy Tail friends.”

The Sabertooth guild master shook hands with Gray, taking a moment to ask about Natsu. “Why don’t you join us for lunch? You must be tired after coming all this way.”

“Uhm, sure, thanks,” Gray replied stiffly. He’d actually rather not, he wasn’t social on his best day, but he also didn’t want to insult the guild master.

“Great,” Sting smiled, leading the way towards the bar area where there were some tables set up. Once Gray and Rogue had ordered their food, he looked at his wrist. “Oh, I didn’t realize it was that late. I’m going to have to bail. Sorry about that!”

He stood up, barely managing to look apologetic before retreating to his office once again.

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to,” Gray remarked, if he felt uncomfortable he couldn’t imagine how Rogue felt.

“Actually I do,” Rogue revealed, his features settling into fond exasperation, “I’d never hear the end of it otherwise.”

Gray blinked in confusion, “Excuse me?”

Rogue gazed at him, his expression unreadable, “Don’t worry about it. How are you holding up? It must be difficult readjusting to guild life after being in Avatar.”

“It uhm, yeah,” Gray responded, not knowing quite how to put into words how he was feeling and wondering if he should apologize for what the other him did to Frosch.

“For the record, I’ve seen the way you are with them. I don’t think you would have done it,” Rogue startled him by bringing up the very thing Gray had been thinking about.

“I wish I could be as sure,” Gray replied honestly.

Rogue regarded him, his eyes never leaving Gray’s, making him feel like he was peering into his very soul.

“It’s not easy, is it? The what-ifs…,” Rogue sighed loudly, “I know a little about what you feel. Sometimes I wonder if there is still a chance that I’ll turn into that man. I worry that something else will happen to me that will set off the events for that terrifying future. It keeps me up at night.”

Gray realized he’d never considered how Future Rogue’s actions would have affected their Rogue. He had only been worried about killing an Exceed. Rogue had to live with the fact that a part of him had been capable of killing his mate. Gray couldn’t even fathom what that must feel like.

“I - I’m afraid the time will come when I won’t be able to control this new power, and I might hurt the others,” Gray confessed.

“Do you really think you’d be capable of hurting your friends? The same you who walked miles out of your way just to bring a lost Exceed home?”

“I’d like to think I wouldn’t, but I don’t know.” 

“We all have darkness inside us, Gray, for some of us it’s just more literal,” Rogue’s mouth stretched into a thin smile. 

“Asking for help is not weakness. You have a lot of people that care about you, you should talk to them about what’s happening to you. Let their light help defeat your darkness. As for the magic, you already know how to fix that, and I am sure Natsu would love nothing more than to help you with that.”

Once their food finally arrived, Gray found himself thinking about Rogue’s words while he ate. He’d been afraid to train with his Ice Devil Slayer magic, worried that it would only lead to the darkness getting more control of him, but maybe he was wrong. If he trained with some of the others, he could test the magic’s boundaries and learn to control it so that it could no longer have any power over him.

Their conversation moved to lighter topics, laughing over the more idiotic aspects of their mates until Happy finally missed Natsu and wanted to return to Fairy Tail.

As he was getting ready to leave, Rogue stopped him briefly, squeezing his shoulder gently, “If it ever gets bad, don’t hesitate to find me. I fought off that Shadow for many years, I can try to help.”

Gray nodded gratefully, not sure what else to say.

They waved their goodbyes and began their long walk back to Magnolia, knowing that the others would be bound to be home soon and worry at their absence.

Happy flew next to Gray, “So, did you make a new friend?”

“You know,” Gray smiled, “I think I did.”

“Happy thinks so too!”

“Happy?” 

“Yes, Gray?”

“It’s only cute when Frosch does it.”