#relevant tonight

i never want to lose myself.

of course you might need to reinvent yourself or your values after going through a break up or moving to a new place but i never want to lose the core of who i really am.

i think this happens to people who go out every night, to the same kind of bar or the same kind of parties. they aren’t living, they’re searching for themselves. there’s nothing wrong with going out, in fact it’s great. but doesn’t it get old?

the people who do this every thursday, friday, and saturday night, just the same same same kind of night on repeat. the never ending cycle of nights out with the same people, only broken up by semesters and seasons. doesn’t it get old?

i feel like you wake up one night, your head still spinning from the vodka, questioning yourself. how is this making me a better person? how is drinking myself into a stupor with the same kinds of shitty people surrounding me improving my life? i’m having fun, but who am i? what do i stand for? what’s more important to me: the people i can open myself up to, completely raw, or the people who i can have a drunken conversation with?

these kinds of people are just searching searching searching, but they don’t even know what for. they don’t even realize it. they’re looking for their true friends, they’re looking for love - they’re looking for themselves.

but you don’t find yourself at the bottom of a beer bottle or on the sticky hardwood floors of that shitty college bar. you find yourself when you’re surrounded by people making you laugh, or under the stars by the lake, or in a favorite book or while you’re pursuing a passion.