#relationshiops

Standing alone means I am strong enough to handle things by myself.

I’m going to take a different tack with this. Obviously (to most) I’m not dominant, so I’m not the target demographic for these questions. But in an ongoing effort to show people that you can (and should!) generalize information to fit your gender and dynamic needs, I’ll flip things up a bit and answer the questions from my perspective.

Regarding disobedience, what is the difference between an excuse and an explanation?

The difference between an excuse and an explanation is where truth and intent lie. The foundation of our relationship lives in that space. Explanation is communication, while an excuse is, for me, a failure to plan, execute, or otherwise do something I knew I was supposed to do. I need my dominant partner to not only understand the difference, I need him to be attuned to the nuances that exist in a life shared outside the bedroom. Life throws curve balls, and that might affect my getting from point A to point B in a timely manner. But if that curve ball was caused by poor planning on my part… well, too bad! Should’ve planned better, girl.

More often that not, disobedience can be avoided by talking; if something is unclear or I disagree with it, I know I can’t wait until after to speak my mind. In the successful relationships I’ve had, I was always free to speak; I may not have gotten the result I was hoping for, but the communication left zero room for mishaps. I’m an honest person who knows what a successful D/s relationship looks and feels like. I need a strict partner, one who recognizes excuses and wouldn't tolerate them, but who also knows I don’t ever want to ‘get away’ with anything.

How do you handle each one, and is correction necessary when the explanation is valid?

I need someone who demonstrates consistency and follow-through. That’s it. If you’re wishy-washy, I’m out. I’ll lose respect for you (see: my last relationship); and if there’s no respect, the relationship is a goner. The punishment itself is irrelevant. I’m not saying it doesn’t matter - it absolutely does. I’m saying that consistency and follow-through matter more.

That said, use logic when dealing with an explanation. An excuse? Punish away! But if the explanation is valid, punishment might not be warranted. I didn’t drink enough water because the jugs were empty and I was too busy to leave work? Fine, 20% more the next few days to make up for it. I wasn’t supposed to spend any money but decided to bring cupcakes to the baby shower? Great, that was very thoughtful… but no cupcake for you, ask first next time. I was supposed to masturbate before getting out of bed this morning but I totally forgot? No problem. No self-pleasuring for the entire week. Wait, what-

Use logic. It came factory installed, use it.

Are there times when a submissive’s suggestions are helpful, or is topping from the bottom always unwelcome?

This is a logical fallacy called circular reasoning and it is W-R-O-N-G. That’s not what ‘topping from the bottom’ means. ‘Topping from the bottom’ is a manipulation tactic employed by a submissive or ‘bottom’ who acts in a certain way to elicit a particular result. The dominant or ‘top’ bases their decisions on information (words, body language, etc.) provided by the submissive, but the decision is tainted by choreographed/designed information. 

Example: I know when a belt strapping is really going to start hurting and, for whatever reason, I’m not up for it that night. Doesn’t matter if it’s punishment or play, I don’t want it. Instead of telling my dominant ‘I don’t think I can handle this tonight because ___ happened and my mind is in a bad place,’ I decide to ‘take’ the strapping for a few minutes then really amp up the crying - really get the tears going hard! - to make him think he’s affected me in a way he hasn’t. He stops the strapping sooner than typical; and yes, while stopping was his choice, he did so based on manipulated information.

Life decision : spend time and build relationships with people that inspire me.

Connect with people through shared passions

Find the places of intersection and develop there

Friendships would be more meaningful that way

10 reasons why Americans love the Brits.

It’s no secret. Americans are in love with the Brits.   But why exactly? Here is a definitive list of things that my husband and I think are the most irresistible qualities that he and his fellow Brits posses. Sarcasm– “Lets face it there is nobody else in the world that can do sarcasm in the specific way the British can. We’re so good at it you don’t even realize it’s happening.”says the…

Sorry if you sent this a long time ago, I’ve been out of minutes on my pigeon phone for a while now, but we’re back in action; you know how it goes.

Anyway, you’ve always gotta remember that your number one job as a friend is to be supportive. No matter what you think is best for your friends (and who knows, you may even be right), what they do with their own life is ultimately up to them. Your prerogative is to be there for them through whatever comes their way.

At the same time, however, you need to be honest. If their S.O. does something fucked up, you need to make sure that your friend is fully aware of the severity of it. Sometimes love can be blinding, so you need to be their unobstructed eyes. Just make sure to not be overbearing; make your opinion known and then move on. It can be hard to see a friend suffering, but remember as much as you think you know what’s best for them, so does your friend.

Conclusion: be supportive, but be honest. Try to keep your negative comments to yourself as much as possible unless you’re asked or something really bad is happening. It’s terrible having to sit back and watch, but your friend has to make their own decisions.

Hope that helps, let me know if you ever need anything else! I’m back on the minutes now.