#rejections

So I went away for the weekend with a guy I’ve been seeing for a few months and the evening didn’t quite go as planned. We’d previously talked about butt stuff and I told him I wasn’t into that and I had some negative experiences with that. He assured me he would respect that. He also used to complain that I wasn’t having orgasms every time we were together and was very positive when I brought a toy over and that helped me get to a good place. This time he got into talking dirty and talking about us having a threesome while were at the foreplay stage. He tried to go for my butt and I quite firmly stopped him and said no. Then we got back into the mood had PIV sex and once he was done I was still in the mood so I reached for the toy again and wanted to keep going. He made a comment about “oh okay” and then tried to play with my boobs which I normally like but I batted him away a little because I was in the zone and just didn’t want him touching them. He then tried to tell me that they’re his and I’m just taking care of them for him. He’d used this phrase in the past and while I laughed the first time in a slightly uncomfortable way and didn’t correct him the second time he did it I told him that “no they’re not”. So when he did it this time I was firm and stopped what I was doing and went “no they’re not and I hate it when you say that”. And he said some stuff but didn’t seem too phased and we just lay there talking for a bit and then he reached for my boob again and I swatted his nose and went “no stop it” and covered myself.

And his response was “one of these days I’m going to hit you back” and it wasn’t playful or semi funny. Was a really scary tone. And I get that looking back it had probably been one too many rejections in a row for him. But I just got up and walked into the bathroom with a very cold air. Then I came back after peeing and he tried to minimize it and laugh it off but I told him I don’t think it’s funny at all and started getting dressed in my jammies … and he took the bottoms of the pjs and was trying to make it playful like he wouldn’t let me have them. I gave him a scorching look and walked off to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Then came back and took the pants from where he’d tossed them down and told him I don’t like the whole situation. At which point he started shouting that I’m blowing everything out of proportions and that I’m terrible with my “micro-aggressions” and that when I rejected him I should have done it much more gently and that it’s hard to take. He then went to the bathroom and then got into bed.

Now I felt super stuck. We were meant to be a romantic getaway. Normally I would have left but I was his ride back into town and I didn’t want him causing a scene at the hotel after I’d left or something because I’d reserved it and it was really icy and I was quite tired so after weighing up the risks I fell asleep and then drove him back into town early in the morning.

I tried to talk to him about it but basically everything got turned into me being “difficult” and “you need to readjust your intuition because you completely mistook my comments” … I still feel so awful about the whole thing and feel shitty about it. It was like straight from sex into conflict and I just feel so profoundly sad. And this is a man I thought I cared about and cared for me… but it’s like there’s how I saw him before this incident. And after. And I can’t unsee the awful version of him shouting at me. I feel like I also should have left immediately regardless of the weather. Am I overreacting?

Reddit consensus: NOT OVERREACTING (NOR) (91% confidence)

Top comment: “Notice how you're open to the possibility that you were wrong?

Notice how he wasn't open to the possibility that he was wrong? NOR”

Notable explanation: “NOR because of all the boundary breaking and possessiveness….but OP you don’t get to hit people either. Knock that shit off, it’s not cute.

He is faaaar more shitty, far more, but you can’t just go around hitting people.

Signed a women who hates the type of women that think because they are a woman they can freely hit others.”

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