#regular phoenix

Lightlost knew it, they shouldn’t have let Phoenix run out to join the crew in their fight. And yet, the young spark did it either way. He got out of the hiding spot they had found for him and ran straight towards the sounds of fighting. Disregarding his own safety, in order to prove his worth to the others. 

A worth, the young spark had already proven over and over again, whenever he helped the crew out or left small gifts behind for them to find. But Phoenix couldn’t see that. Or, he could see it, until Getaway made a comment about why he still wore the Decepticon badge and if he truly was on their side, he would take it down and not flaunt it wherever he went. A terrible thing to say to a youngling, who was still trying to find his way in life. They will have to talk with Getaway about this, but Lightlost knew that they shouldn’t concentrate on that. Not when many of their crew were still tending to their wounds, or trying to repair anything they could.  

And then there was also Phoenix’s condition. 

Lightlost had asked Rodimus to tell them whenever he would visit the youngest member of their crew and let them know how he was doing. They could do it themselves, yes, but they could also see how much Rodimus needed this. How much he needed someone to talk to about his guilt for letting Phoenix join the fight, without even thinking about what could happen. And, honestly, maybe Lightlost needed this too. Maybe they needed someone to talk to, in order to distract from their own guilt they felt for not trying harder to keep the young spark away from danger. 

“Ah, Lightlost. Are you here to visit Phoenix? Isn’t Rodimus usually coming at this time?” Asked First Aid, as soon as he spotted the cartographer entering the medibay. “Well… he still has some work to catch up on and Megatron won’t let him leave his office, until he’s done. So, he asked me to see how Phoenix is doing today.” Said Lightlost with a soft smile, which was mostly there to overplay their nervousness. 

“Oh! Well, you’re lucky then. Phoenix just woke up a few hours ago. Although… I better catch you up on how his recovery has been. I doubt that Rodimus told anyone how things were going.” First Aid pulled out the data-pad containing Phoenix’s medical information, before clearing his throat. “We managed to save his left arm and reattached it, same for his optics, although they are still healing, so we have him wear medical eye bandages. If everything goes well, we will be able to take them off sooner than we thought.” 

Lightlost nodded at the information, before walking past First Aid and towards the medical berth they knew Phoenix was resting on. Although, they were stopped by a servo on their arm. “Ah, I wasn’t done. While we were able to save his arm and optics, Phoenix’s legs and wings… They were not saveable. And we don’t have enough material to make new ones. So… Don’t try to mention it yet. I know, we should inform him as soon as possible, but he just woke up and I worry that confronting him with too much information now, would only do him more harm. Especially with us not knowing how he’s doing mentally…”

“Don’t worry First Aid, I won’t mention it.” Was all Lightlost said, before walking over to the medical berth hidden behind its curtains. Carefully pulling them to the side and slipping in between them, before letting them fall back. And for a moment, Lightlost didn’t know what to say. Phoenix has been in a coma ever since they found him close to death, but seeing him now, alive and softly patting a stuffed turbofox toy, they felt their worries slowly fade to the background. Until Lightlost looked down to where the younglings legs should be. They might not have been responsible, but by Primus, they felt like they were. 

Although, Lightlost’s attention was quickly caught by Phoenix, as the youngling turned his head over to face them. Or, at least face the direction he thought they were standing in. “Rodimus? Is it you? First Aid said that you would usually be visiting me around this time. Although… it’s hard to tell the time without being able to see a clock.” Said the youngling with a chuckle, before holding up his stuffed toy. “Look what I got from a nice mech called Minimus Ambus. He was the first one to visit me when I woke up. Well, it was more of a coincidence, but it was nice to talk to someone after being asleep for a while. Although, I don’t think I have ever met a mech named Minimus on this ship. Do you think he’s a new passenger?”

“A-ah… I’m sorry sweetspark, but I fear I’m not the captain.” Said Lightlost, as they slowly walked over to the medical berth and sat down on the chair standing next to it. Watching Phoenix tilting his head to the side in thought, before the youngling let out a small gasp. “Lightlost!” Squealed Phoenix as he lunged towards where he heard the voice coming from, and Lightlost had to quickly grab him, before he managed to fall out the medical berth and hurt himself even more. “Easy sweetspark, I don’t think you would want to end up with even more injuries than you already have.”

“Pffff, as if I could hurt myself more. I mean, the only damaged parts are my eyes. Nothing else.” Said the youngling, as Lightlost carefully sat him back down on the medical berth. “Well, my eyes and… I think something’s wrong with my legs and wings. Light, I… I can’t feel them… but that’s probably because my body’s still healing. Right?” Phoenix asked quietly while taking the stuffed toy back into his servos. Softly patting its head, before hugging it. “I mean… it’s not like they’re gone, or anything.

Lightlost wanted to tell the truth, they were no lier after all, but hearing Phoenix sound so small and broken made them go against the truth and simply place a servo on the younglings head. Softly patting it, while making their voice sound as cheerful and hopeful as possible. “I’m sure that your body is still healing. So, don’t worry. You will get the feeling in your legs and wings back. Maybe not today, or the day after, but… It will come back.” Lightlost had to remind themself not to crack and keep their voice even, as Phoenix started to tell them how excited he was for when he finally could get out of the Medibay and walk around the ship again. Telling Lightlost his plans of seeing if some of his paintings on the walls were damaged and if he had to repaint them, before saying how he hoped that Rodimus would take him Meteor Surfing after his recovery. Mostly because the prime has been promising him that ever since he came on board. 

Although, the youngling soon enough turned quiet. Clutching the stuffed toy close to his chest, before letting out one choked sob. A sob, that was soon followed by another and another. And Lightlost found themself quickly grabbing one of Phoenix’s servos, but before they could say anything, the youngspark beat them to it. “I’m… I’m sorry for… for what I said back… back then. I… I know you only wanted to keep me out of trouble, but… but I wanted to help. I wanted to show that I was useful, and I know… I know that it was wrong to yell at you. I know…”

“Oh sweetspark. You don’t have to apologize. Especially for something like that. I know you didn’t mean what you said.” Whispered the cartographer, as they slowly stirred the conversation away from their argument and back towards something pleasant. 

And that’s how the two spend the rest of the day. With Lightlost informing Phoenix of what happened during his coma, while leaving room for the youngling to ask questions. Although, then and there Lightlost would stop their conversation to look at the parting curtains and smiling at the mech or femme coming through to see how the youngling was doing. And as the last visitor left them, Lightlost looked back at Phoenix, only to find the youngling fast asleep while clutching the stuffed turbofox. 

“What a day it must have been for you. Waking up after sleeping for so long, and being visited by the whole crew…” Lightlost let out a chuckle, as they grabbed the discarded blanket and softly tugged in Phoenix. Making sure that the youngling was covered, before making their way out of the medibay. 

The weeks following Phoenix waking up from his coma were spent like any other, although some of the crew often took some time off to spend it with the still recovering youngling. Keeping him company, especially after his eye bandages were taken off and he had to realize that his legs and wings were gone. The weeks after that only got worse and worse with each passing day. Phoenix hardly wanted to see anyone, and whenever someone would bring Rung in, the youngling would straight up hiss at the therapist. Something Whirl found especially funny. 

It worried Lightlost more than anything though. Maybe that’s why they were carrying Phoenix away from the medibay and towards his room. Even though Ratchet disapproved, they still thought a change of scenery would be better for Phoenix, than being cooped up in that place. So, they brought him to the only space they knew he would feel safe in. His hab-suite.

And their theory seemed to be right, because Phoenix grew calmer as soon as he was placed down on his berth. The youngling didn’t even waste one second, before burying his face in his pillows and getting himself comfortable. Letting out one long sigh while looking over at Lightlost. “Thank you. I don’t think I would have been able to spend another day in the medibay. Not with them trying to make me talk to Rung about what happened…”

“Maybe it would be good for you?” Suggested Lightlost, which was only met with a soft scoff coming from the youngling. “Sure… How good can it be? I don’t even remember that day when… When I lost… when the attack…” Phoenix tried to find the right words, but he found himself unable to do so. So, he let out one long groan, before burying himself back into his pillows. “And frankly? I don’t want to remember that day. I don’t want to give whoever did this the satisfaction of instilling fear into me. So, I will just push the memory of their smug smirk and maniacal laughter back with all the other ones.”

“That’s still not good Phoenix. It will only hurt you in the long run.” Said Lightlost, as they sat down next to Phoenix on his berth. Placing one servo on the youngling’s back, while making sure they weren’t touching the place where the youngling’s wings used to be. They knew better than to do that. Especially after watching Getaway getting bitten, after patting Phoenix on the back. Something the mech deserved, but Lightlost would never admit that. 

“And? It wouldn’t be the first time I pushed a painful memory back.” Muttered the youngspark, which only got a concerned sigh from Lightlost. A sound that caused Phoenix to rethink his decision,  even if it was only a little bit. “But… if you really want me to talk with Rung about… about what happened… then… then I will only do it when you’re with me. And I mean you’ll have to sit with me in the same room. Otherwise I won’t do it…”

“Phoenix, if it helps you, I would even hold your servo or hug you.” Right after Lightlost said that, they felt a pillow hit their face, while Phoenix screamed out in embarrassment about how he was a big boy and didn’t need someone to hold his servo as if he was a sparkling. Which only caused the cartographer to let out a laugh.