#really really do

bc thats smth that i wanna talk abt

im going to preface this by saying that this is going to be centered around his relationship with tommy bc i had/have a hyperfixation on tommy shepherd so

i really didnt Love comic wiccan, if im being honest, and the live action made me like him a lot more

i havent read young avengers vol. 1 & 2 or children's crusade in over a year, so i may be off mark w some of this, but i dont think i will be

obvs we havent actually seen much of their relationship bc tommy isnt in jack shit

but i definitely feel like billys sort of shit to tommy in the comics

and like im not expecting them to be super close or anything i mean they arent even actually brothers but even just as a friend billys kinda shitty

he accidentally unleashes a monster into their universe and fucks off into space w/o even warning tommy

and YA was reformed and he wasnt even mentioned, when it was tommy who didnt even want them to disband in the first place

then david brings it to their attention that tommy just fully disappeared and billy didnt seem remotely concerned

they were meant to be looking for him while trying to figure out how to get rid of the monster billy brought in but they ended up just defeating the monster and going home.

and as far as i can remember, the only one who continued to look for him was david

we flash forward a few months, he was gone for months and theyre all having a party, no mention of tommy whatsoever. theyre all happy and unbothered (except for david) when he's been gone for Months

then he just pops up again and everyones normal about it, not concerned whatsoever (except for david)

i like to think that this is just mischaracterization of billy but admittedly i dont have anything to disprove that this isnt just how he is

but then with live action billy, the whole point is tommy. billy wanted his brother back and that's the only reason why any of the events in the show even happened

there were definitely changes in the show that i didnt really like but i loved how centered around finding tommy it was. billy actually cares about him in the show

and seeing that definitely made me like wiccan more

I won’t say anything that haven’t already been said. I’m sad, angry, bitter and very, very hurt. I didn’t watch episode live (because of time zones I always watch them later), but I run to check Bellamy’s ‘alive’ status on the 100 wiki as soon as I woke up. And it’s funny because I didn’t believe those spoilers that were circling around for a second but i still needed to know for sure so i could be productive all day - which by the way I wasn’t, fuck you JRoth for that too I had plans to do some important work stuff. When I saw the world ‘deceased’ it was the first time in my life when i understood what ‘my heart sank’ means. Like I physically felt it.  For the entire day wherever I got a chance I was reading everyone’s reaction here and spiralling between denial, sadness, anger and denial again. I even cried at some point (good thing I still work from home, because that would be hard to explain if i were in the office surrounded by people). 

This is the most betrayed I have ever felt by the show, for the most part because this is the show I stayed the longest with and had the deepest emotional connection to. And Bellarke was always IT for me. They were THE OTP, they were the ones I thought about at least once for ever single day for the last six years of my life. They were the ones that brought me joy and more importantly hope! They always brought me so much hope. And I loved spending time thinking about all the ways they could have their happy ending (or tragic ending but together). Bellarke was already so much canon for me, that I didn’t actually needed it to be canon canon. And they are the ship were I equally fiercely love both of them. That’s exactly why what happened hurts so much. 

There are just two points I want to make very clear (so i wouldn’t have elaborate and make this post longer than it needs to be):

1. Bellamy Blake deserved his friends to believe him/ support him/ give him benefit of the doubt. Bellamy Blake deserved resolution and meaningful death (if they insisted to kill him so much). Bellamy Blake deserved EVERYTHING and more importantly more respect from the show that wouldn’t even stay so long on air if not partially for him.

2. Clarke Griffin WOULD NEVER DO THAT. Clarke Griffin deserves better writing. Clarke Griffin deserves not to have her entire character trashed to be the plot device used to ‘shock audience’. I’m not even for a second mad at her, because that’s not Clarke and we all now it.

3. Bellarke was written as romantic couple, we’re not delusional, it was all there. It only never happened and got ruined in such a horrible way because Jason is psycho, I guess.

I’ll finish the show, because there’s literally 3 episodes left and I want to see this trainwreck to the end (and there’s characters I still care about), but I no longer have any hope left for any kind of happy ending. I have seen a lot of people wondering if Bellamy might still be alive or come back somehow because literally nothing about his death makes sense (and some of you make some pretty good points and even i could make some based on the things in the episode), but at this point I refuse to torment myself with false hope. If Jason somehow pulls miracle out of his ass and undo this in a way that not only Bellamy will be alive but Clarke didn’t actually kill him and this entire episode was just some weird fucking dream Picasso had, than we’ll talk. 

I don’t know what kind of lesson Jason tried to taught us with this and frankly I don’t care. If it ‘never love anything ’ then jokes on him, I’ll love thing and Bellarke together and separately even more now. 

Thank you, thank you, thank youuuu for everyone who enjoys my fiction and smau I— 😭😭😭 Like you guys are such a blessing!

All of your feedbacks and just giving your time to read my oneshot was enough😘 But thank you so so much to be here with me...

I WILL DROP SOMETHING TODAY THAT WOULD TELL YOU ABOUT THE "BIG PROJECT" THAT I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON,

And of course a Kita oneshot because yeah I need the daily dose of my husband...

THANK YOU ALL FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORTS AND I LOVE YOU GUYSSS SOO MUCH💞💞💞