#reader's pov

I think I have mentioned I once tried to create an IF? The problem with me and original stories is that I love to plan complicated, overarching and multifaceted narratives. I knew this, so with this one I did try to pace myself and to do a smaller demo first. But then I got mired up in designing mechanics.

The story itself has been on my mind again recently, so maybe I will get back to it someday. I'd really like to. The main concept was to explore humanity and friendship from a monster's pov, and if you know anything about me, you know how much I love this sort of stories.

Below is the opening passage (warning, explicit physical harm):

Ryan! You’d know that gait anywhere, from any distance, posture slouched more to the left than the right under the burden of his guitar case, long legs talking sure steps towards where you were perched on the covered porch of your father’s house. The second that you saw him you felt a weight shake free of your shoulders, his smile, even from a few yards away, brightening the fading light of the day. You ran down the stairs to wrap your arms around his neck, locking your lips to his as he set his case down to hold you. “Hey, Junebug,” he murmured into your mouth. “Miss me?” Always. 

Your hands moved up to take his face between them, beard longer than you’d seen it last, the hair course beneath your palms. “Missed you so much, Ryan Brenner.” You missed him whenever you weren’t together. It wasn’t often, but it always shocked you how quickly it set in. Missing Ryan was unlike anything you’d felt before, because it wasn’t a hopeless yearning or an empty feeling. It was knowing how it would feel to have him back. You ran your thumbs along his cheek, following the line of his beard, and leaned in for another kiss which he eagerly returned. You felt his hands climbing your back, over your shoulders and up to your wrists, wrapping his fingers around your wrists. He kissed you once more before pulling back, a questioning look in his eyes. 

“What’s this?” He peeled your hand away from his face but brought your thumb back up to his lips, pressing another kiss to the rough, torn skin there. He dragged it across his bottom lip and you closed your eyes, what was left of your breath escaping you in a small puff and you shrugged. You know what it is, Ryan. 

You knew he’d notice as soon as you touched him. Ryan was the most observant person you’d ever known by a long shot. There was no detail too small to matter to him. He appreciated the cracks in the cement as much as the scrawny weeds that pushed up through them, It was part of what you loved about him, this ability to see everything. Every dew strung line of a spiderweb, every shade of yellow in the petal of a sunflower, a smudged fingerprint on a piece of glass all caught his eye as much as the sweeping panoramic views he took in while traveling as many miles of the country as he could. 

He was also more touch focused than you thought possile. His hands were large and strong, built and conditioned for gripping and lifting. Hard, manual work. But they were nimble and light, and delicate enough to coax magic out of an instrument, and when he touched you, you felt every note he’d ever played. When he wanted you to, you felt the cold steel of every ladder rung he’d ever clung to, the smooth leather strap of any bag, pack or case he’d ever carried, every lever or rope or chain he’d ever pulled. Brushing his knuckles innocently over your cheek or bringing you over the edge, every touch had purpose and intention, and the things he couldn’t find words for, he found other ways to communicate to you. 

Ryan knew your hands like the back of his own. Your fingers and palms were as familiar a feeling to him as sunshine on his skin, so the hardened cracks between the loops and whorls in the pattern of your thumbprint against his lip were impossible to ignore. Picking at your thumbnails and cuticles was a habit, or a compulsion really, that only manifested when you were stressed or anxious, which meant that in the year and a half that you’d been with Ryan he’d only seen it a few times. It’s never been this bad though. His lips twitched downwards in a small frown as he pressed another kiss to the meat of your thumb. And he noticed. You folded your lips into a thin line. Of course he noticed. 

He’d only been four days behind you, staying the extra time in Morehead, KY to help his old friend Nate and Nate’s teenaged son Julian pack all of their furniture into a rented truck. You’d been happy to help with some of the smaller things- wrapping dishes and picture frames in newsprint, folding and packing clothing into boxes-  when the man, who you’d learned had been Cowboy’s cousin, had called Ryan the previous week to see if he could lend him a hand with their move. The timing and distance had worked out perfectly, as it almost always seemed to for Ryan, the trip lining up with your plans to return to New Jersey for the remainder of the summer. You would have gone out of your way to help Nate and Julian though, Ryan. You’d seen him change a tire in a grocery store parking lot for a visually stressed single mom, and you’d been there when he volunteered to carry a stack of two by fours out of a hardware store for an older gentleman who had been struggling. He didn’t have a lot to offer, but he always offered up all he had if it could help someone. You knew by now what kind of man he was, and it was another of the countless reasons that made falling in love with Ryan Brenner so simple and unavoidable; his capacity for kindness and his inability to turn a blind eye to anyone that could benefit from his help, especially if they meant something to him. And Cowboy’s family is his family. 

He would have even offered to help with the driving- Nate and Julian were moving clean across the country to a suburb of Phoenix, and Julian didn’t have his license yet. “That’s a lotta driving for one person,” he’d told you on the phone as he made his way out of Morehead. “I’d help him out but I’ve got somewhere to be.” You had smiled then, some of your anxious nerves melting as you heard his smile through the speaker. “Somewhere important.” 

It is important. And overdue. So long overdue. Tomorrow’s date had been blocked off on both of your mental calendars for several weeks, though it had been a recurring blip on the edges of your emotional radar for far longer. You knew that it was as important to Ryan that he be there with you as it was to you to have his support. Shy of a natural disaster, you knew that he wouldn’t let anything get in the way of being by your side when you finally reunited with your brother after several years of estrangement. You hadn’t seen or spoken to him since your mother’s passing and your subsequent departure from his and your father’s lives. When you’d come back home to the Garden State last summer to see your father again, Eli hadn’t been ready to reconcile with you, stating that he needed more time to wrap his head around you suddenly becoming a fixture in his life again. And his daughter’s life.  

“Because you’re not a fixture,” he’d told you. You could hear sadness layered beneath the anger in his voice as you cried silently on the other end of the phone this time last year. “You’re here today and gone tomorrow and I can’t…” he sighed then. “Natalie’s mom-” 

“Carolyn?” You interjected the woman’s name, desperately trying to partake in the conversation. But the second her name was out of your mouth you swore at yourself for interrupting him. You’d known that you had a niece only because your father had told you, but he hadn’t shared who the girl’s mother was and it just dawned on you that Carolyn was the only  one of Eli’s girlfriends’ names that you could remember. And they dated right after highschool. It’s not her, just shut up and let him talk.

“What? No, Carolyn?” He scoffed. “You really have been out of the loop, haven’t you?” Ouch. Yeah, Eli, I have. It was warranted, the venom in his tone, and you’d expected it. But it still hurt and you’d flinched as he spoke, Ryan close by, shooting comforting, sympathetic glances at you as the phone call continued. “No. Nat’s mom- you don’t know her- her name is Kate, but that doesn’t matter because…” he sighed again, and the acidic burn you felt in your heart spread at the exhaustion and loneliness in his next words. “She’s gone.” He sniffed. Oh, Eli...I’m so sorry.  You’d closed your eyes then, tears slipping from beneath your lids. “Packed up, picked up and left. Left me, left Nat… she left. She left the night before Natalie’s fourth birthday. Didn’t say where, just… just that she couldn’t do it anymore.” You didn’t know what to say, or if you should say anything at all, so you waited for him to continue, nodding to Ryan when he mouthed the question you okay? “You know, I get it if she didn’t...y’know, if she didn’t love me anymore. If she didn’t want...if she couldn’t do us anymore. But Natalie? She’s… she’s old enough to remember her. Old enough to ask questions. And I…” 

You understood. It stung, like salty sea water lapping against the small scratches on your legs and arms that you used to get from tumbling in the waves as they crashed onto the shore, shards of shells, stone and gritty sand scraping at your sunburned skin. But you understood. “You can’t have anyone else leave her.” Or you. “I get it, Eli. I do.” You had tried your hardest to keep your voice from cracking, but it fell apart on his name. I’m supposed to be his big sister. I’m supposed to be there for him. I did this. “Take your time, Eli. Take however long you need. Whenever you’re ready I...I want to try to make things right. And I want to…” You fought the thickness in your throat as Ryan came to sit beside you, finding your empty hand and pulling it into his lap. You looked down at your fingers as his laced between them, strong and sure. “I want to meet Natalie.” 

The conversation had ended with both of you agreeing to talk over the phone on a semi regular basis, taking the small steps necessary towards making the progress that you both wanted. He’d told you that he missed his sister, and your heart had caved and folded in on itself at that. Once you’d gotten off the phone, Ryan took you into his arms and let you cry wordlessly against his chest for as long as it took for your tears to run dry. “S’okay, Junebug.” He spoke softly, lips lost in your hair, the fine strands getting caught in his beard. Hands running up and down your back and over your side, he calmed your sobs until your lungs found rhythm again. “S’alright, he just needs some more time.” You slid your hand over his shoulder, curving it around the back of his neck as you tucked your face more tightly into him. “It’ll be okay, I promise.”

That had been almost exactly 365 days ago, and for the most part it had been alright. You’d kept up your relationship with your father, and you had made tremendous progress in rebuilding things with Eli. He’d even sent you pictures and videos of your niece. One in particular had made you glow with a warm, hopeful happiness, a very different set of tears glistening on your cheeks as you showed Ryan the video of Nat singing and pretending to play guitar. The song was one that you and Ryan had recorded together the caption on the message reading She takes after her Aunt Junebug. 

But now that just a mere 24 hours separated you from your reunion, you were starting to feel that uneasy swimming feeling in your stomach, a tight clenching feeling in your chest and throat. You’d absently reverted to your nervous compulsion, picking the skin on your thumbs raw as you sat on the porch of your father’s house, waiting for Ryan to get back to you. Now that he was, you felt a little better, a little more ready to face Eli and take the next step in getting your brother back. It was only four days but damn did I miss him. You’d practically launched yourself at him as he came up the walkway, the pinkish light of the yawning sun overtaking the yard and painting purplish shadows on the siding of the house and the rundown detached garage and Ryan’s cheeks. 

He pressed his lips to your peeling skin again. “This because’a tomorrow?” He dropped your hand and brought both of his to frame your face. You closed your eyes as his fingers combed a few wild curls back, the tips skating over your temples, and inhaled a slow breath through your nose. Sunscreen, smoke, salt. You nodded and he leaned in to kiss your cheek. He always smelled of wherever he’d been, whether he’d been gone a day or a week or longer. His beard raked over your skin as he brought his lips to your ear, and you took another breath. Coffee, fabric softener… you felt a flutter in your chest as you caught the scent of the lavender soap you’d taken from the last motel you’d slept in. He always smells like home, too. A warm current swept around your heart as he pulled away from your face, and even though your mind was still hung with clouds of anxious doubt, you could feel him cutting through like sunshine clearing the skies after a storm. 

“I’m nervous, Ryan.” You shrugged. What else is there to say? “I just…” you sighed. “I’m…” 

“I know.” He ran his hands up and down your arms, his thumbs tracing the thin skin on the underside of your forearms. It soothed you almost instantly, and you knew that he knew it would. “I know you’re nervous. I know this means a lot to you.” He did. He knew the guilt that you carried for leaving Eli to deal with the loss of your mother. He knew the pain you felt for the last year knowing that your brother wasn;t ready to meet with you, that he didn’t trust you not to cut and run again. Giving a light squeeze to your biceps, he locked his soft brown eyes on yours. “It’s gonna be okay, Bug. He wants to see you as much as you wanna see him. You know that, right?” It was true, you knew that Eli was looking forward to seeing you again. You knew it meant a lot to your father to have his children back together. You knew how much you all wanted to be a family again. 

You knew that none of it would be happening without Ryan, and you knew that with him, it would be okay It would all be okay in time. “Yeah, Ry, I know. C’mon, let’s go inside. You can get cleaned up and…” You started to turn back towards the house, but swiveled to face him again. “Welcome home, Ry.”

He grinned and tugged you back into his body. “Good to be home.”

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@something-tofightfor​ @its-my-little-dumpster-fire​ @suchatinyinfinity​ @lexxierave​ @thesumofmychoices​ @songtoyou​ @traeumerinwitzhelden​ @gollyderek​ @obscurilicious​ @malionnes​ @with1love1anu​ @beautifuldesastre​​ @luminex3​​ @pheedraws​ @alraedesigns​

And Chloe had been whisked off to who knows where. I was never going out with her ever again, the traitor.

A couple bumped into me, wrapped in a fierce embrace, heading for the cabins. I almost gagged. This entire scene made me feel sick. I wish I had stayed home with my Netflix and bookshelves.

I could barely breathe. People were pressing around me, somehow still shoulder to shoulder despite the number of people that had disappeared in pairs. Clutching my purse tighter against my hip, I wriggled through the crowd, trying to find the bathroom, because there, I could at least hole up until we docked.

But there was no way in hell that I was finding the owner of the yacht, and finding them would be near impossible.

“Hey,” a voice suddenly spoke in my ear. I jumped, turning on my heel to stare up at the guy who had spoken. A guy stood over me, with longer blonde hair, slicked back, and a cocky smirk, handsome features. His arms and slim figure made it blatantly obvious that he was an athlete or worked out a lot. He looked smart in a clearly pricier suit, but clearly still a party outfit. “You look lost. Get on the wrong yacht?” He leaned closer, making eye contact with light brown orbs.

I cleared my throat, leaning away at the scent of alcohol on his breath. “I wish. I just lost my friend and um. I’m looking for the bathroom?” It’s not like I wanted my voice to be quiet, but it came out as normal volume if not less. The guy leaned closer, and I at first leaned away before realizing that he was trying to hear me.

Unfazed by my behavior, he nodded. “Yeah, I can show you. C’mon.” His hand wrapped around my wrist, tugging me through the crowd. I was almost affronted at the action, but grateful once I realized that the chances of me getting through this crowd on my own, let alone trying to follow someone, were slim to none.

There was a line for the bathroom and the guy who was helping me out huffed. “Alright, c’mon, there’s another one down below.”

But I was starting to get a bit antsy. I had only just met this guy, didn’t even know his name, and now I was going somewhere with him where we might be in a less populated area. “No, wait a second. I can wait,” I blurted out, slipping my wrist from his grasp and getting into line before he could even turn back towards me.

We stared at each other for a beat before he sighed. “Look, I can’t make you do anything. But I think whoever is in there is praying to the porcelain gods, and you’ll be waiting forever. Trust me, I won’t let anything happen to you.” He held out his hand, keeping the same intense eye contact that I usually shrank away from.

There was a part of me that desperately wanted to trust this guy, but there was a voice in the back of my head telling me to be cautious. I didn’t have much of a choice anyways, I actually was starting to have to go to the bathroom, and the line was quite long. “Alright, fine.” I took his hand quickly, before I had time to regret it. There was pepper spray in my purse if I needed it, and it wasn’t like he could run away on a yacht.

The guy tugged me along, and as the groups of people got more sparse, I started to feel a bit more uncomfortable. I slid my hand out of his grip and he looked down at me, then sighed. “You still don’t trust me, huh?” I sheepishly nodded. “Well, then I’ll do everything in my power to make you feel more at ease. My name is Tyler. What’s yours?”

Clearing my throat, I adjusted my purse a bit. “Y/N.”

He grinned at me. “Well, Y/N, welcome aboard.” He stopped in front of a door and dug around in his pocket for a moment before emerging with a set of keys. “There we go.” He grabbed one and unlocked the door, and I stood there frozen for a moment when I realized that it was a bedroom.

Uh oh. I dipped a hand into my purse.

“Bathroom is right through there.” He pointed towards the back corner of the room as he entered, rolling his shoulders to stretch them out.

Sure enough, there it was. I sighed in relief, slipping into the room behind him. “Thanks. Uh, you didn’t like. Steal those or anything, right?” I stuttered out, untactful as ever.

Tyler laughed heartily. “No. God, no. I own the yacht, doll face. Don’t worry.”

Embarrassed at my own assumptions, I retreated into the bathroom without another word.

When I had finished, I half expected the room to be empty, but Tyler was sat at the edge of the bed, Instagram up on his phone. He turned as I entered the room. “Hey,” he greeted lamely.

I waved, trying not to look as awkward as I probably looked. “Hi.” God, why do I sound like such an idiot?

Laying back on the bed-no, wait, his bed, he sighed. “It’s nice to have a place on this boat that I can come to when there’s so many people up there. It’s why I keep it locked. Also because if I don’t, my sheets smell like sex by morning.” He was rambling, just talking into space. I almost felt like I was interrupting a private moment, like he wasn’t even talking to me. But then he sat up a bit and looked over at me lazily. “You can hang out here for a bit if you’d like. All that doesn’t really seem like your thing.” He gestured at the ceiling, and I realized dazedly that we could still hear the music down here. It had seemed so peaceful that I almost forgot about the raging party right over our heads.

“Right. Yeah.” It wasn’t like I trusted this guy, at least not on the surface, but I was just looking for a place to read my book. It was just getting good when I left off. Spotting a couch across the space and desperately needing an escape from the alternative of sitting beside a man I barely knew on a bed, I headed over to it.

It took a few minutes to get comfortable, but I pulled my Kindle out as soon as I could, eating up every sentence greedily. I receded into my own world, forgetting about my surroundings.

So when Tyler plopped down beside me, I dropped my Kindle and gasped in genuine surprise. He looked over at me for a second before starting to laugh at my bewildered expression. A deep blush settled in my cheeks. “I didn’t mean to scare you, I’m sorry. I asked, like, three times what you were reading, and I’m actually interested in the answer. Figured you couldn’t ignore me when I was right next to you.” He shrugged as I picked up my Kindle and examined it for scratches.

Trying not to get too irked, because judging by his face, he really did mean well, I flipped the Kindle to show him the screen. He rose an eyebrow at the title. “What’s it about?” he asked, edging closer, face open and vulnerable. He almost looked like a child. Even without knowing him, I had a feeling that he didn’t make this face often.

Deciding to indulge, I told him what I had read so far, of the mystery that the author was weaving and the characters and what I thought was going to happen. And the thing was that he listened, really listened. Most of my friends gave the front that they were listening, but then started talking about themselves, sometimes without even letting me finish my sentence.

When I finished, Tyler nodded. “That sounds like a great book.” He flashed me a smile, and I knew instantly that my knees might’ve gone too weak to keep me standing at that point. “You seem in your element here. This is the first I’ve seen you actually excited since I met you.”

Shrugging, I turned my attention back to the screen of my Kindle, now black. “Well, that isn’t my scene. The dancing, the people. I’d rather just read.”

He nodded. “Reading isn’t my thing. I’m more of a learning by ear type of guy.”

“Why don’t you listen to audiobooks?”

Tyler bit his lip, messing with his fingers. I stared at his hands for an embarrassing amount of time as he talked. “I don’t have the attention span, I guess. I need stimulation from something else, I dunno.” He huffed in frustration.

I thought it over for a minute before opening my Kindle again. I didn’t bother asking before I started to read aloud tentatively. Tyler looked over at me, clearly surprised, but said nothing. As I went on, he seemed to relax more, which made me become more outgoing. Soon, I was adding inflection on my sentences and voices to the characters. I didn’t really notice that Tyler had his head on my shoulder until I took a break at the end of a chapter. But I didn’t tell him to get off or anything. He seemed so peaceful, at rest. It was endearing. “You want a turn?” I whispered to him, not wanting to break the moment.

Turning his head, he stared up at me, hair slightly tousled. I reached over to fix it without thinking, then blushed as I realized what I was doing. “Oh, sorry, I just…” I trailed off as I realized that he wasn’t making eye contact, he was staring at my lips.

And leaning in.

I didn’t have any time to react before his lips were against mine. Not that I would’ve leaned away. Even with the time allotted, I probably would’ve just sat there like a statue, indecisive as ever. But his kiss gave me more courage than I thought I had in me.

Sighing into him, I let my eyes fall closed. His hands cupped my face and I melted into him, sliding my fingers through his hair languidly, now. It was the most I’d felt for anyone during my entire life.

When we finally broke apart, we were both panting. “You’re good at that,” I blurted out, then quickly ran a hand through my hair to ground myself before I could say something even stupider.

Tyler smirked at me. “Don’t sell yourself short.” He looked around. “We’re docking.”

A quick panic shot through me at that. Already? But I could feel the telltale pull and knew that he wasn’t wrong. “Well.” What a poet I am. If only I could get more than one word out, that would be fantastic.

Sensing my discomfort, Tyler smiled at me. “Think I could get your number?” he asked, sliding closer, so close that our shoulders and knees were brushing.

Probably redder than a stoplight, I nodded, plugging it into his phone when he handed it over. As I stood to go, he caught my wrist. “No, wait, that didn’t mean that I wanted you to go.” Surprised, I turned to see him smirking again. “Think you could stay a bit longer?”

Gnawing at my lip, I thought it over. I didn’t have work the next day, and I could get an Uber home… “Aw, what the hell.” I plopped back down beside him.

                                  313 Days To Love You

The day you joined the RFA was a strange day indeed.

Never, in your wildest dreams had you ever imagined something like that would have happened to you. Not only were you allured by some guy you had never met into what would become your new, rent free, apartment, you also gained a brand new job, offered by a group of people you would never have met in other circumstances.

Suddenly, you found yourself surrounded by a new and fascinating group of good friends and a new purpose in life. Of course, what you weren’t expecting was to find that your biggest help and supporter in that group would be the handsome, selfie-obsessed, slightly narcissistic, positive and enthusiastic actor. Neither were you expecting that he would become your best friend and confident in so little time.

To your boyfriend’s great displeasure.

Your boyfriend was the conservative type. He had a conservative job on a conservative company in a conservative neighborhood. He had his life planned out and was not very big on surprises or spontaneous, thoughtless, acts. Which was why he was so shocked and so against your new life and residence arrangements.

For him it was absurd that you would mindlessly trust some guy on the internet, walk into some stranger’s apartment and moved there to work because some barely known association told you to. And, to make it worse, the address was to be a secret from him.

You had a hard time calming him down and making him understand you were still in that apartment because you wanted to and that you were determined to honor your promise of never giving away it’s address to anyone.

But honoring that promise meant you had to be alone for long periods, and it was lonely and sometimes scary, especially at night. Your boyfriend, of course, couldn’t stay up talking on the phone with you, since he had to wake up early for work and given that he lacked the time and ability to make small talk.

Zen was a bit of a night owl and always so friendly, so you just naturally ended up on the phone with him into the wee hours. He made you laugh, was sweet and helped you relax enough to fall asleep on that strange apartment. He even sang you lullabies from time to time, or recited lines from his scripts. Soon you got used to living there but the calls remained as an habit. One none of you felt like breaking.

Jaehee was against that friendship for some time, until she eventually warmed up to the idea. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, never quite did.

Almost a year had passed when your boyfriend called you saying he got reservations for the best, most famous, restaurant in town. You didn’t really care about those things, but you had heard from Jumin that the food was very good there so you felt excited.

You dolled yourself up and took a cab to your boyfriend’s place, since he obviously couldn’t pick you up himself.

In your excitement you got there a little too early, as he was still getting ready, so, to keep yourself busy, you decided to take a stroll around his living room and take a look at the titles of the books on his bookcase.

It all happened fast: you bent down and bumped a chair standing nearby; his coat fell on the floor; you hurried yourself to pick it up; a small satin box fell from the pocket; your boyfriend left the room to see what happened, catching you looking agape at the little box.

He laughed lightly, telling you it was supposed to be a surprise, since he meant to propose to you during dinner.

He picked up the box and opened it up showing you the ring in it. You felt your heart sink. You were definitely not expecting that, at least not so soon.

He was not a romantic person. There was no kneeling. No enthusiastic expression of feeling. No raw emotions. No sweet words. He simply asked you if you wanted to marry him, as if he was asking if you wanted butter on your toast.

Something felt… odd. Out of place. It was almost as if you were watching the scene from above, your brain running a million a minute. The stranger wearing your skin answered yes to the boy’s proposal and received a kiss on the cheek, before he retreated to his room again.

And just like that you were engaged.

Losing the feeling on your legs, you let your body fell on the chair. Was that how a wedding proposal was supposed to feel like? Was that sinking feeling on your chest normal? No. You knew what the problem was. Your clumsy ass ruined the proposal, literally, when it bumped the chair and you were blaming yourself for it. That was obviously why you felt weird about it.

Not knowing what else to do, you found yourself calling the only person you needed to hear from to make you feel better: your best friend.

Zen picked up after the second ring.

- Hey, babe! I thought you were going to dinner, do you miss me already?

His cheerful voice brought tears to your eyes for some reason.

- I… got engaged.

The line on the other side went silent, making you fear the call was cut off. When you were about to call his name you heard a sharp inhale.

- That’s… that’s great, babe! Are you… are you happy about it?

Were you? You couldn't really tell, but you were shaking so much it had to be from excitement, right?

- Yes… yes, sure I am, I guess. I mean, it was such a surprise I think I’m still in shock.

You giggled trying to sound more cheerful than you actually were.

- Good. That’s good.

- You think so?

You asked with a shaky voice. It took him a few seconds to answer.

- Of course, MC. Your happiness is the most important thing. You’ll make… you’ll make a beautiful bride… He’s a lucky guy.

A tear ran down your face and you rushed to wipe it when you heard movement on your boyfriend's room. With a heavy feeling on your chest you bid Zen goodbye and hung up, right before your boyfriend emerged back into the living room.

The ride to the restaurant was quiet - quieter than usual - as you silently fidgeted with the ring on your finger.

It all felt so sudden. You and your boyfriend were barely together for two years and so much had happened in that time.

- I can see you're nervous about the engagement, MC.

Your boyfriend’s voice ripped you away from your thoughts as he motioned with his chin to your hands, where you were still fidgeting with the ring.

- There’s no need to be nervous. It’s time. We were together long enough.

You weren't sure if less than two years was long enough though.

- And you see, a new management spot just became available and I'm ready for that promotion, and I deserve it. The only thing against me right now is the fact that I am single. Respectable men are not bachelors for long.

You stopped playing with your fingers and looked at him, unsure about why he was mentioning his job as a reason for proposing to you.

He kept going, unaware of your bewilderment.

- Besides, I don’t want you to keep living in that weird apartment I can’t even visit. You should be staying with me, safe in my house.

Your boyfriend pulled over and parked the car, turning his keys to kill the engine. Then he looked at you.

- And I love you of course. That goes without saying.

He gave you a big, filled with white teeth, smile. The salesman kind of smile.

Suddenly the ring on your finger weighted tons.

Opening the door he got out of the car and you followed him. You had no appetite anymore, but now you had to go and have dinner at the fancy restaurant.

That was all your fault. If you hadn't knock the chair down, surely the proposal would have gone differently and you wouldn't be feeling that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.

As you walked along the street alongside your boyfriend, your phone began to ring on your purse. Half of you hoped it was a call from Zen, but the other half was begging for it not to be.

The name on the screen wasn’t your best friend's.

- Hello, Jaehee?

- MC! Hello, I’m sorry to interrupt your celebration, but something happened.

Her voice sounded worried and immediately a sinking feeling hit your stomach.

- Is it… is it Zen?

- I’m afraid so. He had a motorcycle accident and we can’t reach him. I don’t want to alarm you, but I thought you should know. Luciel is hacking the Hospital’s system as we speak, trying to find information about his condition and Mr. Han already sent his personal physician there. I will call myself a taxi to take me to the Hospital as soon as I hung up with you, but I decided to warn you first since you two are so close-

- Which Hospital?

- Excuse me?

- Which Hospital was he taken to? I’ll go there right now.

- I confess that was my hope, but… is it okay? I know you’re celebrating…

You didn't wast time asking her how she knew about it, with your heart constricted all you could think about was Zen.

- My best friend is possibly in critical condition right now and he needs me. Do you really think this is time for celebration?

You could hear the relief in Jaehee’s voice as she gave you the name of the Hospital.

- Please let us know how he is as soon as possible.

You hung up and looked at your boyfriend.

- Zen had an accident. You need to take me to the hospital.

He glanced at his watch.

- Now? MC, our reservation…

- I’m going to the hospital. Now, you either take me there or I’ll take the bus.

Your boyfriend knew when he could persuade you to do what he wanted you to. This was not one of those times.

With a sigh, you both headed back to the car. The hospital, luckily, was nearby and you were there in less than 15 minutes.

You ran inside, to the reception desk

***

As soon as her beautiful face showed up behind the glass door my heart stopped, only to start running like crazy in the next second. Her boyfriend was next to her, but still I felt my lips form a big smile I couldn’t, even if I wanted, contain.

- Hey, babe.

She took two steps into the room, her hands balled in fists.

- Don't you "hey babe" me, you damn bastard!

Her sudden outburst took me by surprise and I felt the smile on my face falter. She looked pissed.

- What the hell were you thinking? Were you trying to get killed? What is wrong with you? You keep trying to die on that stupid motorcycle of yours, why?

I was still processing what she was saying. I mean, I knew she was going to get mad as soon as you heard I had another motorcycle accident, but I never thought she’d be this mad. But the lack of answer only made her snap. She threw herself at me, with what I imagine was all her strength, and started to hit me, with her closed fists, on the shoulders and chest, repeatedly.

-  You're an asshole, you don't think! You could have died!

Her boyfriend took a step towards us, seemingly unsure of what to do. The commotion got the nurses attention and a couple of them ran to take that lunatic away from their patient, but I lifted my hand to stop them and then I threw my arms tightly around hers, preventing them from hitting me any more.

I was in pain, so much pain, and the strength I had to apply to restraint her was making it worse, but I knew that was the only way for me to calm you down.

- Answer me, damn it, why are you trying to die on me?

Soon, I started to feel like I wouldn't be able to hold you any longer, as I was starting to lose my strength due to the pain on my ribs, but then she finally stopped wrestling in my arms. I could feel her body going limp, her soft sobs hitting my neck as her head rested on my bruised shoulder.

- Please don't die, Zen. What will I do if you leave me?

I hugged her tightly once again and she did the same. Feeling the comfort of each other's warmth, I ran a hand, soothingly, up and down her back with closed eyes.

The pain from the crash completely disappeared. Feeling her in my arms like that was the best painkiller in the world. She smelled so good.

- I won't die, babe. I'm right here with you. I'll always be with you, I will never leave.

Still sobbing a little she pushed away from my embrace, only enough to be able to look me in the eyes. For a moment we stayed there, lost in each other's eyes, as if the entire world around us did not exist. It didn't, not for me at least.

Afraid I couldn’t hold it in anymore and ended up stealing a kiss from her, I decided to break the spell first, somewhat joking.

- I will never leave... even if it kills me.      

A smile finally broke through her tears.

- Shut up, you idiot. I'm still mad at you.

I chuckled and wiped her tears away. The "I love you" trapped in my throat was replaced by "I'm sorry".

She gave me a little nod. The tears on her face were now gone, but I kept caressing her face with my thumbs.

- And thank you. For being here.

- Where else would I be?

- Having dinner at the restaurant.

The boyfriend's voice cut through the moment like a sharp knife. In all honesty I had basically forgotten about his presence, and by the look in MC's eyes so did she.

- I think we should go and let him rest... don't you, dear?

All too soon our moment together was over and she walked away from me to join my rival.

No, not my rival. The lucky bastard was going to have her as his bride, I was out of the competition. He had won.

My entire body started to hurt again, in and out.

*** As you walked out of the hospital, you sent a message through the RFA Messenger to inform everyone about Zen’s condition.

Putting the phone down you heaved a sigh. At least he was safe. You knew his wounds would heal soon, as usual. He was in such good physical condition… you just hoped his bike wasn’t, so that would prevent him from going out on that damn thing again.

- You have any idea how long it took me to get a reservation at that restaurant?

Your boyfriend’s voice interrupted your thoughts and you weren’t sure you’d heard him well.

- What?

- Months, MC! That’s how long it took.

You could hardly believe your ears.

- My best friend could have died today and you're crying about a stupid restaurant?

- It's the best restaurant in town, MC! It took me months and a lot of string-pulling to get a reservation and you blew it. True business man go to that restaurant, MC, and stars! Real stars! Not people like that loser who can't even ride his damn bike without crushing somewhere.

- Don't talk about him like that, he's not a loser. He is a strong man who  fights for his dreams.

- He is a deadbeat loser with a pretty face who likes to play dress up.

You stopped, your fists closed for the second time that night.

- You don't know him.

Your boyfriend stopped to, turning to you with an angry face.

- No, but apparently you do very well, don't you?

- What is that supposed to mean?

- Don't play innocent with me! I saw the way you looked at each other. You slept with him, didn't you?

- What? No, I told you we're friends.

- Well it damn well seemed more than that to me!

You weren’t even going to dignify that with an answer, as you started to walk past him. But his next words made you stop in your tracks again.

- Just admit you're in love with the guy, MC!

You paused for a moment. You wanted to deny it, but you couldn't, because at that moment something clicked inside you. Like a jigsaw puzzle getting the last piece connected.

He was so important to, for so long now. He was the first person you wanted to call when something good happened or when you needed a shoulder to cry on. He was the last voice you heard before you fell asleep.

And the way you felt when you thought he could be seriously injured, or even about to die. The feeling of utter and complete loss, like your entire life would fall apart. Like you wouldn’t be able to breathe anymore if he was gone.

You loved him, and you were in love with him for quite some time.

You slowly turned around, not saying a word. But your boyfriend didn’t need you to.

- Yeah... that's all the answer I need. The engagement is off. And so am I.

***

She stopped by the hospital’s glass door, looking at Zen’s resting face. He looked very peaceful with his beautiful ruby eyes curtained by his eyelids, with his long dark eyelashes softly resting against his fair white skin. God, he was beautiful. He was gorgeous. But funnily enough that wasn’t why she fell for him. She fell for his undenying sweetness, his upbeat and bright personality, his everlasting gentlemanly behaviour and his unstoppable, fiercing fight to reach his dreams.

He was the whole package and she loved him through and through.

Suddenly, as if feeling her presence, he opened his eyes. She stepped inside the room.

- I decided to come back.

He adjusted himself on the bed, looking surprised but happy.

- How did you get inside after visiting hours?

She shrugged.

- Jumin.

- Man, that silver spoon…

She smiled at him and he let out a chuckle.

- I guess I’ll have to thank him now. Is your boy… fiancé outside?

- No. We broke up. He called off the engagement.

The news hit him like a truck. He wasn’t sure what to feel about them. He was relieved and fucking happy about it, but on the other hand he was pissed at that guy’s audacity. How dare he hurt MC like that?

- What? That asshole called off the engagement? I'll kill him! Want me to kill him? 'Cause I can.

He tried to get up from the bed but she stopped him, pressing her hands on his strong chest.

- No, no... that's a good thing!

- It... it is?

- Yeah... because I realised I'm in love with someone else.

- You are?

He asked, excitedly at first, before worry replaced the excitement.

- You are?

- I am.

- It's not Jumin, is it?

He was sure he would actually die if she said yes.

- Jumin? Why would you ask that?

- I don't know... is it?

She laughed and took a seat next to him on the bed.

- No, silly, it's not Jumin. It's someone infinitely more important to me. Someone who could never be replaced.

He swallowed hard, looking away and feeling his face getting hotter.

- Have you told him yet?

She bit her lip, trying to look into his eyes.

- You think I should?

- Of course. How else will he know?

- What if he doesn't feel the same?

- Impossible.

He looked back at her. His expression so soft, his eyes so sincere.

- Who wouldn't love you after meeting you?

He caressed her face with such care she felt her heart swell. He had to love her too right? God, she hoped so.

She raised from the bed, feigning excitement.

- Okay, I'm gonna tell him right now!

- Wait, what?

The poor guy looked so stunned, with his eyes wide opened, she had to keep herself from giggling.

- Juuuust kidding.

She sang with a smile. Then, holding his hand, she took a deep breath and smiled at the man that owned her heart.

- I love you, Zen. I'm so in love with you it’s crazy! Can you… do you think you can love me too?

He didn't say a word for a moment. As if he was trying to check if she was telling the truth. Then he let out the breath he was apparently holding and gave her his big, boyish smile. The one he had reserved only for her.

- Babe... are you trying to kill me?

He intertwined his fingers with hers.

- I’ve been in love with you for the last 313 days, since the very first day you joined the RFA.

Her face flushed with excitement. She never knew she could ever feel that much happiness in her life and never knew he could find her any more beautiful than he already did until that moment.

- I really hope you're not trying to get revenge on me for scaring you before, honey, because this, right now, is the happiest moment of my life!

With his heart beating as fast as hers, he pulled her in for a long lasting kiss. The first of many to come. And it was better than any of them had ever imagined it would be.

- Actually, scratch that. This is the happiest moment of my life.

She laughed.

- Shut up and kiss me again.   

- You don’t have to ask twice!

The hospital floor was unusual quiet at that hour. Or maybe they were too lost between kisses, giggles and little sweet-whispered words to notice the world running around them.

Or maybe, in that little hospital room, they were already each other’s worlds. And that was enough.

- I love you, MC.