#rantdiary

I AM BACK <3! 

HEYYY.  Been a darn long time since I wrote anything on here, but a little birdie came and stopped by to stalk on my profile so I remembered that I actually had Tumblr! At first I was so mad, never felt so much anger in my life honestly. I felt like deleting my profile on here but after <3 talked me out of it and I realized I would be losing so many memories, I kept it, and I will be using it more regularly just to keep some people entertained as digging up the past isn’t so smart right...? Well it is as I have nothing to hide, but I don’t like twisting of stories, everything is in black and white and should be kept like that :). 

I have to say, this journey hasn’t been easy at all. I know who I am as a person, I know that I am kind, well mannered, and groomed myself well as a unique individual but get people who always want to see the worst in me. My account shared many emotional messages, losing my aunt and my grandpa being sick etc, and I get such sick individuals who show lack of remorse throughout looking at my page. 

Anyways I wont make this about them, as it never is. I could say more, write more, but I won’t :). Got to keep smiling and keep a positive attitude but be aware of certain individuals x. 

I created this profile long time ago to create my own little world where I can post about fitness, be motivated about life my career, studies etc. Its where I felt like I wasn’t judged and can post whatever. 

That’s the most attractive thing you can be. 

I myself need a reminder about this. I am different, I am not your “average” 21 year old that goes out, parties, drinks smoke etc. I have my own different taste in music for example and what I do is different than most people. I am not used to being around people and I tend to be kind, not being able to communicate proper with people and that’s just one of my weaknesses. I am who I am though and I am comfortable with it. 

Sometimes people say something that makes me feel like an outcast, as if I am not “cool enough” and it does get to me won’t lie, but at then end of the day I don’t ever wanna change who I am. I am different, I am me, and the best thing to do is freaken own it and accept it. 

Cousins from dad's side are coming over. Am I happy? Heck no! I don't get people who just invite themselves over and can't even notice that they're not welcomed 😳.

Me, I'm just used to my own personal space, so having people you're not close with come and crash in your room makes me upset and full on annoyed. This week I was planning on starting fresh, start a 12 week challenge and give my all, and now look what happened #grrrr . I'll just spend as many time in my room and be studying for my "upcoming test"

Well I do have one anyways, so yeah.

Since yesterday I’ve been crying and being hella stressed. ×I can’t get a lift club to my college(there’s only a few kids in my erea who go that college, because it’s quiet far) ×I feel like such a burden since my college is expensive and dad is obviously comparing my fees to my sister’s university fees, which are a whole cheaper.