stupid ass endos will never know what it feels like to spend years of your life heavily dissociated. to not remember any of the good memories, only bits and pieces of the troubles that traumatized you. to forget your own friends and family. to never feel real. to spend days blurry because of high stress.
i will never not say that they are a mockery.
this is a disorder. not a game. not an identity. it is a trauma based dissociative disorder.
and it is NOT fun. I'll tell you that for free.
if you think endos are doing nothing wrong by constantly trying to push real systems out of their own spaces, invading others spaces, harassing children and trauma survivors alike then laughing when they are actually negatively affected by what you did? you probably need help. a reality check, if you will.
CDDs aren't. fun.
they are NOT something you can CHOOSE.
endos&co are nothing more than a mockery of everything real systems are and have been through.
get a real hobby. get a life.
otherwise you will soon find that you will die alone, because no one wants to be around people who make the world about them. it will be sad, sure. but we'll deserved.
the only sad part? most won't realize they've lived their lives wrong until it is too late.
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Can I be genuinely honest with y'all for a moment? I legitimately have no clue how some of y'all do this every day. I know the entire roleplay community as a whole is just a hobby, however, having a full-time job now does not help me understand how y'all can do this consistently, day after day, without being burnt out after a few years.
I started doing any sort of roleplay in general back in 2012. Which is maybe not as long as some of y'all, but like... I have sometimes considered just straight-up deactivating and leaving the RPC on Tumblr for good. This isn't to say I haven't had a great experience or met some great people, but again...
I'm just tired. I enjoy doing roleplay and interacting with y'all, and yet at the same time, I haven't actually been active or consistent for more than four months since 2022 (maybe a bit later). I guess it's just that I seem to have wild swings of doing something for three months, being addicted to that thing, then dropping it cold turkey and not even looking at it for multiple months. I'm sure there is a psychological reason behind it, maybe I have something and was never diagnosed, I dunno.
Again, I don't want to leave the RPC, I don't want to deactivate or anything. But I just can't help but wonder sometimes if that would be better for me? Because, in a way? I feel like I'm just wasting y'all's time by only interacting and being here for a month before I vanish for four months or more. I've left so many good threads out to dry because I just can't seem to do this as often as so many others.
I dunno. This was mostly just a rant more than anything, and I'm sure some of y'all will understand me.
ranting under the cut. possible unpopular opinions. read at your own discretion.
can we bring back forums as a form of roleplay ? i am so over tumblr and the egg walking everyone does now. i can't help but feel discouraged when i go on people's blogs and it says ' doesn't follow first ', ' no oc's ', 'actually i dont follow anyone back sorry'. like what happened to this community ? no one reblogs promo's, everyone is afraid to follow people it seems and idk. i try to be understanding of people's boundaries & i also know that the rpc is a lot smaller than it once was a decade ago but it just feels like everyone is closed off and doesn't want to reach out or engage anymore. it becomes frustrating and sometimes it feels like pulling teeth just to have a thread with someone.
i guess i just miss rping in forums and while you made friends it wasn't a pissing contest or a popularity contest. i just miss when rping felt fun and free and not like a chore or again, pulling teeth getting anyone to interact. idk maybe this is a self report and i just suck but the vibes are so different now.
you know what, it's valentine's day, the tail end of it at least since it's now past midnight here, but honestly, fuck it. i'm gonna have a small rant about the discourse that keeps inundating my feeds ( fyp, my following, DOESN'T MATTER. i'm tired, man. ) around Al's sexuality. Now, I'm gonna be explicitly clear here: this is not about anyone in particular, though i do know a few mutuals hold some of these views. This is a culmination of bullshit that I've been seeing since before I actually made Al's blog. So I apologize in advanced; personally I don't really give a shit how my mutuals view it, if you're not bothering ME with it, but I am tired of seeing this stated like it's fact, I'm tired of feeling like I have this expectation to adhere to someone else's rigid standards ( which, shockingly, was one of the things that felt so freeing about realizing i was an aroace person to begin with! The irony that my own community is making me feel this way! or that people who are not part of it are making me feel this way within my own community! ) that are now looming over my head waiting for the day I deviate from these rigid and not-even-canon views in my own personal depiction.
On top of that, I'm tired of people flattening asexuality, a massive spectrum, as if the only way it can exist is with extreme sex-repulsion in a virginal character who would never ever ever EVER dream of having (gasp) sex.
Like, listen. I've openly been in this community for something like fifteen years now, half of my life, and do you know how many fucking times I've seen this exact same discussion? I thought we were past this shit by now. i'm so tired of the "discourse" around Alastor's asexuality, around asexuality PERIOD, from people who think that their extremely narrow depiction of asexuality is the only Correct™ way to depict Alastor. Especially because it's never actually discourse that's intended to further the discussion, it's a conversation stopper disguised as discourse.
The people who hold this view and perpetuate it are doing more harm to the asexual community with this bullshit than a badly written aspec character ever could. This shit right here is THE REASON why this community is so poorly understood despite the fact that we've been having this discussion for over a decade. Do you know how many people I've known who did not know they were asexual, or thought they were when huh, apparently they AREN'T, because of this exact shit RIGHT HERE? Do you know how many discussions I've had with people helping them untangle this shit and understand it, and in turn, themselves? Because people pushing this shit make it that much harder for people to understand it and themselves? TOO MANY TO COUNT.
Like, I'm so serious about this, and I frankly don't care if people find it off-putting that I'm saying something about this, I'm too fucking old for this, and I've been around here for way too fucking long to listen to this shit. Not all of us are sex repulsed. In fact, some of us have very active sex lives. One of my dearest friends that I've met on here, who is also asexual, is a stripper. The kinkiest fuckers I know are asexual. And, AND, I keep seeing this wild claim that Alastor is canonically sex-repulsed. I beg your finest pardon, my good bitch, but since when? No, we actually do not have canon proof that he’s sex-repulsed. His interactions with Angel Dust are not proof. His aversion to touch is not proof. All it really proves is that he’s a showman, and, by extension, a dramatic motherfucker. His entire identity is centered around performance. Almost none of the behaviors we see from here are in any capacity genuine because he is always wearing a mask. That’s it. That’s all.
It’s fine if you headcanon that as sex repulsed! I frankly don’t give a fuck, it's fiction, do what you want, I have some wild theories that would make people go but how did you even come up with that. What I do give a fuck about is when people start acting like they’re the moral authority on how to depict an asexual character based on those headcanons. Again, someone who does not have sex at all, ever, who is aggressively sex-repulsed, is only one EXTREMELY narrow view of asexuality, and it is not the only way to depict an asexual person.
Depict the character how you like, write him/play him/interpret him how you like, but stop trying to dictate what other people do and how they enjoy a fictional character. You are not an authority on this subject.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go write the most heinous smut known to mankind with this stupid fucking deer.
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rant coming that i needed to get off my chest. don't read if you're easily incensed.
the more i think about it, the more convinced i become that ddba really missed the mark. i know it was touted as a "fresh start" and a break from the original series, but that really just ... doesn't work ( why not just full reboot at that point? ). don't get me wrong - i would rather have some dd than no dd, but see my thoughts below on why this was ultimately a pretty big fail from marble.
multiverse/interconnectedness: matt is the mcu poster boy for crossing over from the nmcu to the full mcu ( appearances in nwh, arguably the most robust nmcu presence as he's the only character to get a full three seasons in addition to the defenders, she-hulk, & now ddba ). additionally, his primary "villains" have received their own spin-off presences ( fisk in echo, frank in his own series ).
why interconnectedness doesn't work in ddba: the multiverse, as it turns out, is not that big a place. in ddba, it feels siloed again. if matt has been out there traipsing all over the place, why is the only character from another "franchise" ( debatable - see my notes from above re: frank ) who shows up the punisher? okay, the swordsman is there, too, but he barely counts.
nwh: the gritty-dark realism of the nmcu pocket verse now feels trite when we know that matt has literally traveled between universes. i can't remember if this matt has been "confirmed" to be the matt in nwh, but is he really just... content to chill in hell's kitchen with that knowledge ( and not even mention the complications that are KNOWN to exist with multiverse factors ). this has further implications, too, for why fisk as mayor is a really bad plotline in the expanded mcu ( see below for more )
she-hulk: they're both lawyers. most of ddba is not central to matt being dd. we don't even get a mention of jen despite the fact that her whole thing is law for super powered people. seems weird considering fisk's anti-vigilante detail. in the real world, a big fancy law firm would be pushing some dollars at that agenda.
defenders: where is everyone else? we only see frank and white tiger, but matt spent a decent amount of time with jessica, luke, and danny never to see or talk to them again? ok... this guy has a chip on his shoulder about the past the size of mount rushmore. i don't think he just "forgot" about his old pals and besties. yes, i am bitter about this.
fisk as mayor: npr phh made a FANTASTIC point about this. fisk as the mayor saying "no vigilantes" of all of nyc... no. just doesn't work when there's a whole wild mcu world out there of characters. this WOULD have worked in the pocket nmcu but now that we know that matt inhabits the same new york as spidey and others, it makes the idea that dd is the only vigilante who would stand up to fisk frankly preposterous. as i mentioned above, the multiverse is now a really small place - this is meant to happen in the same new york city that we just saw in tb* basically get destroyed by a big void. people like val are not going to let fisk just grab hand the entire city without some massaging ( let's not forget the massive political presence in tb* that would also be involved ). fisk is a great villain - vincent d'onofrio is such a great actor, in fact, that the mcu has similarly hung their hat on him. i love seeing him on screen - he's compelling, he is empathetic, etc. but that doesn't change the fact that this storlyine is bad.
relationships: without foggy and karen, who is matt, especially in lieu of having no other connections from the mcu multiverse? the new characters were rote to say the least. i would challenge you to disagree that there isn't a single "new" character who couldn't be changed out with someone else without impacting the storyline. i understand this season was meant to be a break from the old series, but why? ddba doesn't answer that question in any real way.
karen is matt's complicated love interest. will they/won't they? karen is intrepid, wants to make a difference to the point of her own detriment. matt is a pompous asshole who thinks he's the only person in the world who can make a difference. this foil relationship is foundational to the original series (this is just a quick note to say that to love matt is to know he's an asshole so don't mistake this for hate). we were sold pretty big on her return and yet she's barely in the series ... okay.
foggy is matt's heart. killing him off was honestly one of the biggest turn-offs for me and it happened during the first episode. matt's grief also felt phoned in, but that may be my personal opinion. i compare this to matt's grief for elektra during the original dd and defenders and find this pretty surface level when it comes to charging his motivation. foggy grounds matt and keeps him level - he is the everyman that we need and miss in this new series. also felt like we were bait and switched with this one.
faith ... uh, where was this??? the entire ddba was just devoid of the core foundational aspect of matt's faith.
there is a lot more i can say here - i understand that they switched showrunners, but i really hope marble reconsiders how they run future shows (i know they won't). if you read this far, congrats and sorry for the rant.
so depressed i realized that my depression fandom that helps me not want to perish is supernatural and honestly???? watching 2 brothers suffer through godly plans with a dad who 'loves you' but still abuses you and makes you be the 'parent' is speaking to me at the moment
i was so happy and excited for a month. a month. i was full of life, of energy, even if i was sick and in pain. i was still looking forward to something. now i have to write my parents like 10 page letter about how they make me feel because my mom said 'if you can't talk to us, just write to us then!!!' when she and my dad explicitly said that i cannot do that because we're a family and should be able to talk it out with each other
ok bro
anyways, i feel like a useless waste of space and who, if not my family, can really hit it home. yay. doesn't help me not trusting them, not believing what they tell me, and not believing in me getting better with communication and holding my tongue back. i love being autistic and my autistic behaviors being called out as 'me being rude'. like me having a stoic/stone face when i think about my silly things, try to make myself smaller because i want to be less of a problem on my already stressed parents which is read as 'so you think of us as MONSTERS' like it's great pals. it's so great. <3
hate the return of suicide ideation. hate the return of feeling like everyone would be better off without me. and i need help but i cant even bring myself to reach out for it. i need to. but i feel so exhausted mentally and emotionally i just want to sleep, lay down, not be touched by anyone.
depression fucking sucks. and it's a shame my family would always believe they are the correct ones because i was 'americanized' when i say I'm autistic with adhd and depression.
Female ≠ Woman/Girl ≠ Feminine.
Male ≠ Man/Boy ≠ Masculine.
You can be feminine without being a woman. You can be a woman without being female. You can be female without being feminine.
You can be masculine without being a man. You can be a man without being masculine. You can be male without being masculine.
(Symbol above is the 'does not equal' symbol.)
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Coiners stop creating enforcing gender binaries please. I myself am a guy that is only sometimes a man or boy. (You can take a wild guess on how often I find terms that use the term guy over man/boy, masculine, or male.)
Coining terms that fit all categories is fine. The problem lies when naming something as 'girl' in the name and using it as a catch-all for being feminine or female too. Girl doesn't mean always being feminine or female. This is a problem the coining community has had for a long time.
Hell, I'm guilty of doing it in the past myself, especially coining personal terms. Though I always try to coin the feminine/woman/female (+nonbinary) equivalent eventually, if I'm posting something masc/man/male oriented. If I make it, it doesn't hurt me to make similar terms for those whose experiences I do not share.
Small rant, since I keep seeing posts about this sort of thing. I've always tried to be ahead of the game when it comes to coining. Is there a catch-all umbrella term for feminine, female, and woman/girl; or masculine, male, and man/boy?
Might go back and coin more specific sub-terms and umbrella terms to be even more specific and inclusive.
