#vent cw

the way I can go from.normal to suicidal is crazy

it is genuinely infuriating how many people grasp the concept of "there are several different sects of christianity, some of which are conservative and controlling, but others which are more progressive, and you can't treat the whole religion as a monolith", but absolutely cannot wrap their minds around the idea that islam, the second-biggest religion in the world, is also not a monolith.

Meeting with HR about alli in the next few days 🤭 I was very hesitant to bc I’m not facing the worst of her wrath right now but I realized it’s only a matter of time before I look at her wrong and she decides she wants me gone. Going to bring up the way she talks to everyone but also the way she speaks about men and children too. Because as someone whose worst nightmare is having a baby the way she talks about children (both client’s AND our coworkers’ kids) is disgusting. Like hello? Are we forgetting children are arguably the most vulnerable group of people on the planet? Have you forgotten you were once a child?

i'm trying really hard. i've been trying really hard for a really long time. it feels like i've lost everything and all my dreams keep getting clawed out of my hands no matter how tight i hold them. i don't trust almost anyone anymore. motherhood feels so far from my grasp it's unbearable. bottom surgery is even further. i was right there and now it's years away again. i feel like a stranger, like people barely talk to me anymore. i don't know how to stop feeling like this. i don't know how to make everything stop hurting. i've been holding onto it for so long and it doesn't have anywhere to go but it keeps scorching me from the inside and bubbling over like this and it won't stop. i just want it to stop. i don't know how many more months of feeling like i can't breathe i can take before i suffocate