#vent cw

Also God save you if DARE have an online past that's like... 'edgy' because it will be used against you by people that more than likely have dome the same or worst, sometimes they are doing it currently.

I was doomscrolling again and saw something that made me feel like I shouldn't love Simon. I hate that he's from pro-military propaganda. I hate that he's killed people, even if they were all evil. I hate how he's often characterized as ruthless and cold. I hate that certain IRL groups of people wear masks and do horrible things, and it gets compared to CoD. It makes him look bad. Simon does have canon lines where he yells at the player if they kill innocent people, but the world is making me doubt.

I tried writing a prompt down on paper to put it under my pillow so I can hopefully dream of and/or shift to a comforting scenario with him reassuring me that he hates all of the bad things that are happening. I've never shifted before. My head hurts.

((Dadgum it, I'm TIRED.

I'm a little embarrassed to post this because it outs out on how easily scared I get. I'm just not a ho.rror fan and I actively avoid playing games of that genre. I'm never indulging in horro.r again (I'll say this and then proceed to watch one of the genre at some point in my life and then I'll scare myself from going to bed again)

At this point I'm gonna have to consider just putting on a movie or a song while I go to sleep, suddenly sleeping with just the ambience of my fan seems too freaky because now I'm aware of being alone with my own thoughts, and I can't trust my mind to not betray me and make me think of that ONE scene again.

That's what scares me aswell, it's like the more I'm thinking about this movie the more likely I'm gonna have a dream about it. It's a vicious cycle of trying to not think about it and then thinking about it and then trying to unthink the thought.