#randu

Hari ini tepat dua tahun ia pergi untuk kembali, sementara aku terus berusaha untuk berdiri lagi.

Aku sedang mengagumi pemandangan di mana buah kapuk yang menggantung tinggi itu pecah lalu serat-serat putihnya jatuh berguguran. Tanah dan tebing-tebing di sekitarnya pun diselimuti warna putih yang terlihat seperti salju. Aku berseru,

“Ayah, salju turun di Sumbawa!”

Ayah melirik ku dari kaca spion tengah mobil sambil tersenyum.

“Itu namanya kapuk…” sahut ibu yang duduk di kursi penumpang di samping ayah.

“Pohon yang menjulang di kanan-kiri kita ini adalah pohon kapuk. Mau tahu nama lain kapuk?” lanjut ibu seraya bertanya sambil menatap ku tersenyum. Aku mengangguk bersemangat.

“Randu.” lanjut ibu. Mendengar kata itu aku semakin terkesan dan tersenyum lebar. Lebih seperti mendengar sebuah kata ajaib di tempat yang mirip negeri fantasi. Aku kembali mengagumi pemandangan dari balik kaca mobil. Kemudian, ayah menurunkan kaca mobilku sehingga semuanya terlihat sangat jelas. Pohon yang menjulang tinggi, kapuk yang berguguran dan berserakan, serta aroma khas senyawa geosamin dari tanah yang basah setelah hujan. Tidak akan pernah terlupakan. Mobil terus melaju menuju timur Sumbawa hingga tidak ada lagi pohon kapuk yang terlihat.

“Kamu baik-baik saja? Sudah berdoanya?” tanya Ilham yang sedari tadi duduk di samping ku memegang buket bunga. Aku kembali tersadar. Pengalaman di usia enam tahun itu selalu terbayang setiap aku mengunjungi ibu. Itu bukan pengalaman yang luar biasa mengharukan atau pun membanggakan. Tapi, potongan kenangan itu meninggalkan kesan yang kuat.

“O-oh? Oh, sudah.” jawabku terbata-bata lalu mengambil botol air di sebelah kiri. Ilham terdiam sambil sesekali melirik ke arahku. Setelah sempat ragu, akhirnya ia mengatakan,

“Kamu sudah melakukan hal yang benar. Kamu orang paling tabah yang pernah aku kenal.” ujarnya. Mendengar kalimat itu, aku diam menatap nya heran.

“Aku mengatakan hal ini karena ku pikir kamu sedang menyalahkan dirimu lagi. Karena kamu diam saja dari tadi.” lanjutnya sambil memainkan buket bunga yang dipegangnya. Aku tersenyum melihat nya kikuk sendiri. 

Kami duduk berdampingan sambil membersihkan daun mangga kering yang menutupi tanah dan bebatuan di sekitar kami tanpa sepatah kata pun. Sore ini angin bertiup cukup kencang dan tidak ada orang lain yang datang. Kami terus membersihkan dedaunan kering dan rumput liar. Aku kembali bersuara,

“Sebenarnya, aku tidak baik-baik saja. Aku hanya tidak mau diluluhlantakkan oleh kehidupan.” ujarku sambil membuka tutup botol lalu menuangkan air di atas batu nisan granit hingga membasahi seluruh bebatuan di bawahnya. Ilham terus memerhatikan ku membasahi kubur ibu. Di samping batu nisannya, beberapa kuncup bunga melati mulai bermekaran. Aku berbalik menatap Ilham lalu mengisyaratkan untuk meletakkan buket bunga yang dibawa tadi. Setelah Ilham meletakkan buket bunga, aku melanjutkan,

“Tadi itu aku tidak sedang menyalahkan diri sendiri. Aku hanya sedang memikirkan randu.” ungkapku seraya terus memandangi batu nisan ibu.

“Randu? Siapa itu?” tanyanya penasaran. Tanpa sadar aku berbalik menatapnya sambil terkekeh. Sementara Ilham terlihat sedikit kesal dengan reaksiku. Tiba-tiba, pupil matanya membesar dan terlihat sedikit bersemangat.

“Kamu sudah punya pacar, kak?!” tanyanya lagi. Dia selalu berhasil membuatku kehabisan kata-kata dengan jalan pikirnya; Si bungsu dengan kreativitasnya. 

“Randu itu nama lain kapuk. Masa iya kakakmu ini pacaran dengan kapuk.” jawabku sambil melihatnya dengan tatapan mengolok. Sepertinya dia sudah terbiasa dengan gurauanku karena dia tidak menggubrisnya sama sekali. Dia menjawab, 

“Syukurlah hanya kapuk dan kamu tidak sedang menyalahkan diri sendiri. Kamu tahu, kan? Kamu harus berhenti merasa bersalah atas sesuatu yang di luar kendalimu.” jelasnya. Kadang, aku merasa dia terlalu cepat dewasa dari usianya.

Having just got back and reviewed the footage from our final shoot, I wanted to get some immediate thoughts down. Overall the shoot was a success and we got a good amount of stylish b-roll which is in line with our statement of intent. We also completed a lengthy interview with Joram and Nynke that covers our main areas of interest, which makes me feel confident that we have enough to build a strong and succinct narrative out of.

The issues we faced were the lighting on Joram and Nynke’s interview in Amsterdam, and the amount of hostility in the Jungle that prevented further audio interviews. We had to wait until J&N were back from work which meant trying to emulate natural light when it was dark outside and their living room contains lots of unnatural yellow lighting. The LED lights started dimming with the interview being so long, which ultimately made me feel as if the footage was not useable. As this was apparent straight after, I put an emphasis on focussing on b-roll both in their apartment and in Calais. We were not sure whether talking heads would fit with our planned style, and when reviewing the footage it was clear it could be disruptive to the visual and narrative flow in the future edit.

We had lots of time to get lots of clean and stylish b-roll around their apartment whilst they were out, which can be used to show the discrepancy between their ‘normal’ home lives and their lives in Calais. The shots also reflect a sense of unease in the peace and highlights the sacrifices they are making to carry out the work they do. The b-roll around the Calais distribution points was also made possible with the 5D, but primarily the iPhone. After establishing its potential before, we spent a lot of time lining shots up and finding evocative shots which will aid our narrative in the edit. 

Following the Exploratory Project we were also able to quickly make our way around Calais knowing exactly which shots we needed and where we could get them. I rebooked our ferry to allow for an extra 6-8 hours of shooting which gave us more than enough time to pick up everything we needed of the suburban areas of Calais. These shots were integral to underline the fact this is happening in such a quiet and generic looking European town, and to emphasise the lack of belonging for the refugees.

REFLECTION ON JANUARY SHOOT

The primary purpose of this shoot was to update ourselves on the situation in Calais following the lorry crash incident in December. The atmosphere in the Jungle was noticeably more hostile and our plan to get more zoom recordings of interviews unfortunately did not go ahead as refugees just weren’t as eager to talk to people they did not know.

We were however successful in gaining a large amount of iPhone footage and we are pleased with how it has come out. I switched my phone camera settings to 4K and was able to get some b-roll around the camps and some close ups of medical care, which gave access that would never be possible by a larger film crew. This was definitely our biggest victory of the shoot, and we hope to use some of the footage in the final edit.

Another success was in our relationship with our main contributors Joram and Nynke. They invited us to Amsterdam, which is something I was hoping to ask, so this really secures our final shoot. Having their support also gives us the back up of knowing we will be okay if anything gets heated in the future, as they are totally on board with the project.