#powderkin

I don’t know why canon me would ever chose Caitlyn over Powder. She was nice, really, but she was always a means to an end. A means to get out of jail, to stop Silco, to find Powder. It was always about finding Powder.

Sometimes, I feel bad about it. I remember the betrayal and horror in her eyes when I put a bullet between her skull. But, had she really expected things to go any other way? That, when it came to choosing between a hot inforcer I’d known for about a week or getting my little sister back, that I’d choose her?

I’m sorry, Cupcake. Really, I am. I’m sorry you had to die. I’m sorry I killed you. I’ll always be sorry.

But I’ll never be remorseful. I don’t regret my choice.

I couldn’t disappoint Powder again.

- 🥊🩹💥

i’m main timeline jinx but also “perfect” timeline powder

which is weird cuz i end up with memories of vi abandoning me by choice but also memories of vi dying that day

which both hurt like hell btw

-jinx/powder (arcane)

for canon drugs: does shimmer count? if it does i'd say that yeah. not all that fun. shit can fuck you up.

canon headcanons:

-viktor: i've mentioned this before but transmasc autistic viktor real. also chronic pain! because i remember that! help. also had a high pain tolerance. random other Thing is that my father was a miner who died & my mother raised me alone.

-powder/jinx (use powder if referring to me though/gen!!): silly genderfluid adhd zaunite ily. also me n ekko (<33) were totally nb4nb bi4bi,,, trust!! also actually called silco my dad and isha was like a surrogate child. is that the word. i love my selectively mute daughter btw.

-#🌙🌹🔍

i didn’t mean to hurt you

-jinx/powder (arcane) #💻🦇

-- Jinx(/Powder) (Arcane/League of Legends) (#🎼🌹)

I hate Silco, truly and deeply, there is no man walking this earth or another that I could hate with more vigor, but seeing canon... it's so twisted it hurts me

And the name... that name..., I am not my mistakes, I am NOT my trauma, I am more than Jinx, less than Jinx, I am just not Jinx!

Jinx is not my "true" self, I'm not better with all that anger and grief stuffed so deeply inside me

I'm Powder, just Powder. I have healed beyond my past.

But it still sucks in general when fans do this shit. Unless you happen to be kinsidering from the source or clarify in your response "Hey, I'm not kin, but I still do want to talk if you're willing!"

But otherwise? Stop responding to canon calls. You're only causing more frustration for everyone involved and it's not fucking funny.

Even as he told me I was perfect, even as he tried to comfort me as he died, I knew what I'd done. I killed yet another person I loved. First Vander, Mylo, and Claggor. Then Silco. And then when he stopped breathing, and I stood up, I looked at Vi and I saw the look in her eyes.

She didn't know me. More than that, she was afraid of me. And I remembered Caitlyn and how I tried to get rid of her, and it finally hit me, the pain I caused Vi by doing that. That's when I realized that it was happening all over again. I was still hurting the people I loved, just in a different way.

No matter what Silco said, no matter how many times he tried to reassure me that I was different now, that I wasn't Powder anymore, that I was Jinx, but Jinx in a better way-- I knew I was still the same girl. The same girl who was a jinx and hurt everyone she loved.

I didn't finish the mission. I ran. I ran away and hid, because that's the only way I knew how to keep the one person I loved who was still alive safe. Safe from me.

I believed that all I could do was hurt people. So I thought I could protect them by staying away.

I hope that things... changed later down the line. I hope, but when I think about this timeline, all I feel is sadness and regret. I don't think things changed.