#possible bpd

You hang out with your other friends more than me? Oh so you hate me.

Hang up on me a little too quick? Just say you hate me and never want to talk to me again.

𝐷𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒? 𝐴𝑚 𝑖 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑑? 𝐴𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔? 𝐼𝑚 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑜𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑚 𝑖? 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒

𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒..

aw fuck

I don't want to self-diagnose myself because I don't want to overstep on people who actually have BPD, and I'm worried that I'll lose friendships if I do get diagnosed. The friend that does have BPD rarely speaks to me anymore, and one friend said that they would cut ties if someone they knew had BPD because their grandma had it/was suspected to have it. I don't even think I have the money to go to a professional in the first place, so I'm stuck spiraling and having possible split eps. It just sucks.

.

.

I don't wanna die, but I'm not afraid of it either. I just want everything to stop. Why doesn't it stop? Why are my emotions always so fucking loud? For god's sake, i just wanna feel normal again. I wanna be okay. I wanna be happy and not in this loop of feeling nothing or everything at once. I want the sadness to stop. I want the madness to stop. I want the rage and anger to stop. I want..i want everything to just..stop.