i don't know how true the concept of the brain latching onto something (in this case, a piece of media) after a particularly traumatic situation is, but after hearing about it, i still believe that's what happened to me.
i first watched the film akira when i was about 14 when it came on toonami for the "month of movies" event. at the same time, i was being emotionally abused by an online friend. we stayed friends for nearly two years. over the course of those two years, i watched the 2001 dub of akira more times than i can count. i know it nearly scene for scene, line for line, and can damn near quote it.
it's made me realize that coping is very strange, but interesting. everyone has different ways they do it. drawing out their feelings, writing in journals or blog entries, just talking it out with someone, etc.
and i think that's just what i was doing. i was happier when i would watch the movie, draw art of it, interact with others who liked the movie and manga, read fanworks, and all that. it made me feel grounded and safe during a time where i dreaded just seeing said ex friend come online because i knew she would insult me, try to get me into things i didn't like, or make fun of things i did like. i felt i could be more like myself.
in the end, i broke it off with her one day while i was in study hall. i messaged her and said that i did not want to be friends anymore. i made a collection of screenshots of things she said to me that hurt me, and then waited and dreaded for her to come online. i cried and cried all throughout my next class as she unfollowed me and left me alone, thinking that somehow i had done something wrong here (when i hadn't, obviously) and just felt terrible.
so, i went home from school, and while waiting for my mom to get home from work, i opened up our drawer of dvds. and i watched akira.
