#peter h

You know what's coming, so let's just jump straight into it

*3 Peters sitting in jail together*

Peter G: So who should we call?

Peter H: I’d call Dr. Strange, but I feel safer in jail

Peter M: petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday

Peter G: Wednesay

Peter M: Not what I had in mind, but I'm flexible

Peter M: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.

MJ: You people already know too much about me.

Peter G: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.

Peter G: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me.

Peter H: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you?

Peter G: Yes!

Peter M: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

Peter H: Naturally, we are on the cutting edge of technology.

Peter G, amazed: Wow...

Peter G, to Peter M: Well what does that mean?

Peter M: I don't know.

Peter M, to Peter H: What does that mean?

Peter H: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

Peter M: You’re a hazard to society

Peter G: And a coward. Do twenty.

Peter H: Bridge the generation gap by combining old and new slang into one!

Ned: Tubular AF!

MJ: Mood to the max!

Peter M, annoyed: Groovy, I hate it.

Peter G, just as annoyed: If she breathes, she’s a square.

Peter H: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.

Peter M: I witnessed the dumb stuff.

Ned: I recorded the dumb stuff.

Peter G: I joined in on the dumb stuff.

MJ: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!

Dr. Strange: Where's Peter 1, 2 and 3?

Ned: They're playing hide and seek.

Dr. Strange: Where?

MJ: I don't think you get how this game works.

MJ: What's your greatest fear?

Peter H: Being forgotten.

Peter M: Failure.

Peter G: Loud flushing toilets.

Everyone: *turns to Peter G*

Peter G: Those things are hell spawn, and I fought The Lizard.

Shapeshifter: *transforms to look like Peter G*

Peter G: Okay, are you like BLIND? You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way taller. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10.

Peter H: You wanna see how hardcore I am?

Peter H: *punches wall*

Peter G and M:

Peter H: Take me to the hospital.

Peter G: So apparently the 'bad vibes' I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress

Peter G: A theif.

Peter M: Thief?

Peter G: Theif.

Peter H: I before E, except after C.

Peter G: Thceif.

Peter M: No.

Peter G: I turned out perfectly fine!

Peter M: Peter, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast

Peter G: I DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN!!!

Peter M: Today is a day of running through hurdles.

Peter H: Aren’t you supposed to jump OVER hurdles?

Peter M: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.

Peter G: Are we in trouble?

Peter M: Take a guess.

Peter H: No?

Dr. Strange, appearing out of nowhere: Take another guess.

Peter G: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming

Peter M: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak

Dr. Strange: God, give me patience.

Peter M: I think you mean 'give me strength'.

Dr. Strange: If God gave me strength, you three would be dead.

Peter H: Welcome, fellow idiots

Peter G: Hello, Peter 1

Peter M: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot

Peter G: You underestimate me

MJ: Do you take constructive criticism?

Peter G: I only take cash or credit.

Peter H: Please, I'm begging you go to a doctor.

Peter M: I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.

Peter H, tending to Peter G's wounds: How would you rate your pain?

Peter G: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

Peter M: *smacks him upside the head*

MJ: You often use humor to deflect trauma

Peter G: Thank you

Peter H: She didn't say that was a good thing

Peter G: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny

Peter H: Date someone who will drag you outside at 3am to look at the stars.

Sure, so glad you liked the other one! Thanks for requesting! :)

I quietly bit my lip in anxiety when I watched Peter walk into the room.

He was always being the smartass, winding everyone up and picking on people. I just hoped he wouldn’t notice me so he wouldn’t say anything to me.

“Hi there, Y/N” He told me with a smirk.

I braced myself for the jokes and hurtful words. I just remained silent, waiting for it all to fall on me. But it didn’t.

I cautiously looked up at him, just to see that he was staring at me. Almost… fondly.

“You’re so shy and anxious” Peter stared at me gravely. “But that’s okay, and I’m going to help you through this”

“Stop that” I told him annoyed, thinking he was making fun of me.

“I was deadly serious, Y/N” He was smiling very wildly and covered his mouth in amusement at my words. “You thought I was bullying you, that’s adorable!”

I frowned in confusion, muttering an inaudible ‘what’. 

More of the boys hehe

Peter G: Buying a sketchbook soon, I'm gonna try to be an artist.

Peter M: I thought you said 'arsonist' for a second there.

Peter H: He would do that too.

Peter M: Peter 3, keep an eye on Peter 1 today. He's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Peter G: Sure, I’d love to see Peter 1 get punched.

Peter M: Try again.

Peter G, sighing: I will stop Peter 1 from getting punched.

Peter H: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?

Peter G: The car takes a screenshot.

Peter M: For the last time, get the fuck out.

Peter H: Why are you on the floor?

Peter G: I'm depressed.

Peter G: Also I was stabbed, can you get Peter 2, please?

Dr. Strange: While I’m gone, Peter 3, you’re in charge.

Peter G: Yes!!!

Dr. Strange, whispering: Peter 2, you’re secretly in charge.

Peter M: Obviously.

Peter G: Dr. Connors... my old arch enemy.

Max Dillon: ... I thought I was your arch enemy?

Peter G: I have a life outside of you, Max.

Peter H: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?

Peter M: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house.

Peter G: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.

Peter M: Good thinking.

Peter H: Peter 3 and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Peter M: *Sighing* What did Peter 3 do?

Peter H: He chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Peter G: Who wants a steering wheel?

Peter H: Hey Peter 2

Peter M: Yes?

Peter H: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?

Peter M:

Peter M: Where’s Peter 3?

Peter H: Peter 2, can you pass the salt?

Peter M: *Throws Peter G across the table*

Peter H: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?

Peter M: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-

Peter G: Smad.

Peter H: We need a distraction.

Peter M: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Peter G, whispering: My time has come

Peter M: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me

Peter H: Okay, but in my defense, Peter 3 bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.

Peter M: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!

Peter H: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Peter M: Wasn't Peter 3 with you?

Peter G: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

Peter G, asking someone out: Would you like to stay for dinner?

Peter H, running down the stairs: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER??

Peter G: There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.

Peter M:

Peter H:

Everyone Else At Peter G’s Surprise Birthday Party:

Peter M: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

Peter H and Peter G are sitting on a bench

Peter M: Why do you guys look so sad?

Peter H: Sit down with us so we can tell you.

*Peter M sits down*

Peter G: The bench is freshly painted.

Peter H: I think we're missing something.

Peter M: Teamwork?

Peter G: Cohesion?

Oh yeah, it's more Spidertrio incorrect quotes time

I'll be using Peter H, G, and M to refer to each version (each letter for the last name of the actor)

Peter G: Life is pointless and we will all die some day.

Peter M: It's just garlic bread, Peter.

Peter H: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and…

Peter M: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma.

Peter H: Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said…

Peter G: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.

Peter H: The best part of an oreo is the cookie part, not the frosting. Deal with it.

Dr. Strange: Darkness without light is an abyss. Light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one side.

Peter G: Yo Socrates, it's a fucking cookie.

Peter H: Peter 3, I am questioning your sanity...

Peter M: I never questioned it, I knew his sanity was missing from the start.

Peter H: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Peter M: Sure...

Ned: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

MJ: Okay?

Peter H: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Peter M:

Ned: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

MJ: Jesus, that one is a little-

Peter G, interested: No, no, keep going.

Peter H: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?

MJ: *crouches down*

Peter M: *kneels down*

Peter G: *sits on the floor*

Peter H:

Peter H: I hate all of you.

Peter M: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.

Peter H: The cow??

Peter M: What?

Peter G: Peter, W H Y?

*An image of a really hot knife cutting bread*

Peter M: Imagine stabbing someone with this knife.

Peter H: It would instantly cauterize the wound, so the person wouldn't bleed, so it's not very useful.

Peter H: if you want information it is

Peter G: why would you STAB a person when you can have TOAST?

Ned: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?

Peter H: Strong.

Peter M: Weak.

Peter G: An idiot, is what your are.

MJ, singing to the tune of I Kissed a Girl: I killed a guy, and I liked it-

Peter H, whispering: Should we call the exorcist?

Peter G, also singing: The taste of his cherry chapstick.

Peter M, appalled: Call the exorcist.

*In a horror movie situation*

Peter M: I've got no service in my phone here.

Peter H: Shoot, my battery just died.

Ned: Sorry guys, I just broke my phone with a hammer.

Peter G: Guys, my phone is a book.

Peter M: How late were you up last night?

Ned & Peter H, in unison: Me?

Peter G: No, not you two. You stay up late all the time.

Peter M, to MJ: You.

MJ: Christmas is cancelled.

Peter G: You can't cancel a holiday.

MJ: Keep it up, Peter 3, and you'll lose New Year's too.

Peter G: What does that mean?

MJ: Ned, take New Year's away from Peter G.

Peter G & Peter H in the back of Peter M's car: MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS!

Peter M: *pulls into the McDonald's drivethrough*

Peter G & Peter H: YAYYYYYY!

Peter M: *orders one black coffee and leaves*

Peter G: I give up. I am so tired.

Peter M: Get the emergency supply!

MJ: *carries Peter H and places them in front of Peter G*

Peter H: *smiles*

Peter G: AND I AM BACK BABY, LET’S GOOO

Ned: Which country has the most birds?

Ned: Portu-geese!

Peter M: That's a language.

Ned: Portu-gull?

Peter M: Good recovery.

MJ: I think you mean good re-dovery.

Peter G: TURKEY. HOW DID WE MISS TURKEY?

Peter H: Words ending in 'ie' just sound so adorable. Like cutie, sweetie, cookie-

Ned: Eyy, homie!

Peter G: But then there's cootie...

Peter M: Die.

Ned, texting in the group chat: I wonder what Apple shots would look like?

Peter G: *Sends a picture of of a syringe with an apple slice shoddily edited inside*

Peter M: *Sends a picture of a shot glass with an Apple poorly drawn inside*

Peter H: *Sends picture of person dunking a Basketball into the hoop but replaced the basketball with a poorly resized apple*

I will never stop at this point

Peter G: You know, some people are like slinkies

Peter G: They don't do very much, but they do bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs :)

Peter M: What the fuck

Peter H: Have you done this before?

Peter G: Well, Peter 1, it's like if you read the script you come better prepared.

Peter M: That's not what we do in the US, we don't read things.

Peter H: I don't read, Peter 3.

Peter H: It's locked. You got a lock pick?

Peter M: Yeah-

Peter G: *kicks in the door*

Peter H: HELP! I TOLD PETER 2 I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK!

Peter G, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

Peter M: I like to think of myself as a semi responsible adult here.

Peter H: Peter 3 is 70% of your impulse control and you know this Peter 2.

Peter G: I feel like Peter 2 is the more responsible one of us two though.

Peter M: We are both 70% of each others' impulse control.

Peter G: Just two lil beasts in pinwheel hats spinning on the merry-go-round at dangerous velocities, holding each other’s hands so the other doesn’t fall off.

*Peter H dies in a game with ships*

Peter M: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance, a gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us.

Peter M: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury.

Peter G: Legend has it that Peter H still haunts the ship, stealing my fucking drinks.

Peter H: Of course I do.

Peter M: I hope you have an explanation for this.

Peter H: We have three actually-

Peter G: Pick your favorite.

Peter M: Peter 1 got into a fight.

Peter G: That’s bad.

Peter G:

Peter G: Did he win?

Peter G: Where are my fucking keys?

Peter M: Peter 3, Peter 1 is around, can you say it a little nicer?

Peter G: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING KEYS?!

Peter M: Guess what number I’m thinking of.

Peter H: 420?

Peter M: No, that’s really immature of you. Someone else guess, and please take this seriously.

Peter G: 69.

Peter M: Yeah it was 69.

Peter G: *pitches an idea*

Peter M: Huh, there might be something here!

Peter H, under his breath: Yeah, a lawsuit.

Peter H: Who wants to make fifty bucks?

Peter G: How?

Peter H: I need someone to take the fall.

Peter G: What did you do?

Peter H: I can't tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked.

Peter M, from the other room: Oh my god.

Peter H: ...

Peter M: OH MY GOD!

Peter G: Make it a hundred.

Peter H: Deal.

Peter M: Peter 3, what did I tell you about lying?

Peter G, looking down: ...That it only works on Peter 1.

Peter H: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Peter 2?

Peter M: No.

Peter G: I do.

Peter H: I know, Peter.

Peter G: I’m sad.

Peter H: I know, Peter.

Peter H: Peter 2, what does IDK, ILY, and TTYL mean?

Peter M: I don’t know, I love you, talk to you later.

Peter H: Alright, I love you too, I'll ask Peter 3.

Peter M: Wait- Peter, no-

Peter G: Who knew getting in trouble would be so impossible?

Peter M: I gotta give you credit, Peter 1. You make it look easy.

Peter H: Years of practice.

Peter M: Peter 1 won’t wake up, what do I do?

Peter G: Did you try kicking him?

Peter M: Yes.

Peter G: I’m out of ideas.

Peter H: Dr. Strange gonna kill me.

Peter M: No, he'll probably make me do it.

Peter H: If you water water, it grows.

Peter M: ...What.

Peter G: He's got a point.

Peter H: But what about Peter 2?

Peter G: Don't worry about him.

Peter G: I once watched him fall down 5 flights of stairs, stand up, and keep eating his hotdog like nothing happened.

Peter M: *double checking supplies in the boat* Compass. CB radio. Sunscreen.

Peter H: Hot dog costumes!

Peter M: I’m sorry, what?

Peter H: You know, in case we get lost at sea, and one of us, probably Peter 3, goes mad with hunger, we’ll put these on. Peter 3 hates hot dogs, so he probably won’t eat us.

Peter M: Are you saying that Peter 3 would rather eat us than hot dogs?

Peter G: I do hate hot dogs.

Peter M: Are you drunk?

Peter G: Only on the spirit of Christmas!

Peter H: And the spirit of whisky.

Peter M to Peter H: First rule of battle, little one... don’t ever let them know where you are.

Peter G, shooting out of frame: WHOO-HOO! I’M RIGHT HERE! I’M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O’ ME?! YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH! Whoo-hoo!

Peter M: 'Course, there’re other schools of thought.

Peter H: Can we go out to get icecream?

Peter G: Did you ask Peter 2?

Peter H: He said no.

Peter G: Then why did you ask me?

Peter H: He's not the boss of you.

Peter G, internally: It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap.

Peter H: How do you do that?

Peter G: I'm fearless.

Peter M: I saw you run from bees yesterday. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad.

Peter G: I'm mostly fearless.

Peter H: I'm not that gullible!

Peter M: Peter, you literally ate the wax from a babybel.

Peter H: PETER 3 TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!

Peter H & Peter G:*Playing video games*

Peter M: You guys woke up at 5:30 in the morning just to play games?

Peter H: *silence*

Peter G: *silence*

Peter M, finally figuring it out: ...You two never went to sleep, did you?

Peter H & Peter G in shame: Yeah...

Peter H: How are we supposed to put a tracker the size of a penny on Peter 3 without him noticing?

Peter M: Hey, Peter 3, I bet you 5 bucks that you can't swallow this penny.

Peter G: *takes and swallows tracker* Pay up, loser.

Peter H: ...

Peter H: Dinosaurs aren't extinct. I mean, Peter 2 is walking in this room.

Peter G: *wheeze*

Peter M: I’m telling you, my team is competent.

Peter H, rushing in: Peter! Peter 3 tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

Peter G: I apologize for saying 'fuck' in front of Peter 1.

Peter M: You just said it again.

Peter H:

Peter G: I am not a role model.

Peter H: What's the signal when something goes wrong?

Peter G: We yell, 'oh shit.'

Just Spider-Man NWH doodles