#know your value

So let’s say you’re trying to deal with harassment quietly. You’re avoiding the person, doing everything “right” just to stay out of trouble. No complaints or scenes, just a classic "head down" survival routine you're enduring as best you can.

But somehow…it’s still costing you.

Here are some thoughts about what that cost can actually look like if you choose to quit, report, or stay status quo: how it shows up in your reputation and your confidence, and even your future jobs. Some of it will be obvious. But if any of this sounds familiar, you’re not nuts, you’re just stuck in a system that wasn’t built to protect you.

Oh and I'm thinking of this as a kind of a conversation starter - any other thoughts you may want to share from your own experience are very welcome (or different experience than what I've outlined here).

😇🫥🥰

1. Avoiding a harasser can make it look like you're slacking If you start avoiding someone who’s harassing you, skipping shifts, or turning down certain tasks, people might notice, but not know why. You can end up looking like you’re slacking, uncooperative, or have a “bad attitude.”

2. Avoiding harassment can cost you opportunities Work offers opportunities like mentorship, special projects, or client relationships. If you pull back to avoid harassment, people may see you as difficult, ungrateful, or not hungry enough. The people around you may stop offering chances to grow—even if you’d otherwise jump on those chances and you’re more than qualified.

3. The harasser can try to ruin your reputation It's super common for the harasser to trash-talk you, and get their friends to do it too. They’ll try to paint you as an untrustworthy liar. They'll say you made up the harassment for personal reasons, or to distract from the fact that you’re bad at your job. They may say you have a drinking problem, or you’re mentally ill.

4. Your coworkers can turn on you Even when you follow the rules and report it, HR will probably speak with your colleagues, who will likely talk and rumours may start to spread. You might get treated like a problem, or like you’re dangerous to be around. Coworkers who once had your back may go quiet. The person you reported might even stay, and suddenly now you’re the one being watched.

5. Reporting can backfire Reporting can trigger a chain reaction you can’t control. Once it’s out there, you might be pulled into a formal process that moves faster, or slower, than you’re ready for. Your name becomes attached to something messy, even if you did everything “right.” You may find yourself spending more time managing the fallout than doing your actual job. And even when people believe you, the attention can feel like scrutiny, not support.

6. The stress can hurt your performance The stress can make it hard to focus or perform, causing you to spiral as your confidence drops. You might feel like you’re overreacting or making it worse. Or like this is just the price of being in the industry. None of that is true—but it feels true, and it affects how you show up at work.

7. If you quit or get fired, your next job will likely be worse Sometimes you just need out, and that’s valid. But for most people, the next job they take pays less. And you may end up with gaps in your resume you can’t easily explain (you can’t exactly put “had to escape a hostile work environment” on your LinkedIn.)

8. Collateral damage makes you seem less employable What looks like bad luck or poor performance to others may really be a career shaped by harassment. You didn’t get the reference or you left before the promotion. Or just couldn’t give your best under those conditions. Each moment adds up, quietly, but powerfully.

1. You are someone’s dream girl exactly the way you are right now.

We put so much emphasis on growth and getting to that “next best place”, which is fine, but we always forget that we deserve self-love as we are right now. It does not mean that you aren’t at your “best” physically and/or mentally that you aren’t deserving of love, kindness, and respect.

2. Perspective is everything

Stop stressing over that one bad grade you received at school. In ten years, you won’t even remember what teacher gave it to you. Focus your energy on things that’ll have lasting impacts. When you look back on your life, you want to see the beauty of it, not the anguish.

3. Growth isn’t linear

Don’t blame yourself for messing up. We aren’t perfect and we are bound to mess up every once in a while. Learn from your mistakes, and try to not repeat them. And if you do, that’s okay, there’s always another time. Growth has no time limit.

4. You are not a bad person

If you are sitting here constantly asking yourself if you are a bad person or underserving of love, I’m here to tell you one thing: bad people don’t worry about whether they are perceived as “good” or “bad”. Give yourself grace, and stop letting your overthinking consume you.

So much love,

"you just gotta roll with the punches"

Why am I being punched?

I know we shouldn't expect to get things in return, but we truly need to know our value. It's not cool when you see you're the only one who cares, be there for them anytime, ask if they re okay..

And you finally see that they actually like you not because of who you are but they only enjoy the way you treat them nicely.

Totally random thoughts from a conversation I had with a friend but it's valid!!!